Someone Must Get Hurt

So this thing with NotMarine is a no-go. I had a realization this week that i'm just not that into him.
How "no sex in the city" of me.
So i emailed him cancelling plans for Thursday. I didn't hear from him for a bit, then realized he took me off his friends list on myspace. I then started wondering what the hell was wrong with me, that he'd start ignoring me.
I'm such a hypocrite, but it's true.
I was getting ready to break it off with him, then when he does the ignoring thing that i'm famous for, i get pissed off about it!

I'm such a bitch sometimes.

Anyway, he's talking to me again and now i feel bad because inevitably, i don't want to go out with him again. I don't have a reason other than the fact that i can't see myself in a serious relationship with him. And i know that he can. It sort of scares me, that after only 3 dates he wants a "serious relationship."

Such is life.

Speak To Me

I think if I had an accent I could take over the world. I think this because I bet a man with an accent could take over my world. What is that strange power of the accent? Why and how does it make him ten times hotter? It's not a talent or a characteristic or even an indication of the type of person he is but I swear, I hear a man with an accent and I find myself swooning. Hot men with accents:

Tony Blair- Have you ever watched British Parliament? I have. Tony Blair (never mind how you feel about his politics! Keep that out of here) is hilarious and has a hott accent. If there was a twelve month calendar of hott politicians it would be his month all year long. (Besides, who else would you put in it? Yelch!)

Sean Connery- The man is OLD but he speaks and I swear he's my age again. ("The Rapists for $1000!")

Hugh Grant- What prostitute incident? Apologies with accents count more, I think.

Colin Firth- Has any living woman out there not fallen in love with this man in one of his movies? He's really not that attractive but he has an accent and I think it makes his characters sweeter and hotter.

Anyone Scottish, really- I have a slight (ok huge) thing for anything Scottish. Blame my ancestors who came over here a few generations ago but if I hear that glottal stop sound I pretty much just get a smile on my face.



This topic isn't totally random, though. Many of my favorite bands are from the UK and one of my favorites things is when a person's accent come through in the song. So you can imagine my absolute DELIGHT when last night I got to see one of them live! Up close and personal. Not personal enough though...it took a lot of will power not to be "that girl" with the band. (Although, had one asked...it would have been iffy that I would decline;) I couldn't help but let my mind wander during the show and think about one of them coming up to me after the show and asking if I wanted to "hang out". Would I? Ha, probably! Hell, a proposition with an accent? How could I say no? And really, these men (yes, MEN) aren't your typical cute indie boys. These are burly men with full beards and the obvious effects of too much beer but I won't lie: I found them incredibly attractive. Was it the accent? The guitars? The honest lyrics? I don't know but I wanted to go in back and do bad things with them. I really did. I wonder how my name would sound with an accent...

I think the odds are against me...

Okay, after two dates using yet another online method, I'm o for 2...If I were a betting woman, I would say to quit now before I get in any deeper, but I'm trying to be optimistic about this so I'm going to give it another go.

Last Friday, turned out to be spineless guy night. I met the guy at an area that had a used bookstore and I saw him before he saw me and the first thing that jumped out was how much shorter he was, like his shoulder was 2 inches below my shoulder short. But, I'd made the committment and figured that at least there would be interesting book conversation. So we proceeded with the date and the book shopping was slightly interesting. Then the shop closed 20 minutes after we had arrived, the thunderstorms rolled in (literally), and we decided to move the date to the nearby superbookstorechainofdoom.

I dashed to my car, he ran to his and we drove out. Note I did not actually see him leave or what car he drove due to the downpour. I got to the store, went in and started looking at books near the center aisle so that if he came in he wouldn't have to search to hard for me.

Ten minutes go by and I'm in fiction.

Twenty and I'm in Scifi.

Thirty and I've moved to Graphic Novels.

By this point I had started to do that whole look up everytime someone walks by and I was starting to get irritated. But trying to give him the benefit of a doubt I walked up front just to see if he had been hovering at the door or outside looking for me. Not there.

*sigh*

So with that, I decided that I would get some coffee and if he hadn't made an appearance I would chalk this one up as a learning experience and go home.

Got coffee AND a pastry (again giving more benefit of a doubt), went to the front looked left, looked right, still no date, and kept walking to my car.

Now, I've never gotten stood up mid date...had someone not show at all, sure, but to meet and then do a poof on me? So for a while I was annoyed with myself and down about my looks and trying to figure out how he saw me and what would have made him run. Then I just got plain mad...what his deal. I would have gladly cut the date short if he had decided that maybe we weren't a match. No use wasting a night on something that you think isn't going to turn out right.

As I did the rehash the next day with NotASong, she was flabbergasted and said it was just rude and her bf NotAClipper said the same. So its not me, its him...and I'll just add this cliched date into the "learn from" category and move forward....

Lost My Game

I think I've lost my game.


NotMiranda, NotCharlotte, and I stopped by NotCheers (a bar) on Friday night and I didn't talk to a single guy. NOT ONE! And just to show how odd this is, let me point out that NotCheers is where I had my Night Of 5 Kisses, where I was "that girl" and also where at least three of my guy friends have asked me to sleep with them. Don't misread that like I'm a slut, I'm not, at all. I just got a lot of reception to my flirting there and I know how to work it with the guys at that bar.

And it's not only at NotCheers that I've been feeling like I'm striking out. A bar in Fairfax and I didn't talk to anyone? Night's out in DC and I don't meet anyone new?!

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GAME?!

I was actually thinking about this yesterday and may know the answer. I think my strategy (aka game) and my goals are different now. Sure, a few years ago I was all about the random making out in a bar and I knew how to get it. But now I think I'm leaning more towards the quiet, not crazy, nice guys and I have no idea what to do. And forget that "be yourself" bullshit because I've been myself for over 25 years now and just sitting around being awesome (aka myself) doesn't bring them in. Dating is like marketing sometimes and I need to somehow update my sales pitch for me. I need new game!

Revealing Too Much

So this evening I decided to go to a play with NotHusband. Before the play started, we were flipping through the pictures on his phone. He was like "this one is Mary, this one is Becky, blah blah blah" then we get to one of a fully erect penis. His face, manohman, it was the best face i've ever seen.
I started laughing hysterically just because I thought it was a random penis that someone sent to him.

Then I looked at how red his face was and it hit me..."Is that YOURS?" I asked him. He nodded his head.
I almost died.

But at least I can say I finally saw my husbands package. And it honestly wasn't anything to sneeze at.

When a woman takes control

I'm a pretty upfront girl with my feelings, preferring to eventually bare all rather than twist in the wind. If anything, the back and forth with NotGraceful only demonstrated this further. However, this in-your-face blunt girl has been known to play her share of games in the battle of the sexes. For years, my relationship with NotEnough* has been one long tease, each of us playing and playing off of the other. Within the past couple of years, I actually feel like I've gained the upper hand. I know I'm not supposed to view my relationships with other people that way, but it is what it is. I discovered that NotEnough is your classic type who wants what he believes he cannot have. By being disinterested, I've taken control of the situation and can pretty much guarantee he'll make the first move. He also has a tendency to increase contact when he's on the outs with his current girl or when he's at the point in a relationship when tough decisions about the "relationship" need to be made. Yes, I'm that girl. Consider a recent email exchange after 3-4 months of no contact (my read in italics).

NotEnough: Looks like your old abcnews.com client is moving to Today. There is change afoot with the current girl, so I'm looking to re-establish a connection.

Me: Interesting. I'll have to read the article when I get a chance. Having problems are we? Well, I'm not about to seem interested in picking up where we left off.

NotEnough: So, how have you been? What's new in your life? Are you still with XXX? I won. He had to cave and show interest first.

Me: I've been good. Life is fun. I'm still with XXX, can't believe it has been almost five years. I'm getting antsy and looking for a change, though. Anyway, I have to run. That's all your getting for now! I don't need you, and right now I'm so busy living life that I can't even fill you in on how great everything has been.

NotEnough: In this day and age, I wouldn't consider five years antsy. Anyway, I'm still with XXX. NotFlorida has been living with me since October and just got a job a day ago - boutique law firm downtown. She starts next Tuesday and is then going to look for her own place. We should get together for a drink sometime. There could be trouble in paradise. Regardless, let's do drinks and makeout like we always do.

I would say that maybe I'm reading him wrong this time, but I haven't in the past. He's pretty consistent in his patterns. I haven't responded to the last email yet. Maybe I'm tired of playing the game. I can't say the satisfaction of a makeout session doesn't sound good, but then I'd just be that** girl again.


*...because for the life of me I can't remember what name I've given him in past posts.
**a future post by NotCarrie and me about how we've been that girl before.

It's Getting Hot In Huuurrrrrr!

So let me reiterate: I am NOT interested in NotTaylor. I'm not. But with that said, it's a lot of fun to flirt with him! Yesterday our paths crossed quite a few times (on purpose perhaps?) and we had a few fun exchanges. At one point he called me honey with his thick southern (hick?) drawl which was a first. I showed him where the receptionist's secret chocolate stash is and later he told a coworker I "fed him chocolate" (hmm, a slip for what he hopes to happen? haha). I need to figure out his in-office schedule though so I know which days I need to look my best. Oh and how could I almost forget-he and I were randomly assigned to the same group for an office project thing. Should be interesting.


