A gentleman's game

Friday night was indeed date night seeing as I went on the date I won in the charity auction. Mine was kind of like cheating since it was with NotBeast, and it's not like we don't hang out or have a history already established. I didn't have to worry about butterflies or what he'd think of me when he finally saw me. Even deciding what to wear wasn't stressful, since he has probably seen me at my worst at some point. The only thing that had me a little worried was the fact that we can both be on the quiet side, and I would have really felt bad staring at him all through dinner. Our date, which consisted of Vietnamese food and Pan's Labyrinth, can be summed up by saying that he's a really sweet, thoughtful date. When I had to excuse myself during the movie, he made sure to ask if I was ok when I returned and then quickly caught me up on what I had missed. On dropping me off, he made sure to get out of the car and send me away with an amazing hug*.

Throughout the evening I was overcome with guilt because my mind kept wandering to my plans for Saturday night and the new person I was to be meeting. Whereas getting ready to go out with NotBeast was a nonissue in regard to nerves, preparing myself mentally to meet this new guy was the complete opposite. We had been engaging in this intense flirtation for the past several days and were finally going to meet. I started to get really nervous pretty early on Saturday, so I decided I needed a drink before heading out to calm my nerves. The upshot is that I had enough to drink that I'm not sure I could easily pick him out of a lineup if I saw him again. I'm probably being a bit overly dramatic. I'm sure I could spot him in a crowded room, but I was pretty drunk and don't recall the finer details of some of our conversation that night. He, too, turned out to be a true gentleman because when I pretty much offered myself up for the sacrificing, he refused and told me I was way too drunk. Lest I not take every opportunity to make an ass of myself, I made sure to send a snarky message on my way home. Really, people, keep me away from the alcohol when I'm nervous. I think just sucking it up and being nervous would be preferable.

Hopefully I get a second chance to make a better impression.


*I tried to get you ladies to bid on those arms!

Wine Not Whine (Date Recap)

Where are your auction date recaps, my friends? I have unofficially heard about two of them and have officially been on one myself. So while I can't repeat what I have been told in private conversation, I guess I will have to tell you about my own. Well, mine and NotCharlotte's since it occurred at the same time.

We, along with NotAGentleman met up the other night for what had been named the Date Extravaganza. While I was a little worried I would end up feeling like a chaperone (I'm four years older than the two of them), I was also excited for a night on the town with someone who admittedly likes the Gilmore Girls and has a hott picture next to a motorcycle somewhere out there. (Yes, two of the reasons I wanted to bid.)

For anyone looking for ideas of what to do on your own dates, I highly suggest modeling your evening after ours. We had everything from good food and wine to 80s dancing and liquor. I even enjoyed our times when we decided to walk from place to place. I love the cold weather and it gives more opportunities for talking as it can be a little more difficult when inside noisy restaurants and bars.

We even avoided doing too much of the dreaded small talk. It's nice when you can move right on into favorite childhood memories and favorites foods instead of politely asking of each other what is done each day between 9 and 5. *snore* It's not that I don't care (because I do, I like to hear about people's passions), but there is so much more than, "What do you do?" Maybe it was the booze, but I don't think anyone was very guarded on the date. It was like we let it all out, including making jokes about stds and singing while walking down the street.

So...a good date. NOW, WHAT ABOUT YOURS?!

Be Mine?

I have never been one to get all up in arms about Valentine's Day and worry about having a date for it or whether or not I will receive chocolates and flowers from my significant other. I have been blessed with a birthday just a few days after 14 February and who cares about the day of lovey-doveyness when The Day Of Me is soon after?! Vday is the perfect day to plan birthday extravaganza outfits and to try to find out birthday secrets from friends. And as long as I get a card from my mom, I'll be happy;)

That said, does anyone want to be my Valentine? There isn't much to the job, it's more about the title really. Things you will not be expected to do: write poetry about how hott I am, make a mix CD full of "our songs," deliver Godiva chocolates to my front door (after replacing all of the disgusting ones with my favorites like coconut and dark chocolate), or send me long-stem red roses-one for every day you have known and loved me. The requirements are fairly easy: basically I just say you're my Valentine and maybe if we encounter each other we makeout, but I leave that up to you-no pressure, expectations, or requirements.

So, what do you think? Be mine?


***Update*** To be my Valentine you have to be charming, hott, and sexy, but really, I assume all of our male readers are so I don't see a problem with these requirements. Oh....you do have to be male. That is a firm requirement.
***Update #2*** Please take a number and I will be with you as soon as possible;)
***Update #3*** Due to making out logistics, all participants in the DC metro area will be given preference.

Because I can

If posts were to come with ratings, I’d have to say I’m aiming for a PG-13/R rating on today’s post. I have a confession, so let’s see if I can manage. I had text sex on Sunday night. Really hott text sex actually, while at work and unable to consummate my online tryst. Where NotGeorge was nothing but a tease, NotAvailable took it all the way. Again…and again. My rosy cheeks flushed an even deeper shade of scarlett, and I couldn’t help but bite my lip. What he did with words I imagine most men can’t do with their hands.

Ok…stopping. Must maintain PG-13 rating. Now look who’s the tease.

No, I don't want electrolysis for Valentine's Day

I'm ambivalent this year about Valentine's Day. Or I will be until the day arrives and then I flip out because once again I don't have a Valentine of my very own, but that's another post for another time.

This evening on my drive home I was listening to the radio and one of the commercials had two women talking about the latest in electrolysis and fat removal. And while I tend to tune this out, I was surprised by the next words that came from the voice over.

"Give this as a gift this Valentine's Day." (I'm paraphrasing, but you get it, right?).

It was enough to make me almost slam on the breaks. Give the gift of a hairless crotch, back, underarm or the gift of a cellulite free butt or thighs. I know that we're a bit superficial, but this was almost too much for me to take. What happened to the flowers and jewelry? Three day weekends, promise rings and engagements...? Is this what Valentine's Day has finally evolved into? Give the gift of beauty, because you're not impressed with the person you're attached to as is?

I'm only 27 soon to be 28 and I feel really old because I expect the romance of Valentine's Day on Valentine's Day, not the superficial claptrap that we can get every other day of the year. If there are any guys who read this blog, do the women in your lives a favor...give them romance on V-Day. Long slow kisses to wake them, bunches of their favorite flowers at their desk at work, surprise dinners at their favorite restaurants, etc. And ladies you too. Give him, the shower girl special in the morning, silk boxers to cradle his bits all day, flashes of thigh (or his favorite body part) while at dinner. Quite honestly, I would like to do and have these things done for me on the daily basis if I were in a relationship, but I'm not so I have to settle for telling others what to do.

Five is Alive!

Alright, as per our tag, here are 5 interesting/weird/random facts about me:

1. I have a chicken pox scar on my chin. When I was younger, I used to tell people that it was from having a badly done lip piercing because I thought it made me more "hard core."
2. I like video games. I recently acquired a Nintendo DS and it's pretty much all I play when I have any freetime.
3. I have a constant urge to go to culinary school for a degree in pastry arts, but I won't for fear of failure.
4. When I was 4, I ran into a door jamb and knocked my two front teeth out. They didn't grow back until I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. It was horrible.
5. I absolutely love taking pictures of random things.

Is She Weird?

