Sunday, April 30, 2006

The Right Amount

I think I had my perfect number of drinks Saturday night. Enough so I had a little buzz going but not so many that I started telling secrets and coming onto my guy friends. I even avoided the dreaded drunk depression that I absolutely loathe yet tend to get when I have a fast drunk that wears off even faster. You know the kind: woe is me, I'm all alone, noone loves me. But I did SO well Saturday! And I had fun...

I met up with NotRebecca who was in town and we started off the night with drinks and gossip-one of my favorite activites! We discussed it all: mutual (ex)friends who somehow found significant others, the creepy old men at the bar who kept staring at us, what current friends are up to, etc. Then, NotMiranda, NotJason, NotRachel and her hubby joined up with us. I always get nervous bring newer friends to this bar since it's the one I've gone to since I turned 21 many years ago. I worry they won't have fun or that some ex-makeout buddy will come in and totally embarass me by bringing up the past. But nothing embarassing happened much to my relief. Had a good time. Not a great* time but a good time with friends. And it was refreshing because the group was a little different than normal which is always fun. Mix it up a little. It's nice to have a good time out, not spend TOO much money and to wake up without that feeling of "Oh shit, what did I do and why did I keep drinking?"

Here is to more nights out! (and soon!)

*Great would = kissing some hott guy

Friday, April 28, 2006

Even the over 50 set has No Sex & the City

This may come as a shock, but I NotSamantha have a mother.

A mother who is currently getting more play out of her online dating than I am. *Here is where the irony of me joking about how I sometimes feel like the parent rears its ugly head.* However, even with her getting dates that are successful there are some pitfalls for her too. And since I truly believe that while we are not total byproducts of our environments, we are influenced by them heavily.

NotBettyBoop (my mother), was just recently asked by the guy she was dating NotTidewater, if she was "clingy". She recounted this to me in a recent phone conversation and I was shocked, because of all the people in my family she's not what I would call clingy. If nothing else she's the mother bird that pushes us out of the next and lets us fall or fly. She's there to pick us up if we get to bad off, but for the most part any mistakes we make are our own.

She continued that while she did feel particularly attached to this guy, she didn't think she was too clingy, and then she said he asked her if she was "needy", both bad signs to any dater. At this point she said she was ready to cut her losses and move on. But this left me with several questions...

1) Does age and maturity not count for anything in the dating world or are we doomed to have the same issues no matter how long we struggle with the opposite sex?
2) How can you assess the level of dependence of one person on another given two dates?
3) Is this what I have to look forward to if I don't find 'the one'?

The conversation finished with her saying she had written a letter and planned to send it out today "for closure". Unfortunately, she just opened a whole new can of "huh?" for me and this dating thing.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Would You?

Would you date a best friends' ex? I don't know if I would or not but the recent Denise Richards/Heathler Locklear love triangle made me think about it. My initial reaction is to say, "No way, I would never betray a friend like that if she wasn't okay with it." But then the Devil's Advocate part of my brain says, "Maybe the best friend's ex could be an even better best friend AND the love of my life." Hmmmm.

But hoes before bros.

Chicks before dicks.

What's a girl to do!?

I tried to think of the exes of some of my best friends and if I would date them but quickly realized that my friends and I (for the most part) have much different taste in guys. A best friend from high school though, now that I think about it, has always had boyfriends I couldn't help but have crushes on. I would never do anything more than just be a little jealous and now that I think about it, I'm not even friends with them anymore (most were mutual friends of mine). Hoes before bros.

But if one of my best friends came to me and said she had fallen in love with an ex of mine...would I be okay with it? Damn, that would be hard. It could potentially be so difficult to be as good of friends then but I guess sometimes the happiness of two people is more important than one.

I haven't had much experience with this...Have you? Would you date your best friend's ex? I guess the big clarifier is if he was indeed an ex or if he cheated on you because that is a whole other topic.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Confirmed clinger?

So I took the sleep test to find out what my ideal sleeping position is in a couple..

I am a fireman's carry!
Find your own pose!

What the hell? I've always considered myself an independent, free thinker, but this has me looking clingy and needy. Alright, if I dig deep down, I know I'm pretty needy in a relationship, but come ON. I know I'm not like that. Am I?

