tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-111604612024-03-19T04:06:27.108-04:00No Sex & the CityNotMirandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04452421410110231291noreply@blogger.comBlogger732125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-72281892769817918222011-01-27T23:12:00.001-05:002011-01-27T23:12:20.222-05:00Shake a Tailfeather<span xmlns=''><p>I'm an internet junky and one the things I read a lot of are blogs about hair. <br /></p><p>Of which this is not one. However, occasionally the blogs will pos something that is not hair related at all. Like <a href='http://charcoal-ink.com/2011/01/22/do-you-have-the-courage-to-send-a-man-a-drink-at-a-bar/'>this</a>: sending a man a drink at a bar.<br /></p><p>When I think about all of the bold things I've done to get a man's attention and keep it, the idea of paying for a drink and sending it his way doesn't come to mind, but why not? I'm bold, I look hot, I make eye contact, I put tick marks in all the boxes of the things that a bold woman would do, except this. <br /></p><p>Sad to say I've not had a drink purchased for me in a while, in part because the crush of bodies at the bars I do happen to frequent doesn't lend itself to that and in part because I haven't been to a bar in a while. <br /></p><p>I think that needs to change. Maybe I need to find better bars to go to, but to do that I would have to be willing to go to ANY bar. In the current state of dating, I think it's important to stand out from the crowd. Even looking different is no longer enough. <br /></p><p>In a sea of birds of all different colored feathers the one that stands out is the one who steps in front of the crowd. I challenge my readers to be bold in their dating, to push beyond that status quo of boldness. Find ever more things that set you apart and don't be afraid to call the bartender over and send that guy you're eyefucking a refill on his Side Car or microbrew.<br /></p><p><span style='font-family:the King & Queen font; font-size:28pt'>NotSamantha<br /></span></p></span>NotSamanthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04730438588342222080noreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-69604714296047152762011-01-27T22:56:00.003-05:002011-01-27T23:15:44.616-05:00Take A HintWhat I wanted to say was, "Actually, you can't take a hint!"<div><br /></div><div><b>Let's back up:</b></div><div><br /></div><div><i>Three Days Ago...</i></div><div><br /></div><div>NotMiranda and I went to one of our favorite bars that happens to be about 40 minutes away. We always have high hopes of flirting with cute guys with accents while there, but have fun even when that doesn't happen. Well, this time it happened. Oh boy did it happen. </div><div><br /></div><div>We had been there for a bit and were maybe three drinks in when NotMiranda teased a man standing nearby for drinking a sissy drink. That led to about an hour or so of fun conversation that you'd expect at a bar where three adults are drinking. Except for our round of "Ask questions!" we partook in, I said or did nothing that led this man on. He asked for my phone number and as we exchanged those, I said I would let him know the next time we were out that way (Ya know, in a friendly way). There was no hug goodbye...no touching at all. No promise to go out with him.</div><div><br /></div><div>The next morning he called me. And early. </div><div><br /></div><div>That afternoon he texted me. So I wrote back and also said it was nice meeting and I would let him know the next time we went back to the bar. </div><div><br /></div><div>And he wrote back asking me out. Or more, "Let me know if you'd like to go out." To which I replied, "I will...talk to you later."</div><div><br /></div><div>Then a day or two later I get another text inviting me to the bar and I say I can't get out that way on work days. At this point I am trying to be nice, but not lead him on like I am going to go out with him later. </div><div><br /></div><div>Then he asks me out for a specific date and time. Oy.</div><div><br /></div><div>I don't like turning people down. It's really difficult for me, but at this point I had to. I can't have this bar be off limits because I am avoiding some guy. So I replied and made a joke (because that's very "me") and said no thank you, but I would let him know when we're back out that way. </div><div><br /></div><div>Annndddd he replied saying, "Don't worry, I can take a hint."</div><div><br /></div><div>Really? Can you? </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Why is this so difficult? I feel like I was unjustly put in the position of having to be blunt. If I had been drunk and touchy at the bar then yes, I would understand the persistence, but I wasn't! I've learned the hard way not to lead guys on in a bar because it might end with you having to get the eff out of the situation, but I did not lead this guy on. I guess I'm annoyed that I was put in the position of having to step outside my comfort zone and deal with this.</div><div><br /></div><div>~NotCarrie</div><div><br /></div>NotCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08141505246848580782noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-70398250014200649572011-01-19T22:05:00.002-05:002011-01-19T22:11:51.063-05:00Mr. No NameI have a good story to tell you, but before I do that, I have to tell you about this guy I met. Er, sorta met. Okay, I have no idea what his name is, but I totally have a crush on him.