I'll keep you posted!

What You Don't Know...

8th and Ocean, on MTV, is my new "guilty*" pleasure. It is definitely MTV's answer to America's Next Top Model but strangely, there is hardly any modeling in it. It's okay though, I am fascinated by the twins and how bitchy the one is to her sister. So anyway, the last episode I saw they were having a Girl's Night and one said that she wished to be a virgin again, like Britt. After everyone freaked out for a moment she explained that Britt didn't have anything to miss since she had never boned. It made not getting some not a big deal.

Last night, on one of my infamous long drives home where I overthink everything, I was thinking about what I'm missing and (sorry for the rhyming) it's kissing. I probably, as a female in her mid-twenties, should be missing something more exciting but I'm not. I just want to freaking kiss someone...and soon. It would be so much easier to go without it had I never done it in the first place. Hahhaha, just kidding. I would never wish to have not kissed. How tragic! But really, soon please.



*I don't believe in guilty pleasures because why should I feel guilty for liking something?

Shallow end of the Dating Pool

I’ve decided against doing date #2 with, NotMyType.

My main reason; its useless to prolong something that I know I’m not going to move forward with. And the reason behind that: I’m just not interested. I mean not at ALL. Upon further discussion of this with NotMiranda, NotCharlotte, NotRachel and NotVoiceofReason I discovered that I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him that he wouldn’t be what I wanted, great conversation aside and gentlemanly attributes aside.

To be honest I wanted him to walk right past when he pulled up in front of me and got out of the car. When I placed the ad I put up two pictures of myself that showed exactly how I looked. One was a full face shot and the other was a full body shot. Both clearly displayed that while I am not petite or slender, I am quite curvy and in my opinion striking. His picture came back a little fuzzy and didn’t show him from head to toe, but I just took it in stride and decided that I would see the full package in person. However, I was quite shocked when I did meet him in person, remember that I wanted him to walk by me. So now I’ve run headlong into being shallow because I immediately discarded him from my cache of dating material because of his looks. And this is not to say that he was horrid to look at, no, not at all. He was however twice my size and several inches below 6 feet.

I am an average height of 5’7” tall and for this date I wore 3 inch heels, for me they’re a judge of height when I’m on a date as I would typically like to look up at my date. Now while the height for me isn’t a hard and fast dealbreaker, they can be something that I would be picky over if I had the choice. Lets just say this gave him a bad start to a date that was already dying in terms of being a success.

But we all know by my lack of dating that I have no right to be picky, though I can and do have some absolutes that I adhere to and for NotMyType, the weight is one that I couldn’t let slide.

I don’t want to date someone who wouldn’t be capable of satisfying my sexually, and while my appetite isn’t overwhelming, at times it can be voracious. And I know that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with me. Also, I have no interest in seeing him naked and I know I wouldn’t be able to get excited about the idea of doing anything remotely sexual with him.

So where does that leave me, besides questioning my own prowess as a dater. Well, to start, I have to admit that I’m shallow. In dating, I want someone who meets or exceeds certain physical attributes that I find attractive, and when I go on a date with someone who I thought would fall within them and then doesn’t I’m disappointed and my whole judgment system is thrown into a tailspin. I don’t give him the benefit of a doubt because I was caught off guard by something I didn’t expect. Namely, that he would be so much larger than I am.

At first I felt bad about how I had totally discounted the date itself because of how he looked and then I rationalized to myself that most men do the same thing. So in the name of equality of the sexes I’m entitled, to do so as well. And as NotASong reminded me, "You're just getting back into the game, he was a test run and you got your feet wet." Hopefully, in getting my feet wet I don't end up drowning here in the shallow end.

And the irony of the entire situation, despite the fact that we had already agreed upon date #2, he hasn’t called me at all.

Rites of Spring

Well, the second date went really well.
NotMarine decided to take me to the Melting Pot for our second date, which in NotSamantha's words means "he really likes" me.
We went to the one in Reston, however I got lost. The second I told him this over the phone he offered to "come find you" which was a bit odd, but I told him no and found it myself. I am an independent woman!
Anyway, we finally get there and he looked really, really good. He wore khakis and a button down shirt, which made my jeans and silky top feel very casual, but he didn't care. He got me 1 dozen pink roses, which made me melt just a little.
We sat down to dinner and had a really nice time. There was never really a break in conversation (again) and this time our conversation progressed more into the "serious" type of conversation.
We talked about his Iraq tour and he informed me that if I put his name in a google search, I would come up with an article about his accident. This intrigued me to no end and at that moment I wished I had a sidekick (NotMiranda, I thought of you).
He then surprised me by asking if I was seeing anyone else. I told him no and he had the same answer.
He was SO incredibly nervous the whole time, when he made compliments towards me (silly ones, like "I like your ears" and "Your hair is so pretty") he wouldn't make eye contact with me. He made a few "interesting" comments, like the fact that I will "eventually see [his] tattoos... I mean, well, if there are more dates." I didn't feel sketched out at all by some of his more inappropriate comments, probably because he didn't seem to want them to occur right at that moment.
The other day we had been talking online and I told him that the Melting Pot was too expensive. His only reply was "don't worry about it." Last night he told me that when I said that to him, his only thought was "perfect."
He's playing the "serious relationship" card though, I'm pretty sure. He asked me what I'm looking for right now and to be honest, I told him I was looking for a relationship. He agreed and we left it at that.
But honestly, are you supposed to talk about that on the second date?
We had more interesting conversation, including the quite modest fact that he wants a "disease-free relationship" to which I replied "well, i'm disease-free, that's for sure." The second date, i'm quite positive, is not the time to bring up my V-status. I'm not even positive the third date (which will occur) is the right time to do it either...
So we finished up dinner (with free chocolate dessert, thanks to the fact that the waitress loved that we were on our second date) and walked outside. He got all blushy and then grabbed my hand. He has such nice hands. I made a stupid comment "I like hands" and he walked me to my car and turned towards me. I knew that he wanted to kiss me, but was acting all flustered, so I went in for the kill. It was just a quick peck, but it was enough. I gave him a hug and then we went our separate ways.
I immediately went home and searched his name. The article on him was pretty good, he received a purple heart for his duties in the war and I couldn't help but feel proud that I'm dating this guy.

Friday Oddities

Uhhhh, NotTaylor sorta just asked me out. Usually our conversations are the same:

NotTaylor: "How are you?"
NotCarrie: "Good, How are you?"
NT: "Good"
NC: "Cool"

Today I decided to change it up a bit:

NC: "Yo, sup?" (Seriously)
NT: "How are you?"
NC: "Good, you?
NT: "Good"
NC: "What are you doing this weekend?"
NT: "I don't know yet, you?"
NC: "I don't know yet, either"
NT: "Well, when you know, let me know so I can be there, too."


Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.....OK, So he didn't really ask me out but WHAT?!

Pleasing to the eye

I'm in the mood to cause trouble this morning or, at the very least, stir up an interesting conversation. What goes better with mornings and trouble than porn? I don't usually have porn on the brain and don't consider myself an aficionado (even a regular viewer). It's just that it seems like so many of my friends* are all about the "perfect" porn these days. NotCharlotte has been on this hunt for "indie" porn she read about recently and even downloaded some classic German porn to check out. She has been all about the arty stuff and claims the German piece had even received critical acclaim. NotSamantha seems to have a predilection for anime porn (not judging) and probably many others I'm unaware of. Of the Nots, she has taken the most active interest in visual stimulation. Did you know she discovered a Netflix-type place that just does porn?! Who knew! My own porn experience has been fairly limited. I've only seen a couple of what I would call "hard core" (the stuff someone has to rent and that shows everything). Other than that, my only other run-in with porn is catching the occasional late night offering on Cinemax. I don't really consider myself a porn kind of girl. I just don't need it. However, I have been curious about all the crap I constantly hear on how porn needs to be done differently for women. Women need an more of a plot line. Women need to emotionally connect with the characters. Is this crap actually true? Maybe I don't get to answer since I don't consider myself a "porn" girl, but when I think of porn and the select times I've watched it, isn't the whole point of even viewing it to get off? Are there women out there who really get into the plot? Maybe I need to see "good" porn to get this, but anything I've caught that appears to be making an attempt at an actual story looks even more ridiculous. It's like the worst kind of B movie. I would compare myself to a guy, just looking for the visual, but I don't think that's fair assessment given that I'm not really a "porn" girl.

Baby Fever!

Is it just me or are couples emerging from their winter hibernations with news of babies at an alarming rate this spring? Babies are everywhere! My relatively small office now has two pregnant women, both due in the fall and my coworker was telling me how she has no fewer than four friends all due in September. Apparently, December through January was a busy month for getting it on and fertilizing things. The only thing I fertilized in December was my poinsettia and really, who am I kidding because that thing died a horrible death while sitting on my desk.