Well, we were all tagged and I never ignore a tag! So, weird/interesting/random things about me? Ummmmm:

1. I love Pantera. (That's not weird. It's supposed to be random, ok?)

2. I was PreMed my first couple of years of college until I realized that 1) Organic Chem is the Anti-Christ and 2) I didn't want to have to be in school for so long and end up a lame-ass who wears mom pants because instead of having a fun life, I was inside studying. (Not that all doctors are lame-asses, I'm really drawing from personal experiences here. No, *I* never wore mom pants, but I know someone who is my age, a doctor, and wears the dreaded 9-inch zipper.)

3. I was runner-up in my county's tennis tournament when I was 16. I was runner-up because on the day of the final I lost all ability to hit a backhand.

4. I had a larger-than-life crush on the bass player of a band where I used to live. The crush completely dissipated once I heard him talk;)

5. I have never seen Star Wars, Lord Of The Rings, or Spaceballs.

Anything weird or random that's directly related to this blog is probably something I have already told you. Plus, you don't only want to hear about (lack of) dating, right?

Like Graffiti...I've been tagged...

I was tagged by What's Haute who wants to know weird/interesting/odd/random facts about me so here goes!

1) I can find a bargain anywhere. And I do mean anywhere. My best finds to date have been a red pea coat ($6), an awesome pair of Chinese Laundry sandals (40% off + and additional 20% because of a slighty torn, but repairable strap), and a cream pair of silk lined pants for under $20.

2) I've considered getting some genitalia pierced.

3) I love the comics drawn by Kevin J. Taylor and am eagerly waiting for the next one.

4) I'm a pack rat and don't like to throw anything away. Seriously, I've got clothing that's out of style, but I won't get rid of it for some reason, I think I may need an intervention.

5) I'm a fangirl and love the Harry Potter fandom. I would squee, but I would like to think I'm too serious for that.

Preventative Medicine???

Sometimes being single is a good thing.

I had a customer ask me about a book for keeping your marriage from falling apart before you get married. Color me puzzled, but why try to prevent something from happening if the catalyst for it hasn't even occurred yet? I've always thought of marriage as a two way street, both parties should take equal responsibility for making it work. However, she seemed ready to make sure that they did things by the book to keep it from joining the 50% of the country that didn't make it.

But maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe second guessing both yourself and your partner is the wave of the future. Maybe dooming your marriage before you start is the best way to make sure you succeed above all. Maybe I've just found yet another reason to add to "the list" of things I will not do as a prerequisite for getting married. Maybe this is just another made up ruse by the Self Improvement book industry to get people to buy books on things that should be common sense anyway. Right now I'll just file this under preventative medicine, right next to removing a body part because it may become cancerous.

I'm Bringing Sexy Back

Call me crazy, but I feel hotter and (I can't believe I'm saying this) sexier now that my hair is long again. I have an amazing hair stylist who took me on a journey from very long up to about chin length in the course of a year and while I loved all the different looks he gave me, I'm excited to have long hair again.

Last January my hair was cute and flippy and I loved it, but I wouldn't have called it sexy. I'm not sure how the male population felt about it, but I'd like to think I would have gotten an A+ from the fashionable Elle or something. Fast forward a year later and my hair has grown into a style and length I am really enjoying (and I'm hoping others are, too *wink*). It's to the point of rating well in a Cosmo survey of most desirable length in a male reader poll. You know what I'm talking about, right? They often report that men prefer long hair on a women and I've even heard the same from guys I know in real life. So, is it true, guys? Do you have a preference when it comes to our hair? Or is it like shoes where you really could not care less?

Your Eyes Open

This morning, whilst making my delicious bakery items, I became privy to the following conversation that occured between my favorite coworker (NotTuesdays) and another coworker that we could take or leave (NotTall):

NotTuesdays: So NotCharlotte, yesterday I had an intersting conversation with NotTall about you yesterday.
Me: Oh really?
NT: Yes, really. We were talking about my work schedule and I said something about how much I love working on Tuesdays with you and he stops what he's doing and gets a far off look in his eyes. He goes 'Man, that NotCharlotte. She's got the most captivating eyes. If she were a little bit older, or I were a little less taken...'
Me: *abah* whaaat? How old is he?
NT: I think he's around 39. He kept talking about your eyes and how much he likes your laugh and how you're always happy and so fun to be around.
Me: *speechless*

This was all very flattering, but honestly, I didn't expect this coming from a man that I consider old enough to be my... older uncle. He's always complimenting me on my eyes, but I didn't know it was that intense of a "like." I'm not sure if I should be flattered about this or slightly creeped out. Those are perfect words to be said about myself, I only wish they could have come out of someone else's mouth...

Different strokes

Have you ever wondered why conversations had while intoxicated are sometimes the most enlightening? I got tipsy on Saturday night in honor of NotCharlotte's birthday, and somewhere between the hours of 3:45 am and 6:00 am I got drunk. Pool having been played and the bar long closed, we settled onto NotSamantha's couches and continued a more laid back version of the party. What I recall of the conversation NotGraceful and I had blows my mind. Somehow we wound up on the topic on the female orgasm. I don't know how we got there, and I don't recall every word exchanged. What I do remember is that NotGraceful asserted the belief that all women required the exact same thing (i.e., method) to bring them to orgasm and that, if a woman didn't orgasm, it was her own fault. Things that came out of his mouth included something to the effect of there only being so much he could do. NotCharlotte says I got a bit heated at this point and began arguing vehemently that each woman was different and what works for one may not work on the next. I must have gotten some of my points across because toward the end he conceded (and I agreed with) that a woman should be up for helping a man figure out what to do.

Moral of the story: Women are not all the same, and simply going with standard operating procedure is not always good enough.

Philosophical Friday

Since I am a dork (and am told so often, ahem), I just had the briefest of thoughts about a correlation between the amount of beauty sleep I will get tonight and the number of guys I will encounter in a favorable manner tomorrow while me, NotMiranda and NotCharlotte are hanging out. And now, so you don't think "encounter in a favorable manner" means something whoreish, I just mean flirting and stuff and having fun. Just encountering new people and being open, friendly and inviting. LMNT said it much better than I ever could and it's a philosophy I need to not only believe in, but live by. So, even though I'll be running on fumes tomorrow from a lack of sleep, I'm going to face my entire day with the optimism that it could be the day I meet my next friend...or boyfriend...or whoever. It doesn't matter who, it's just about taking more in. I'm excited for tomorrow. Er, today. (Friday!)

Secret agent girl

I’m a voracious reader. As of late, my knowledge of books with naughty passages is being put to the test by a certain someone as we play a game of cloak and dagger around the city. Yesterday I found myself tucked into a quiet corner of a nearly deserted bookstore as I thumbed through Return to the Chateau by Pauline Reage in search of page 147 and a special message for me. My cheeks burned a vibrant red as I felt myself getting excited by the story unfolding on the page. A smile slowly crept up as I spied the note meant for me. You are a dangerous but delightful flirt. Dangerous indeed.

Random Kisses

I placed an unofficial moratorium on random kisses awhile back when I guess I was either feeling specific about certain people or just that such randomness wasn't my thing anymore. Kissing people who weren't on my romantic radar just seemed like an "early-twenties" thing I didn't want to do anymore.

Well, alert the media because I'm lifting this self-imposed idea for now. And who let me be such a stick in the mud about it all anyway? I'll rethink my personal position on random kissing after I get my next kiss in, but just like a heroin addict and his next fix, do you really think I'm going to quit after one? It's just been way too long.