<div><br /></div><div>He was buying a CD by a band I totally love. I immediately imagined us listening to it as we dozed on the couch. And then he inquired about the soundtrack to Blue Valentine and I couldn't stop myself and told him that I am so excited to see that movie. He agreed and asked if it's playing around here yet. I said that it's only in the city and he made the same face I did about that. Then we talked about the controversial NC17 rating that was knocked down to R. </div><div><br /></div><div>I made my friend follow to see if he was alone and he was. I wish I had known that while I was talking to him. I have had some awkward moments flirting with guys who have girlfriends. I would like to avoid the scary girlfriends. </div><div><br /></div><div>I hope I see him again. He was tall, with dark hair. Our babies are going to be so cute. </div>NotCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08141505246848580782noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-61071012379485248232011-01-16T20:37:00.002-05:002011-01-16T20:48:31.382-05:00I Will Begin AgainI rang in the New Year standing on the side of a bridge built in the 1600s.<br />I watched fireworks light up the night sky, all set off by amateurs.<br />I was surrounded by people I recognized from my many jaunts down the cobble stoned main street of the town I live in.<br />I kissed 6 different guys between 0000 and 0030. Three were American. Two were German. One was Greek.<br />I drank 4 car bombs and a lot of Hefeweisen.<br />I paraded down the street with group of unnamed people at 0300 that didn't want to go to bed so soon.<br />I spent the wee morning hours of January 1, 2011, getting laid by a scruffy Scotsman in a hotel, whose windows overlooked the very same old bridge I was near at midnight.<br />I still can't remember his name.<br /><br />The first few hours of 2011 set off a new path in the direction of NotCharlotte's world. This year has a lot of potential.NotCharlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16815465212639634657noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-83707702599152234612011-01-12T22:34:00.004-05:002011-01-12T22:45:11.066-05:00Group Of UnmarriedsEvery once and awhile my single friends and I will wonder, "Why are so many of us single in our group?" And it's true. Save for a few, the majority of us are unmarried and really, there aren't many of us even dating anyone. <div><br /></div><div>So why is that? What makes us different and why do we seem to have found each other in friendship?</div><div><br /></div><div>I was thinking about this the other day and went about it scientifically. Okay, more like observationally, but I want this to sound researched and sound. </div><div><br /></div><div>First I compare myself and my friends to other groups that do have mostly hitched members and thought that maybe other groups are more attractive than we are. Well, no...that's not it. For one, what is attractive differs for each person. Also, none of us are ugly nor do we smell or make weird faces. So looks can't be it. </div><div><br /></div><div>Is it because we don't date a lot? I will readily admit that I am not a dater and most of my friends are not either. But then I thought about a few of my friends who are always dating and trying out new guys and they're not married either so that can't be it. The number of boyfriends one has had seems to make no difference as to the likelihood of being hitched now. </div><div><br /></div><div>Is it because we never go out and are hermits in our houses and apartments? Oh wait, that's not true. We all go out a lot. We all have hobbies and social lives that put us out there quite often. </div><div><br /></div><div>So WHAT is it that makes a person or a group of people less likely to be married by the time they're 25-35? And why do we all seem to be friends with each other?</div><div><br /></div><div>NotCarrie</div>NotCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08141505246848580782noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-23377228775981630582010-12-06T23:01:00.003-05:002010-12-06T23:05:48.361-05:00Snuggle BuddiesI know NotMiranda has remarked on this before (maybe on Twitter?), but when the temperatures drop, it just seems so much more romantic to snuggle up with someone else. This past summer was particularly brutal and I for one was not usually in the mood to get up close and personal with anyone unless I was hiding out in the AC. <div><br /></div><div>But now is the time of cozy sweaters and beautiful Christmas trees. Of fireplaces in use and kitchens that smells of baking cookies. This is the time for falling in love. Don't walk around too bundled up. Be sure to make eye contact and smile at the people you see. You never know when love will happen and you don't want to be hiding in your scarf, right?</div><div><br /></div><div>Love and Kisses,</div><div>NotCarrie</div>NotCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08141505246848580782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-10521701445121783202010-12-04T11:04:00.000-05:002010-12-04T11:05:00.542-05:00Unflushable<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Calibri, sans-serif;">I have an unflushable.