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Lack Of Funds

I know I'm not the only one out there trying to save some money and reel in the spending but dude, it sucks! I've never really rolled in the dough and been a big free spender (contrary to popular belief) but I'm about to make a large purchase and need to save, save, save so my usual habits of buying new clothes here and there, picking up the latest CD releases, and eating out when I want have all been cermoniously stopped. (The ceremony being my realization of how much stuff really does cost and that it actually adds up;)

It's really not that hard to save during the week. I ignore those pesky sale emails from GAP and Jcrew and pack my lunch each day while looking around for change to pay for my morning coffee (as opposed to just swiping the debit card). The weekends are when it gets tough and except for staying at home I've had a hard time getting out there while still saving money. The past few weekends I have stayed home more than usual both out of money concerns and scheduling problems but it's not a trend I want to continue. I don't believe that weekend nights out are the only time to meet new people (specifically guys although there are a few fellow bloggers I/we've been trying to catch up with) but I'm never going to meet someone sitting at home (especially since I took my profile off that online dating site.)

But where does one go to be around people her own age (plus or minus a few years) while keeping the night relatively cheap? I need assistance, my dear blogger friends...I need Lack Of Funds Nights Out ideas!

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Fools Rush In

It's time to introduce NotElvis.
He's a guy I work with. Who bears a small resemblance to the hip shaking crooner of later years, minus the white fringy jumpsuit, penchant for peanut butter and banana sandwiches, and gigantic gut of his later years.
This guy, while not model gorgeous, is cute. And TALL! He wears huge aviator prescription glasses, but dare I say he pulls them off.
Anyway, this is the guy I currently have a crush on. He's not what I would normally call "my type," but the attraction level is certaintly there. He makes me laugh and I feel completely comfortable around him. This is ground-breaking because most of the men that I choose to like make me feel nervous, shy, and stand-offish.
Now I need to tread carefully though, since we do in fact work together and even though I only work two days a week at this job, he seems to work the same days I do and it would be bad if things took a turn for the worse.
It also doesn't help that someone who is very close to me happened to tell two of the biggest of big mouths at this store that I have a crush on NotElvis.

Now I just have to wait for the shit to hit the fan.

More later, I just wanted to get this out on "paper."

Friday, April 21, 2006

I can't stand the rain...

But I'm about to meet up with the guy that I stood up because he didn't respond to my email when i told him where and when we could meet.

This was the most random and fun of starts to a date.

I was driving home from work, fully intending to rent movies, get chinese and sit in front of my tv, kvetching with myself about my work day, but instead, I'm on the highway and I get a phone call from NotRum, and he immediately starts a conversation with me, no ice breaker, no "hi this is...and I've been trying to meet up with you..." just a conversation...

And he's here so I'll update in a sec.

*several hours later*

Its seems to be raining short men for me right now.

Met NotRum in the person, right now he's the oldest of the guys that I've gone out on dates with. He's funny too, which is in his favor. And during our impromptu coffee date, which managed to last another three hours, I have to admit that I'm being surprised the the guys I'm getting.

Of the three dates that I've actually had, the guys are really well versed in the art of dating and conversation. Again no lags in fact this one was fun in that we surfed the net on my laptop and built a custom laptop on my favorite computer website I like this guy because he went toe to toe with me on my issues about living in NOVA, mainly the cost of living, the commuting, the usual gripes one would have living here.

I've also become aware of the fact that these guys aren't thrown off when they ask me what I look for in a guy physically and what I describe to them, isn't themselves at all. And in this case its the polar opposite. This date was a good way for me to get my feet wet again, and just like last Sunday's it gives me hope that there is a male population out there worth seeking out for dates.

Just to make sure I'm going to shake the online personal add tree one more time to see what falls out. And with my unbrella up, I'll be able to deflect any toxic/pathetic raindrops and let the truly well developed ones fall (for) me.

Thursday, April 20, 2006


According to a recent article in the New York Post, I just might be a puma. What, pray tell, is a puma? A puma is a woman in her 30s who has a penchant for younger men, outmatched only by the more aggressive urban cougar (40ish women picking up younger guys). I use the word might because (1) I'm barely 30 and (2) the only reason I seem to go for younger men is that they seem to be the only single men I happen upon. I don't have a particular thing for picking up younger men and using them for their bodies (not that I'm against that). In fact, at the moment I'm developing a small (but growing) crush on a man* a couple of years older than myself.

