Wednesday, October 24, 2007

What if Marriage isn’t the Goal?

While NotCharlotte has moved on, I'm still here and this is still the No Sex and the City blog. So I bid her farewell in this blogosphere, but I know I'll see her in others. There my hat is tipped…now on to the post.


At 28 years old I've come to the conclusion that while marriage is something I want it's not the goal. So while driving to Maryland to be scared to death, NotASong, NotADot and I confronted a fear of a different sort. I have many things I want to achieve in this go round of life, but the longer I'm single the more I realize that marriage isn't one of them. I want to be in a committed relationship, sure, but I don't consider getting married as the end of the road for me, or even the beginning. So, what if the goal is something else besides the societal norm? What if you're breaking away from tradition and saying that is not what I'm reaching for, but if I get there then fine, if not then, that's fine too. Anyone else for shattering the goal of marriage with me?


My goal – to own my very own specialized bookstore/tea and coffee shop. That's it no frills, no thrills, just coffee, tea or me with books.


laurenblogs said...

Not only is getting "there" not the goal sometimes it makes you compromise and lose your other goals. I would say search for what you are searching for, and do what you want to do now, before someone else's feelings come into play: )


the patient said...

Hmm... would you be selling tasty pastries there?

Daniel said...

Your goal should be doing whatever makes you happy and gives you the warmth of fulfillment. If that involves another person, by all means go for it. If it is your stated goal of books and coffee; go for that. Nothing smells better than brewing coffee and worn paper.

KassyK said...

I've been of the "no need to get married" mentality since I was 18. I come from a great in a happy committed relationship and still don't feel the need.

My friends used to say that it would change and I would want it. Well, ten years later--I still don't feel the need.

Especially after about 25 weddings in the past 3 years...5 already in divorce court.

Break the norm baby...yea! :)

Roxy said...

My parents had an arranged marriage. For my mother kids were the main goal, but not allowed without a husband.

She and my dad are not in love, don't really like each other.. BUT work well together AND are great parents to us kids.

It's screwed up my view of marriage... and dating. So my goal is to be a great parent.

Thomas said...

What kind of books would you focus on?

trueborn said...

mine never has been to be married. Merely to be happy.
I think thats a worthy goal.
If I happen to get married along the way?
Well Bully for me.
Does that mean that everyone is supposed to take that road? Nope.
Enjoy your own road.
The only hero in your story is you.

NotSamantha said...

laurenblogs - And I'm very much against compromising, especially in regards to who I love and what I'm looking for.

the patient - why of course...made by yours truly.

daniel - that's all I hope for. Doing what makes me happy, and for right now and in the near future books and coffee are definitely it for me.

kassyk - I'm all about breaking the mold.

Roxy - my parents were never married, but they were great friends and did a decent job raising me. This goes back to the idea of goals. My goal has never nor will it ever be about getting to children, but I recognize that for some people that is the rational goal.

thomas - my bookstore will focus on erotica.

trueborn - I like your style...the only here in my story is me. Yeah, that's about right.

Lindsey said...

I'm with you...while I'd like to someday get married. My immediate goal is just to find a long term relationship.

I'm tired of hopping around...I just want one person.

the patient said...

Since when can you cook? ;-) Rather, I was hoping you'd have a job for me.