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Calibri, sans-serif;">Don't know what an unflushable is? Well get thee to the first episode of the British sitcom “Coupling.” Basically, an unflushable is a relationship where you try to get out of it, but the other person refuses to be broken up with. With NotAFreak, I have tried three times to break up with him. I've sort of succeeded once, but I went to give back his things and in the process ended up back together with him. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family:Calibri, sans-serif;">No one is more confused than I about this.</span></p>NotSamanthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04730438588342222080noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-50670246294029435922010-11-15T15:43:00.003-05:002010-11-15T15:56:48.141-05:00Hardly Worth ItSo this weekend I hung out with an old friend from high school. I thought it was just going to be the two of us, with a couple of my guy friends thrown in for good measure, reminiscing over the good times over some good German schnitzel and beer. <br />Boy, was I sadly mistaken.<br />A few weeks ago I had an unfortunate hookup with a guy that was also friends with this girl from high school. Only, these two had dated. Not only dated, but were together while deployed. Not only this, but she "cheated" on him with her ex boyfriend, a guy that I had set her up with a long time ago, via email/skype/im/whatever, broke up with her battle buddy, and proceeded to marry the guy I set her up with.<br />This should have ended things, right? As in, she broke his heart, he never wants to talk to her again, right?<br />This guy is now stationed where I am and when my friend said she was visiting, I asked her about inviting him. She said her husband didn't want her talking to him, so I said "hey, no problem, I won't invite him to our plans."<br /><br />Cut to last Friday. I was at the train station at 6pm, when she said she'd be there. I get a text from this guys' phone saying "I'm going to be late." First thought was "creepy, I didn't invite him anywhere." Then it hit me. He was with her. I finally reach her via his cell phone and she said they haven't even left yet. She is stationed about an hour from me, meaning she would miss the dinner reservations I had planned, as well as a good portion of drinking we were about to do. Not only that, but she was somehow with this guy, even though her husband didn't want them together.<br />Something felt fishy to me. I told them I'd just meet them at our old high school bar and went on with my plans with the guys.<br />When we finally met up, it was obvious to me that something was up. He wouldn't leave her side, he wouldn't let her pay for anything, he kept "moonily" staring at her. This dude was totally still in love with her and she didn't have the balls to tell him to back off.<br />This annoyed me to no end. Not because I had feelings for him. Quite the opposite. I consider him my first "one night stand," even though we didn't have sex, and I quite honestly didn't want to see him again.<br />This behavior lasted all night long. We ended up all crashing at my house, staying up until 6am. When we finally woke up around noon, I came downstairs to find the two of them sitting together on the couch, with him rubbing her feet like she was some Arabian princess. I'm sure her husband would have loved that.<br />I ended up making an excuse to not hang out with her for the rest of the weekend. I didn't want to be subjected to the obvious flirting going on between a married woman and her ex boyfriend. I didn't quite know how to react to the first night, so I'm sure after a few more hours of this stuff, I would have blown a gasket. <br />I truly hope nothing happened between them. The guy she is married to is one of the most awesome guys I know. I just don't understand how some people can be so clueless.<br />Sorry this post is a random mess, I'm still pretty upset about the whole thing and trying to wrap my head around it just makes me feel sicker than i already am.NotCharlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16815465212639634657noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-26534225725059771022010-11-05T22:29:00.002-04:002010-11-05T22:31:46.150-04:00ReflectCan a person know they're in a torrid love affair while it's happening? Or is that the type of thing you know only after the fact?NotCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08141505246848580782noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-37924726338431374572010-11-02T10:21:00.003-04:002010-11-02T10:31:09.272-04:00StyleEveryone has their own style of flirting, right? Do you ever compare and contrast your style to someone else's? I do! I was out recently with a friend and an attractive and charming guy was nearby. It was so interesting to notice how we both interacted with him.<br /><br />I am more of the type to just be engaging and friendly. I don't want to act too differently than my normal day to day self. I would never use a *line*: "Wooowwww, do you workout???" That would never escape from my mouth. I like to flirt more with my smile and my eyes. If it gets to that point, touching his arm is the best.<br /><br />I have noticed other styles that include being very forward, being the damsel in distress, and being coy, to name a few.