*more on him later

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Marriage Proposal

I just got a marriage proposal!

I just ran into NotTaylor downstairs and after our usual small talk conversation he said how's he's leaving tomororw for Vegas. He joked he was "going to get married" to which I got really excited and said how I'm only going to Vegas if I come back married. I totally want to get married in a Vegas drive-thru. Anyway, he laughed and as he was walking away he said, "So, you available to go?"

Monday, April 17, 2006

Your Name is NotFreak, right?

Last weekend began on Thursday for me. My jobbiejob give its employees Good Friday off, so I spent the day prepping for the marathon date weekend. This included the female ritual of hair and clothing that must be tampered with and purchased for the pretense of showing myself off to the fullest.

I was originally scheduled for 3 dates, one on Friday night, one on Saturday afternoon and one on Sunday evening. Things were starting to look up, I felt optimistic for the first time in two weeks about this whole dating bag and then...just as I was strolling along in pre-date bliss, I got smacked with the 2 by 4 of a reality check.

Date #1 that didn't happen was NotClosetedHornyCatholic: Nice guy. We had great conversation on the phone, the emails were a riot and as I had explained to NotCharlotte and NotMiranda the night before at our hangout of choice, the opportunity for making out with this one was high. So high in fact that I had forgone my usual predate engine starting and had cleaned my bathroom and swept the carpet in my bedroom, in preparedness for some carpet burns to be had the following night. But alas, it was not meant to be. 1 hour before the fun was to start my cell phone rang and it was NotCHC asking me if I had gotten his email.

*raised eyebrow*

No, I hadn't and why did I need to. I proceeded downstairs with him on the phone and opened up my email account to see that he had emailed me and in my ear he droned as I read the message that he felt lame for canceling on my because of how the previous date had gone with my 'poof'er. Basically, he's Catholic (no big deal), and since it was Good Friday, his mom had called him and reminded him that he needed to go to Mass that evening, which he had totally blanked on. Also, he felt quite the overwhelming need to strip me naked when he actually did get to meet me (his words not mine), that he also felt that a trip to the confessional was in order as well. So, in short, we wouldn't be going out tonight and he felt really bad about it.


So, that left me dateless and horny on a Friday night. SO, what did I do. Sit and sulk for about an hour and then headed out to meet NotMiranda and NotCharlotte for a very bad attempt made by yours truly into the forays of knitting. Can girlfriends help one forget about being horny and lack of, but they can keep me from dwelling on yet another bad date.

The really sad part about this date never happening is that I was turned on by the idea of the ripping off of clothing or at least some mild/wild groping...sad I know, but still a guy who wants me that much and this is just from phone conversations and emails. Of course he could have a hairy back and then where would I be....

The weekend took a slight dip after that. I cancelled again on the previous week's date and finally faced up to the fact that I didn't want to meet up with him because he set off little alarms in my head. *Yay for gut instinct!* To which proved to be right, when I got a literal "fuck you" email from him after I sent him a message begging off for the evening and letting him know I wasn't sure if I would reschedule.

However, Sunday's date, which I was very explicit about him calling to let me know that we were still on by at least 4pm, otherwise I wasn't going to show, was very surprising.

For one, he was ontime.
Second, he was very engaging.
Third, he was easy on the eyes.
Fourth, we managed to have a great conversation (with no dead air) for three hours.

This was what I had always expected when going out on a date. Someone I could talk to. Now if it wasn't for the fact that I kept getting his email mixed up with another guy I had been corresponding with via email...

The date ended with me letting him know that if he wanted to get together again, than he could call. And me having had some faith restored in the male species and the who notion I had about dating. In fact he capped it when not ten minutes after I had driven off he called me to let me know how much of a great time he had had.

Tearing off my clothes was not even necessary, this was peace of mind.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

If The Shoe Fits

I have these situations where I guess I get bored or something and I create a crush. Obviously, since I created it and it's not really backed up with true feelings, it's not a big deal. It probably shouldn't even be called a crush. And before you think it, No, I am not leading people on. It's more of like a way to pass time while bored or when trying to get over a real crush. It's a true NotCrush. So I guess I'd have to call it a NotNotCrush.

