Thursday, February 23, 2006

Royally used

Fight or flight...our survival instinct can give us a competitive edge in life and romance. What happens if we really use our survival instinct in some things? Am I doomed to a slow, romantic death because I can't compete for a man and would rather say 'fuck it' and walk away? The whole bar scene, for example. If I'm in a more relaxed setting or a place that is less crowded, I do fine. I find I can flirt and hold my own. Throw me into the Hookup Superbowl that most bars become on a Friday or Saturday night, and I'm like a turtle withdrawing into its protective shell. I'd rather not play than have to compete and risk injury. It's not just the bar scene. I had this realization the other night with NotGraceful. We were in a situation where we were both kind of ignoring eachother and flirting with other people. Even though he kept meeting my eye and I had the feeling it was being done for my benefit, my instinctual reaction was to want to storm off and "give up". If he wanted any of those clearly unworthy girls, then he could have them. I wasn't about to step up my game and compete. In addition to being hypocritical (hello...I was playing the same game), I'm dooming myself to always being a benchwarmer. Maybe I need to take a lesson from Dolly and not only try my hand at competition but learn how to win.

9 comments:

Rees26 said...

I'm EXACTLY the same way. I'm not going to make a fool of myself and compete for guys. If the guy can be drawn away from me by some skanky girl who is throwing herself at him, she can have him!

NotMiranda said...

Rees26 - Have you ever wished you were more bold like the skank though?

NotCarrie said...

I think I can be more bold like the skank but know I won't back it up with skankiness.

Sometimes I wonder though, if I'm not appearing as open and available as I think I am.

CoatMan said...

NotCarrie: or maybe you're not as open and available as you think that you are?

jo said...

i think that in recent years i've been more flight than fight. it's just so tiring to fight...

Larissa said...

sounds like you wrote about my Wednesday night!

Lindsey said...

I love this blog b/c it's like a support group for the rest of us singles.

Dolly said...

NotMiranda,
I used to be in the same boat as you, and in fact I still refuse to compete with women for a guy, I'd rather leave the situation entirely. I think there are two things you can do to help. One is, amp up your personality; don't be phony or not yourself, just let your best self shine a bit brighter and be a lot friendlier, to everyone. Two, go to bars where there aren't an overwhelming amount of girls (esp. catty girls). Polly and I have no compunction about scoping out a place and if it doesn't have the right vibe, moving onward. Sounds like some of the bars you go to might not have the right evergy.

NotMiranda said...

Rees26, Jo, Linny, Larissa - Glad I'm not the only one who faces this.

Dolly - Thanks for the advice! It will be taken to heart : )