<br /><br />"I'm here because I wanted to see YOU." Kinda forward. It's nice and complimentary, but how does the guy reply? "Er, thanks." It can go poorly quite easily! I think some guys would eat that up, but it's essential to guage his reaction and change tactics if he seems confused by it. I've also had friends who straight up talk about sex immediately. I find that to be weird. Don't be a tease...or a slut.<br /><br />"Oh why would you talk to little old me?" "I'm so drunk! *hiccup*!" UGH damsel in distress. The worst kind of flirter. I hate it when girls totally change their personalities around a guy. I think it's to be expected to act a little differently around someone you have a crush on or find attractive, but I am not in distress so why would I want some stranger to save me? This is not a romanctic comedy. This is life and tomorrow I'm still going to have to pump my own gas and carry my own groceries in.<br /><br />Being coy. Hmmm....a sly side smile, brushing a hand on a leg, using lots of euphemisms. I think this is a classic case of a shy girl with a wild inside. I can actually see myself possibly being coy at times, but I had enough experiences in my early 20s when I was being coy and the guy thought I was being forward and it got to the point of, "Um, no. I will not be going home with you." I definitely learned that it's better to be straight forward. A euphemism is great if it's done for a laugh, but otherwise, don't make things confusing.<br /><br />What's your flirting style??NotCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08141505246848580782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-82729430550651450142010-10-31T23:59:00.000-04:002010-10-31T23:59:27.621-04:00Upping the ante<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuzZFzGjbimyrROY7G45dpouheDmfGsICoX3COszvS-aRzUoWkf7gp390EWMk93O0Br3XDpg5MURRe5w9bCrDMR9UADsOsqIeW-4i33nrzDDw2SclSBBkaUe-RyzW0vKVJ8xGo/s1600/Picture1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; height: 334px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; width: 460px;"><span style="background-color: #999999;"><img border="0" height="276" nx="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuzZFzGjbimyrROY7G45dpouheDmfGsICoX3COszvS-aRzUoWkf7gp390EWMk93O0Br3XDpg5MURRe5w9bCrDMR9UADsOsqIeW-4i33nrzDDw2SclSBBkaUe-RyzW0vKVJ8xGo/s400/Picture1.png" width="400" /></span></a></div><br />
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<div align="left">As soon as the weather started getting cooler, I noticed my attention to guys pick back up. I know this sounds weird, but when I'm out and about when it's hot, I'm usually not focused on catching the eye of the attractive guy on the train. I tend to be more concerned with getting to work while still looking moderately put together and not sweating. Maybe this means I should move to an even cooler climate. </div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">Anyway, I digress. I was riding the train to work one morning, and the cooler temps had me chipper and friendly. I found myself smiling at several men when it hit me. I have pretty diverse taste in guys. The guys (just examples, most are actually married to bloggers I adore) above tend to look a bit the same when placed side by side, but when placed into categories, I definitely think I get around (crush-wise).</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">I'm totally developing into crush whore this fall, and I am bound and determined one of these will work out ;-)</div><br />
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First, there's my standard love crush...NotJason (is that what we're calling him? I forget). This one is like your favorite warm blanket, around for the long haul and not going anywhere. I found an old picture the other day and found myself laughing out loud and saying "I love that boy". <br />
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Crush #2 is older tech guy crush. This is the IT guy at our office. He's newish, Irish, reddish blonde, and I've been flirting my ass off since I noticed the lack of a ring. I think he may be 3-4 years older than me? Anyway, he gives good convo and is easy to talk to. Plus, computer boys are good to have around.<br />
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Crush #3 is graffiti/artist boy. Man, he is good looking. He's 32, and a full-time artist. He has *the* best smile and laugh and is sort of shy. I am very quickly falling for this ringless wonder and thinking about how I can move this along.<br />
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Crush #4 is the foreman (not really his title, since he has enviro training and does more) on my current construction job. He.is.HOTT!!! He is a total luke. In other words, he's scruffy with a permanent 5 o'clock shadow, a nice peppering of grey, piercing blue eyes, strong jaw, and tall and solid. Hubba hubba. I found out from colleagues who work with him more that he's single and looking. I think I have my whole team trying to hook me up with him. <br />
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So I need advice? How do <strong>you</strong> advance something past the crush stage? Obviously I fail at this,since I've harbored some crushes for years.<br />