NotTaylor is a NotNotCrush. Sure, he's probably really hott to some girls and I bet those same girls would give anything for some attention from him but I have no interest really. (OK, a quick makeout session in an empty office maybe but that's more because I NEED a MO session ASAP). If someone asked if I have a crush on him I would honestly say no.

NotButler is another NotNotCrush. Someone who is attractive and there and really stands out against the blah that are the usual coworkers. But do I have a real crush on him? No way. Outside of work I might not even notice him. He's a cool guy, don't get me wrong, but not someone I sit around daydreaming about.

Anyway, I guess one could say my weekend was super unexciting since all I have to write about are NotNotCrushes. Soon...SOOOOOON the excitement will be back. It will. April is a crappy month, I don't expect much from it.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Happy Black Day

Apparently, today is Black Day, an informal day in South Korea when singletons get together to "commiserate" their lack of mate. I must thank Wikipedia for bringing this to my attention and also for having links to other articles about the day I have been missing out on for twenty-some years. Maybe we're missing out by not "celebrating" our own day by eating noodles with questionable black stuff on them. I like the idea of having a day to go out and drink though. I can always participate in a holiday involving alcohol.

So for today, here is to all of us singletons! Have a drink! Cheers!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Someone Must Get Hurt

So this thing with NotMarine is a no-go. I had a realization this week that i'm just not that into him.
How "no sex in the city" of me.
So i emailed him cancelling plans for Thursday. I didn't hear from him for a bit, then realized he took me off his friends list on myspace. I then started wondering what the hell was wrong with me, that he'd start ignoring me.
I'm such a hypocrite, but it's true.
I was getting ready to break it off with him, then when he does the ignoring thing that i'm famous for, i get pissed off about it!

I'm such a bitch sometimes.

Anyway, he's talking to me again and now i feel bad because inevitably, i don't want to go out with him again. I don't have a reason other than the fact that i can't see myself in a serious relationship with him. And i know that he can. It sort of scares me, that after only 3 dates he wants a "serious relationship."

Such is life.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Speak To Me

I think if I had an accent I could take over the world. I think this because I bet a man with an accent could take over my world. What is that strange power of the accent? Why and how does it make him ten times hotter? It's not a talent or a characteristic or even an indication of the type of person he is but I swear, I hear a man with an accent and I find myself swooning. Hot men with accents:

Tony Blair- Have you ever watched British Parliament? I have. Tony Blair (never mind how you feel about his politics! Keep that out of here) is hilarious and has a hott accent. If there was a twelve month calendar of hott politicians it would be his month all year long. (Besides, who else would you put in it? Yelch!)

Sean Connery- The man is OLD but he speaks and I swear he's my age again. ("The Rapists for $1000!")

Hugh Grant- What prostitute incident? Apologies with accents count more, I think.

Colin Firth- Has any living woman out there not fallen in love with this man in one of his movies? He's really not that attractive but he has an accent and I think it makes his characters sweeter and hotter.

Anyone Scottish, really- I have a slight (ok huge) thing for anything Scottish. Blame my ancestors who came over here a few generations ago but if I hear that glottal stop sound I pretty much just get a smile on my face.

This topic isn't totally random, though. Many of my favorite bands are from the UK and one of my favorites things is when a person's accent come through in the song. So you can imagine my absolute DELIGHT when last night I got to see one of them live! Up close and personal. Not personal enough took a lot of will power not to be "that girl" with the band. (Although, had one would have been iffy that I would decline;) I couldn't help but let my mind wander during the show and think about one of them coming up to me after the show and asking if I wanted to "hang out". Would I? Ha, probably! Hell, a proposition with an accent? How could I say no? And really, these men (yes, MEN) aren't your typical cute indie boys. These are burly men with full beards and the obvious effects of too much beer but I won't lie: I found them incredibly attractive. Was it the accent? The guitars? The honest lyrics? I don't know but I wanted to go in back and do bad things with them. I really did. I wonder how my name would sound with an accent...

I think the odds are against me...

Okay, after two dates using yet another online method, I'm o for 2...If I were a betting woman, I would say to quit now before I get in any deeper, but I'm trying to be optimistic about this so I'm going to give it another go.

