Style

Everyone has their own style of flirting, right? Do you ever compare and contrast your style to someone else's? I do! I was out recently with a friend and an attractive and charming guy was nearby. It was so interesting to notice how we both interacted with him.

I am more of the type to just be engaging and friendly. I don't want to act too differently than my normal day to day self. I would never use a *line*: "Wooowwww, do you workout???" That would never escape from my mouth. I like to flirt more with my smile and my eyes. If it gets to that point, touching his arm is the best.

I have noticed other styles that include being very forward, being the damsel in distress, and being coy, to name a few.

"I'm here because I wanted to see YOU." Kinda forward. It's nice and complimentary, but how does the guy reply? "Er, thanks." It can go poorly quite easily! I think some guys would eat that up, but it's essential to guage his reaction and change tactics if he seems confused by it. I've also had friends who straight up talk about sex immediately. I find that to be weird. Don't be a tease...or a slut.

"Oh why would you talk to little old me?" "I'm so drunk! *hiccup*!" UGH damsel in distress. The worst kind of flirter. I hate it when girls totally change their personalities around a guy. I think it's to be expected to act a little differently around someone you have a crush on or find attractive, but I am not in distress so why would I want some stranger to save me? This is not a romanctic comedy. This is life and tomorrow I'm still going to have to pump my own gas and carry my own groceries in.

Being coy. Hmmm....a sly side smile, brushing a hand on a leg, using lots of euphemisms. I think this is a classic case of a shy girl with a wild inside. I can actually see myself possibly being coy at times, but I had enough experiences in my early 20s when I was being coy and the guy thought I was being forward and it got to the point of, "Um, no. I will not be going home with you." I definitely learned that it's better to be straight forward. A euphemism is great if it's done for a laugh, but otherwise, don't make things confusing.

What's your flirting style??

Thanks, But No Thanks

This guy keeps hitting on me at work and while it's flattering, I really just want him to stop. The problem is, though, that I think he thinks I may be interested. See, I never recognize him when he comes in so I say hello like I do to everyone and I think he mistakes my smile and happiness for being excited to see him. Yesterday when he came by someone else went to say hello to him and he said hi, then came straight to where I was and said to the other guy, "I came to see her." (OMG) Of course, I was caught by surprise and in the miliseconds that this all happened, I was saying hello and smiling like I do to everyone (So you can see how he would mistake this interaction for me being happy to see him).

*SIGH*

The last time he came in, I honestly thought that maybe I had misunderstood him when he said he wanted to buy me coffee. This time there was nothing ambigious about what he said. He wants to " come back and see" me and "take [me] out for coffee". I don't know what to do when he says these things, though, because I am not in an environment where I can be mean or in a place like a bar where I can just leave. NotSnape, a coworker, made it even worse later when he told me that my inadvertant blushing* probably sealed the deal for the guy. Crap!

So I don't know what to do. My only plan so far is to have either NotSnape or NotGraceful** come be protective and boyfriend-like when this admirer is there. I can't just say, "I'm not interested" because then he has the opportunity to take it all back and said, "That's not what I meant!" and how mortifying would that be!? I'm also hoping that I now recognize him sooner so I can not smile when I say hi.

Like I told NotBecky, it's tough being so gorgeous and charming.

~NotCarrie



*It was really warm in there. I was so hot.
**Did I change his name? I thought I had. Hmmm

Get your flirt on...

I'm usually not one to flirt. Very unNotSamantha of me I know, but tonight when the last thing on my mind was flirting and showing interest in a guy I end up doing it anyway.

Work this week had been hell and all I wanted was a glass of wine, a good dinner and some great conversation with NotAMystic. Since work was shot and according to NAM I was in for at least another week of it, "because Mercury is in retrograde, take deep breathes and bear with it," when our waiter finally came by I upgraded my wine to a martini and decided that if for no other reason I would get some comfort food out of this meal.

An introduction of the special and a delivered martini later and I was ready to detox. Our waiter kept us both entertained and for me, intrigued. A rare sort who actually smiled with his whole face instead of the polite smile that those who work in the restaurant biz often have. And trust me when I say I'm no soft touch when it comes to service. I like my glass kept full, my waiter to be un-intrusive and my meal to be hot when it reaches my table. Outside of that, I don't have much else that needs to be taken care of.