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NotMirandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04452421410110231291noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-62112185852423763032010-10-31T18:32:00.001-04:002010-10-31T18:32:44.482-04:00The Piscean woman in me<span xmlns=''><p>I've never been much into astrology other than the occasional peek in the birthday books to see if my personality really does match up with the traits listed. But with twitter it's really easy to get your daily horoscope. But I wanted something a little edgier, so I went for the daily Sexoscopes, and a recent one caught my eye:<br /></p><p> "Pisces females need a man –a real man who protects and leads."<br /></p><p>If there were ever a quote to sum up what I want in a man, it would be this one. <br /></p><p>It's very frustrating to be a dominant female and yet to need a man who is just as, if not more dominant. I'm just not getting that when I'm dating, and it's depressing. If I'm going to be a follower, I have to have a trustworthy leader or at least a partner I can work with. I feel like men have let me down, by not stepping up to women and telling us what they want. <br /></p><p>I've always said that I want a man with some backbone, chutzpah, BALLS…anything, besides the milquetoast that I've been presented with. I'm welcome to advice on how to get such a man, because at this point I am fed up and ready to declare myself off the market for a while.</p></span>NotSamanthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04730438588342222080noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-58060056888558691652010-10-25T22:36:00.003-04:002010-10-25T22:46:15.622-04:00Digital GetdownPeople keep telling me to try online dating.<br /><br /><em>"Try it! It's a great way to meet people!"</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>"A ton of people meet their perfect matches on there."</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>"What is there to lose?"</em><br /><br />I think about online dating every so often. In fact, I've thought about it enough that I'm actually on a site or two, but I'm not sure it's for me. I went through a few weeks where I made sure to look at profiles and *wink* and rate people who interested me, but my participation would always end when someone wrote me. I got a really nice message from a guy who thought it was cute I described myself as a fun dork, but I never wrote back. I meant to, but I didn't know what to say and I kept thinking about it getting to the next step and I would either imagine a terrible phone call or a terrible meeting. And it's not like I don't have social skills. I have good social skills! In fact, the other night I realized I am often in the entertainment position in a group of people. I'm pretty good at keeping awkward moments at bay and keeping conversations going. I'm not sure why I can't see myself on a date with one of these guys, but whatever it is, it's keeping me from really doing this whole online dating thing.<br /><br />What's the new percentage of couples who meet online? 75% Seems high to me. I think it would be different if I was sitting around my apartment and wondering why I wasn't meeting anyone. You know, if I worked 80 hours a week and didn't interact with anyone new all week. But that's not me...I am out all the freaking time. In fact, when I think about having to set up dates with people I meet online, I think, "But then I won't be able to hang out with my friends so much!" Who is to say the perfect guy isn't out at the same bar I frequent with my girls? Maybe he's not online. I have absolutely nothing against this whole online dating thing, but I think I'm going to go about finding love my own way for now.<br /><br />~NotCarrieNotCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08141505246848580782noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-11528687297541810972010-10-22T15:01:00.002-04:002010-10-22T15:06:26.848-04:00Last WeekendIs a blemish in my record that I would rather not get into...<br /><br />But it did make me realize that I finally, truly, have a type.<br /><br />Tall. Like, ridiculously taller than my 5'7" self.<br />Dark haired. Or no-haired. Or short-haired.<br />Broad shouldered. <br />Likes PDA (as in hand holding, arms around each other, leg touches while sitting).<br />Funny. Sarcastic. Not cocky.<br /><br />Luckily, being surrounded by military men, this "type," at least physically, is pretty easy to come by, but for my next encounter with the opposite sex, I'm feeling a bit more International. My Grandma told me my next love interest will be a German, so stay tuned...NotCharlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16815465212639634657noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-37975530674326380142010-10-19T23:48:00.001-04:002010-10-19T23:53:43.701-04:00TweetHey guys,<br /><br />I need some motivation so follow me on twitter and give me the love I need:<br /><br /><a href="http://twitter.com/#!/notcarrieXOXO">FOLLOW ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</a>NotCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08141505246848580782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-49661231268597335892010-10-17T18:58:00.001-04:002010-10-17T18:58:38.120-04:00So When Last We Left You…<span xmlns=''><p>NotSamantha was dating NotAFreak and battling her trust issues.<br /></p><p>A year later, I'm over trying to control my trust issues and deciding to live in the moment. It's not love, it's not hate, its ambivalence.<br /></p><p>And for me, the ambivalent heart is no heart at all. While I feel like I should be moving forward with my life, starting relationships that will lead to some sort of lifelong commitment, I just don't see it happening with NotAFreak.