Sunday, October 21, 2007

Take What You Take

Gossip. It's something we all crave. For some, it's a way to feel wanted, like you're part of an inside group. For others, it's a power move. They use information to hurt, gain access, to shock the people it's about. It doesn't help that in our society, we have shows like Gossip Girl and Access Hollywood to fuel our fire. Come Wednesday night, I'm sitting in front of the television, waiting to see what B will to do S, and vice versa. I then start thanking my lucky stars that I don't have friends or situations that vindictive and hurtful. Then I read past posts and comments on this blog.

At the beginning, the four of us set out to anonymously entertain whoever wanted to read with the trials and tribulations of being single in the District. We sat around the table at the diner across the street from the bookstore we all worked and figured out which name would go with what person. We chuckled at the thought of channeling our favorite SATC characters as people ate up our stories like we were eating our cheese fries. "I wonder who will read it?" We pondered.

As things progressed, our friendships waxed and waned. The closeknit community of bookstore compatriots started to fail and cliques grew. The grapevine started to climb and along with it, our stories became more intriguing and detailed. We learned the hard way who to trust and who we should keep a safe distance from. Characters started to develop and we became fully committed to creating for our readers something worth a perusal.

Then people from work started reading this blog. I don't think any of us knew right away, but it became unsettling. I started to become paranoid that people knew things about me and I didn't know who exactly it was. This dissapated after I quit working at the bookstore, after I stopped hanging out with most people from there. I forgot about it and continued living my life and as it happened, giving you guys my honest opinion on my life.

Recently though, it came back. Anonymous comments stung through our posts and I began to narrow down the people I knew had been reading.
It was our fault, once you put something on the internet, it's free domain. Anyone can read. Hell, past me wouldn't give a shit who read, it meant more hits, more people reading something I took the time to write. I mean come on, we wanted people to read.

Then I started to think about what I was writing lately. About NotHarry. Considering he was married to one of the people that hangs out with the people I know read this blog, I started to feel like it was an invasion of my privacy. I know, my fault again. I used this blog as therapy. I wrote what I thought would make things good. When I wrote things out it was confirmation that I was happy. To think that people read this and discuss and write comments on something that I hold close to my heart makes me very frustrated and somewhat angry. I'm angry that people have the nerve to take apart something that makes me so happy and I'm frustrated that I don't feel I can defend myself because, well, this is supposed to be anonymous.

So with these recent developments and with a lot of thinking, I've decided to stop writing as NotCharlotte. I'm giving up this blog. I just can't do it anymore. I've shared for almost four years every single date, every single fuck up, every single emotion that I've felt with regard to boys, men, and relationships in general. I just can't do it anymore.

I can't speak for the other girls, it's up to them what they decide to do with this forum. I just know that I can't continue sharing my secrets when I know they're being read by people I wouldn't share with in real life.

I'm going to miss it though, I would look forward to comments from our regular readers. I got excited when a new person would read our blog and comment so favorably on what grew from four girls shooting the shit to a full blown commitment of our time and experiences.


I invite you to continue writing your thoughts and opinions to me, I can be reached at pinkisneat@gmail.com.

13 comments:

NotSamantha said...

Wow! Just wow. Sorry to see you go from the blog, but you gotta do what you gotta do...

Elisabeth said...

NotCharlotte, I've been reading you ladies for a long time and will miss your voice. I'm sorry a few bad apples ruined it for everyone, but you have to look out for yourself first. Goodluck :)

Blue Soup said...

I know what you mean about the privacy issue even though you choose to blog. I regularly up and leave my blog and then I usually go back because I start anew but miss my regulars.

Good luck with what you do. If you find blogging therapeutic, start a new blog, a new persona. Just don't tell anyone you don't trust.
x

Pele said...

Well that sucks... Now how'm I gonna figure womenfolk out?

I figured I talked to you on occasion, that's more than I get from any of the other NotGirls.

Guess I'v egotta go find more... *ahem* research subjects.

Melinda said...

NotCharlotte, I've been a reader here for some time now and have always found it fun and interesting. Including the comments, some of which have definitely become, well let's just stick with "interesting".
You have a real talent with writing / blogging and I hope you find another place to do this... I for one will happily add another spot on the blogroll for Not-NotCharlotte. If that ever happens - melinda_trainer@hotmail.com

Take care of you & best of luck!

jo said...

i'm sorry that you feel that you have to stop writing here... your posts will definitely be missed... maybe one day you'll come back to the blogosphere...

the patient said...

You'll be back. If not here, then somewhere. Once you blog, you cannot give it up. You could always try to manage your readership like I do...

Streon said...

Mmph. That blows hardcore. Good luck with everything!

Milwaukee Girl said...

So many people write that they hate that they don't know who the real bloggers are when they stay anonymous - this just proves my point that anonymity is sometimes the best :(

Hope you and NotHarry stay happy though!

Lindsay said...

I, too, will really miss your voice. But you gotta do what you gotta do. Will miss you, though.

notawaitress said...

I don't check in here daily, so I'm commenting a bit after the fact, but I, too wish you and NotHarry all the best

Roxy said...

I completely understand. Good Luck!

Randi said...

Way to play the victim card. Maybe now you'll be careful what you write and what you say about people behind their backs now.