Bubble World

I am taking a class where my teacher often tells us to enter her "Bubble World", where things go how she needs them to and what we're learning can be easily applied. It's easy for me to go to Bubble World since I am pretty sure it is next door to Daydream World, where I spend much of my time.

Bubble World is where things go just how they should, no one is tired, no one is in a bad mood, and things go according to plan. Since I know Bubble World would get boring if a constant thing, I would instead like to have a button to push where, when things get kind of crappy, I can leave reality and be in Bubble World.

Scenario 1:

My boyfriend and I get in a fight where unkind words are said.

*BUBBLE WORLD BUTTON PUSHED*

Boyfriend shows up holding boombox above head playing a song he knows will mean something. (and no, not "In Your Eyes".)

Scenario 2:

I go out while on vacation and meet the guy of my dreams, but realize I am leaving the next day.

*BUBBLE WORLD BUTTON PUSHED*

Amazing guy tells me he just got transfered to DC and needs someone to show him the city.

Scenario 3:

Am having wonderful evening with guy and realize I have to get up early the next day.

*BUBBLE WORLD BUTTON PUSHED*

Time stops. Also, there are stars. And it's chilly. Bubble World is awesome.

Are You Dating?

I have had no fewer than three people ask me in the past few days if I am dating NotGraceful. What, a guy and girl can't just be friends these days? I guess not since our amount of time spent together has increased and we've even been seen out together on the town. So scandalous!

But the thing is, if we were dating, would I answer in the affirmative to the inquisitors? Is it any of their business? Say we were dating. It would be really new right now, right? I don't think I would want everyone all up in our business. I don't want to start the gossip trains a goin'. (And believe me, they are out there. Just waiting for news.) Yeah, I'd be excited and happy, but renting out a billboard to declare the news is so not something I would do.

And that's the other thing. I loathe putting labels on things like this. I vomited every single time in high school when two people would be described as "talking." What does that even mean? It is ridiculous. And so what is the next step, dating? But at what point do two people become boyfriend/girlfriend? After how many dates are two people exclusive? It all just becomes increasingly confusing and obnoxious, yet it's annoyingly necessary. At a certain point, and especially if el sexo is involved, I want to know where we stand, but I seriously dread the "What are we?" conversation.

Getting schooled

Thanks for all of your comments on the NotTutorboy situation. I have to tell you how shocked I am that this seems a fairly common occurrence. I guess I'm just glad it took 31 years to happen to me. ; )

It turns out NotTutorboy isn't dead. Go figure. On Thursday afternoon I get an email that goes something like this:

NotMiranda,

I just wanted to see how you're doing. I know I've been MIA for a week. How are things?

NotTuturboy

Really? My first thought was you've got to be fucking kidding me. Later that evening guess who shows up at the bookstore to tutor looking waaaaay too good. I proceeded to ignore him as best as possible and made sure to be unavailable* when his tutoring session ended. Friday morning I got to work and crafted my response.

NotTutorboy,

I'm good.

I'm a pretty laidback, chill** girl, but what you did (the lack of email or voicemail response when we had plans) was a pretty shitty thing to do. You pursued me, so what happened? Girlfriend? Something changed? You tell me.

NotMiranda

It's been almost a week since I sent that email and no response. He showed up for tutoring again last night and gave me the smile/wave. Again, I ask what the fuck. I waved back thinking 'screw you' in my head. It pisses me off that he looks so good when he comes in and that all that good chemistry is going to waste. Honestly, though, what gets me the most is that I didn't see it coming. I'm usually known for being able to read people. To be proven so wrong kind of knocks the wind out of a girl's sails.


*I was also extremely tipsy thanks to a between job happy hour that resulted from a stressful work day and that email.
**And I was in this case. I was making no promises and asking for no commitments. I was Ms. Go-with-the-Flow.

what the fuck

Because really the title couldn't sum up this entire series of events better. NotTutorBoy is gone. He has completely disappeared from the face of the earth. You'll remember last Wednesday's chemistry experiment that had me risking extreme exhibitionism and him uttering "you're so fucking sexy." Things were good. I got out of his car with him talking about how he couldn't wait to see me on Saturday. Saturday was the promise of mad, hot sex. You'll also remember that he pursued me for almost two months before finally asking me out, and then we had to wait another three weeks for our schedules to mesh.

Why go to all of this trouble, giving absolutely no negative signs only to disappear like Houdini? Even if he was only in it for the sex*, he was pretty much guaranteed sex on Saturday, so why bail before the big payoff?

I email him on Friday to tell him about my plans for Saturday and tell him he needs to let me know when he wants to meet up. No response on Friday, but I'm not too worried. I figure we're all busy at work, right? Saturday rolls around, and I continued on with my plans for the day assuming he would call at some point. Nothing. Absofuckinglutely nothing. By Saturday evening I was at the bar with the girls and some other guys and definitely disappointed**. I leave a voicemail on Sunday evening to find out what has changed. No response. Nothing on Monday. Tuesday is tutoring day, and he doesn't show. Nothing. He has vanished, and I can't figure out why.

