What happens when you're tired of chasing or being the one chased and you want to reverse roles?
What if you've decided that you need some closure after you've tried your luck as the dog and got none of the cat and you need to take a step back to reassess?
Or, What if you're the one being chased and you can't figure out how to tell the person who's persuing you that you're just not that into them...at least not into them in that way?
For those of us who try to use the body context clues to give us a hint, if you're not the most forthright to start or the person you're going after is equally inept at relaying their feelings you're probably in the runnings for the frustrated but still pining marathon.
As people I don't think that body signals do enough, I mean if you're just not that upfront in relationships, you'll never be able to get your point across, and if you are the one who's willing to do the confronting, eventually you get tired of doing so and want some reciprocity.
The current modes for communicating this seem to be email or voicemail, both which offer a sort of detachment from the actual issue at hand, and while they don't beat the courage that a certain liquid is known to give, they do give a sense of separation from the issue that allow you to see (or in some cases) hear what you want to say, have it taken down and then have it be relayed to the person you mean it for, of course with this great power comes a great responsibility, namely in the waiting game you're about to play.
My suggestions...I don't have one. *ducks tomatoes and flaming responses* Well I don't, but if you want I could try and make up one. So below find the made up response, that may help someone, and I hope its you.
Whether you're the one chasing or the one being chased remember that you've never liked being left in the dark about what's going on. The same anticipation you used to feel as a kid before Christmas or your birthday, can be directly translated here. You wanted to know what was going on, you desperately wanted to know. And while anticipation makes the best sauce a little hint (peeling the paper back carefully from the meticulously wrapped gift) won't hurt. Besides, give yourself and the person you're chasing some credit for not being a total jerk, anf if they don't get it or they don't like the way its handled...well, maybe they weren't really what you were looking for anyway.
8 comments:
"You wanted to know what was going on"-Amen! I think that's good advice, NotSamantha. I'm a big fan of body language but it's not concrete. And while actually telling someone something is super scary, at least you'll know for sure. And if they're an asshole about it then it's better to find out and get past them.
kjaspdfoiasdfjopawinefla;knf;alskn
Oh my gosh, NotMiranda, I'm so glad someone else speaks DFAFKJDASL, too!
I think it's the hope that you can inadvertently give someone that does the most damage and causes the most hurt.
The best way is to be upfront and honest - you've got to be cruel to be kind!
I agree, Serenity. Misreading something and getting false hope really makes the negative feel like falling onto sharp things or something.
Besides, shouldn't we all be too old for games?
NotCarrie, I so wish we could all claim seats at the adult table where the only games we play are poker of a stripping sort, but alas, it was not meant to be. I keep hoping that once I'll be able to be the one to beat around the bush and he will have to come right out and admit his feelings, but case in point (NotSkippy) its not happening. I do believe Serenity's point of being cruel to be kind, how else are you going to be able to cut yourself loose.
Yeah, don't even get me started with the games people play with themselves.
I typically settle for the nonconfrontational method of sheer ignorance, when being chased but I don't want to be: "Oh you called?" or simply not returning calls, but than my conscience can't stomach being totally rude hence the 5 from him:1 from me ratio. But unfortunately, some guys don't get the hint. And chasing others just gets frustrating and tiring after awhile too though.
You did forget the newest mode for communicating these feelings - the inevitable text message. If initiated by myself, hopefully he thinks that I am unable to talk, so doesn't try to return the call, thus defeating the purpose. Or if received from him, it's easy to feign the missed message. Plus you can overanalyze and carefully choose your words, as well as read between the lines that sometimes doesnt' come off as easily in a voicemail or body language...
Post a Comment