Tonight's server, however, proved that it is possible to combine charisma with style and a mild dose of flirting and get something that appeals to this woman. Speaking of the waiter, he was a fine specimen. Tall, broad of shoulder, bright of smile and he even had glasses, I couldn't tell if he passed the other physical factor of lack of body hair, but in my mind's eye I pictured him without it. When I first rushed in he was there to actually adjust the table and even put my napkin in my lap, that was a first, so a raised eyebrow for that one. Throughout the meal and he came by and struck up not one but two conversations and asked more questions about me, than what kind of coffee I wanted with dessert. By the time I was leaving for the evening, he made sure to stop by and ask that I come back again soon. Now, I'm sure he's got tips to make (and boy did I tip him!), but I can catch a hint, even when its lobbed as lightly as his was.

So, if you can't find me next Friday, I'll be going back to my restaurant and getting a seat in his section, this time by myself to see if this same waiter/patron chemistry is real or just a figment of my man hungry imagination.

Limiting factors

Shouldn't there be a statute of limitations on our issues finally revealing themselves? I am the child of a divorce that left me essentially without a father. He split in the middle of the night when I was 5...didn't really visit...then died when I was 13. Yadda yadda yadda. I've been pretty up on most of the issues this has resulted in, but within the past year I have noticed yet another development.

I seem to have developed an interest in older men. I know this isn't all that unusual and that it's common for women to sometimes seek out their "father" in their dating life, but shouldn't this have manifested much earlier? To date, I have been more well known for my liaisons with younger men. However, within the past year, I have found myself flirting with men who have more silver hair on their head than not.

The latest manifestation of this has been my grandmother's occupational therapist. I met him last time I was in Texas and was immediately attracted to his sarcasm and motorcycle. I'm currently back in Texas for a two-week stint and was veritable wreck at my grandmother's therapy session today. I put on makeup (me...the girl who only wears makeup when she's going "out") and found myself giggling at his jokes. I would vacillate between this and trying not to focus on him because I felt so transparent. The true horror of the situation hit home when I heard my mom giggling along beside me.

Immediate thought: OMG. I am interested in the same guy my mom is.

Don't get me wrong. He's attractive...has tattoos...drives a Harley...is amazing with my grandmother...has amazing eyes. But (and this is a big 'but') he is also divorced and has a teenage son. He is definitely more in my mom's age ballpark than mine. Talk about a wake-up call.

Do I see myself changing? Probably not. I'm at a great age where both younger and older don't seem ridiculous. God, I love my early 30s. As long as they can keep up with me, then why not ;-)

Flirting

As I was sitting in the world's worst traffic yesterday (seriously, traffic at 730pm? Why.) I had the following thought:

If I am going to have a boyfriend*, does that mean I have to stop flirting?

And honestly, I was a little distraught about the thought. Flirting is almost second nature to me. It's fun. I enjoy it. I do it...a lot. I don't think I could ever just not do it. The thing is, though, that I don't follow up my flirting with propositions or anything so I think I should be okay continuing the habit. Maybe to a lesser degree, of course. I don't want to be thatgirl.

And yeah, I know the whole, "if you're happy with your guy/girl then you won't be looking elsewhere," but that's not the problem. Like I said, it's not like I am out there propositioning people, I just like to be charming. I almost can't help it;)




*Do NOT jump the gun, please. I said "IF".

Missed Connections

In order to properly celebrate NotDarling’s birthday, the chicas and I crammed into a car and headed into DC on Friday to spend the evening declaring our favorite things about our birthday boy and buying him (and us) some super strong drinks.

Tryst was way less crowded than the last time I remember, but it worked out well for getting drinks and checking out the crowd. Sometime in the night we decided that we wanted to have some “Missed Connections” and from then on kept our eyes peeled for worthy recipients while at the same time positioning ourselves to be missed as well.

Checking online the next day quickly revealed that we had not had any missed connections, unfortunately. Having celebrated the birthday boy’s day was much more important, but it would have been hysterical to see a message on Craigslist like, “Hott guy with four women. You single and/or a pimp?”

I usually forget to go to Craigslist, to be honest. I think it is because I know I will get addicted. I have posted one missed connection in the past for someone who comes to the second job frequently, but that’s the extent of my MC experience.