Last Friday, turned out to be spineless guy night. I met the guy at an area that had a used bookstore and I saw him before he saw me and the first thing that jumped out was how much shorter he was, like his shoulder was 2 inches below my shoulder short. But, I'd made the committment and figured that at least there would be interesting book conversation. So we proceeded with the date and the book shopping was slightly interesting. Then the shop closed 20 minutes after we had arrived, the thunderstorms rolled in (literally), and we decided to move the date to the nearby superbookstorechainofdoom.

I dashed to my car, he ran to his and we drove out. Note I did not actually see him leave or what car he drove due to the downpour. I got to the store, went in and started looking at books near the center aisle so that if he came in he wouldn't have to search to hard for me.

Ten minutes go by and I'm in fiction.

Twenty and I'm in Scifi.

Thirty and I've moved to Graphic Novels.

By this point I had started to do that whole look up everytime someone walks by and I was starting to get irritated. But trying to give him the benefit of a doubt I walked up front just to see if he had been hovering at the door or outside looking for me. Not there.


So with that, I decided that I would get some coffee and if he hadn't made an appearance I would chalk this one up as a learning experience and go home.

Got coffee AND a pastry (again giving more benefit of a doubt), went to the front looked left, looked right, still no date, and kept walking to my car.

Now, I've never gotten stood up mid date...had someone not show at all, sure, but to meet and then do a poof on me? So for a while I was annoyed with myself and down about my looks and trying to figure out how he saw me and what would have made him run. Then I just got plain mad...what his deal. I would have gladly cut the date short if he had decided that maybe we weren't a match. No use wasting a night on something that you think isn't going to turn out right.

As I did the rehash the next day with NotASong, she was flabbergasted and said it was just rude and her bf NotAClipper said the same. So its not me, its him...and I'll just add this cliched date into the "learn from" category and move forward....

Monday, April 10, 2006

Lost My Game

I think I've lost my game.

NotMiranda, NotCharlotte, and I stopped by NotCheers (a bar) on Friday night and I didn't talk to a single guy. NOT ONE! And just to show how odd this is, let me point out that NotCheers is where I had my Night Of 5 Kisses, where I was "that girl" and also where at least three of my guy friends have asked me to sleep with them. Don't misread that like I'm a slut, I'm not, at all. I just got a lot of reception to my flirting there and I know how to work it with the guys at that bar.

And it's not only at NotCheers that I've been feeling like I'm striking out. A bar in Fairfax and I didn't talk to anyone? Night's out in DC and I don't meet anyone new?!


I was actually thinking about this yesterday and may know the answer. I think my strategy (aka game) and my goals are different now. Sure, a few years ago I was all about the random making out in a bar and I knew how to get it. But now I think I'm leaning more towards the quiet, not crazy, nice guys and I have no idea what to do. And forget that "be yourself" bullshit because I've been myself for over 25 years now and just sitting around being awesome (aka myself) doesn't bring them in. Dating is like marketing sometimes and I need to somehow update my sales pitch for me. I need new game!

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Revealing Too Much

So this evening I decided to go to a play with NotHusband. Before the play started, we were flipping through the pictures on his phone. He was like "this one is Mary, this one is Becky, blah blah blah" then we get to one of a fully erect penis. His face, manohman, it was the best face i've ever seen.
I started laughing hysterically just because I thought it was a random penis that someone sent to him.

Then I looked at how red his face was and it hit me..."Is that YOURS?" I asked him. He nodded his head.
I almost died.

But at least I can say I finally saw my husbands package. And it honestly wasn't anything to sneeze at.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

When a woman takes control

I'm a pretty upfront girl with my feelings, preferring to eventually bare all rather than twist in the wind. If anything, the back and forth with NotGraceful only demonstrated this further. However, this in-your-face blunt girl has been known to play her share of games in the battle of the sexes. For years, my relationship with NotEnough* has been one long tease, each of us playing and playing off of the other. Within the past couple of years, I actually feel like I've gained the upper hand. I know I'm not supposed to view my relationships with other people that way, but it is what it is. I discovered that NotEnough is your classic type who wants what he believes he cannot have. By being disinterested, I've taken control of the situation and can pretty much guarantee he'll make the first move. He also has a tendency to increase contact when he's on the outs with his current girl or when he's at the point in a relationship when tough decisions about the "relationship" need to be made. Yes, I'm that girl. Consider a recent email exchange after 3-4 months of no contact (my read in italics).