I'm certainly not jealous of these women or wishing to be preggers myself, don't get me wrong. My mother probably wishes I felt differently right now as her eyes are really getting the "I Want To Be A Grandmother" glazed look more and more often when she sees the babies. I do want kids, I definitely do. Just not right now. Especially since the interviews and magazine covers would get to be a bit much since for me to have a baby right now it would have to be an immaculate conception and I'm reallllly too busy right now to be giving birth to little miracle babies.

Sadly, I already know the name for said miracle baby, but I digress.

Focus on the Roller Coaster

So this weekend was fantastic.
I met man #2 from the Onion. NotMarine. We started talking on Monday and by Wednesday night we had already decided to meet. His pictures were cute and our conversation (via IM and phone) was interesting. I told him to come by my work on Thursday night to say hi. Due to some mixup, he went to the wrong location. Instead of feeling stood up, I oddly felt okay with it. Friday he sent me an email apologizing so I immediately called him and scheduled a "hang out session" for Saturday.
We met at the movie theater and I'll admit that my first impression of him was just ok. He's taller than me, which is a plus, but he's got really, REALLY short blonde hair and his glasses were big and round. But he smelled good and his smile was great. Every time I talked to him before our meet up, he said that he would make it up to me for not showing on Thursday. And he did. Even after copious amounts of complaining, he still paid for my movie ticket and dinner afterward.
We were sitting there, waiting for the movie (V for Vendetta) to start, and he said he was so nervous. Turns out I was his first online meet. I then told him that a movie might not have been the best idea for our first date because we had so much to talk about, but it was the first thing that popped into my mind to do. The movie was 2 hours long, but it was really good so I paid attention to it instead of leaning over and whispering questions like I should have done. He kept looking over at me throughout and I thought it was cute.
After the movie I ducked into the bathroom to give NotMiranda a text update and when I got out he suggested dinner. Which is a good sign!
We talked straight through some Chinese food, not so much as a pause in conversation. He asked me what I was passionate about and of course I said music and art. When I asked him the same question he said something about learning everything he can about interesting subjects. He then went on to explain that that's the reason he was asking me so many questions.
Then, on the drive back to my car, I asked him if he was still nervous. He told me that he was going to be nervous for the next few times because I was so pretty. If it was just a line, I fell for it. He's so sweet.
There was no parting hug or kiss, but I think we were both okay with that.
I spoke with him yesterday and he's still as intrigued as ever about me, so I'm breathing a sigh of relief that our meeting went well.
And for the record: there is attraction and there will be a second date.
This gives me hope :-) Let's just hope that by writing about it, I don't jinx it...

Back seat rules for the front seat...

I think I've become a geeky guy magnet, either that, or someone has pasted my picture in the personals section of PC Magazine (as if such a thing exists). I also seem to attract men who have roaming hands that move faster than the latest gaming pc chip. Tonight was my first date with NotAlbert one of the few guys who I struck up an actualy conversation with via email after he responded to my twoliner that I placed on an online personals page.

The ad has my picture and with most of my responses I had hoped to also get a picture in kind, which he did provide. After we had talked via phone and he passed the "I don't sound like a girl on the phone and I can have an intelligent conversation" test, we agreed on a simple movie and dinner date. Since he lived in DC he suggested a nearby theatre and I met him outside of the restaurant we would be eating at after the movie. When he pulled up, I'll admit it was a shock. He was definately larger than I anticipated, and shorter than I thought he would be, especially since I wore 3 inch heels to measure his height by. Me, superficial, you bet; him unwilling subject to my physical demands for a partner, you got it in one.

He didn't measure up to what I was looking for as far as body type for a guy at all. Although neither did NotSkippy. And while I chastised myself for two seconds about judging him based on his looks, I decided to continue to go along with it because he may surprise me.

Surprisingly, he didn't.

He was polite, attentive, and paid for everything, he was funny and surprised by my ability to hold my own dealing with conversations about sex, porn and computer sites (this is the only thing that knowing NotSkippy helped with). He was a NICE GUY (and every male that reads this blog just ran screaming into the darkness) But he just didn't do it for me. He touched my hand and I felt nothing, he didn't give me one of the LOOKs, or if he did, he didn't do it when I was paying attention so I missed it totally.

Now berate me all you want for holding him accountable for some ideal of the perfect man, but its my ideal and I'll keep if I want to. So where does this leave him. I know where he is mentally right now. He's probably happy that the date went okay and he got the go ahead for date two (this time I'm cooking since he seemed to be keen on the fact that I like to cook, which is true), and he's now probably trying to figure out exactly how to get me out of some of my clothing the next time we get together, since in the car after we had arrived back at the train station (he insisted that because of the late hour he didn't feel right about me taking the train back to my car, so he drove me to it), he tried to get me out of my sweater and my shirt and hopefully my bra. All under the careful guise of a massage...

Will someone please explain to me the deal with geeky guys offering the massage deal on the first date. Is this some sort of parlor trick that they all are given upon certifaction in whatever computing language they choose? It was very funny watching the play of emotions across his face when I asked him point blank if he was trying to get me out of my clothing. And then remind him that this is the first date and he's only eligible for knowing where my tattoo is and seeing it.

But, I digress.

In the spirit of it being the first date, and the high probability of me putting him in the "F" file under Friend or Failure (haven't decided which moniker to use for him yet), I decided to go along with this. And was surprised that even in this he had no appeal to me.

I'll put a tick mark in my check box for geeky and trying, but he needs to get a little bit more of something before he'll see anymore of me other than in the platonic sense.

"How YOU Doin'?"

NotTaylor is getting to be very annoying here at work. This is the "hot guy" of the office who knows it and saunters around like he owns the place. For some reason he has taken to staring at me and asking me how I am about 489032 times a day. And no, it's not because he's interesting in me. (And even if he was, I'm not interested in him.) I'm not bothered by his behavior in a sexual harassment kind of way but more because I can't fight back how I want to. If we weren't in the work setting I would totally be "flirting" back and teasing him and catching him in his lines. (Again, not in an "I'm interested" way but this is the only way to deal with him.) But I can't because I'm at work and I need to just fly under the radar and not get the "She's a crazy ho" attention on me.

Get Naked...or Free my Mind?

Recently, the thoughts of vulnerability and the ability to reveal all (ie get naked) have come up. I've been thinking about how I hold a part of myself back, even here on the blog where I feel that I am free to cut loose about any and everything that I wish to discuss either in relationships or in my personal life.

One of the reasons I don't reveal much of myself is the vulnerability that feel with each revelation and the trust I have to bestow upon those that I'm revealing myself to, and in cyberspace that's any and everyone who cares to peruse this blog. I don't know anyone who's that trusting. I know I'm not, but if I take this blog in the manner in which I mean for it to be received which is the muddling through of what is on my mind, then I think I'll be fine.

I've always prided myself in accepting people as they present themselves to me, I try to have no preconcieved notions about how they should act in regards to who they are, but I'm human and when I can I recognize what I've done and try my best to correct it, but it doesn't always work.

When I apply this same idea to relationships, I realize that for me this is a big part of why I'm probably not in one. I accept people, but I'm usually not willing to trust them, for years, I've held fast to the idea that if I ever married, I would already own my home and it would remain in my name throughout the marriage. For my married friends that I've shared this with, I'm usually met with a "why" and then a "don't you trust him" and my response is always "I trust him, but I don't trust him to not do me wrong". This question of trust is what trips me up in just about every relationship I've had (and they are few and far between because I often don't let them develop into a full relationship).

I don't assure myself of the fact that they will meet any of my expectations, this way I can keep myself from being disappointed when they don't meet my goals. My own protective shell if you will. The people who I've seen in relationships that are truly happy, have that glow of acceptance, trust and belief in their partner.

I can't help thinking that I won't be able to find that person to trust completely, and for me that's the saddest thing of all, and is part of the reason I can't get naked in a relationship, because even when stripping down physically to do the horizontal tango, I still keep my mental barriers up. I don't expect that person to be what I want because I don't have any expectations because I don't trust them at all and if I don't have anything that I'm searching for then I won't be disappointed, right?

Bride

I have a subscription to Bride.

I read it each month cover to cover, noting the gowns and ideas I like, and then forward it along to my sister. I'm not quite to Monica Gellar levels of having a notebook of Wedding Ideas 1-5 but my sister and I always end up playing The Wedding Game on long car rides. It's fun! Nothing wakes up a tired car like describing bridesmaid dresses and and picking out reception foods. It's great because it's like MadLibs but you fill in every blank spot except for the groom's face. (Okay okay, I make substitutes for the time being- Clive Owen, Brad Pitt, Michael Vartan, etc.)

Now, I'm not a crazy girl looking only to get married and making church reservations five years in advance but, I can't help but enjoy talking about things like wedding gowns and rings! And I'm not going to be a Bridezilla when/if the time comes and insist that everything be how it is in my daydreams or anything. Puhlease! Remember that I'm the girl who really wants to get married in a drive-thru in Vegas with my witnesses in the backseat. With that said...let's play!

Month: November!
Bridesmaid dresses: dark red
Ring: platinum emerald cut (my sister has strict instructions to let any future serious boyfriend know that I really really really really like the emerald cut)
Veil: undecided, it's traditional but do I really want to cover my hair and end up with some dent in it? Hmmm
Dress: It would be easier to tell you what I don't want but I've got to say I loved Gwen Stefani's with the pink on the bottom. I bet dark red on it somewhere would look like blood though, huh? Yeah, maybe not a good idea.