<br /></p><p>Am I settling? Nope.<br /></p><p>What I am, is tired of looking. Tell you what, how about he finds me. Give me a bit of that romance I'm always reading about. Until then, ambivalence is where I stand.</p></span>NotSamanthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04730438588342222080noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-85587651664723714602010-10-11T17:09:00.002-04:002010-10-11T17:48:08.526-04:00Going the DistanceWell, hello again. I suppose it's time to give this blog another go, although I will say I do have some hesitancy in getting back on the wagon. We'll see how it goes!<br /><br />Two years ago today was the last you all heard from me. My last post was about men I barely even remember, but the vow I made was something I definitely upheld. July 2009 I entered into a relationship with who I thought I would inevitably marry. NotKeef. We had worked together for several years and I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few posts about him in the depths of the NSATC blog. We seemed to fit; we got along with each others' friends, we practically lived at each others' apartments; we liked the same food; drinking; TV shows. Yet when I accepted a job in Germany, a small rift started to grow between us. I moved in December of 2009, with his promises to find a job immediately and follow me out there. He even came to visit me for New Years. I showed him where I grew up and we celebrated midnight making out under a fireworks-filled sky lighting up the town's distant castle. It was very romantic, although I clearly remember the crowds freaking him out and him freezing whenever someone tried to speak the language to him. The crack grew deeper and I became more distant. Our weekend Skype sessions turned into staring contests. My epic emails would receive 4 sentence replies. My need for the constant communication that we shared while living in the same area was reciprocated over an ocean with half-hearted attempts at Twitter Direct Messages and the occasional love package. <br />The final straw came in April, when I found out from another coworker that he had accepted another job in his organization. I flipped out and we stopped talking for a week, before I emailed him a breakup letter. He didn't fight for us, simply said "Sorry it didn't work out. I tried to find a job, but I couldn't give this one up."<br />A few other things led me to this decision, but that event kind of put everything in perspective. In hindsight, I do realize I put him in a difficult position, expecting him to give up everything and move to a foreign country, but if the tables were turned, I would have done it in a heartbeat.<br />I want an "all or nothing" relationship. Someone that I would do anything for, someone who would do anything for me. Someone who can make a long distance relationship work.<br /><br />Which, I know, is a hard feat to accomplish. Case in point, I just got back from a wonderful work trip in Austin. While there, I hung out with NotMiranda's brother, NotAlamo. I had met him a few times before and thought he was cute, but timing was never on our side. In fact, last time I saw him, he was helping my parents move and told NotMiranda that if things didn't work out between me and NotKeef, that he would date me. <br />We hung out a lot, with each time being more fantastic than the next. He and I have so much in common and we just feel comfortable together. He makes me feel safe, and attractive, and funny. We were at a bar and met some random people. I got up to use the bathroom and when I got back he was telling them all about me, saying "you're just so damn interesting." We actually talked about how much it sucked that we lived so far away from each other and how much long distance sucked. But it didn't stop us from saying we like each other, or holding hands, or kissing.<br />He is pretty much my perfect guy, but we can't be together because I'm a proven example of why long distance relationships don't work out. On our final night, we kept reminding each other not to think about it and made no promises other than the fact he's going to come visit me in September. I think it was the right way to end things, but since then all I can think about is why couldn't it work out? Silly me and my optimistic masochism (or is it sadism?) of trying to re-create the last relationship I had. Maybe we're meant to let things simmer and see what happens in September? Maybe we're not meant to be together? Everything is supposed to happen for a reason, right? Then how come I'm not at peace with this inconvenient reasoning?NotCharlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16815465212639634657noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-44687262812344038562010-10-08T19:49:00.001-04:002010-10-08T19:52:11.526-04:00Backstory<div>Maybe I should back up.</div><div><br /></div><div>A long, long time ago there lived four fine maidens who were the closest of friends. On most weekends they could be found together pursuing life, love, happiness and most assuredly the opposite sex. These maidens chose to chronicle their adventures, doubts, love, lust and everything in between on this blog.