So guys, go ahead and line up. Nice and orderly, please. I recommend Orbitz's new Mint Mojito gum if you're unprepared and try to keep your hands PG13, please. We're not making a porno here.

Screw the Boyfriend, I just want someone to dance with...

I love to dance.

No seriously, I do.

And my favorite type of dance is latin. Doesn't matter which; Salsa, Tango or Merengue, I love them all. There are others, but for me, those are the only ones I can spell...that is unless I spelled merengue wrong. I've decided that in this mess of wanting (and for some needing) a boyfriend, I just want someone to dance with. Someone, who isn't afraid to get on the dance floor and shake his, hopefully with some rhythm, booty. It doesn't hurt that he'll be holding me in his arms either.
And right now that's all I want. Today, I feel like my wants and needs are simple, uncomplicated and easy to meet. So what about you?

Paper Shoes

I enjoy making lists. It's something I do on a daily basis. One reason could be that I just like seeing the way my handwriting looks on post-its, but usually it's because I have a problem with my short term memory. Just the other day I was at my bakery job, standing next to the oven, when I decided I needed some baking sheets. I walk from my station over to where the trays are, about 5 feet, get there, and completely forgot what I went over there for. Unfortunately, one of my coworkers saw what I was doing and ridiculed me relentlessly until I remembered that their first concert was MC Hammer and said "Break it down: woah woah, woahwoah woah woah" and did the running man.
This evening I received some unfortunate news about NotGraceful and realized that not only was he an asshole, but that everyone of you that commented on my previous blog was correct in your assumptions about him. I started feeling bad about myself, embarrassed even that I had been so stupid and that I still have to see him with the knowledge that we hooked up and that it was just "friends with benefits" kind of stuff.
Although I never commented back to any of you, I'd like to thank you all for your insight. It's funny that sometimes complete strangers know more about your real situation than you do.

In my bout of self-pity pouting, I started to make a list of reasons that I would be a bad girlfriend. Here is what I came up with:
1. I require sleep and food at regular intervals. If I do not get either a nap or a snack in after a long day at work, I will be pretty grumpy.
2. I have a penchant for 80s music, specifically Journey, Foreigner, Europe, and Def Leppard. I have no idea why, but "Final Countdown" is the best song to sing at loud intervals while doing just about anything, including but not limited to driving from Fairfax to Springfield, making fruit tarts, or eating at Fridays with a big group of people.
3. I make unnecessary sound effects. A lot.
4. I watch Food Network like it's my job. And then I talk about it when I'm not watching it.
5. I speak German fluently. Apparently to some men this is a turn off because it reminds them of someone hacking up a hairball while trying to drink soup simultaneously.
6. I don't like watching sports on television, however if I am at a live sporting event I automatically turn into a fair weather fan.
7. I am an avid text messager. If you can't respect the text, then I can't respect you.

These facts are sad, but 100% true.

Reporting In

I've already heard from a few of you about some dates being set up, which is so exciting, and I hope you all keep in touch with us and let us know how the Auction Aftermath is going. Because, if you will remember, if any of you hit it off, you have us to thank and we expect to be invited to the nuptials. I won't wear a pastel dress, though, so plan accordingly.

Please report in and let us know what you and your date decide to do. And if you're worried about us stalking you, tell us after-the-fact. That's fine...we are always looking for new things to do and date ideas would be much appreciated. Some ideas I've heard thrown around for the DC area are Lucky Strikes, The Black Cat for a show and/or drinks, grub at a restaurant, etc.

If you don't want to put your date details in the comments section, feel free to email me. And if you're really feeling it, let me know if we can ask you a few questions after the big night. Wouldn't that be fun!?

She Works Hard For The Hotty*

Usually when I am at the ol' part time job I can be a total Debbie Downer, but with my reminder to myself to be more positive in negative situations, I have taken to creating things to look forward to. Lately it has been the increase in eye candy in the store and when stuck in a place for 8 hours, there's nothing better than something good to look at. (Well, one thing better would be to be sent home but still paid.) And holy hell have there been some fine, young gentleman in there lately!

+ UK Pants Guy- This is a regular and yes, he has an accent. NotMiranda actually got the ball rolling with him by commenting on said pants. I just hope he doesn't keep wearing them everyday in hopes that we will comment again. We do like other articles of clothing, too.

+ Knit Cap Guy- I wonder if you noticed when I looked deep into your eyes as you told me what you wanted. Connection-did you feel that? Please come back. I know what you'll want next time;)

+ Hot, Charming, Coworker- Oh wait, an empty category. I have high hopes for new hires.

+ Tall Guy With Too Short Girl- Dump her. She's too short and you're going to hurt your back bending over so far to speak loudly so she can hear you. I'm more on your level.

+ Randoms- Come back soon, please. So far you have just been blips on the radar, but if you come back, I promise you a nickname and some eyelash batting.




*So bad. I know.

The results are in

This morning I felt like one of those accountant guys from the Oscars as I reviewed the results of the first ever Not Girls Charity Auction. Instead of sealed envelopes, I sent missives via email. Fun!

The Retropolitan was right. All told, we raised $871 for V-Day. Our maximum bid total was $990, so if any of you ladies are feeling generous and feel like donating your maximum bid, feel free to go to the payment site and do so for V-Day.

Thanks so much to all who participated!! You guys (and girls) were awesome! I hope you had as much fun as we did.

Rounding the bases

Alright, we're entering the home stretch and hoping for a final HUGE push!!! We are roughly 13.5 hours from the close of the auction, and there are still plenty of bids left to be made. Not single, consider purchasing a date for your closest single friend. You give to charity...you give to your friends...what a giving person you are!

But He Fought A Bear!

If you're living in the Windy City and aren't looking forward to your weekend forecast of cold and snow, distract yourself by bidding on Tristan of Bend It Like Assclown. I can personally* vouch for him being a great guy who will no doubt make you laugh and will also be able to maintain good conversation about a number of subjects. And he's tall!

Come on Chicago, REPRESENT!!!!!!!


*Ha, my use of italics made that sound kind of suggestive.

ARMageddon

Ever think about cuddling on the couch with a pair of nice strong arms around you? Look no further than Tice. Not only do his arms make you melt, but he's a super nice guy who is really into movies and philosophy.

Want to make this real-life "Luke" yours? Bid on Tice!!!

Theo...RRRRRREOW!

Let's hear it for Theo! (Right about now I'm hoping he really is laid-back and relaxed since I'm totally pimping him out right now in the interweb.)

How can you resist a man who not only has a cat on his shoulder in his pic, but loves "driving fast on a curvy back road"? That's hott, right?


Go bid! And to clear up any confusion, bidding ends tomorrow night.

Stamina Man

In our auction, he's known as Rob but all you faithful bloggers out there know him as Hagrin. Ignore the unitard* in his photo, this funny, sweet New Yorker wants your bids!

*He's training for a marathon...this means stamina, ladies.

Here's The Deal

Brian, do not fret. You are not actually at zero bids. As a few of you have found out, the auction page won't let you bid on Brian because he doesn't have a picture there. NOT TO WORRY, you can email your bids in and we will just have to keep you updated on that here. I believe he is at $10 right now? I will have to double check, but I know he's not at zero. Noone is.