Hmmm, what else?

Do you all think I'm crazy now?

I'm Lonely (And I Love It)

Got a response from NotBeast.
He's not interested in a relationship.

Back to the drawing board... but with no regrets!

She Sends Kisses

So last night NotMiranda and I met up with one of my girlfriends from my second job, NotVCU and we tried to make the most of our St. Patrick's Day. NotGay was having a party, but that was all the way at Capitol Hill and we sat at a cafe for about 30 minutes talking ourselves out of going (drive too far, no good parking, metro ride hell). So instead we went in search of cute boys to look at. We ended up at a bar off of Main Street Fairfax that has a small stage, where many local bands tend to play. For only 5 bucks we got to stand there and watch George Mason University win against Michigan(?) and give eye sex to the cute bouncers. I kept making eyes with this one guy so I decided to write my phone number down and was going to pass it to him on our way out.
I chickened out. Much to NotMiranda's disapproval. But I do believe I completely made up for it.
After we dropped NotVCU off at her car, NotMiranda and I headed to my house for cheesecake, Bailey's and "What Not to Wear" (I <3 Stacy and Clinton), but before we could bask in the glow of learning what goes with neutral colored pants, I decided to do something BOLD.
I sent NotBeast an email telling him about the crush I have on him. It was a fairly well written 2 (short) paragraph email explaining why I hadn't told him this sooner and also asking him to dinner. The hardest part was pushing the "send" button, but I did it.

Now I must wait. Which is agonizing for me already. Thanks to stupid Gmail Notifier, every time I see the little envelope at the bottom righthand side of my screen, I get all nervous.

Believe me though, you guys will be (close to) the first people to know what(if) he replies.

For my sake though, let's hope it's soon!

Luck O' The (Not-So-Much) Irish

I have a date with McDreamy (does that make him Irish;)?) tonight.


Ahhhh, Patrick Dempsey, how I love thee.


Allergies/Cold-not so much.


So it's St. Patrick's Day and while every other year I'm sporting my "Kiss Me" shirt and drinking beer, this year I'm camped out on the couch with my tissues and Grey's Anatomy DVD (I love you, too, Netflix!). It's kind of hard to not go out and even though I have a good reason, I'm feeling kind of like a nerd. But besides drinking a lot, I've never gone out on St. Patrick's Day and come home with some cool story of snagging a guy (not that it is always my intention when going out but when it's the night of "Kiss me, I'm (not-so-much) Irish", then kissing seems to be the goal).

The past few years I celebrated by going to Kegs and Eggs in the morning and then being exhausted by the night. (Note: Kegs and Eggs is NOT the best place to meet people, it's the time and place to drink.) One year in college I passed on going out with my girl friends to instead go to another friend's place to hang out where my crush would be. Ahhh, what a fun (in the 'not-at-all' way) night. Another friend ended up drinking an entire bottle of Jack Daniels because he was upset about a girl and we almost had to call 911. It was so scary (and stupid) and I even went to the restroom in front of him because he was so gone. The only action I got that night was when my crush passed out, holding onto my leg. (Just for giggles, it was NotRoger, ha!)

So yeah, this St. Patty's Day is all about McDreamy but that's ok. I'll live vicariously through Meredith (this is season 1, remember).

Depressed, Discouraged and Back at Square One or What's Your Sign?

Dating in and of itself has many foibles, I've discovered. But what about when the dating is over, the relationship is done and you're back to the place where you're started (I call this Square One). Going with that analogy I liken this to some sort of weird ritualistic dance that we go through in the quest for another date. To begin to look for that person again, that supposedly we would like to spend time with for a night, a day or in some cases the rest of our lives.

But I digress...

I don't mind the dating, though at times it can challenge parts of me and bring up dealbreakers I never thought existed, its the getting there that always gets me down. I try to make it into a fun adventure, full of cool people and exotic locales, but usually what I come up with is Joe Blow Wanna Do Nothing and the 'burbs...*sigh*. Which has lead me to my latest idea for those of us who are fed up with trying to decipher the body language and unknown signals of the dating pros and dating inept (you chose which category you belong in, me I'm in the proinept category). How about a sign? It can be as large as you want, just as long as it displays exactly what you're looking for in your significant other, be as honest as possible and remember this is your sign, how's that for you reader's of "Blink", you'll be able to make that snap judgement lightening fast.

Because while its interesting to try and wade through the many many people we meet and would possibly want to date, its also discouraging, especially when paired with the inconsistencies of what a person says and what they mean or what they're really trying to intimate and what they're assuming you know. Its just too complicated. KISS(Keep it Simple Stupid)...

Now, in keeping with my own advice, here is my sign:

SF, slightly neurotic, oversexed and possible sub seeks, strong male to interact with. Must have prerequesite height of at least 5'10' in socks, length of manpart should be of above average and suitable girth. Man bears need not apply. Muscles are prefered, but will be overlooked for ability to move heavy things. Ability to match clothing, shower regularly and tell a great story are mandatory. Must have sense of humor, be openminded, but not a carpet. Please feel free to approach, especially if I look at you more than once and smile with teeth. No I am not a shark, but I will bite if you ask nicely.

So, I've put it out there...now show me your sign.

Am I the only one who watched it all?

I'm a smidge confused. I know I can't be the only one out there who has made it through Sex & the City (the entire series). It was a hit with legions of followers. That's why I get really confused when I read things that talk about how Carrie and the girls would be so disappointed at a single girl saying she wanted a relationship or wanted to settle down. I've heard this casually dropped in various places, but I was moved to write by reading in Judith Strauss's Unhooked Generation. Near the start of her book, she's weaving a tale of her singlehood and mentions she eventually reached a point in her life where her career and independent lifestyle just weren't doing it for her. When she paused for a moment she would find she was lonely and unfulfilled. She went on to say she had been ashamed of this feeling and that the Sex & the City girls would be sneering at her. Huh? Maybe she didn't get obsessed and buy the entire series like I did, but did she at least watch season 6? Agreed...the girls were strong singles who embraced life and sometimes the closest wang. However, the girls let their vulnerable sides show throughout the series. They were all on a quest for the right one, going through several "right one for right nows". Even Samantha's revolving door snagged a couple of true loves. That final season saw each of the girls reaching that point, that place of truly knowing where your heart should be. I cried way too much at the raw humanity in the last few episodes. One thing was clear to me even through my tears. This single woman we all adored and some wanted to be...she was just like the rest of us searching for that final piece of the puzzle.

Love And Memerade (?)

From the lovely Barmaid who somehow knew I love a good survey:

My nickname: I don't think anyone has ever had a 'pet name' for me. Friends call me "Boo" but only because we all declared it was not a term of endearment. My mom calls me "Lovey", does that count? I hate when couples have pet names, but maybe I'm just jealous.

My hometown: I was born in Leesburg

My team: The Heteros. (ha)


My theme song: A few spring to mind: "Closer"-Nine Inch Nails, "Everlong"- Foo Fighters, or maybe "Always" by Bon Jovi because I am unable to get over people and love them 'always'

My drinks: Champagne. or Gin and Tonics for the old man part of me.

My occupation: Heartbreaker


My spare time: Lusting, Overanalyzing, Flirting, Not-Kissing (apparently), Drinking Champagne

My hiding spot: With guys who want to "just be friends"

My books: Damn you Sweet Valley High! I want to BE Jessica!

My [fake] heroes: Gwyneth Paltrow, Gwen Stefani, Jennifer Garner


My [real] heroes: Carrie Bradshaw and my hair guy, NotGeorge.

My tags: NotCharlotte, NotSamantha, NotMiranda-Feel free to leave answers in the comments:)

The First Five Times

Saturday night involved me, NotMiranda, and NotHusband making porn in a playground.
Well, not really. I did take some rather interesting pictures though.
NotHusband had to make it an early night, which left NotMiranda and I alone to venture the streets of Fairfax in search of something to do. Driving at night is one of my favorite things to do, as long as there's good music and interesting conversation.
We started talking about relationships, and how bad we want them. I started thinking about why I'm so hesitant to actually tell someone I like them and I think I hit the nail on the head. I'm afraid of rejection, yes, but I'm also afraid of the "three date rule" that seems to be prevalent in this day and age.
I am a virgin. A 22 year old virgin. It's not something I'm proud of, but then again I sort of am. But honestly, 22 years without sex, I am 100% positive once it's done, I'm going to be like "why'd I wait so long?"
Regardless. I'm afraid that the moment will come with someone I really like and we're in this compromising position and I blurt out that I'm a virgin. That's going to be the moment of truth and the more I think about that, the more I realize that this is the reason that I can't be more self confident in my boy-snagging skills.
Making out is one thing, but that's fine for a bar hookup or a casual date. I am definitely NOT a casual dater, so if I were to date a person it would probably mean that this will come up in conversation.
I'm thinking waaaay too much about this. But I'm convinced that this is the reason I'm still single.
I guess it's a good thing that i'm not a "hook up girl" then. Sex is going to mean something more to me than just a physical need fulfillment. I'll just be on a mission to find someone who I trust with that information.