</div><div><br /></div><div>As every good tale does, their story took a turn for the worse as once solid friendships began to crumble. The strife and not-so-subtle bickering bled into the blog, and the blog was no longer *fun*. So we stopped...mostly.</div><div><br /></div><div>Flash forward a good two years, and suddenly women are lusting after Don Draper, girls are still lining up in trampy heels for Sex and the City movies, and Betty White is suddenly hot again. As for us, we've lived and grown and dated and dumped and cried and laughed and...you get it. We are a little older and questionably wiser. We're still fast friends in various configurations, but with growth comes change. You won't find us all at the same place doing the same thing on the weekend, and perhaps that's more interesting.</div><div><br /></div><div>One thing I can say is that we've all missed this space a bit, our own world to pour a little bit of our hearts into. So...we're back (all of us) to give it another go. Buckle up and don't mind the turbulence.</div>NotMirandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04452421410110231291noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-64653180488258667312010-10-06T20:56:00.003-04:002010-10-06T21:02:08.669-04:00Phantom CrushI am desperate for a crush! I feel like everyone around me has someone to be excited about and I just can not, for the life of me, find anyone worthy of my thoughts and attention. The funny thing is, I kind of get excited about my friends' crushes. The other day I got just as excited as my friend that her crush gave her a hug as if it had been me and my one and only. It's a funny predicament to be in. I in no way have the same crushes as my friends, but I guess I approve of their choices because I "fully" support them.<br /><br />~NotCarrieNotCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08141505246848580782noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-1549189037863588262010-10-04T21:37:00.002-04:002010-10-04T22:01:20.095-04:00A little heavy for a re-release...I rounded the corner at my local thrift store yesterday and noticed a group of 3 or 4 Latino out of the corner of my eye. As I walked down the aisle I couldn't help but notice the blatant staring, less "hey, how are you" and more "I've been vegetarian for a year and could really use a steak". This bothered me for several reasons, but my biggest beef was that I found myself caught up in the perpetuation of yet another stereotype.<br /><br />The media is constantly bombarding us with news stories of rapists and sexual predators, and more often than not the images shown are those of Latino or African American men. Statistically speaking, the majority of rapists in prison are not Caucasian with some 75% being African American. Common sense and a bit more research causes me to question these assumptions. Are the majority of rapists not Caucasian, or is it simply the number of rapists prosecuted and sentenced under our current justice system non-white races? Do white rapists tend to get away with it more?<br /><br />I mention this because I believe that, despite our best intentions, these subtle messages seep into our subconscious and pepper our reactions to the outside world. When I found myself being ogled like the main course at a buffet, my hackles went up, and my fuck you face went on. Was this a reaction to being offended, or was it social conditioning that led me to leap several scenarios ahead and convict people on the spot?<br /><br />Something to debate and ponder.NotMirandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04452421410110231291noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-32399885818881511582009-10-03T17:37:00.003-04:002010-10-02T19:11:26.709-04:00I’m notSamantha and I’m not in Kansas, anymore…It's not often that I'm shaken and stirred when it comes to men. For the most part they're pretty simple: sex, food, companionship and the occasional sporting event/computer thing/political issue for fun. Well, NotAFreak is bucking my carefully crafted ideas, and I don't like it.<br /><span xmlns=""><p>Not one little bit, which would explain why I'm still so attracted, right?<br /></p><p>I know women want a man to <em>get them</em>, and I count myself among those women, but to get me so quickly is a little frightening. So is him managing to lay out my issues before I can give voice to them. Seriously, its enough to make me want to run for the hills…maybe.<br /></p><p>I've been taking the advice route with this relationship (okay, I didn't stutter, falter or gag…maybe just a bit). NotMiranda and NotASong have weighed in with advice because according to them, I walk away (true), I'm mean (also true) and I let the men I've dated live down to my expectations. So this time, I'm keeping a positive outlook (or as positive and outlook as one as jaded as me can keep), I'm being open to the good things that can happen between us and I'm finding enjoyment in the things we do. All the while trying to keep my head about me. I'm exhausted just typing it all out.<br /></p><p>I think it comes down to trust for me. I don't trust easily and letting someone inside that trust takes years. And the fact that NotAFreak keeps revealing truths about me that I haven't told him about, gives him sneaky pieces of my trust and I'm not happy about it. But maybe that's what has to happen. Because I fight my mind and my heart on just about everything, that the man who's going to have a hope of having any type of relationship with me is going to have to outsmart both to get a fair chance…and if they can untangle that Gordian knot, then maybe…just maybe.