It's been a great day of some intense bidding, but we're not even halfway there yet! The auction will close at midnight on Saturday and since tomorrow has to be payday for a large majority of you chicas out there, I expect to see even more action on the bidding site tomorrow. So get some rest, get some money and bid on these guys! Keep spreading the word, too. We're not just in DC for this thing, we've got Chicago, Oxfordshire, Arkansas, California, Georgia, and Oregon with representation.

Happy Bidding!

Bid Wars

Ladies, head on over to The Not Girls Charity Auction and pick up a man in the name of charity. Get your bid on!

I never promised you a rose garden

This is going to be a long post, and you probably won’t read it. I don’t really care. I’m writing this for me because I have to get it all out somewhere. This is 6-8 months worth of posts, people. This is the story of NotGeorge.

Maybe you’ll recall several months ago that NotGeorge appeared on my list of crushes. What started out in a “typical” blogger relationship, reading each other’s posts and commenting, developed into an online friendship. We began instant messaging each other and talking on the phone. There would be times I’d look up at the clock and realize we had been talking for 6 hours without pause. When a bottle of wine was involved, we would jokingly refer to these as “dates”. There was the obligatory exchange of pictures and my declaration that we were just friends. Still, there was minor flirting on both parts, and he wormed his way in. My crush developed. This is someone I would talk to every day. He got in, made it past my firewall.

There were warning signs that I think I wanted to ignore. Despite the flirting, this was no relationship. He made mention of other women, and I was busy kissing him and him. Eventually the inevitable happened, and a job interview brought him to DC and a weekend with me. As it got closer and closer to our actual meeting, I confessed I had developed a bit of a crush and was tired of hearing of these other potential women, particularly the body builder*. We had what I think was a frank discussion on the potential chemistry we may or may not have, and I began to get nervous about actually meeting him.

Meeting any fellow blogger for the first time is unnerving, but imagine meeting one you had developed a bit of a fondness for. I felt like I was being forced to take a midterm I couldn’t study for. Waiting to face someone at the airport who is supposed to stay with you for the next four days is unnerving. Oh wait, did I say supposed to stay with me? The first wrench in what could have been a smooth meeting was tossed in by me. Circumstances outside of my control dictated that he couldn’t stay at my apartment, so rather than tell him about it in advance, I arranged other accommodations. This is not the kind of information to wait to impart to someone you just met and that has just stepped off an airplane. It’s something I’m still living down.

Once we got past the fact that he would be staying in a motel, the weekend went ok. I was definitely a bundle of nerves that first night, but the first full day was better. After his first round of interviews, we met up for some legal reception and later his friend for drinks. Alcohol definitely helped the cause, putting everyone more at ease. Honestly, at this point I was still trying to figure out if we had “it” but was thinking maybe we did. Nerves made my emotions so difficult to sort out.

That night I stayed at the motel with him, and talk about awkward. I had no idea what to do with myself (no…not like that). I was supposed to be the aggressive one. That’s the way our online conversations played out, but how can you be sexually aggressive with someone you’ve just met. I guess you can’t really if you’re me. What ensued was quirky at worst, sweet at best. There was the back scratching thing**, the minor wrestling thing, and the cuddling/spooning/trying to sleep thing.

Stress levels were back up the next day because my birthday party was that night, and he was going to meet a good number of my friends, including all of the Not girls and some of the characters like NotGraceful*** and NotBeast***. To keep this as short as possible, let’s just say that on my birthday I got drunk, became obsessed with NotSamantha’s flogger and made a number of sloppy passes and the statement, “I don’t want to want you.”****

I woke that Sunday morning to be told that he was glad I (the sober, sane one) was back and that he had started not to like me last night. Despite hearing I’d made such an ass of myself, what ensued was an endearing day of napping and talking on the couch with some Amazing Race that night. At one point, NotGeorge shoots me a look and when asked what it was for, he says he is considering jumping me. When I ask why he doesn’t, the subject is changed. A bit later I look at him and tell him I want him to kiss me. His response is that part of him wants to kiss me, too. I ask about the part that doesn’t and what ensues is a confusing conversation about his being afraid if we took that next step we’d eventually lose the friendship and closeness that we have. In spite of the conversation, kissing did occur, and I’m really having a hard time describing it. Was there the chemistry that told my brain I’d die if he ever stopped kissing me? No. It was nice…and sweet…and I could have gone on kissing him for a long time. However, I sensed him holding back.

As I was driving him to the airport the next morning, I had wrapped my mind around the fact that we were destined for friends-only territory and had already decided it would be a goodbye hug at the airport. And then he kisses me goodbye. When I return the kiss somewhat platonically, his response is, “that’s all?” We kiss again with a bit more passion, and I say something about the fact that I think I’m going to miss him. I surprise myself by shedding a tear as I drive away.

At this point, I’m completely confused and becoming a total girl. Wtf? Are we friends? Are we more than friends? Rather than confronting this issue head on, I do what any girl would do…I analyze…and analyze. He’s back at home and things go somewhat back to normal. I think that perhaps I’ll see him when I go home for the holidays and things will get sorted out then. In the meantime, we continue to chat online and on the phone.

Flash forward a couple of weeks, and I get an email asking if I would be willing to drive from Austin to San Francisco with him and help him move after Christmas. Always up for an adventure, I agree. In a follow-up email, he writes this (among other things):

“We could spend a romantic new year’s eve in some motel! J”

What? Was he joking? My stomach flipped a little and the girl in me thought maybe. The warning signs were still there, though. I should have been taking off the rose-colored glasses and busting out a copy of He’s Just Not That Into You. There were comments like, “I wish I had a girlfriend to…” I knew clarity had to be gained on the road to San Francisco.

(This post is really too long. Sorry!)

So, two weeks ago I travel to Austin and set out to help this man move from Austin to San Francisco and see a little bit of the country in the process. Moving is stressful, but it’s been a while since I’ve fought with someone as much as we bickered at the beginning of that trip. He would get frustrated and bark at me, putting me on edge and making me get snippy back. We weren’t communicating or were (quite literally) not hearing what the other person was saying. I sobbed that first night after a misunderstanding***** that had us sleeping in separate cars at a truck stop in Van Horn, TX.

On the road the next day, I knew we needed to talk (and soon). I, at least, had to clear up the whole relationship issue. That night we stopped for sushi in Phoenix, and I decided to strike******. I brought up the airport and explained how it completely threw me, how I had been ready to be ok with friends and that it made me think and hope there was something more. He reasoned that (1) it was just a kiss; (2) after such an intense weekend, it had felt appropriate; and (3) he had also been a bit confused at the time. I think I made it clear that I don’t kiss my friends or sleep/cuddle with my friends. I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped when he responded by saying if he had wanted to be more than friends, he would have felt me up. Hmmm…insulted. This was turning into a positive trip. Once back on the road, I kept thinking I should cry, that I should be more upset. It didn’t happen though. Maybe the stress of our arguing had drained me of any emotion. Maybe I just wasn’t that into him. I don’t know. That brings us to this post.

(This is where I play amateur psychologist.)