Smoochless

The Nots don’t exactly go out on Man Hunts with the only intention of meeting guys, but it’s probably safe to say that we are always up for it! So Friday night the four of us, plus one, headed out after our anniversary dinner for some drinks and pool. Now, maybe my memories are skewed, but in the past, going out for drinks and pool was synonymous with meeting people and flirting. So, I’m not too sure what was up with Friday night and Bungalows but the feeling I got was that people were actually there to play pool. (!?) The atmosphere just seemed way too tame so after a horrific round of pool (none of us are quitting our day jobs) we decided to head off on other adventures. Ah well, so Bungalows isn’t great for meeting new people;)

Saturday night was dedicated to guys I already know as I had dinner with one and then met up with another at a bar later in the night. NotCharming was my bar buddy and I’ve got to say, I would have made out with him in a second. But besides the night he was drunk and asked me to sleep with him (I did not), we’ve never done anything. Usually one of us is way drunker than the other so the flirting just doesn’t mesh well.

Oh well, the weekend wasn’t a total bust as I generally don’t gauge them on the amount of lip locking I do. If that were the case I would give up entirely on Friday-Sunday, haha! But really, between you and me, I’d REALLY like to up the levels on the smooch meter. Ha, maybe my first step should be to stop saying things like “lip locking” and “smooch meter”;)

How I got here

If life had worked out the way I had planned, I'd be married right now. We'd have a cute apartment in the hip part of Austin and would host intimate dinner parties on the weekend. We would do it every night and sometimes in the morning, too. I always loved having you be the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes. Instead, I have trouble committing to men. You cemented what my father started. Opening myself up to hurt is often not worth the effort, and the fact that you still haunt some of my fantasies doesn't help matters. I'm different without you. Even though you're no longer a part of my life, people would be able to see your shadow flitting across this site if they knew about you. I want them to know about you because to know about you is to know me. The baggage I've packed away is a part of me.

NotSteve was the one. I know so many of us don't believe in the one, but I'm sure he was the bees knees. I was young and impressionable, but NotSteve was the one I grew up with. Friends for years, the transition to significant other was subtle. There were so many stolen days spent skipping class and exploring each other on his parent's couch. (My heart wants to escape my chest even as I type this.) I remember the post-graduation trip with NotBlondie and thinking how I was most excited about seeing him again when I got back. That first night that he and I were an official 'us' was the night I got back. Sitting beside my car on that back country road and looking up at the stars . I knew I'd finally let him kiss me that night. That kiss was far from perfect, but I love how I knew he was someone I wanted to work with. I love how that became our phrase for 'wanna makeout' after that night.

We were probably doomed from the start, two emotional people who burn the candle at both ends. Those kisses did get better. Oh God, how they got better. We were each other's first nearly everything, and we spent so much time laughing and learning each other that we forgot other people existed. I chose him over school that first year, losing all my scholarships. It didn't matter at the time. He was more important than sleep or studying. I was all wrapped up in his goodness. Roadtrips and weekends away were just more of us in our own little world. I still remember the night he "kind of" proposed and the night I "kind of" said yes.

Somehow it slowly unraveled. These things always do, though for the life of me I don't know how. I was jealous of his time away from me, and he was still harboring resentment for the fact that I had strung him along for so long before admitting I liked him. We were working through some of our issues or so I thought. I haven't really ever been more wrong. No one wants to walk out to their car on a beautiful morning and see the note. I got dumped via note (good thing email wasn't as prevalent in those days). I remember operating in a fog over the next few days. My survival instinct kicked in, and I didn't cry and didn't call him. The part of me that doesn't trust told the part of me that had learned to love I told you so. I think I may have handled it wrong...letting my instinct to cut my losses and run take over. Maybe he wanted me to fight for him. Every now and then I wish I had.

I don't blame him for all the baggage I haul around with me when trying to meet men. I don't blame him for the fact that, up until I learned of his marriage a couple of years ago, I carried around the hope that we'd wind up as each other's emergency contacts. I don't blame him because my life is good. I think that us being apart has helped me become the woman I'm meant to be. I don't blame him. It's just how I got here.

You're Beautiful

I am certainly not the first person to blog about this song, "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt, and I am probably not the last. The first time I heard it, I hated it. I hated his voice. But then I saw the lyrics typed out somewhere and really read them. I imagined myself on the metro and seeing someone who took my breath away with their being but knowing that at an upcoming stop we would go our separate ways. What a romantic notion, to experience so much in such a short span of time when no words are exchanged and strangers remain strangers with just a look to connect them.

See, right now you might be thinking, "But NotCarrie, that's not what the song is about!" And you are right. Today, on Oprah (shut up), he explained how the song is very personal and is about a time he saw an ex-girlfriend on the subway (tube?) and she was 'with another man'. He sang the song so well and even though you know he has probably been singing this thing every day for months, you could see he was sincere with the words.

I don't really have a point to all of this, just that I enjoyed his performance. I really love how so much is expressed in the few minutes of the song. I do think I need to stop listening to all of these "break-up songs" though. Ha, I should at least wait until I HAVE a break up!

Sophomore Slump

So... this weekend was NotSamantha's birthday extravaganza.
Someone was there (NotBeast) that I hadn't seen for awhile. I just looked through our past posts and couldn't seem to find anything on him, which is weird.
ANYWAY, I can't stop thinking about how good he looked. And how patient he was with NotMiranda's drunken rolling on the ground/holding onto his leg.
Oh and NotSamantha, I don't know if you remember this, but this conversation did in fact occur:
NotSamantha: *NotSkippyologue* "NotBeast, you're cute but you're waaay to short."
NotBeast: *nods in his quiet, stoic way*
NotSamantha: "I only get ONE night a year to do this... *more NotSkippyologue* Oh, and NotCharlotte, you can sleep with NotBeast if you want.

Ahh... gotta love friends. And thanks, NotSamantha, I'm glad I've got your approval now :-)

Historical post on NotBeast later, for now I must do homework (*sigh*)

Together Is Enough

So my job has weekly staff meetings that NotMiranda calls, "Touchy Feely Meetings" because we do these workshops on things like leadership qualities and how to be a team player. Usually I am paying more attention to keeping my eyes open than on the lesson but every once and awhile something gets through to my brain. Today it was when the speaker on the video said that "in great relationships, the joy of being together is enough." Now, don't go crazy on me because you have to take these statements with a grain of salt. There will always be extraneous factors to nullify this statement. For example, if he's cheating on me then being together isn't really enough, right? I'm going to want to kick him in the face instead. Or, if he's stealing my money then hanging out is not going to be high on my list of things to do.

But taken simplistically, I really like this statement and even found myself relating to it. When I wrote about cheating on a crush I mentioned that there are only two people I would even consider to be in that highest level of crushes. Well, during my meeting I realized that both of them could also help prove the statement about great relationships. Even on our just friends levels, both of those guys are people I just wanted to be around and enjoyed spending time with. With them I am content to just sit there and honestly just want to be near them. Not in a needy, weird way but in an honest-to-goodness, 'I enjoy you as a person' way. It makes me happy to enjoy people just for who they are and not for how they are entertaining me or necessarily how we are interacting (even if, at the time I wish it was snogging).

I hope that future relationships arise from friendships like these. It's a sweet thing to just want to be with someone.

Building a love shack

Don't ask me why I was even thinking about whether or not I would shack up with a boyfriend when the current prospect has just flown the coop. I actually think it was spurred by a friend who was talking about wanting to move in with her current boyfriend (bf) in order to save on rent (not the best motivating factor, if you ask me). Anyway, the whole conversation got me thinking about whether I would ever shack up with a bf. I used to assume (and you can blame this on my conservative upbringing) that I would never live with bf outside of marriage. Talk about taking away the mystery, the allure that makes being married something different. I would also be afraid of the whole "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" phenomenon. As I thought more about it and moved past the auto response that has been programmed into me for so long, I realized that my opinion on the subject of shacking up had indeed changed. The thought of having to live with someone as husband and wife without trying it out for at least a little bit terrifies me. I can't imagine living on my own up until my wedding day and then suddenly having to learn to cohabitate, too. I realize that, whether you're shacking up with a bf or moving in with your husband, there will still be the initial shock of living alone one day and together the next. I just think it might be kind of nice not to have to wrap my mind around the emotional issues I'll have being someone's wife and having to live with them on the same day.

Making a graceful exit

I feel like I need to close the loop on the NotGraceful debacle. As if he were reading this blog, the email standoff ended at 4:26 pm on February 26, when I finally received a response to my "let's put all cards on the table" email. He said much more than I expected or even wanted. The gist of the email was that he wasn't interested. I got to hear how he was a laidback guy who felt put on a stage and that I somehow expected so much of him. Can I make one fucking thing clear here? I may air my neuroses on this site, but I do NOT display them for public consumption. The most he ever got from me was a tendency to ignore him. Maybe my neuroses cling to me like the stench of sour milk, but I don't think so. I also consider myself pretty self aware and got several signs that he might be interested in something more than friendship. Screw it. I can move on and do the whole friendship thing with him. In fact, that's what we've been doing since then. After a bit of initial ackwardness the first time we saw each other, he joked about the email, and I laughed and called him an asshole. Friendship can begin at asshole. It's what I do...I keep rollin'. The friend I am doesn't think about how hot it is that he played guitar and sang his own material in the wee hours of the morning at NotSamantha's party on Friday. The friend I am convinces herself that it's normal for him (a friend) to grab my (also just a friend) hand and hold it just a little bit. I just keep rollin'.

