Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Cheating On A Crush

Is there such a thing as cheating on a crush?

I was talking with some friends and we were just passing the time, trying to decide what constitutes cheating. Since my dating resume has many more Crushes than it has Relationships, I was very intrigued by the questions posed about cheating on a crush. My knee-jerk reaction was to of course think the idea was ludicrous. What exactly would I be cheating on? We aren't committed to each other in any way, shape, or form so how could I be unfaithful to nothing?

A more romantic notion was presented though, which really made my gears start working. If you really like someone and have a profound interest in them, isn't it possible to cheat on the idea of being with them? I think I agree with this (to a certain extent, keep reading).

Some crushes are merely because I am bored while others are more friend crushes and my interests are more sociable. Sometimes though I have a "rip my heart out" type of crush that occupies more of my mind and being than I thought was possible. (These are few and far between.) So while my interest lies in this person, yet nothing "real" has come from it, is it possible to cheat on the idea of the crush? Is flirting with others or going on dates with other guys being infaithful to my feelings? I kind of think it is. If I like someone that much, then how can I not be invested in it and true to it?

However...my next question is...when do you get over a crush? When its enough to not "cheat" on, then how do you move on? At a certain point, either something will come of the crush or it won't, so in the latter scenario, when do you have to move on? A future blog, perhaps.

13 comments:

Larissa said...

i think it's okay to 'cheat' on a current crush you're having on some one. why fixate all of that crazy energy on one person? if there's a couple people you like at the same time, it might stop you from being a little gaga over the one person. did that make sense at all? ha!

NotCarrie said...

It does make sense, Larissa. I think a little of it would be worrying the crush would find out about the "indescretions" and think you don't like him. Hmmm...

And like I said, it's RARE to have the crush you don't wanna cheat on. I certainly don't put all my eggs in one basket all the time:)

NotMiranda said...

NotCarrie, you know I love this post and know that I agree with the potential to "cheat" on a crush. Depending on the intensity, I try to be crush loyal.

As for when to end a crush, that's a tougher nut to crack. I'm at that point now with NotGraceful and have basically thrown down the gauntlet. We'll see how our lives progress...

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

Ooooh I know what you are saying. For me it was always like I was cheating on myself or something - because I would have the idea in my head of ending up with the crush, even though we hadn't set any commitment terms yet..
It's like morally or something I'd feel like I should be faithful him just in case, and so that I could say to myself, "hey, I waited for him" or "I really do like him enough to not have sex with someone else."
I guess it's important to know whether or not he values the "crush to relationship" potential as much as you do. Like you don't wanna be waiting around and not canoodling with other potentials or just gettin your girlie attention needs met while he is out with other girls.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

p.s. - I'm going to put your girls on my list of blogs that I read because you are awesome.

NotCarrie said...

"girlie attention needs"-I love it!


Thanks, Laurie, we've been enjoying your comments:)

snob in the city said...

If you are the only one crushing, I fon't think it is considering cheating...

But if you are both crushing on each other that makes it complicated. A few things to consider:

1) Are you moving toward serious at all? Then yes, it is possible to cheat and commit relationship sabatoge)

2) Is the cheat a friend of your crush? Then yes, that's cheating

3) But if you have an unreturned crush, there is no need to go waiting around for him to notice you... Especially if there are opportunities to find a new crush.

Dolly said...

This may be contentious, but I think cheating on a crush is a good and even necessary thing! It's so easy to blow a person up our of proportion when you have a crush on them, to say nothing of your own emotions. It's not healthy to have such strong feelings if they are one-sided. And if they are maybe reciprocal, then why isn't there progress being made to have a date happen?

I think dating real people is a good way to put the crush in perspective. It's easy to want something we can't have (or aren't sure we can have), but it's so much more satisfying in the long run to experience desire *and* attainment.

jo said...

this post makes me think that you must be me haha!

i've had a 'rip my heart out' crush for the longest time ever. and while i still 'date' other people, i don't think i've found anyone who seemed better than him. but yeah sometimes after everything, i sorta feel a lil bit guilty. as though i've been cheating on my 'rip my heart out' crush. i mean those other guys didn't really mean much but i think to myself bout how if my crush and i got together and i said how long i've liked him and he found out that during the time when i professed to have liked him, i was seeing other guys as well, he would be upset. (gosh that was a long sentence haha!)

but then again i'm trying to keep my options open 'coz if i just kept on wishing and hoping for a chance with him, i might just die single forever. i really want the answer to how to get over a crush 'coz it's just so hard. don't they say that the best way to get over someone is someone new? now i just need to find that someone new who i actually think is better than that someone old.

Kellie said...

I don't think it's "cheating" on your crush... always remember, in your "Cheat" you may find the Real Thing!

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

Hehe
Well, I've been enjoying your blog notcarrie. :p

The Mad Dater said...

Re "when do you get over a crush?"

When you find another one to have a crush on. Thah's the great thing about crushes - no one gets hurt. You can let your mind wander what it will be like to be with the New Crush and when you get bored with teh new Crush (or they turn out to not be worth your time crushing on them) you can go back to the Old Crush. And best of all you can pick up the Crush Storyline right where ya left off

The Mad Dater,
"Because there's a Bastard in all if us"

NotCarrie said...

OOooh, MadDater, I like the idea of crushes as storylines and picking up where you left off.


I did want to clarify that I really would say I've only had two crushes ever that I would put into the category of "not cheating on"...otherwise, it's fair game and I don't hold back. I just like the idea of someone being that special to you:)