Second time's the charm...

I have returned. Life these past few months have been crazy. Both in good and bad ways, but in general I'm doing great. I've learned so much about myself and about who I want to be with, who I want my friends to be, even how I specifically like my coffee, that I felt it was time to come back and share some of my thoughts with you all again.

I'm no longer with NotHarry. I really don't want to talk about what happened between us. I think you all remember how I left this blog and that's one chapter that will remain closed.

That being said, I will share with you one of my new favorite "bad date" stories that I have endured the past few weeks:

Last Thursday I had the pleasure of a second date with NotPilot. We had met the previous Friday at Artomatic in dc and there was a little fizzling of chemistry, so the next obvious step was to meet again. He asked me out to dinner and I consented.
We met at one of my favorite restaurants and sat outside with some drinks. Conversation went okay, he alarmed me with a 15 minute rant about adoption, followed by a blatant disregard for my questioning his religious attendance to a Unitarian Church when he is a "fierce" Athiest. He then asked me what my favorite position was.
I replied "Moderate."
I ordered food, in hopes of at least getting a free meal out of this ordeal, and I thought things were getting a bit better because he seemed interested at my vast knowledge of flying, something of which he considers hinself an expert on.
Then it happened. I was happily enjoying my cheese & onion enchiladas and was telling him a story about my future puppy procurement when he interrupted me with "You've got some food on your cheek." Before I had time to react with my napkin, he licks his thumb (and I mean a full-on lick, tongue out of the mouth, if it was a cartoon I would have heard the SLURRRP) and WIPES THE MINISCULE AMOUNT OF SAUCE OFF OF MY CHEEK.
I stopped mid-sentence and sort of stared at him, wiping his thumb spit off of my cheek with my clean napkin.
"Sorry, I'm a touchy person," he said meekly, pushing his food around with his fork.
"Sorry, I wasn't expecting your spit on my face on the second date."

___
I needed that. It's good to be back.

Take What You Take

Gossip. It's something we all crave. For some, it's a way to feel wanted, like you're part of an inside group. For others, it's a power move. They use information to hurt, gain access, to shock the people it's about. It doesn't help that in our society, we have shows like Gossip Girl and Access Hollywood to fuel our fire. Come Wednesday night, I'm sitting in front of the television, waiting to see what B will to do S, and vice versa. I then start thanking my lucky stars that I don't have friends or situations that vindictive and hurtful. Then I read past posts and comments on this blog.

At the beginning, the four of us set out to anonymously entertain whoever wanted to read with the trials and tribulations of being single in the District. We sat around the table at the diner across the street from the bookstore we all worked and figured out which name would go with what person. We chuckled at the thought of channeling our favorite SATC characters as people ate up our stories like we were eating our cheese fries. "I wonder who will read it?" We pondered.

As things progressed, our friendships waxed and waned. The closeknit community of bookstore compatriots started to fail and cliques grew. The grapevine started to climb and along with it, our stories became more intriguing and detailed. We learned the hard way who to trust and who we should keep a safe distance from. Characters started to develop and we became fully committed to creating for our readers something worth a perusal.

Then people from work started reading this blog. I don't think any of us knew right away, but it became unsettling. I started to become paranoid that people knew things about me and I didn't know who exactly it was. This dissapated after I quit working at the bookstore, after I stopped hanging out with most people from there. I forgot about it and continued living my life and as it happened, giving you guys my honest opinion on my life.

Recently though, it came back. Anonymous comments stung through our posts and I began to narrow down the people I knew had been reading.
It was our fault, once you put something on the internet, it's free domain. Anyone can read. Hell, past me wouldn't give a shit who read, it meant more hits, more people reading something I took the time to write. I mean come on, we wanted people to read.

Then I started to think about what I was writing lately. About NotHarry. Considering he was married to one of the people that hangs out with the people I know read this blog, I started to feel like it was an invasion of my privacy. I know, my fault again. I used this blog as therapy. I wrote what I thought would make things good. When I wrote things out it was confirmation that I was happy. To think that people read this and discuss and write comments on something that I hold close to my heart makes me very frustrated and somewhat angry. I'm angry that people have the nerve to take apart something that makes me so happy and I'm frustrated that I don't feel I can defend myself because, well, this is supposed to be anonymous.

So with these recent developments and with a lot of thinking, I've decided to stop writing as NotCharlotte. I'm giving up this blog. I just can't do it anymore. I've shared for almost four years every single date, every single fuck up, every single emotion that I've felt with regard to boys, men, and relationships in general. I just can't do it anymore.

I can't speak for the other girls, it's up to them what they decide to do with this forum. I just know that I can't continue sharing my secrets when I know they're being read by people I wouldn't share with in real life.

I'm going to miss it though, I would look forward to comments from our regular readers. I got excited when a new person would read our blog and comment so favorably on what grew from four girls shooting the shit to a full blown commitment of our time and experiences.


I invite you to continue writing your thoughts and opinions to me, I can be reached at pinkisneat@gmail.com.