And my birthday wish for me...

I blew out candles on a stack of cupcakes for my birthday on Friday, and although today is the actual day, I made my wish then. Usually, I never make a wish on the candles, their symbolism just doesn't strike me at all. But this time I'd decided to let myself be caught up in the moment. I wished for love...and more importantly I wished for the courage to let it happen to me again and this time, to recognize it, accept it and not overanalyze it to death.

So, in lieu of that, I placed another personal ad online. And I put some pictures with it. And I got several emails this morning...and I've decided I'll email responses back to at least three and see where it goes.

Talking while Drunk...there's a law about this right?

Alcohol or liquid courage, as I like to think of it has an interesting way of making me philosophical.

I made my debut Fridy night into the world of dating philosophers, during the surprise birthday party the Nots planned for me.

Here are some of the questions I was left pondering before I tried to strip out of my party pants and passed out in blissful birthday liquored up confusion...

Why are we (both male and female alike) so terrified of giving just a little in a relationship? or why do we give so much? Where's the happy medium? is it like a Happy Meal at McD's you can only get one if you're a kid?

During what NotCharlotte has termed my *NotSkippylogue* I realized that I gave way too much power to someone who wasn't giving anything back. I've also had relationships where I've given too little. And now I'm left craving the happy medium meal.

So I'm hoping that third times the charm and I'll give just enough and get just enough and well...I'll let the guy worry about his own drunkenly discovered neuroses!

Maybe

Met with NotDavid1 tonight (does not get a real name until deserves it). Have decided that I am in fact a "first impression" kind of girl. This first impression was not good.

Have realized that NotDavid2 gives GOOD email.

Had a good time with two of the Nots(Samantha and Miranda, respectively), at our favorite NotPlace, trying not to hit on the cute waiter. I am still waiting for him to call.

Lots to do tomorrow, let's hope I don't go crazy.

Breaking The E-Ice!

So a few days ago a friend asked me to check out her online dating profile to see how it looked. Well, those online dating sites are pretty smart because in order to view her profile, I have to join. And after putting stats like my email and name in I figured, "What the hell?" and added a hott picture and completed my page.

So, all of a sudden I am in the online dating world.


And what happens? A GUY I USED TO BE FRIENDS WITH FOUND ME! Great, just great. So then I feel the need to write to him to break the e-ice because even though HE is the one who found ME, I'm worried he's going to think I'm a loser for being on there. (Not that online dating is bad...it's not, I just don't think it's for me.)

However, as a silver lining to having my profile out there: Tons of hott guys have been checking out my profile! I'm not going to lie, it is totally rocking my self confidence. I was worried when my first "wink" was also my friend's first "wink" but his creepy profile is long lost now in my list of men who have "viewed me." I'm going to wait to see what my ex-friend says back but I'm not sure how long I can stay on that site.



Don't forget to vote for your favorite Not post for our One-Year Anniversary!

All of these Not names are clouding my feeble mind

I can't believe we've been blogging for a year over here at No Sex & the City. NotSamantha hit upon the idea that it would be fun to have people nominate their favorite Not posts. Hell, I'd like to take it a step farther and ask that everyone (1) nominate your favorite Not post from the past year (don't fear the archives) and (2) send us a link to a favorite dating/relationship/single life story from your own site. You can post links to your favorites in the comments or shoot me an email. There aren't any prizes for participation, but we thought it would be useful to reminisce and to also hear people's stories from their sites. I keep hearing we learn from our past, so why not walk down memory lane.

In order to kick it off, each of the Nots spent some time perusing our posts over the past year and each picking three of our favorites. I can't speak for the other girls, but reading those posts really made it clear how much we've all grown and even what issues we still need to work through. It was nice to be able to chuckle as I remembered the great Sex Spy gig of 2005 and to realize all of the Not names we had to make up. We still have trouble keeping some of them straight. Anyway, check out our favorites and remember to send us links to the ones you enjoyed!

NotCarrie
Just Put Your Lips Together And...
Circles and Squares
Lay Into Me

NotCharlotte
We'll Show Each Other Where It Hurts
Reason #551 That I Will Never Be a Lesbian
The Land of Wine and Roses...

NotMiranda
I'm a Sex Spy, Baby.
The Winding Road to Smitten
Addicted

NotSamantha
Face the Nation or Why I Wear the Mask
Chick Lit Is Not a Square of Candy-Coated Gum
Ten Commandments of Me

Looking for love in all the wrong .coms

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Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want

Lately I've been perusing the Onion's personal ads, even going so far as to make a profile.
I got a couple of "winks," and emails, so I've been conversing with a few eligible men... who all happen to be called David. I would give them Not Names, however I don't know if any of them are keepers or what, even, to call them.

I counted them up and realized that in my life, I have had crushes on 5 different Davids. I think it's a sign.
Quite ridiculously, I believe that I will one day have to marry a David.

I don't really have much more to say about this, so I'll move on.

This weekend is going to be very, very interesting. The NotGirls are almost done celebrating their birthdays, with NotSamantha bringing up the rear. In true Not-Fashion, we are not telling her anything about what's going on, and I do believe that's the best route to take.

I can make a few promises though:
Plenty of alcohol will be involved.
As well as cute/hot men.
There will be no strippers (Hey, that was upon her request...)

I do think that NotMiranda has a calling for "Party Planning" in her future... as long as I can help her out ;-)

The Dating Cliffnotes

So while I would love to have the job of interviewing hundreds of men, I just don't have the time (or the patience). Thanksfully, someone else did and I'm hoping their findings help somehow! Even if just for a laugh or two. The following is what I have learned:

1. A date breaker for 59% of men is a woman who lives 50+ miles away. This worries me since my prime "find men" spots are usually 50 miles away. I hope noone I am interested in mapquests my house.

2. 24% of women say they just can't find the right guy or have high expectations. I used to limit myself by having crazy expectations but I think that was a cover up for being shy. I don't have either of these problems anymore. But maybe there should be a section on "convincing the right guy that you are the right girl".

3. 24% of women rely on friends and family to find dates (higher than finding them online or at work) while 18% of men are trying to find women online. Um, isn't this like 2 + 2 equaling cow? And if I'm not trying online dating am I doomed? Should this worry me?

4. It's pretty funny that 78% of women and 71% of men say they never lie. "Hey honey, how much do you weigh?" DING DING DING!

5. As for what is the ideal first date? Both men and women seem to agree that dinner is the way to go. It amuses me that dinner with a movie is a separate option. Like, adding a movie is just 'too much' for that first date. "I'm sorry but dinner AND a movie? We're not married!"

6. This is crazy: a man's first thing they are attracted to with a woman is their physical appearance while a woman first looks for humor. There are almost too many jokes to make here but I have a feeling a facial would be better in the long-run;)

7. And from the Stone Ages: almost half of the women surveyed said they would not call after the first date and expect the man to. Where does texting and email come into play here? I hate calling pretty much anyone so can I really expect someone else to do all of the calling? At a certain point you need to suck it up and just call.

8. S-E-X and when to have it. Roughly the same number of women say in about 1-3 months while men say on the 2nd or 3rd date. I guess we can compromise and spread out the first few dates over a 2 month period. Awesome. "Let's get it ooonnnnn! Ayyyy!"

9. Ok seriously, a woman will have sex after a month but the majority only want a kiss on the cheek after the first date? I mean, if there's a connection on the date I want some lip locking! (Hell, at this point, I don't even require a connection;) Why go through first-date awkwardness if there's going to be no reward at the end of the night.

10. Still don't think I'm ready for internet dating. I followed the links and entered my zip code. Terrified at the number of men with pictures that popped up from my small town, I quickly closed the window and vowed to get out more. (Out, far, far away...like, 50 miles away far!)

The house of yes

Earlier this week I sent NotGraceful an email laying bare my feelings. I'm tired of all of the shy staring, and it was my hope that this would allow me to be more of myself around him, this boy who stuns me into silence. The email itself was low key. I admited I harbored a crush (duh) and that I got that he may not feel the same. I let him know that I just needed to know that he knew so I could act more normal. I've reached a stumbling block in my quest for normalcy, however. It has been close to a week, and he has yet to acknowledge the email. We've seen each other several times since it was sent, and he has continued to stare and hover. On at least a couple of those occasions he has acted like he has something he needs to say. You know how you can just feel when someone wants to talk to you? By Friday I couldn't take it anymore. I mean, is it too much to expect him to acknowledge receipt of the email? I just want an, "I got your email. Cool," kind of response. Friday we were all at a pool hall for someone's birthday. As NotCharlotte and I were leaving, I leaned over as I was passing NotGraceful and asked when I could expect an acknowledgement of the email I had sent. He gaped...I gave a snide look. I walked out. Still no response.