There was more tension, more stress, but things did get better, especially once the moving and unpacking were done. We were more open about what frustrated us in the other. The days that followed were sightseeing and domestic errands. It’s odd how quickly you can lull yourself into a routine. I found myself developing a deeper bond of friendship with him through everything we had gone through. There were moments like New Year’s Eve when I wanted to kiss or walking down the street when it would have been nice to hold hands, but in general, it moved beyond that. On the way to the airport on Thursday, I had to bite my lip to keep from crying, managing not to cry until I was on the plane. While I had wanted to bail at different points in the trip, I was truly sad to go home. Leaving was hard, and it’s up to me to figure out why. Why did I feel a little incomplete that first day back? Why am I not angry at some of the things he said or the way the situation turned out? Why does a small part of me still want to make out with him?

*His story, not mine.
**His story, not mine.
***Both of whom happen to be in the charity auction.
****I did want to want him. I just didn’t want to want him if he didn’t want me.
*****The misunderstanding wasn’t the cause of us sleeping at a truck stop, but I don’t want to write the sentence differently.
******So the wrong word, since it took me forever to get out, and I basically reverted back to my 12 year old self.

Renew Years

While I was traipsing across the country this past week, plans were being hatched to redo New Year's Eve with me present. So, feet firmly planted on the ground in Virginia, NotCharlotte, NotCarrie and a host of other characters whisked me off to the quaint town of Fredericksburg to a bar that feels like home. What transpired was truly another quintessential "Fred" night. We quickly picked up a couple of guys to add spice to the evening and hopefully provide the midnight kisses for our "renew" year's celebration. One was a friend of NotCarrie's, NotDreds, and the other we'll call NotShy. NotShy quickly ingratiated himself to the Nots by telling us how hott we were and offering to round up a bevy of boys for our choosing. Unfortunately, NotShy proceeded to hit up the sketchiest of patrons as we tried to shrink into the shadows. Several drinks later, NotShy still continued to entertain us by dancing, taking our pictures, etc. Things got hilarious when he hung a dollar out of his pants and told me it was my mission to find someone to get it. I'm such a bad friend because the first thing I did was gesture to NotCharlotte and tell him I'd try the blonde. Turns out NotCarrie isn't that great of friend either because we both hazed NotCharlotte until she used her pearly whites to grab that dollar. Yes, I did catch it all on film. NotShy must have suffered from some kind of Cinderella syndrome though because he completely disappeared a few minutes before the witching hour. Seriously, he vanished. Was he a figment of our hyped up imaginations? Perhaps he was just bummed he lost his last dollar to NotCharlotte.

Want to find someone new to celebrate your own Renew Year's with? Want to help out a worthy cause? Bid on one of our eligible bachelors in the first Not Girls Charity Auction. Browse the goods here*, and come back January 11-13 to put your money where your mouth is.


*Like the site? It's all the handy work of Dan. Web designers turn you on? He's up on the auction block on come January 11!

Secret Sharer

I've been hooking up with NotGraceful for the past 2 months. Since our fateful night at the Halloween party, we've discovered more of each other than sequins on David Bowie's pants. These are all alcohol-induced hookups, which makes me realize that perhaps there's nothing to them. Of course, me being a girl, I've been tending to think otherwise.

How is someone to know the status of a hookup? Are there rules? Am I, for example, expected to "forget" each night and treat each new one as just that? It's very hard to do that when both parties remember what the other one likes.

I wish I could go into more detail, but I'm not, for fear that he reads this. If that's the case, then so be it. Let's figure this out, either way, so I can stop overanalyzing it.

Readers, I need advice.

Creating Opportunities For Love

A friend of mine has a 2007 goal to fall in love. My first thought was You can't make someone fall in love with you, but then I thought Why not? It's not about taking over someone's mind and forcing them to have feelings for you, it's about making things happen, which TA-DA, is one of my things to remember to do this year.

For example, how likely is it to fall in love while sitting at home watching Netflix movies? Hmmmm, not very likely, eh? How likely is it to fall in love while being antisocial at a party? A little more likely only because other people are involved, but how many guys want to talk to the girl in the corner?

I think the 2007 Fall In Love goal is completely feasible if looked at from the mindset of creating the opportunites to fall in love and for others to fall in love with me. I think it's about being out there and being myself and being absolutely fabulous. Who wouldn't want to fall in love with me? I just need to give them the opportunity!

I love 2007 already!

Hello, Two Double Oh Seven

I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions, but since this is my alter-ego of sorts, I'm going to make some. New Years Eve was a lot of fun and since I know you are all on the edge of your seats waiting to know what happened I'll tell you. I didn't have a kiss as hott as some recent years, but I'm not complaining about the cheek kisses I did give and receive. I also had a lot of fun and woke up the next day feeling okay both physically and emotionally as I knew I had not done anything to be embarassed by. And isn't that just as good as kissing some strange person? I mean, even better. Ha!

Onto the things I would like to keep in mind in Two Double Oh Seven:

1. Not that I get a lot of date invitations, but I want to be more open to the idea of new people.I think I am definitely the type to build a relationship from a friendship, which is something I should probably expand upon. There are gazillions of people out there and I need to not be afraid of encountering them in a romantic setting.

2. I don't want to let other people's negative moods to affect me. Sometimes it's like a club to join or something, but it's more important for me to remain positive. I'm an optimist, I really am. No negativity!

3. Floss more.

4. I won't wait to see what happens. I will try my best to make things happen.

5. I will not come home from my cousin's wedding without finding a fiance of my own.


Okay, kidding on #5. I might add to this later, but this is my concise list for the moment. Things to keep in mind.

Cherry Stems

I just told NotCharlotte that I am going to stand around tomorrow night tying cherries stems into knots using only my tongue so the guys in the room know I mean midnight business. I don't want anyone thinking I'm a prude bitch who isn't into the New Years lip-locking festivities because I so am.

I most certainly do not believe in the silly belief that the midnight kiss determines one's luck in love for the next year, but I do believe in the awkwardness that can be created when it seems like everyone else has paired up. I hate that. And really, it's never happened that everyone around me has paired up and I'm left standing there in what I wish would turn into quick sand to swallow me up. Although, if I'm looking on the bright side of things, which I am, I could say that there are two things in this world that I love: champagne and kissing and if I can't be guaranteed the one, I'm going to go all out with the other. Bubbly for me...yes, have some.


Have a super fantastic New Years!!!!

Muddying the waters

I don't even really know where to begin. I could begin at the beginning, but that could take awhile and time is not on my side. Soon, my pretties. Right now...a preview. I'm traveling across the southwest with a man my mother is afraid I'm boning. She has little to worry about because clarity has finally been achieved in what was once muddy waters. There will be no boning on this trip. No kissing, no spooning, no cuddling. I was ok with this until I looked at his back last night in bed. Right then I just wanted someone's arms around me, telling me it would be ok.

Frankie Says Relax

If you are anything like me, you are anxiously awaiting the start of our auction, and I promise you, it's coming! Actually it's coming up pretty quickly so calm down on the after-Christmas sales so you'll have the dinero ready to bid on some of the awesome guys we have for you chicas out there. Right now the Nots are all still busy with family and friends and our many jobs. I have a feeling that New Years Eve will inspire a post from all of us and after that it will be time for the auction so, keep checking back in and we'll get the details out asap.

In the meantine, what are your NYE plans? I'm still unsure of mine and right now I'm on the fence with going out and not drinking at all so I can get home or planning to spend the night out. If there is one thing I am absolutely sure of, it's that I'm not drinking a drop if I plan on getting in a car to drive. The cops are going to be out in full force that night and with other crazies on the road, it will be essential to be uber-alert. Now, with that in mind, I'm still sure to have a grand evening with friends so no worries there. What are you guys going to be up to?

