Monday, December 06, 2010
Saturday, December 04, 2010
I have an unflushable.
Don't know what an unflushable is? Well get thee to the first episode of the British sitcom “Coupling.” Basically, an unflushable is a relationship where you try to get out of it, but the other person refuses to be broken up with. With NotAFreak, I have tried three times to break up with him. I've sort of succeeded once, but I went to give back his things and in the process ended up back together with him.
No one is more confused than I about this.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Boy, was I sadly mistaken.
A few weeks ago I had an unfortunate hookup with a guy that was also friends with this girl from high school. Only, these two had dated. Not only dated, but were together while deployed. Not only this, but she "cheated" on him with her ex boyfriend, a guy that I had set her up with a long time ago, via email/skype/im/whatever, broke up with her battle buddy, and proceeded to marry the guy I set her up with.
This should have ended things, right? As in, she broke his heart, he never wants to talk to her again, right?
This guy is now stationed where I am and when my friend said she was visiting, I asked her about inviting him. She said her husband didn't want her talking to him, so I said "hey, no problem, I won't invite him to our plans."
Cut to last Friday. I was at the train station at 6pm, when she said she'd be there. I get a text from this guys' phone saying "I'm going to be late." First thought was "creepy, I didn't invite him anywhere." Then it hit me. He was with her. I finally reach her via his cell phone and she said they haven't even left yet. She is stationed about an hour from me, meaning she would miss the dinner reservations I had planned, as well as a good portion of drinking we were about to do. Not only that, but she was somehow with this guy, even though her husband didn't want them together.
Something felt fishy to me. I told them I'd just meet them at our old high school bar and went on with my plans with the guys.
When we finally met up, it was obvious to me that something was up. He wouldn't leave her side, he wouldn't let her pay for anything, he kept "moonily" staring at her. This dude was totally still in love with her and she didn't have the balls to tell him to back off.
This annoyed me to no end. Not because I had feelings for him. Quite the opposite. I consider him my first "one night stand," even though we didn't have sex, and I quite honestly didn't want to see him again.
This behavior lasted all night long. We ended up all crashing at my house, staying up until 6am. When we finally woke up around noon, I came downstairs to find the two of them sitting together on the couch, with him rubbing her feet like she was some Arabian princess. I'm sure her husband would have loved that.
I ended up making an excuse to not hang out with her for the rest of the weekend. I didn't want to be subjected to the obvious flirting going on between a married woman and her ex boyfriend. I didn't quite know how to react to the first night, so I'm sure after a few more hours of this stuff, I would have blown a gasket.
I truly hope nothing happened between them. The guy she is married to is one of the most awesome guys I know. I just don't understand how some people can be so clueless.
Sorry this post is a random mess, I'm still pretty upset about the whole thing and trying to wrap my head around it just makes me feel sicker than i already am.
Friday, November 05, 2010
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
I am more of the type to just be engaging and friendly. I don't want to act too differently than my normal day to day self. I would never use a *line*: "Wooowwww, do you workout???" That would never escape from my mouth. I like to flirt more with my smile and my eyes. If it gets to that point, touching his arm is the best.
I have noticed other styles that include being very forward, being the damsel in distress, and being coy, to name a few.
"I'm here because I wanted to see YOU." Kinda forward. It's nice and complimentary, but how does the guy reply? "Er, thanks." It can go poorly quite easily! I think some guys would eat that up, but it's essential to guage his reaction and change tactics if he seems confused by it. I've also had friends who straight up talk about sex immediately. I find that to be weird. Don't be a tease...or a slut.
"Oh why would you talk to little old me?" "I'm so drunk! *hiccup*!" UGH damsel in distress. The worst kind of flirter. I hate it when girls totally change their personalities around a guy. I think it's to be expected to act a little differently around someone you have a crush on or find attractive, but I am not in distress so why would I want some stranger to save me? This is not a romanctic comedy. This is life and tomorrow I'm still going to have to pump my own gas and carry my own groceries in.
Being coy. Hmmm....a sly side smile, brushing a hand on a leg, using lots of euphemisms. I think this is a classic case of a shy girl with a wild inside. I can actually see myself possibly being coy at times, but I had enough experiences in my early 20s when I was being coy and the guy thought I was being forward and it got to the point of, "Um, no. I will not be going home with you." I definitely learned that it's better to be straight forward. A euphemism is great if it's done for a laugh, but otherwise, don't make things confusing.