NotEnough: Looks like your old client is moving to Today. There is change afoot with the current girl, so I'm looking to re-establish a connection.

Me: Interesting. I'll have to read the article when I get a chance. Having problems are we? Well, I'm not about to seem interested in picking up where we left off.

NotEnough: So, how have you been? What's new in your life? Are you still with XXX? I won. He had to cave and show interest first.

Me: I've been good. Life is fun. I'm still with XXX, can't believe it has been almost five years. I'm getting antsy and looking for a change, though. Anyway, I have to run. That's all your getting for now! I don't need you, and right now I'm so busy living life that I can't even fill you in on how great everything has been.

NotEnough: In this day and age, I wouldn't consider five years antsy. Anyway, I'm still with XXX. NotFlorida has been living with me since October and just got a job a day ago - boutique law firm downtown. She starts next Tuesday and is then going to look for her own place. We should get together for a drink sometime. There could be trouble in paradise. Regardless, let's do drinks and makeout like we always do.

I would say that maybe I'm reading him wrong this time, but I haven't in the past. He's pretty consistent in his patterns. I haven't responded to the last email yet. Maybe I'm tired of playing the game. I can't say the satisfaction of a makeout session doesn't sound good, but then I'd just be that** girl again.

*...because for the life of me I can't remember what name I've given him in past posts.
**a future post by NotCarrie and me about how we've been that girl before.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

It's Getting Hot In Huuurrrrrr!

So let me reiterate: I am NOT interested in NotTaylor. I'm not. But with that said, it's a lot of fun to flirt with him! Yesterday our paths crossed quite a few times (on purpose perhaps?) and we had a few fun exchanges. At one point he called me honey with his thick southern (hick?) drawl which was a first. I showed him where the receptionist's secret chocolate stash is and later he told a coworker I "fed him chocolate" (hmm, a slip for what he hopes to happen? haha). I need to figure out his in-office schedule though so I know which days I need to look my best. Oh and how could I almost forget-he and I were randomly assigned to the same group for an office project thing. Should be interesting.

I'll keep you posted!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

What You Don't Know...

8th and Ocean, on MTV, is my new "guilty*" pleasure. It is definitely MTV's answer to America's Next Top Model but strangely, there is hardly any modeling in it. It's okay though, I am fascinated by the twins and how bitchy the one is to her sister. So anyway, the last episode I saw they were having a Girl's Night and one said that she wished to be a virgin again, like Britt. After everyone freaked out for a moment she explained that Britt didn't have anything to miss since she had never boned. It made not getting some not a big deal.

Last night, on one of my infamous long drives home where I overthink everything, I was thinking about what I'm missing and (sorry for the rhyming) it's kissing. I probably, as a female in her mid-twenties, should be missing something more exciting but I'm not. I just want to freaking kiss someone...and soon. It would be so much easier to go without it had I never done it in the first place. Hahhaha, just kidding. I would never wish to have not kissed. How tragic! But really, soon please.

*I don't believe in guilty pleasures because why should I feel guilty for liking something?

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Shallow end of the Dating Pool

I’ve decided against doing date #2 with, NotMyType.

My main reason; its useless to prolong something that I know I’m not going to move forward with. And the reason behind that: I’m just not interested. I mean not at ALL. Upon further discussion of this with NotMiranda, NotCharlotte, NotRachel and NotVoiceofReason I discovered that I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him that he wouldn’t be what I wanted, great conversation aside and gentlemanly attributes aside.

To be honest I wanted him to walk right past when he pulled up in front of me and got out of the car. When I placed the ad I put up two pictures of myself that showed exactly how I looked. One was a full face shot and the other was a full body shot. Both clearly displayed that while I am not petite or slender, I am quite curvy and in my opinion striking. His picture came back a little fuzzy and didn’t show him from head to toe, but I just took it in stride and decided that I would see the full package in person. However, I was quite shocked when I did meet him in person, remember that I wanted him to walk by me. So now I’ve run headlong into being shallow because I immediately discarded him from my cache of dating material because of his looks. And this is not to say that he was horrid to look at, no, not at all. He was however twice my size and several inches below 6 feet.