Poppin Fresh

Recently, I have acquired a new job at a bakery. I absolutely love it because it not only gives me baking experience for when I own my own bakery one day, but this new place of employment has a plethora of hot men.
I have decided to find me a bakery boyfriend. I have a few in mind already and have already started to make my move. The bakery manager is a 26 year old tall drink of hottness and every chance I get, I make witty comments and flash a patented "notcharlotte smile" his way. Sadly, I have to go by facial features only, as our pure white uniforms do nothing for the female figure. During the times I realize that boning/flirting with managers is a big no-no, I mosey on over to the bread section, where the biggest concentration of highly attractive males lies. I work at 5am and there's nothing like sleepily stumbling over to the men kneading the big balls of dough and asking them to get something for me that's "just too high for me to get."
I think I've started roping a couple in. Just the other day, I was invited into an interesting conversation about music and its' relationship to emotions as I was making my way to the freezer.
Just call me the bakery whore. I just hope I can recognize who's who when I see them without their uniforms on...

Do any of you have work "boyfriends/girlfriends?" Doesn't it make work a slight bit more bearable?

Visions Of Sugarplums Were So Not Dancing In My Head

Last night, while everyone else was dreaming of sugarplums and Sandy Claws, I was having one helluva dream about the most unlikely person. Without reading into who this dream was about (don't even ask), I must comment on how perfect it was plot-wise. I had a level of comfort in the dream that is something I think most of us are looking for. Even though I am now getting some of the details blurred, I remember he and I going on a short trip and taking opportunities when they arose to steal kisses. It was so sweet. I woke up feeling a little bad about having such a dream on Christmas Eve, when I should have been dreaming about what I would find in my stocking and under the tree, or really, I guess, about peace on Earth and good will to men, right? Ha!

And I know I'm being a bit secretive about who I was dreaming about, but it left me seriously perplexed when I woke up. 1) While I used to have a crush on this person, I no longer do, nor have I in awhile. 2) He's not the type to be in a situation that involves "sweet kisses."

I left the dream dictionary alone on this one and instead went about my day having a very merry Christmas and spending time with the family. I hope you had a good one, too.

This Charming Man

I went out the other night to meet up with my college friend, NotCharming, and some other people I know through him. I always look forward to nights out with him because he really does live up to his name as he is one of the most charming people I know. He's the type of guy who will know everyone in the room, but you still feel like you're his #1 there.

We have an interesting history. It's gone from barely knowing each other, to me having a weird, big crush on him (during college), to use flirting incessantly, to him asking me to bone, to us becoming good friends. He lives out of the state now, so I don't get as much of his charming personality as I would like, but I always make sure to meet up when he is home for holidays.

The other night was weird, though, at karoake. His ex-girlfriend was there and I got the feeling he's still into her. She was cute and all, but she was one of those Professional Karoake-ers-you know who I mean. The ones who sing with vibrato, do dance moves, and always choose the songs that will best showcase their 'voices', ha! The one time I did karoake, I sang Bootylicious in a redneck bar in the southside of Richmond. It was God-awful and as soon as the song was done, I set down the microphone and left the bar.

I, surprisingly, have never kissed NotCharming. In the almost seven years I have known him, I can't believe this fact. There's just something in the stars that always puts some weird clause on us when we're hanging out even though the flirting has gotten pretty crazy at times. I'm not saying I want to or expect to ever have something with him, it's just weird nothing has ever happened. He's a good friend, though, and I am glad for that.

The nitty gritty

Alright, boys and girls. I know you've been waiting with bated breath to find out a few more details about our upcoming charity auction. I've included some of the basics below, and as we build out the auction site*, we'll continue to feed you more information and do our best to keep you jazzed. Also, if any of you boys out there still want to volunteer for the auction, it's not to late. Just like Uncle Sam, we need YOU!

What: The Not Girls Charity Auction

Charity: V-Day

When: January 11-13, 2007

Items up for bid: 19 men (12 DC-metro area, 1 LA, 1 SF, 1 Atl, 1 Chicago, 1 UK, 1 NYC, 1 AR)

Ladies, it's quite a nice selection we've amassed, so start saving now!


*Special shout out to one of our guys being auctioned who is building it for us! Yay!

Do You Hear What I Hear?

There have only been a few times that I have been the subject of some salacious gossip. The time the rumor went around that I was found in the downstairs part of a bar with another girl's boyfriend who had his pants down*, the time everyone was talking about what I was or was not doing with NotRoger after parties at his brother's place, and the time my guy friends wouldn't believe that I had not had sex with their friend after giving him a ride home.

It's weird, though, because never have I been in a social circle that gossiped so damn much as the one I am a part of now. I, admittedly and thankfully, provide very little of the info that gets passed around, but I sometimes wonder if it's a sign I'm turning into an old fogie or am just a boring prude. It would be hypocritical of me to say I would never hook up with someone at one of these parties I seem to never be able to go to, but I cringe sometimes when I hear the stories of the night before. It makes me glad to have spend the same night sober and with no one's tongue but my own in my mouth. Is it a phase I outgrew? Is it a sign I'm just looking for more than random kisses? I'm not sure, but until I figure it all out, I'm going to continue staying OFF the gossip radar. What I do is no one's business but my own...and you guys, of course.



*We only madeout and I had NO idea he had a girlfriend I swear to Allah. All pants remained ON the entire time.

Neologism at its best

A lot of good shit has been going down in my "no sex"life, but since I'm still not sure which end is up, I will defer to a topic that I have been enlightened of while hanging out with my college friends.

Through one of my closer college buddies, NotHarley, I have gotten to know NotKidA. She's a cute 21 year old with short, short hair and a confidence problem. She and her boyfriend of several years recently broke up and she's been after another of our mutual friends, NotBYU. He's a sweetheart and completely clueless about her wanting him.

Last week, we all went to a pub and as I watched the two of them interact, I got the feeling that he just wasn't that into her. Sure, they sat together and she teased him the entire night, he bought her beer, but his attention wasn't fully being paid to her. As my friend said, "He doesn't like her as much as she deserves.

So our evening ends and everyone leaves, except for the two of them. I don't think much of it, but when I talk to NotHarley later, she tells me the two of them (NotKidA and NotBYU) boned.
This sort of shocks me, mostly because I don't know either of them that well and I give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
NotHarley then goes on to tell me that NotKidA is probably on another one of her Trampages (pronounced like rampage, but with a t in front of it). I look at her quizically and NotHarley tells me that NotKidA, in her freshman year at NotHarvard, slept with pretty much every guy she came across. In other words, a Trampage. I became completely enamoured of this new word and wondered if she was the only one who had come across it. Then at breakfast one morning, I heard another one of my close college friends, NotShortie, use it as well. "So you two didn't bone, even after hanging out for 6 hours and him cooking dinner for you?" "Oh no way, that was before my Trampage."

I have not been on a Trampage yet... but I feel, especially with recent events, that I could be bordering on one. Have any of you been on a Trampage before? I guess for men it would be called a... Manage? hahaha.

What Makes It A Date?