What's your flirting style??
Sunday, October 31, 2010
First, there's my standard love crush...NotJason (is that what we're calling him? I forget). This one is like your favorite warm blanket, around for the long haul and not going anywhere. I found an old picture the other day and found myself laughing out loud and saying "I love that boy".
Crush #2 is older tech guy crush. This is the IT guy at our office. He's newish, Irish, reddish blonde, and I've been flirting my ass off since I noticed the lack of a ring. I think he may be 3-4 years older than me? Anyway, he gives good convo and is easy to talk to. Plus, computer boys are good to have around.
Crush #3 is graffiti/artist boy. Man, he is good looking. He's 32, and a full-time artist. He has *the* best smile and laugh and is sort of shy. I am very quickly falling for this ringless wonder and thinking about how I can move this along.
Crush #4 is the foreman (not really his title, since he has enviro training and does more) on my current construction job. He.is.HOTT!!! He is a total luke. In other words, he's scruffy with a permanent 5 o'clock shadow, a nice peppering of grey, piercing blue eyes, strong jaw, and tall and solid. Hubba hubba. I found out from colleagues who work with him more that he's single and looking. I think I have my whole team trying to hook me up with him.
So I need advice? How do you advance something past the crush stage? Obviously I fail at this,since I've harbored some crushes for years.
I've never been much into astrology other than the occasional peek in the birthday books to see if my personality really does match up with the traits listed. But with twitter it's really easy to get your daily horoscope. But I wanted something a little edgier, so I went for the daily Sexoscopes, and a recent one caught my eye:
"Pisces females need a man –a real man who protects and leads."
If there were ever a quote to sum up what I want in a man, it would be this one.
It's very frustrating to be a dominant female and yet to need a man who is just as, if not more dominant. I'm just not getting that when I'm dating, and it's depressing. If I'm going to be a follower, I have to have a trustworthy leader or at least a partner I can work with. I feel like men have let me down, by not stepping up to women and telling us what they want.
I've always said that I want a man with some backbone, chutzpah, BALLS…anything, besides the milquetoast that I've been presented with. I'm welcome to advice on how to get such a man, because at this point I am fed up and ready to declare myself off the market for a while.
Monday, October 25, 2010
"Try it! It's a great way to meet people!"
"A ton of people meet their perfect matches on there."
"What is there to lose?"
I think about online dating every so often. In fact, I've thought about it enough that I'm actually on a site or two, but I'm not sure it's for me. I went through a few weeks where I made sure to look at profiles and *wink* and rate people who interested me, but my participation would always end when someone wrote me. I got a really nice message from a guy who thought it was cute I described myself as a fun dork, but I never wrote back. I meant to, but I didn't know what to say and I kept thinking about it getting to the next step and I would either imagine a terrible phone call or a terrible meeting. And it's not like I don't have social skills. I have good social skills! In fact, the other night I realized I am often in the entertainment position in a group of people. I'm pretty good at keeping awkward moments at bay and keeping conversations going. I'm not sure why I can't see myself on a date with one of these guys, but whatever it is, it's keeping me from really doing this whole online dating thing.
What's the new percentage of couples who meet online? 75% Seems high to me. I think it would be different if I was sitting around my apartment and wondering why I wasn't meeting anyone. You know, if I worked 80 hours a week and didn't interact with anyone new all week. But that's not me...I am out all the freaking time. In fact, when I think about having to set up dates with people I meet online, I think, "But then I won't be able to hang out with my friends so much!" Who is to say the perfect guy isn't out at the same bar I frequent with my girls? Maybe he's not online. I have absolutely nothing against this whole online dating thing, but I think I'm going to go about finding love my own way for now.
Friday, October 22, 2010
But it did make me realize that I finally, truly, have a type.
Tall. Like, ridiculously taller than my 5'7" self.
Dark haired. Or no-haired. Or short-haired.
Likes PDA (as in hand holding, arms around each other, leg touches while sitting).
Funny. Sarcastic. Not cocky.
Luckily, being surrounded by military men, this "type," at least physically, is pretty easy to come by, but for my next encounter with the opposite sex, I'm feeling a bit more International. My Grandma told me my next love interest will be a German, so stay tuned...
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
NotSamantha was dating NotAFreak and battling her trust issues.
