Thursday, April 27, 2006

Would You?

Would you date a best friends' ex? I don't know if I would or not but the recent Denise Richards/Heathler Locklear love triangle made me think about it. My initial reaction is to say, "No way, I would never betray a friend like that if she wasn't okay with it." But then the Devil's Advocate part of my brain says, "Maybe the best friend's ex could be an even better best friend AND the love of my life." Hmmmm.

But hoes before bros.

Chicks before dicks.

What's a girl to do!?

I tried to think of the exes of some of my best friends and if I would date them but quickly realized that my friends and I (for the most part) have much different taste in guys. A best friend from high school though, now that I think about it, has always had boyfriends I couldn't help but have crushes on. I would never do anything more than just be a little jealous and now that I think about it, I'm not even friends with them anymore (most were mutual friends of mine). Hoes before bros.

But if one of my best friends came to me and said she had fallen in love with an ex of mine...would I be okay with it? Damn, that would be hard. It could potentially be so difficult to be as good of friends then but I guess sometimes the happiness of two people is more important than one.

I haven't had much experience with this...Have you? Would you date your best friend's ex? I guess the big clarifier is if he was indeed an ex or if he cheated on you because that is a whole other topic.

14 comments:

NotMiranda said...

We've talked about this before, and it is, indeed, a difficult topic. I've even been on the other side of the fence and had two of my exes dated by my best friend from high school! I'd go with no but think that all parties should realize the sacrifice being made.

My own devil's advocate? Most friends are temporary. Would I risk missing out on the loml (love of my life) for a temp friendship?

NotCharlotte said...

But how do you know if the friendship is only going to be temporary?
It's a fine line to cross, dating someone's ex.
With my ex, my so called best friend didn't wait until he was my ex before going in for the kill.
I guess she would go under the category of "temporary friend."

robin said...

I really don't think I could, my friends mean too much to me.

NotSamantha said...

Nope, no way, uh uh, forgetaboutit...

I really don't think I could do it, although NotASong joked with me that she thought her boyfriend and I suited each other better than she thinks he and she do...

Ashburnite said...

I am a true romantic at heart, but even I wouldn't touch a best friend's ex. Yes, he could be great, but she is my best friend, so he would be WAY off limits. Luckily, my friends and I have much different taste in men, so it's never been an issue (knock on wood).

NotCarrie said...

What if it wasn't a BEST FRIEND? I'm not saying I would necessarily. I'm just thinking it through. Also, I'd feel bad telling someone not to date an ex of mine.

Annie said...

I was in this situation a few years ago. My roomate who I wasn't really friends (and met thru her boyfriend) with broke up with her boyfriend who I had a huge crush on. She had a new boyfriend literally within 2 days so I figured she couldn't be that upset. Anyway after a month of the "what are we" phase of the relationship it ended. She never knew anything and we continued to live together for a few more years but we haven't really talked since I moved out. So basically I'm saying that you need to pick and choose what friends this might apply to. There is a group of seven girlfriends I have that are all really tight. If I had done this with one of their ex's (and I never ever would) then I would lose not all of them as friends. Ok this just got really long. I hope it makes sense.

NotCarrie said...

Totally makes sense and I totally agree. I definitely think there are certain situations where it's ok. To say I'd never date an ex of a friend is a big blanket statement. But I definitely have some people who are more important to me than finding out if some guy is The One.

Annie said...

then I would lose not all of them as friends.

That should read that I would lose all of them as friends! Oops!

Lindsey said...

I don't think I could do it.

However, I did have this happen to me once and I was completely CRUSHED!!! Thank god it only ended up being a brief fling type thing. But I've never forgotten or forgiven. I've never spoken to either of them again.

Just Me said...

Been there, done that, it wasn't a good idea! I dated a friend's ex-boyfriend - I figured she wouldn't mind because she had realised she was a lesbian (!) after she broke up with him, but it was still a horrible time.

I'd like to add the following consideration:

Would you still respect the guy for dating his ex's friend? Would a really nice guy want to come between two women like that? A lot of the time it's a big ego trip for the guy, and heartache for the girls. Sisters, stick together!

Ashburnite said...

I would just look at it this way- how would I feel if one of my good friends started dating one of my ex's? I've had it happen actually- she wasn't a really good friend, but we were somewhat close. then she started dating my ex. We haven't spoken since.

jo said...

i wouldn't date a best friend's (or any friend for that matter) ex 'coz i would feel weird bout it. one of my friend's actually tried to get me to date her ex. that was just too weird.

gayla said...

NotCarrie - I hope you don't mind, but I've grabbed up this topic over on Dating Dames to see what our readers have to say there as well. I was able to provide a backlink to you in the post :)

Interesting topic! Absolutely one worth pondering!

Of course I've been on both sides of the fence before, but still It's going to take me some time to reflect before writing my own opinion.

Kind of like dancing on a landmine :)