Have you ever gone out with someone of the opposite sex* and not been sure if it was a date or not? Now, this hasn’t happened to me recently (as far as I know), but recent events got me thinking about it. My friends and I tease all the time about an evening being a date if someone pays for the other or if the male and female sit on the same side of the table. Obviously, these are ludicrous qualifiers for what makes it a date, but what does make it a date?

It’s not exactly customary to request one’s company by saying, “Would you like to spend an evening with me? I have romantic intentions for you.” Sure, it would make for a less ambiguous time, but invitations just don’t go like that. At least, none that I have received. A male friend of mine recently was invited out by a woman and was unsure if the night out was one of old friends or one where a goodnight kiss was expected and hoped for. How was he to have known? Yeah, there are signs to be seen during the evening, like positive body language or eyefucking**, but it’s not always obvious when the question is posed.

I wrote once about going on a non-date with my guy friend and how, from the outside, it looked like we were on a real date. We both knew, though, that we were just hanging out. Another time, years ago, a guy friend of mine invited me out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. Looking back, I should have known better, but he told me that he had a coupon and needed to use it by its expiration date. Does this sound like a date invitation to you? The night really is material for a blog in itself, but the evening that I thought was just about friends taking advantage of using a coupon turned into him trying to stroke the back of my neck and convince me to come inside.

Whoa, awkward.

So how does a person know when it’s a date and when it’s just two people hanging out as friends? One thing I do know (get ready for shameless plug) is that all dates won in our CHARITY AUCTION (see button in the sidebar to the right), will be properly clarified before they happen.


*Or same sex, if you swing that way.
**I stole that from the lovely Barmaid.

C'mon boys...

I know these are boring posts, and you want details of nights of debauchery. However, this week we're going to be all about the NPR-style of telethoning.

What are we asking for? Ah, how short your memory is. We need single, male volunteers for our charity auction.

Who does it benefit? V-Day, the global organization fighting violence against women. I would also argue it benefits our male volunteers, allowing them to give of themselves, and our potential female bidders, allowing them to also give and buy a date!

Read the original post here, and email notmiranda@gmail.com to volunteer for the auction.

Stay tuned for more details!

Budget Bidding

While planning for this auction, I have noticed myself daydreaming about spending all of my money on bids and then traveling around the country going on dates with our male volunteers. I know I was there the day we learned about sharing in Kindergarten, but it’s going to be difficult to remember how to do it once the auction has begun and I am presented with so many attractive choices. I can’t give out many details just yet (they’re coming, though), but, like I said, it’s going to be difficult to hold back. Maybe I should make a budget before the bidding starts.


And guys? We’re still accepting volunteers…It’s for a great cause!

Sprung

Sitting down in front of my computer was a dangerous idea on a Saturday night. Rather than working on that proposal my boss was waiting on, I found myself catching up on blogs I love reading. Of course, if my evening had stopped there, then it wouldn't merit a post here. Instead, I dreamt of wireless signals for people far away. Sprung. Googling sprung, I discover I sometimes meet the definition.
Something else I discovered I'm sprung on tonight...Studio 60 on Sunset Strip. Forget that kiss (you know the one I mean). I'm talking about the "speech"...

"I've been married twice before, and I'm a recovering cocaine addict and I know that's no woman's dream of a man or of a father. Nonetheless, I believe I'm falling in love with you. If you want to run, I understand, but you'd better get a good head start because I'm coming for you, Jordan."

That is how you tell a woman you want her. Danny Trip** stole my heart tonight.

**Studio 60, folks. Keep up.

'Tis the Season

The holiday season is supposed to be one of giving, helping those less fortunate. Well, the girls here at NSATC have decided that we, too, would like to give this holiday season. It is in the spirit of Christmahanukwanzaakah that the Not girls ask for your help. How so? We are in the process of organizing a charity auction in which the items to be auctioned off are dates with all of those hott, single male readers (commenters and noncommenters alike). One thing we've gathered in blogging here is that there are a lot of single men and women out there just trying to figure out how to hook up*. What better way to spread love, introduce you all to new people and raise money for charity than to hold an auction?! Guys...this is where your help comes in. We need all you single, male readers out there to volunteer to be put up on the auction block. Think of all of the benefits of selling yourself like a piece of meat: (1) giving to a good cause; (2) the opportunity to meet a potentially cool girl; and (3) an ego boost when bids go high. All you need to do is send me an email at notmiranda@gmail.com and provide the following information:

*indicate your willingness to participate
*city/state where you are located
*name
*blog (if applicable)
*photo

You have until December 15th to volunteer! And, ladies, don't think we've forgotten about you. We will post details soon about how the auction will work and how you can get a look at the eligible dates. Just know that we're working hard to bring you the best and have a few surprises up our sleeve. We've currently got our fingers crossed that a certain, hot celebrity blogger will participate ; )


*i.e., meet someone...not "hook up".

Vicky's Secret

The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is on with none other than the HOTT Justin Timberlake. I would be watching anyway, even if Mr. JT wasn't on because lingerie is fashion, too, and it's fun to see what they come up with for these shows. It's basically knickers and bras for an hour, but you can't help but be amazed at the designs. And it's not about hott women being half nekkid (unless you're male?), it's about creativity and, like I said, fashion, and just seeing gorgeous designs. Maybe I'm alone in enjoying the fashion show in a non-sexual way...or really, I guess we could call it research, eh? Maybe one day I'll have a mate who has a weird Alice In Wonderland fetish and I'll say, "OH! Victoria's Secret has just the thing!"

The Lube

I don't know what it is, and maybe it's the uniforms and grease, but some of the guys who work at Jiffy Lube are so hott. I went on Friday and thought I had found the mecca of hott Jiffy Lube guys. One was so cute he made me a little nervous to talk to. "Have you rotated your tires?"

Did he just ask to rotate my "tires"?


Instead, I said, "Tires? Ummm, Huh? I...I don't know. I should know."

But after I explained that I wanted just the basics because I'm poor (and charming and single), he followed me back into the office to talk. And talk we did for about ten minutes while the other guys worked on my car. I'm not going to analyze the conversation because it was so short, but I definitely will be headed back to that same Jiffy Lube in 3,000 miles.

Lack of Backbone...Ballbuster Women and Milquetoast Men

Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about backbones and the relationships between men and women. What does one have to do with the other...? Well lots if you're having some of the conversations I've been having lately with my girlfriends. Despite have a degree in Women’s Studies I still don’t seem any closer to figuring out the roles of men and women in society. First, the thing about backbones…I’ve been noticing, both through experiences of my own and those of others, that most of the guys I'm/we're meeting are seriously lacking in that department. Whether it is an unwillingness to get pens as NotCarrie called it or simply not being able to say/ask/demand what they want; in short men are starting to fail me. However, when I take a look at what pop culture has spewed out I realize that society, in general hasn’t helped.

Case in point, I was channel surfing, something that I rarely do, because I'm fed up with the drivel they serve up as tv, but on this particular day I had decided to make a concerted effort to find something different than what I normally watched. I landed oddly enough on one of my faves from about 7 - 10 years ago, "Boy Meets World". Unfortunately, it was at the point when the slow was doing its descent into hell because they had taken it beyond high school, into the college years, but I digress.