When I do think to go there and browse the missed connections, I find them to be a bit overwhelming so I have thought of a few things to keep in mind when writing your next one:

+The location MUST be on there. When I scan, I scan for where I have been, of course.

+Put your age. No one wants to reply to a skeevy 80 year old pervert. (Unless you’re an 80 year old pervert-lover.)

+Make the subject line very clear and eye catching. Either put the place or a defining physical feature of mine in there. Otherwise, my eyes will skim over it while reading.

+Don’t try to be too cute in the body of the message. If you sound weird, no one will respond.

+Do not sound like you stalked me and now know my bra size, third grade teacher’s name, and apartment number. Creepy!

Has anyone had a successful missed connection??

And by the way, this is our 666th post.

The Early Bird...

Note to self: Go to the NotCheers bar around 5pm on a Thursday evening, but not just to pick up your to go order. Getting hit on by cute men while you're simply paying for the opportunity to eat your salad in front of the tv during Top Chef is quite well worth it. Oh, and next time take them up on that offer for a drink. Best 3 bucks they'd ever spend ;-)


(Note to readers: I am not crazy, I didn't take them up on the offer because I had already made plans to sit in front of the tv with someone else... and believe me, it wasn't NotBaker.)

Wine Parties

My weekend was quiet, which was probably just what I needed. After an early work shift on Saturday, I headed with NotMiranda into the city to attend a party being thrown by her old boss. We showed up with a bottle of wine which turned out to be what about 80% of the crowd was drinking. Lately I've been a total beer girl so I pretty much just sipped on my glass while we mingled and chatted. We did the obligatory small talk with a few people and I listened in while NotMiranda did some work chatting, too. My favorite part was talking up the two hott guys who we saw while out back filling up our wine glasses. They must have already filled up their glasses a few times because the one, NotHandy totally worked the body language angle by putting his hand on the small of my back numerous times. It was probably a good thing that I was driving and not drinking more because it was so a move that was an invitation for me to respond with *eyes* and my own body language move of putting my hand on his forearm while talking. Not that my lack of drinking stopped me from working my charm in smaller amounts. Had we stayed longer and it not been something work related for NotMiranda, we totally could have worked that one over.

Still got it!

Cheeseburger In Paradise

I was in NotCheers again today. My sister and I met up for lunch and, of course, chose one of our favorite places to dine. About halfway through our meal we heard the familiar sound of clapping as about four waiters and waitresses came to a table near ours to sing Happy Birthday to a fellow patron. And who was in this small, intimate group of singers that was extremely close to our table? Oh yes, the waiter from the other night.

My sister and I both immediately turned out faces the other way and tried to hold back our laughter. Who would have thought we would ever see him during the day shift?! And I was so not ready for it, either. It was just an off moment and not one where I wanted to get my flirt on. So, we hid our faces and then made sure to get out of there before he could see and recognize us. I promise to not hide next time:)

Wait!

Apparently I now have a thing for waiters. Last night a few of us went to a restaurant we frequent and I sort of couldn't shut up about our waiter. We see him there all the time and while he's kinda goofy and, I think, young, I still wanted to go makeout with him in a corner. And then I realized that I have a mini-crush on another one of the guys who works there. So I need to watch my flirting there a little bit because I don't want to become "that girl."

Matchmaker, Matchmaker!

I'm being devious. Maybe work has gotten boring lately, but I've become a matchmaker of sorts. Although, to be honest, I don't have everyone's best interests at heart. If you will recall, we hung out with NotVeryMature a few weeks ago as she had recently begun at our job. Now, to explain a little bit, she has quite the crush on NotGraceful and she's, well, um, quite outspoken about it. To each their own, eh?

Enter in NotDarling;) He is not outspoken about anything. These two people do not match up in any way, shape, or form...yet I have become the devious matchmaker as I have been encouraging NotVM to flirt with him. Muhaha!

Now, don't judge me just yet because my plans help everyone:

-NotDarling gets flirted with, which will help to fine tune his ability to read flirting in other situations.
-NotGraceful gets left alone. This also helps us because we have to hear about the crush from her often.
-NotCarrie gets some entertainment.

And maybe, just maybe, something comes about from her flirting with him. She did say he was hott...


I'll let you know if anything happens!