we'll show each other where it hurts

i want to talk about this Friday, but am afraid to jinx any hopes that i hold tightly in my love-lacking body.
so instead i will consider the thoughts that have been running in my head as of late.
i want random passion. out of nowhere, i want someone to tell me they want me. want me. i haven't had that in so long. here's the part where i start talking about my ex boyfriend. NotVegas.

what i miss most about those 8 months of confusion, cuddling and chicken fingers is the closeness. i miss going over to his house after we closed up shop and watching mtv reality until 3. i miss how i fit into his arms and i never needed a blanket because he was so warm. i missed his soft questions asking me if i needed anything before he turned out the light and we got even deeper into the moment. i miss his whispers into my ear, slightly brushing his lips against them so i can feel his words. i miss the tangle of our bodies as i tried to get up to leave, finally, and how he wouldn't let me go. i miss the look on his face when he'd make the first move. god, i miss that.
it's funny how i miss only the good things. but that's the usual, isn't it?

now when i see him i still think "damn, he looks so good" and i wonder if he thinks the same thing.
when i see certain shows or hear certain songs, especially "our song," a horrid pop song that made us laugh because we always seemed to hear it whenever we were together.
i stopped listening to the radio because it reminded me of him. he preset his radio so i had my three channels and he had his three since we had such different tastes. it was the little things in this relationship that counted.

our work relationship was incredible. we worked the same schedule so we got to see each other often. even though i was his supervisor (big no-no, but come on... who doesn't want a little office romance?) i miss being able to run to where he is for a quick hug and him coming to visit me in my department and tell me he loves me real quick before i start my project. i miss our secret rendevous in the little cash office that no one ever found out about.

god, writing all of this out makes me want to love him again. but i don't feel desperate for that. i feel comforted in the fact that i experienced that whole whirlwind of emotion and i'm better for it. i've matured so much since that chunk of time in my life and given the choice, i would re-live it. heartbreak and all.