A year later, I'm over trying to control my trust issues and deciding to live in the moment. It's not love, it's not hate, its ambivalence.
And for me, the ambivalent heart is no heart at all. While I feel like I should be moving forward with my life, starting relationships that will lead to some sort of lifelong commitment, I just don't see it happening with NotAFreak.
Am I settling? Nope.
What I am, is tired of looking. Tell you what, how about he finds me. Give me a bit of that romance I'm always reading about. Until then, ambivalence is where I stand.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Two years ago today was the last you all heard from me. My last post was about men I barely even remember, but the vow I made was something I definitely upheld. July 2009 I entered into a relationship with who I thought I would inevitably marry. NotKeef. We had worked together for several years and I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few posts about him in the depths of the NSATC blog. We seemed to fit; we got along with each others' friends, we practically lived at each others' apartments; we liked the same food; drinking; TV shows. Yet when I accepted a job in Germany, a small rift started to grow between us. I moved in December of 2009, with his promises to find a job immediately and follow me out there. He even came to visit me for New Years. I showed him where I grew up and we celebrated midnight making out under a fireworks-filled sky lighting up the town's distant castle. It was very romantic, although I clearly remember the crowds freaking him out and him freezing whenever someone tried to speak the language to him. The crack grew deeper and I became more distant. Our weekend Skype sessions turned into staring contests. My epic emails would receive 4 sentence replies. My need for the constant communication that we shared while living in the same area was reciprocated over an ocean with half-hearted attempts at Twitter Direct Messages and the occasional love package.
The final straw came in April, when I found out from another coworker that he had accepted another job in his organization. I flipped out and we stopped talking for a week, before I emailed him a breakup letter. He didn't fight for us, simply said "Sorry it didn't work out. I tried to find a job, but I couldn't give this one up."
A few other things led me to this decision, but that event kind of put everything in perspective. In hindsight, I do realize I put him in a difficult position, expecting him to give up everything and move to a foreign country, but if the tables were turned, I would have done it in a heartbeat.
I want an "all or nothing" relationship. Someone that I would do anything for, someone who would do anything for me. Someone who can make a long distance relationship work.
Which, I know, is a hard feat to accomplish. Case in point, I just got back from a wonderful work trip in Austin. While there, I hung out with NotMiranda's brother, NotAlamo. I had met him a few times before and thought he was cute, but timing was never on our side. In fact, last time I saw him, he was helping my parents move and told NotMiranda that if things didn't work out between me and NotKeef, that he would date me.
We hung out a lot, with each time being more fantastic than the next. He and I have so much in common and we just feel comfortable together. He makes me feel safe, and attractive, and funny. We were at a bar and met some random people. I got up to use the bathroom and when I got back he was telling them all about me, saying "you're just so damn interesting." We actually talked about how much it sucked that we lived so far away from each other and how much long distance sucked. But it didn't stop us from saying we like each other, or holding hands, or kissing.
He is pretty much my perfect guy, but we can't be together because I'm a proven example of why long distance relationships don't work out. On our final night, we kept reminding each other not to think about it and made no promises other than the fact he's going to come visit me in September. I think it was the right way to end things, but since then all I can think about is why couldn't it work out? Silly me and my optimistic masochism (or is it sadism?) of trying to re-create the last relationship I had. Maybe we're meant to let things simmer and see what happens in September? Maybe we're not meant to be together? Everything is supposed to happen for a reason, right? Then how come I'm not at peace with this inconvenient reasoning?
Friday, October 08, 2010
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
Monday, October 04, 2010
The media is constantly bombarding us with news stories of rapists and sexual predators, and more often than not the images shown are those of Latino or African American men. Statistically speaking, the majority of rapists in prison are not Caucasian with some 75% being African American. Common sense and a bit more research causes me to question these assumptions. Are the majority of rapists not Caucasian, or is it simply the number of rapists prosecuted and sentenced under our current justice system non-white races? Do white rapists tend to get away with it more?
I mention this because I believe that, despite our best intentions, these subtle messages seep into our subconscious and pepper our reactions to the outside world. When I found myself being ogled like the main course at a buffet, my hackles went up, and my fuck you face went on. Was this a reaction to being offended, or was it social conditioning that led me to leap several scenarios ahead and convict people on the spot?
Something to debate and ponder.