Pants = Love and how teen movies don't emulate real life...

So, tonight for shits and giggles the Nots decided to do movies in. No men, no makeup (or very little makeup) and no drinks (except Diet Coke for NotMiranda).

There was Chinese food from King Kok (if you don't know you don't know), said teen flick borrowed from NotVisible (my roomie), and giggles had by all.

However, as I watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants I couldn't help but wonder about the things that hold our friendships together; be they the things we do, the things we say or as was the case in the flick the things we wear. For the Nots it seems to be our cameraderie with each other and the understanding that most singles and semisingles have about relationships, it plays like a mantra in the background, "don't worry you will get there." And be it in work, relationships or whatever else the world chooses to spit out at us, I keep faith in that.

To Be Myself Completely

Love life lately = sucky.
Potentials = a few.

I have recently received a message from NotSwimmer telling me that this summer there is a decent chance he will be in the Durham/Duke area of North Carolina this summer. He then said he didn't know how far that was away from me. So I told him, just a mere four hours away. He replied "That's a doable distance."

It was hard for me to write back, telling him that he is in fact a "doable distance."

Needless to say, I want the summer to be here, now.

Run Catch Kiss or Catch me if you can...pt 2

What happens when you're tired of chasing or being the one chased and you want to reverse roles?

What if you've decided that you need some closure after you've tried your luck as the dog and got none of the cat and you need to take a step back to reassess?

Or, What if you're the one being chased and you can't figure out how to tell the person who's persuing you that you're just not that into them...at least not into them in that way?

For those of us who try to use the body context clues to give us a hint, if you're not the most forthright to start or the person you're going after is equally inept at relaying their feelings you're probably in the runnings for the frustrated but still pining marathon.

As people I don't think that body signals do enough, I mean if you're just not that upfront in relationships, you'll never be able to get your point across, and if you are the one who's willing to do the confronting, eventually you get tired of doing so and want some reciprocity.

The current modes for communicating this seem to be email or voicemail, both which offer a sort of detachment from the actual issue at hand, and while they don't beat the courage that a certain liquid is known to give, they do give a sense of separation from the issue that allow you to see (or in some cases) hear what you want to say, have it taken down and then have it be relayed to the person you mean it for, of course with this great power comes a great responsibility, namely in the waiting game you're about to play.

My suggestions...I don't have one. *ducks tomatoes and flaming responses* Well I don't, but if you want I could try and make up one. So below find the made up response, that may help someone, and I hope its you.

Whether you're the one chasing or the one being chased remember that you've never liked being left in the dark about what's going on. The same anticipation you used to feel as a kid before Christmas or your birthday, can be directly translated here. You wanted to know what was going on, you desperately wanted to know. And while anticipation makes the best sauce a little hint (peeling the paper back carefully from the meticulously wrapped gift) won't hurt. Besides, give yourself and the person you're chasing some credit for not being a total jerk, anf if they don't get it or they don't like the way its handled...well, maybe they weren't really what you were looking for anyway.

Royally used

Fight or flight...our survival instinct can give us a competitive edge in life and romance. What happens if we really use our survival instinct in some things? Am I doomed to a slow, romantic death because I can't compete for a man and would rather say 'fuck it' and walk away? The whole bar scene, for example. If I'm in a more relaxed setting or a place that is less crowded, I do fine. I find I can flirt and hold my own. Throw me into the Hookup Superbowl that most bars become on a Friday or Saturday night, and I'm like a turtle withdrawing into its protective shell. I'd rather not play than have to compete and risk injury. It's not just the bar scene. I had this realization the other night with NotGraceful. We were in a situation where we were both kind of ignoring eachother and flirting with other people. Even though he kept meeting my eye and I had the feeling it was being done for my benefit, my instinctual reaction was to want to storm off and "give up". If he wanted any of those clearly unworthy girls, then he could have them. I wasn't about to step up my game and compete. In addition to being hypocritical (hello...I was playing the same game), I'm dooming myself to always being a benchwarmer. Maybe I need to take a lesson from Dolly and not only try my hand at competition but learn how to win.

Honk If You're...

I just got honked at by three truckers on my way into work. By the third one I was a little paranoid someone had slapped a, "Honk If You're Horny" sticker on the back of my car without my knowledge. )I checked when I got here though and there has been no foul play.)

I don't understand though:

1. I'm not wearing some miniskirt that is super revealing (skirt is appropriate length)
2. My hottness is not at its highest early in the morning;)
3. Any view of me from my window or moonroof is bound to be limited

I understood getting honked at when I had my old car: '91 maroon Firebird with no AC...you can imagine those hot summer days when my commute to work involved taking off layers just to not pass out while in traffic. But now? I drive your standard little car. There's nothing special. "Honk If You Like Normal Cars!"

I don't get it...any truckers out there who can give some insight?

Cheating On A Crush

Is there such a thing as cheating on a crush?

I was talking with some friends and we were just passing the time, trying to decide what constitutes cheating. Since my dating resume has many more Crushes than it has Relationships, I was very intrigued by the questions posed about cheating on a crush. My knee-jerk reaction was to of course think the idea was ludicrous. What exactly would I be cheating on? We aren't committed to each other in any way, shape, or form so how could I be unfaithful to nothing?

A more romantic notion was presented though, which really made my gears start working. If you really like someone and have a profound interest in them, isn't it possible to cheat on the idea of being with them? I think I agree with this (to a certain extent, keep reading).

Some crushes are merely because I am bored while others are more friend crushes and my interests are more sociable. Sometimes though I have a "rip my heart out" type of crush that occupies more of my mind and being than I thought was possible. (These are few and far between.) So while my interest lies in this person, yet nothing "real" has come from it, is it possible to cheat on the idea of the crush? Is flirting with others or going on dates with other guys being infaithful to my feelings? I kind of think it is. If I like someone that much, then how can I not be invested in it and true to it?

However...my next question is...when do you get over a crush? When its enough to not "cheat" on, then how do you move on? At a certain point, either something will come of the crush or it won't, so in the latter scenario, when do you have to move on? A future blog, perhaps.

Perceptions

I can't help but wonder how I am perceived. Do people think I'm a slut? a tease? a prude? normal? shy? embarassed? confident? unsure? etc...


I think I definitely used to be perceived as a tease. I used to be an even bigger flirt than I am now but with pretty much no follow through. I think I just wanted to get to the point of someone wanting me and then I'd backtrack in my flirting. (And no, it wasn't to THAT point or anything. I'm not cruel.)

Now I'm not so sure. I'm in one of those moods where I really want to read some people's minds and see what they're thinking about me.

Run Catch Kiss or Catch me if you can...

Last night was spent in revelry, celebrating another year of living for NotCarrie. As we drove the inebriated birthday girl back to the cars and then to her home she commented that because she was drunk it was the perfect time to ask her anything we wanted.

"Ask me a qwerstion." *insert hiccups and drunken giggling here*

So what started out as a mad romp into TMI questions and answers between myself, NotCarrie, NotCharlotte, NotMiranda and our mutal male friend (don't know his 'Not'name, yet) became a serious if a little drunken discussion about the division of the sexes and dating.

NotMiranda hit it on the head with one statement. "I'm tired of always being the bold one, the one to make the first move, the one chasing after him...sometimes I want to be chased."

And one million feminists of various types keel over in defeat. The cause is lost, this woman wants to be chased by a man *read wants to be controlled by a man*.

*snort*

I happen to agree with NotMiranda. Why does this generation's woman have to be the one to give chase. What happened to being desired and wanted and sought after? Our mutal male friend also piped in with proof that guys don't know where they stand anymore. Should they persue? What if they are persued? Why is it that women get to be undecisive while they should have their act together totally?

See, I'm all for gender equality, but in the sense, in the world of relationships and dating, its nice to be wanted, nice to have someone desire your company enough that they are willing to persue you just a bit to show their interest.

Being strong and making the first move, while helpful at times, at the end of the date just makes me feel like I'm pushing him into something that he doesn't want, and now I can only wonder how the guy feels. Is this new ground of being persued totally new to him? And if so how should he react? If he takes the typical response that he's seen played out again and again from women and play hard to get will she continue to persue him? And for women who are doing the persuing, in the face of such a response would we continue to persue him?

At this point dating and relationships are skewed. Forget chasing the cat and it being the dog in you...its more like flight of the bumblebee, a frantic search to figure out who's chasing who, and who should be doing the chasing.

Nicht Immer, aber Jetzt

Got some good flirting in today.

Also got asked out by an 18 year old. I call him my little high school puppy dog. It was cute, somewhat flattering. I also got to practice my "gentle turning down" skills.

Yay for it being the weekend. Too bad I have too much homework to enjoy it.

Rain=Hott?

You know that scene in The Notebook when they kiss in the rain (details not given for those who haven't seen the movie)? Why is it that rain seems to make a moment so much more romantic and hott? I'm not sure why I started thinking about this earlier (ok, maybe it's because I'm in a kissing drought so my thoughts immediately go to water...) but the last time I kissed someone in the rain it didn't really add to the moment in a positive way. What is did add to was the frizz in my hair and my worry about running mascara. I mean, at the time I was secretly excited to be getting my "kiss in the rain" but now that I think about it, I might want to keep that one on my list.

