Saturday, February 18, 2006

Run Catch Kiss or Catch me if you can...

Last night was spent in revelry, celebrating another year of living for NotCarrie. As we drove the inebriated birthday girl back to the cars and then to her home she commented that because she was drunk it was the perfect time to ask her anything we wanted.

"Ask me a qwerstion." *insert hiccups and drunken giggling here*

So what started out as a mad romp into TMI questions and answers between myself, NotCarrie, NotCharlotte, NotMiranda and our mutal male friend (don't know his 'Not'name, yet) became a serious if a little drunken discussion about the division of the sexes and dating.

NotMiranda hit it on the head with one statement. "I'm tired of always being the bold one, the one to make the first move, the one chasing after him...sometimes I want to be chased."

And one million feminists of various types keel over in defeat. The cause is lost, this woman wants to be chased by a man *read wants to be controlled by a man*.

*snort*

I happen to agree with NotMiranda. Why does this generation's woman have to be the one to give chase. What happened to being desired and wanted and sought after? Our mutal male friend also piped in with proof that guys don't know where they stand anymore. Should they persue? What if they are persued? Why is it that women get to be undecisive while they should have their act together totally?

See, I'm all for gender equality, but in the sense, in the world of relationships and dating, its nice to be wanted, nice to have someone desire your company enough that they are willing to persue you just a bit to show their interest.

Being strong and making the first move, while helpful at times, at the end of the date just makes me feel like I'm pushing him into something that he doesn't want, and now I can only wonder how the guy feels. Is this new ground of being persued totally new to him? And if so how should he react? If he takes the typical response that he's seen played out again and again from women and play hard to get will she continue to persue him? And for women who are doing the persuing, in the face of such a response would we continue to persue him?

At this point dating and relationships are skewed. Forget chasing the cat and it being the dog in you...its more like flight of the bumblebee, a frantic search to figure out who's chasing who, and who should be doing the chasing.

19 comments:

CoatMan said...

The chaser is not the one in control: the one who is being chased is in control. As soon as somebody is chasing, it means that he or she is definitely interested. That puts the other party in the stronger position, since he or she can then choose just how interested to be, knowing that the chaser, if sane, can always be either repelled or accepted to any arbitrary extent. Just as in a job interview, it is the interviewer, the potential employer, who is in control, even though it is the job applicant who takes the initiative in finding the job. To be the one who is sought out, to be in the position of being able to pick from people who have already made their position quite known whilst being able to be entirely circumspect oneself: that is the position of ultimate power and control. No wonder women like to be pursued.

Marissa said...

LOVE this post. love, love, love it. Here's the thing, I love being pursued. It's just that, I never seem to like the one pursuing me. But right now, I like a boy, and pursuing him is driving me nuts because I feel out of control! I don't know where I stand, or how he feels, and all I want to do is go back to what feels balanced...being chased! Haha. :)

Donna said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Donna said...

I've discovered your site for the first time today and I absolutely love it. Excellent stuff!

NotCharlotte said...

hahahahahah qwerstions. that was the best! :-)

Larissa said...

happy belated NotCarrie! and yeah I like being chased (although not too vigorously or I often freak out). although if it's a guy i'm really into, i don't mind being the one to take the initiative.

NotCarrie said...

Whatever I said, I didn't mean.

NotCarrie said...

Thanks, Larissa.

Anonymous said...

I always seem to find that whomever I chase isn't interested, and whoever chases me isn't interesting.

NotCarrie said...

Well, "Anonymous", I sure hope I haven't chased you:(

jo said...

oh man i was just thinking of the same thing again this weekend. i'm tired of being the one doing the 'chasing'. and it seems like whoever i'm 'chasing' never gives me the time of day. and whoever is 'chasing' me, i'm not all that interested. why can't all this be easier?

Tommy the Cork said...

You think pursuit is hard? Try making a life for decades after the pursuit is over, now that is the hard part. You girls should enjoy your pursuit while you can.

NotMiranda said...

An fun night with an intriguing car ride home. My lips are sealed ; )

CoatMan said...

NotCarrie: anonymous was me on a different computer having forgotten my password, and, since I live in the UK and don't think that I've ever been chased by somebody from New York, you can safely conclude that you have never chased me, although, I daresay, even if I (or any one other person) had not found you interesting, no doubt many others would: your ability to write well is interesting in itself (I was once attracted to a girl almost entirely on the basis of a series of extremely eloquent e-mails).

NotCarrie said...

Hmmm, which night are you referring to, NotMiranda?

NotCarrie said...

Thanks, Coatman. I hope you comment more and if I'm ever in the UK I'll do my best to stalk, I mean chase you. Ha...just kidding. I never can resist a good stalking joke.

NotMiranda said...

Hmmm...good question. Perhaps the second night, NotCarrie. Nothing beats a threesome ; )

NotCarrie said...

Or "less pressure"

Dolly said...

I'm pretty assertive and have done a fair share of chasing in my time, but I like to be pursued so much more. I have gotten to the point where, despite my feminist beliefs, I believe it is the man's job to make the first move. At the same time, it's the woman's job to show her interest and be approachable enough to *be* chased, too. To put it plainly, women should be more flirtatious and men should stop being such pussies.