I am an average height of 5’7” tall and for this date I wore 3 inch heels, for me they’re a judge of height when I’m on a date as I would typically like to look up at my date. Now while the height for me isn’t a hard and fast dealbreaker, they can be something that I would be picky over if I had the choice. Lets just say this gave him a bad start to a date that was already dying in terms of being a success.

But we all know by my lack of dating that I have no right to be picky, though I can and do have some absolutes that I adhere to and for NotMyType, the weight is one that I couldn’t let slide.

I don’t want to date someone who wouldn’t be capable of satisfying my sexually, and while my appetite isn’t overwhelming, at times it can be voracious. And I know that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with me. Also, I have no interest in seeing him naked and I know I wouldn’t be able to get excited about the idea of doing anything remotely sexual with him.

So where does that leave me, besides questioning my own prowess as a dater. Well, to start, I have to admit that I’m shallow. In dating, I want someone who meets or exceeds certain physical attributes that I find attractive, and when I go on a date with someone who I thought would fall within them and then doesn’t I’m disappointed and my whole judgment system is thrown into a tailspin. I don’t give him the benefit of a doubt because I was caught off guard by something I didn’t expect. Namely, that he would be so much larger than I am.

At first I felt bad about how I had totally discounted the date itself because of how he looked and then I rationalized to myself that most men do the same thing. So in the name of equality of the sexes I’m entitled, to do so as well. And as NotASong reminded me, "You're just getting back into the game, he was a test run and you got your feet wet." Hopefully, in getting my feet wet I don't end up drowning here in the shallow end.

And the irony of the entire situation, despite the fact that we had already agreed upon date #2, he hasn’t called me at all.

Rites of Spring

Well, the second date went really well.
NotMarine decided to take me to the Melting Pot for our second date, which in NotSamantha's words means "he really likes" me.
We went to the one in Reston, however I got lost. The second I told him this over the phone he offered to "come find you" which was a bit odd, but I told him no and found it myself. I am an independent woman!
Anyway, we finally get there and he looked really, really good. He wore khakis and a button down shirt, which made my jeans and silky top feel very casual, but he didn't care. He got me 1 dozen pink roses, which made me melt just a little.
We sat down to dinner and had a really nice time. There was never really a break in conversation (again) and this time our conversation progressed more into the "serious" type of conversation.
We talked about his Iraq tour and he informed me that if I put his name in a google search, I would come up with an article about his accident. This intrigued me to no end and at that moment I wished I had a sidekick (NotMiranda, I thought of you).
He then surprised me by asking if I was seeing anyone else. I told him no and he had the same answer.
He was SO incredibly nervous the whole time, when he made compliments towards me (silly ones, like "I like your ears" and "Your hair is so pretty") he wouldn't make eye contact with me. He made a few "interesting" comments, like the fact that I will "eventually see [his] tattoos... I mean, well, if there are more dates." I didn't feel sketched out at all by some of his more inappropriate comments, probably because he didn't seem to want them to occur right at that moment.
The other day we had been talking online and I told him that the Melting Pot was too expensive. His only reply was "don't worry about it." Last night he told me that when I said that to him, his only thought was "perfect."
He's playing the "serious relationship" card though, I'm pretty sure. He asked me what I'm looking for right now and to be honest, I told him I was looking for a relationship. He agreed and we left it at that.
But honestly, are you supposed to talk about that on the second date?
We had more interesting conversation, including the quite modest fact that he wants a "disease-free relationship" to which I replied "well, i'm disease-free, that's for sure." The second date, i'm quite positive, is not the time to bring up my V-status. I'm not even positive the third date (which will occur) is the right time to do it either...
So we finished up dinner (with free chocolate dessert, thanks to the fact that the waitress loved that we were on our second date) and walked outside. He got all blushy and then grabbed my hand. He has such nice hands. I made a stupid comment "I like hands" and he walked me to my car and turned towards me. I knew that he wanted to kiss me, but was acting all flustered, so I went in for the kill. It was just a quick peck, but it was enough. I gave him a hug and then we went our separate ways.
I immediately went home and searched his name. The article on him was pretty good, he received a purple heart for his duties in the war and I couldn't help but feel proud that I'm dating this guy.