What list?

Oh just a few things I always say I want to do: "christen" the back seat of my car, get married in Vegas, kiss in the rain, etc.


Maybe I should try combining all three. Too bad Vegas is in the desert, might be hard to time my shot-gun wedding with rain while my car waits to be "christened". And how can it be shot-gun when we'll have to drive there from DC?

Valentine's Day, a recap

I had such a funny, girly day today that I feel a little retrospective is in order even before the body is cold.

Things that made v-day 2006 memorable:

• making eyes on the metro
• cupcakes from Cakelove
• champagne (period)
• spilling champagne all over NotCharlotte's car
• drinking said champagne from a coffee cup while at work
• being propositioned for two dates
• turning down two dates (minor issues with snaggle teeth, drunk breath, 5'2" and crazy)
• hearing all about how NotBigMouth made NotElliot whack his pube bush
• talking about and learning just how far they go in a brazilian bikini wax
• NotaManager calling this Black Tuesday
• learning that the best way to ensure a happy marriage to marry someone with a similarly shaped head
• posting a Missed Connection on Craigslist

Can I whine for just one second...

I want a Valentine...

*end of rant we now return you to your regularly scheduled valentine's day smooching, groping, etc.*

Bonus Day

Valentine's Day is the bonus holiday. I've never understood getting "down" about not being able to celebrate it. (Well, I do celebrate it but I've never really had a significant other to get all lovey-dovey with.) To me, getting depressed over Valentine's Day is like getting depressed about not being able to celebrate Hanukkah if you're not Jewish or Bastille Day if you're not French.

If you do have a significant other, then Valentine's Day can be an extra special day for you. It's a bonus for being in love. To use my previous analogy, if I were to marry a Jew (pleasepleaseplease), then it would then be a bonus to get to celebrate Hanukkah. Until that time though, I'm not going to get depressed when the menorahs and dreidels start coming out. In the same way, I am not going to get depressed by the influx of red and pink and heart shaped boxes of candy.



There are so many thoughts of Valentine's Day:
-love should be expressed every day of the year
-it sucks
-it's a Hallmark holiday

They are all valid opinions on the day but it depends on your attitude if it's going to affect your mood. I'm not a cynic when it comes to relationships and love, so I'm not going to spend my day being jealous of my coworkers receiving flowers or damning all men to hell for not realizing how awesome I am. I'm going to spend February 14th like most any other day (except maybe with a little more chocolate thanks to some sweet coworkers). I encourage those not celebrating this bonus holiday to put things in perspective and realize that it is seriously just another day. it's not the end of the world if you aren't celebrating Hanukkah, I mean Valentine's Day like what seems to be the majority of people out there.

HAPPY (BONUS) VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!

Stoppin the Love

I'm done with NotHusband.
Recently, he's been doing more than his fair share of pissing me off and today marked the end of my letting it hurt my feelings.

On my birthday, we all decided to play Kings, the game where you each pick a card and each one means something different. So NotRachel picks up a card that happened to mean Categories. She decided her category was "Places I've had sex."
We get to me and I pause. Someone goes "Oh, it's just because all of the places that have been named you've done it in, right?" And just as I was agreeing, in butts NotHusband with "No, it's because she's never done it AT ALL."
I was shocked. Number 1, it's no ones business but my own whether or not I decide to tell someone I'm a virgin. Number 2, it's REALLY not his job to announce to the entire party my sexual status. I got so mad at him I yelled at him 3 times in the course of 2 days. Thing is, he really didn't seem to feel that bad about it.
So lately I've been distancing myself from him, with good reason. Apparently he went to a gay club one weekend, hooked up with a guy, and now they're dating. WHAT the fuck is that? Tell me, why is it so much easier for a gay man to find and keep a mate? Honestly.
So I have to hear him talk about this guy constantly. I won't even give him a name because honestly, with the way NotHusband goes through men, he won't last long enough for us to even remember what I called him.

He is the most self-centered man I have ever met. I mean honestly. Every single conversation we have he centers around himself. If there's something wrong with me and I happen to tell him, he will change the subject so it comes back to him. I'm serious! I've been starting to think about why we're actually friends.
I know he takes my advice to heart. I talked him down off the ledge of moving up in the company he works for, NotHomeDepot.

But I digress.

Tomorrow, as many(all) of you may know, is Valentine's Day. Awhile back NotHusband and I had a conversation that involved us going out to dinner and celebration this (stupid ass) holiday together.
Color me surprised when I find out, via his Livejournal, that he has decided to go out with his other girl friend (NotOrange) and celebrate the fact that they are single and happy. This bothers me for several reasons:
1. Um, tomorrow's Valentine's Day. Did he, or did he not say we were going to have dinner on that night? (NotMiranda, back me up on this...)
2. I cannot STAND NotOrange. He could have picked anyone else to go with, I mean seriously.
3. When I left a few "snarky" comments on his LJ, he proceeds to IM me and say "Gee, thanks for making me look like an ass on my LiveJournal."

I shouldn't get this upset about it, but honestly, with the way things are going in my "love" life, you'd think that I'd catch a break on the one holiday that usually sucks for me. I think it's very unfortunate that this consumer-driven holiday can make me so depressed, but it does. Even a fake date was better than nothing.

Every day NotHusband slips farther and farther away from best friend status and that saddens me to no end, but honestly, am I really at fault?

The Avalanche

I have decided to stop getting my hopes up for weekends.
I have also decided to not talk about what I want to happen. I should just keep my mouth shut because apparently when I speak these wishes out loud, they immediately do NOT come true.
Ooooh, I'm magical. :-)

Turn your cab light on

I saw a book at the bookstore today about how we can't expect to get a man unless we have our "cab lights on". It's all about sending the right signal. Maybe this is one place I'm running into trouble with NotGraceful. Whatever forcefield that surrounds him throws my signals completely out of whack. I find I become neurotic and seem to have lost the ability to function like a normal person. Does anyone have the antidote for crush-itis? Let's examine my symptoms.

When we last left off, I had failed miserably to invite NotGraceful into my lair. Utterly crushed by my own pitifulness, I did what any girl with a blog would do. I sat down and immediately emailed him, a few simple sentences sent by me asking him to come back and keep me company. Not a boy prone to email (should be warning flare #1), he didn't get the email until the next day. His response, however, was nearly perfect. No fear was expressed, only a desire that I should have asked him to come up while he was still there. My head hovered in the clouds even though he wasn't going to join us (a few Nots plus NotGay) out on Friday.

Saturday NotCarrie and NotJason met me for dinner, and as I was leaving my part-time job, I slipped NotGraceful a note with my phone number on it and the offer to hang out once he got off. Nothing. Again, I was left to wonder if I was reading him all wrong.

This past week was truly the pinnacle of my neuroses and the up/down of this faux relationship. A typical interaction for us is lots of staring and eyes and very little words. When left alone, the conversation flows. For once, the early part of this week seemed different. We talked around other people. We continued to have real conversation when they left, and I actually managed to keep my wits about me to not turn 3 different shades of red. He even arranged to take his break at the same time as mine one day (he works at where my part-time job is). These were the highs. Neurotic NotMiranda also took up residence in my head during part of the week as well. Sunday I decided I was going to "test him". He passed; I was ecstatic. However, when I suddenly lost my mind and came up with another lame scheme, I found myself walking home alone on a cold winter night. NotRachel kept me sane when I declared myself done and talked me into realizing part of this was my fault. She convinced me to be cool and give the boy a chance to make his move. Easier said than done. Being cool forced me back into shy mode. I didn't know how to act and proceeded to have a crappy week. When NotGraceful bailed on joining the gang this Saturday, I almost bailed on this whole crush thing entirely. The problem is that you can't just wash that man right out of your hair, no matter what the song says.

I came to the conclusion that, while I am so not a cool girl, I can convince myself to step back and keep my options open. I flirted my ass off on Saturday at work and had a hell of a time. I also managed to shine a little in front of NotGraceful today, too. If he wants this girl, he's going to have to come get me. At one point, I felt like we were almost there, but my obsessing took over. The obsessing is stopping while the flirting continues. I'm not giving up...he's still the one I want. I just need to give him a chance to realize he needs to give a little, too. My cab light's on. We'll see if he decides to hail me.

4-Wheel Drive

I agree with you, NotCharlotte, the thought of staying in with a guy on this snowy night sounds REALLY nice. However, seeing as how I have been stuck inside all day, I would much prefer a guy with 4-wheel drive right now to come rescue me from my stir craziness.

If you have a 4-wheel drive, speak up!

Other Side of the World

Snow makes me want to cuddle with someone.

Well, more than usual. I look outside and see the flakes falling down and all I can think about is having someone to spend in the house, snowed in and watching movies, not caring about going out or spending money on frivolous things.

It also doesn't help that lately I've been into the slower, more melodical type of girl singers. KT Tunstall and Feist have been singing the soundtrack to the days I spend in my car going from home to work to school then back to work. Which is pretty much every day.

Snow has also ruined my superfun plans for the weekend, but hopefully something good will still happen.