</p></span>NotSamanthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04730438588342222080noreply@blogger.com77tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-66147555597292571482009-09-17T00:41:00.002-04:002010-10-02T19:12:01.102-04:00Dickmatized…<span xmlns=""><p> At about four weeks in, I'm not sure what's going on, but I know it's a lot different from my past relationships. And I can actually call it that without gagging or breaking out into a rash, go figure. I've decided to enlist the help of several of my row dogs. NotASong, NotMiranda and NotCharlotte have all sounded in about what they think about the situation. Because things had smoothed out, become twisted and then smoothed out again. I've been advised to be willing to risk something to get something back, make sure that we take things slowly and to stop thinking NotFreak will live down to my expectations. All of which is welcome and hardy advice and I've been applying it as much as I can. <br /></p><p>And then there's the part that I'm usually in more control of but seem to be failing in that regard as well. The sex. In a word its fantastic, in two words its absolutely fabulous. And so I'm at risk of being dickmatized…<br /></p><p>*gives self mental slap*<br /></p><p>What is being dickmatized you ask…I point you to the Urban dictionary, which defines it as such: <br /></p><p style="margin-left: 72pt;"><span style=";font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:12pt;" >When a girl can not concentrate on anything else because she is distracted with the DICK of her latest piece of ass. Her work is jeopardized, she's a sell out to her girlfriends, she picks up his shit including his kids or whatever. She will do whatever it takes for the DICK. Even if the dick isn't all that great, she doesn't know the difference because she is dickmatized.<br /></span></p><p>Though I will point out that I have yet to pick up his kids…and have no intention of doing so. Because we all know about my rational fear of children. Nor will I be selling out on my girls, because as always hoes before bros. However, I do wonder what I'm willing to do for this dick…I'm going to have to think about that and get back to you…<br /></p><p>Now, here's the last bit. There's something there. Feelings and stuff. And fuck if I know what to do with it.<br /></p><p>*sigh*</p></span>NotSamanthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04730438588342222080noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-76887976496341154932009-09-07T23:41:00.001-04:002009-09-07T23:41:37.176-04:00In Which NotSamantha tames her inner Shrew?<span xmlns=''><p>So this week was filled with enlightenment on the relationship front.<br /></p><p>I had a late dinner/early breakfast with NotAFreak and I realized that my absolute need to control everything will never apply in this relationship.<br /></p><p>He's got my number and called me on it. <br /></p><p>I was under the impression that I could bend this relationship to my will and get what I wanted out of it and walk away, but now, I don't think that's going to be possible. <br /></p><p>So after being visited by a company of ironies in the form of a conversation and Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew." I'm going to do some of my own taming and decide if I'm woman enough to drop the control act and just enjoy the experience.<br /></p></span>NotSamanthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04730438588342222080noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-29191922822341036842009-09-01T23:14:00.002-04:002009-09-01T23:24:55.092-04:00The More things Change...Its been a while since I've done this, so hopefully I remember how. Like riding a bike and all of that.<br /><br />I've started dating again...or rather I've been on one pseudo-date and I'm not really sure if this is what counts as dating. Let me back up and give you some history.<br /><br />NotKoi emailed me a few weeks ago and asked if she could pass my email addy on to this guy she knew that she thought I would hit it off with. Since, I had just that previous weekend told NotASong that I was ready to hit the dating road again, I figured this was a great opportunity. I said yes. And soon thereafter, NotAFreak entered my world. <br /><br />He's suave, he's sexy...he's the father of several children (that alone made me almost want to forget I had agreed to talk to him at all) and he's charming.<br /><br />Our first date was unconventional. A party full of people who I didn't know, but he was more than familiar with. Add to that, him bringing his "row dog" for me to hang with and we've got ourselves an interesting puzzle with too many pieces and not enough holes.<br /><br />So now, I'm attempting to date him, and I'll keep you updated on the going's on, but its really in the beginning stages and we all know that I'm famous for getting fed up and going with the wind.NotSamanthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04730438588342222080noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11160461.post-91976370955534684462009-04-19T20:53:00.000-04:002009-04-19T20:55:20.584-04:00ShatterThose in glass houses should not throw stones.NotCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08141505246848580782noreply@blogger.com3