Saturday, April 01, 2006

Shallow end of the Dating Pool

I’ve decided against doing date #2 with, NotMyType.

My main reason; its useless to prolong something that I know I’m not going to move forward with. And the reason behind that: I’m just not interested. I mean not at ALL. Upon further discussion of this with NotMiranda, NotCharlotte, NotRachel and NotVoiceofReason I discovered that I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him that he wouldn’t be what I wanted, great conversation aside and gentlemanly attributes aside.

To be honest I wanted him to walk right past when he pulled up in front of me and got out of the car. When I placed the ad I put up two pictures of myself that showed exactly how I looked. One was a full face shot and the other was a full body shot. Both clearly displayed that while I am not petite or slender, I am quite curvy and in my opinion striking. His picture came back a little fuzzy and didn’t show him from head to toe, but I just took it in stride and decided that I would see the full package in person. However, I was quite shocked when I did meet him in person, remember that I wanted him to walk by me. So now I’ve run headlong into being shallow because I immediately discarded him from my cache of dating material because of his looks. And this is not to say that he was horrid to look at, no, not at all. He was however twice my size and several inches below 6 feet.

I am an average height of 5’7” tall and for this date I wore 3 inch heels, for me they’re a judge of height when I’m on a date as I would typically like to look up at my date. Now while the height for me isn’t a hard and fast dealbreaker, they can be something that I would be picky over if I had the choice. Lets just say this gave him a bad start to a date that was already dying in terms of being a success.

But we all know by my lack of dating that I have no right to be picky, though I can and do have some absolutes that I adhere to and for NotMyType, the weight is one that I couldn’t let slide.

I don’t want to date someone who wouldn’t be capable of satisfying my sexually, and while my appetite isn’t overwhelming, at times it can be voracious. And I know that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with me. Also, I have no interest in seeing him naked and I know I wouldn’t be able to get excited about the idea of doing anything remotely sexual with him.

So where does that leave me, besides questioning my own prowess as a dater. Well, to start, I have to admit that I’m shallow. In dating, I want someone who meets or exceeds certain physical attributes that I find attractive, and when I go on a date with someone who I thought would fall within them and then doesn’t I’m disappointed and my whole judgment system is thrown into a tailspin. I don’t give him the benefit of a doubt because I was caught off guard by something I didn’t expect. Namely, that he would be so much larger than I am.

At first I felt bad about how I had totally discounted the date itself because of how he looked and then I rationalized to myself that most men do the same thing. So in the name of equality of the sexes I’m entitled, to do so as well. And as NotASong reminded me, "You're just getting back into the game, he was a test run and you got your feet wet." Hopefully, in getting my feet wet I don't end up drowning here in the shallow end.

And the irony of the entire situation, despite the fact that we had already agreed upon date #2, he hasn’t called me at all.


robin said...

I had a blind date-ish kind of thing one time and ugh...would never do that kind of thing again. Personally I'd rather just wait to meet a guy by accident...I'm glad you followed your instincts in the end.

Anonymous said...

There is a physical manifestation of what was technically his dishonesty, as well as his just not being physically what you're into. You said you showed yourself fairly in your photos. Your reaction is probably in part to his not giving you the same courtesy. You can't be too hard on yourself for that.

If he isn't calling you, it's because he picked up on your vibe, and he's nervous you'll say no. It's easier for him to just let it go, than to face that. So, since you didn't really want him to call, this is good on both sides. No harm no foul, really.

Your blog is a great read.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

May I please reiterate what I said after you went on the first date with him?

"If it aint there, it aint there. ya can't force yerself.

In my opinion, you know in the first 5 minutes of meeting someone if you feel attraction."

Listen to MOI. :)

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

And this can be applied to anyone ^

jo said...

there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting an attractive guy. i mean you have to able to actually look at him everyday and if you don't find him attractive, that's just not gonna work. i don't think it's shallow.

Marissa said...

i know what you mean - i always feel badly when i discount someone too quickly, but honestly, when someone's not your type, they're not your type! what can you do?? cancel the date and don't feel bad!

NML said...

I'm actually going out with a guy who whilst I did fancy him straight off, he's not my 'type' and to be honest with you, my type is a pain in the arse, unavailable guy. However, he doesn't sound anything like your date. I don't blame you for being disinterested because ultimately, he'd tried to circumvent the whole showing your cards thing by sending you a dodgy photo. He is a violation of the trade description act!

gayla said...

Wow that sounded just like something I would have written some 4 years ago.

It's nice to see others being able to admit how shallow they are.

Back in the day, my big thing was - I wanted a guy I didn't want to take my eyes OR my hands off of and he had to be able to curl my toes with a kiss blown across the room.

Funny, I wound up with the man who set the standards as my first boyfriend EVER.

Hang in there! Your time is coming and the one that's going to curl your toes will be fully up to the task.

This is YOUR time to be as shallow as you like! Men have done it for years! Why not you?