Ah well...not enough time to form a serious attachment. We've decided he must have died. Sucks for him.


*And for someone only in it for nookie, he sure worked really hard to get it and is definitely someone who could be getting it plenty of other places.

**We won't even get into the sexual frustration.

Drive fast, speed turns me on

Last night was date #2* with the new guy. NotTutorBoy** met me at the bookstore around 7, and I'll be damned if he didn't look good. We took off for the local pool hall where I promptly lost two games in a row. Sadly, despite my best efforts, my mind was so not on the pool game. The chemistry we share is pretty fucking undeniable. I'm not sure if it's meant to cloud the mind, and I really don't care. I can just say that 30 minutes into the date and my goal of keeping this date on the tame side had evaporated. All day had been spent overthinking and battling my internal demons, and in just few short minutes, I had clarity. Go with the flow and have fun won out over obsessive and have fun is exactly what I did.

There is a very bold, forward side to my personality, and she kind of took over last night. I get high tempting fate, living on the edge***. I must have been high on whatever that chemical is that fuels our sex drive because I bloody tap danced all over that edge last night. Road head barreling down I-66 as I accidentally kept slipping the car into neutral...pressed up against the car with the wind adding to the atmosphere...parked between school buses and witnessing what has to be the fastest leap from the back seat to the front seat all the while starting the car to avoid security...windows completely fogged over.

All of that and I still didn't have sex with him. He says I'm torturous. We're hanging out Saturday, and I think it's time to end the stand off ; )


*Yes, I'm calling it a date despite what you heathens might think!

**I figure he deserves a name. Thanks, NotCarrie. : )

***Hello...this is the girl who wants to live in Africa. Haha.

And the world's biggest cock tease award goes to...

So tonight’s date has been cancelled. He called last night when I got off because there was an emergency that popped up at work with a new project, and he is being flown to Maine this morning for meetings all weekend. Bust. He explains how disappointed he is. He then asks if I want to come over right now…share a drink. It was 1:00 am. I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking the same thing. Was this just a hook up? Was I sending the wrong message by going over there in the middle of the night? Screw it. I like this guy and was into the idea of some action. I took a deep breath and wrote down directions to his house.

(below is the series of emails I sent NotCarrie...much easier than trying to tell you the story any different way.)

I got there and refused to go inside until he told me he wasn't crazy. It was nice because we actually talked, and he didn't jump me right away. Also nice because we share similar viewpoints on life and interests. The second drink and he sits closer (I sat down first this time). All of a sudden, wham, he kisses me and we're making out on the couch. I become very aware that he has an erection and tell him I don't want to get him going too much...

...he's a good kisser and figured out pretty quickly I liked to be kissed on my neck. Anyway, he moves back into his personal space, and we talk some more. Pretty much the rest of the night is this push-pull thing of making out and me keeping him at bay from taking it further. We were in the kitchen and (blush) he pretty much puts me on the counter. I couldn't let that go on for long because it was too hott and would have went south fast....

When we're headed back to the couch after the kitchen he comes up behind me and pulls my hair a little. Also kind of hott. Am going to skip what he did next but, again, he was held at bay (too bad because it was really nice). I told him I needed to leave by 3, and he kept saying I needed to stay. I told him we weren't doing this tonight. Said what would he think of me. Seriously, I like this guy and didn’t want to be the easy lay. Maybe I am old-fashioned ; ) He gets all excited because he says he has the perfect song. He goes running off to his car to grab it, only to come back empty handed. He tells me it's this Andre 3000 song about the girl worrying what the guy would think and the guy thinking she just knew what she wanted, blah, blah. Anyway, his ploy to get me to stay.

He says I have to at least come up and see his quarters. I knew this was a bad idea but went anyway. What the hell. I like house tours. Anyway, he pushes me up against the wall and eventually the bed for more kissing. Only problem is that on the bed I can definitely feel a certain something wanting make a grand entrance. He was more persistent, and I'll admit harder to resist. Part of me was about to go for it. However, I didn't. I pushed him off and got up. Told him I had to leave and that it was hotter to leave him wanting. Hahahaha. I told him I wanted him to be hard all day today because he didn't get any. Yes, I'm a bitch. Poor guy could barely make it down the stairs. A few more requests to stay, and I made it out the door and home. We'll see if he calls ; )

Things That Make Me Swoon

Things That Make Me Swoon:

+Playing the guitar.
+Dancing in the car.
+Eye contact that means something. It either makes me laugh, makes me feel better, or puts me at ease.
+Overhearing a phone call home.
+Threatening to tickle me, but NOT DOING IT. If I can trust you not to tickle me, we're golden.
+Ordering first.
+Holding my hand.
+Writing good emails. And often.
+Smiling when you see me even if you're in a bad mood.
+And then letting me help you get out of the bad mood.
+Making me mix CDs that fit my mood perfectly.


To be cont....