Cory and Topanga, were having dinner at some frou frou restaurant and trying to show, his best friend (can't remember, nor do I care about this kid's name) and his new wannabe girlfriend (could care less about her name) how happy they were as a couple. As with most sitcoms what they did was show how not to be a couple in love, with Topanga losing her temper with said milquetoast boyfriend because she can't even remember why they are at this restaurant. She proceeds to yell at him, then growl (grrr) at the head waiter when he timidly requests, (another milquetoast), that she keep her yelling to a dull roar. When she questions why Cory isn't getting angry at her because of she is yelling at him, what does he do? He lets out a roar that was befitting of his cowed status...(grrr). The longer I watched the more I started thinking about the life of this show...Topanga ruled over Cory...always. He didn't have any definite opinions (that I remember), or make any decisions. He went to her school because that's where she went, he did everything for her, totally devoted himself to her and in my opinion, lost the right to his man card, or rather gave it to her along with a strap-on to hit just the right spot as she screwed him...over and over. On the other side she never deferred to him for anything and had few if any apologies, in fact the only time I believe I saw her let him take the lead is when he proposed...and I think she even took that away somewhat by turning him down and then later proposing to him (I've considered looking at this series again, but have decided my mind couldn't take it).

This is one small example of what I'm trying to get across. Where do the roles that we would like to play out as men and women take a back seat to what society has told us we should be expecting? I'm not saying that women shouldn't expect to get equal treatment. I'm not saying that men shouldn't treat women like equals. What I am saying is when are we going to let each other off the hook for acting like a girl and a boy? For doing the things that, for lack of a better word, come instinctively? I have female friends who can't cook and are proud of it, but I love to cook and love having people eat my cooking...does that make me less of a strong woman because of that? Likewise, I have male friends who are handy with the tools, which I am not so and will gladly let them come repair anything I manage to break in my home. But, would they even think of pushing the envelope a little with me if they liked me...probably not, because they've been told that they can't just kiss a woman because they want to. Instead they have to do some sort of ritualistic dance of the dinner and movie variety before getting around some sort of bases and then one more sports metaphor and they're in...

So where does that leave me...besides looking for a chiropractor, you mean? Not sure, but I think I've come to my bottom line. I want a guy who's willing to fight for the opportunity to love me, because I'm going to do the same. I want a guy who has got enough balls to approach me and not go whimpering into a corner when I give him attitude. Either rework you approach and try again or tell me what you think about my rebuff, you might be surprised. And ladies, if you're a ballbuster (and I know many of us are), take off the brass knuckles every once in while, we may be in for a surprise.

Hell, we're always underestimating each other anyway.

Meet Me In The Backseat

I'm driving a rental car for a few days and last night I noticed the backseat is HUGE! Not in a "Hey, maybe if you put your left leg out the window and I rotate to the right we'll be fine" way, but in a far less scandalous, observational way. In fact, all of my backseat experience has been of the non-scandalous kind now that I think about it.



So I have this car for a few days and while the thought of "This Is Not My Car And Who Knows Who Or What Has Been In The Backseat" has been constant on my mind, I'm also very intrigued by its spaciousness. The timing is a bit off as I have to return it on Thursday and I'm busy from now until then. (Not that kind of busy.) I've already proposed the idea to one male friend who politely declined and proceeded to make me laugh with his suggestion of who I should ask. I will not be taking his suggestion and I have a feeling Enterprise will get their car back with flower intact.

Because I can

Every now and then it dawns on you (and frustrates you) just how useful it would be to have a man around. This past week was spent housesitting for our very own NotCharlotte while she flirted her way through Wisconsin casinos. As I was getting ready one morning, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye and was horrified to spy a mammoth spider. I don't do well with normal bugs, but when a large brown recluse-like spider is involved, I become a stupid girl through and through. Without making any sudden moves, I grabbed my things and backed out of the bathroom. I did try to kill it with the lid of a hamper but only succeeded in pissing it off. So, I did what any rational girl would do. I turned off the light, closed the bathroom door and shoved a sheet along the sill to "trap" it. The second or third thing to pop in my head was how nice it would be to have a man around to yell at to come kill the spider (or at least trap and release). Sigh. Instead, I did what any spider fearing girl would do. I got NotGraceful to stop by later that night to kill the spider in the bathroom. The damned spider, of course, was never heard from again.

Coal to Diamonds

So I'm in Wisconsin again for Thanksgiving. I had another good run-in with the Grambo, which I will go into detail as soon as I can wrap my head around it.
My family likes to go to the casino. It's hereditary because my Grandmother and all of her children like to do it.
So we took a "family outing" to the local gambler's paradise to do some bonding. Within the first 20 minutes I had already strayed from the herd and was tapping away my 20 bucks, 40 pennies at a time. I was mid-spin when the machine went blank and then a bunch of techy code came across the screen with the words "call attendant" at the very top. I didn't think that my $17.67 was anywhere close to a jackpot, so I pressed the buttons, all of them, and none of them worked.

*sigh*
my little ticket, my gambling money, was stuck in that machine and I couldn't leave because I was by myself. So I sat there for a minute. Then I saw a tall guy with a gray polo shirt on and a walkie talkie so I asked him for some help. He told me that he was on his way to another machine but he'd be right back. So I sit back down and try to look like I just won a shitload of money, that's why I'm not spending more. 5 minutes later two more tall, wholesome, corn-fed hunks of men in the same kind of gray polos come by. "We heard your machine was stuck."
I couldn't help myself. I put my hand on my hip and gave them a NotCharlotte special with my eyes and proceeded to act like a helpless doe in the brambles. The men proceeded to stumble over each other, stooges-style, trying to fix my machine. While one started banging on the side really hard to get it to restart (they do things real advanced up in the Great Lakes area), the other one took the opportunity to chat me up. We were animatedly talking about the pot luck they were having in the back room when the first guy that helped me shows up. He comes into the conversation too and we're really getting into it, talking about pumpkin pie and turkey. Then another guy shows up, with a button up instead, obviously a manager. He asks me how I'm doing and then joins right into the conversation.
So let's recap:
3 men in gray polos
1 man in a button up shirt
4 of us talking about food
1 banging the crap out of a penny machine
20 machines around the one that the guy is banging on

At one point, a woman in a blazer/nametag combo comes by and goes "wow, how many of you need to be here right now?"
This caused a shuffle of red-faced Dockers-wearing employees as 2 of the men disappeared. At this point the machine was never going to work so the manager signed off on something and the one banging the machine went and got me cash for my ticket.

I thanked all of them and went on my way.

When I later told this story to my G-Ma and Aunt, they thought it was really amusing. My Aunt then explained: "It's hunting season. The stags are all in a tizzy about the does running around, ripe for mating so it gets the men all riled up too. This time a year, men are only after two things: Deer and Women. Go anywhere in a tight sweater and you've got them wrapped around your finger."

I then realized why she is not my favorite aunt.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone is having a lovely Thanksgiving...unless you're not in the US of A, then I hope you had a great Thursday!

I didn't think I would have anything NSATC related to write about today, but I sorta do! My family went out to a restaurant for our meal which was cool...especially since there were no dishes to wash. There were tons of fine, young gentlemen there, too, and had I not been stuffing my face enjoying everything offered to me, I would have been more into it. Not that I often try to pick up guys while with my family or anything, but it never hurts to flirt, right? Maybe not on Thanksgiving. What would my pick-up line be? "Hey baby, I'm on my third helping of mashed potatoes....you?"

Happy T Day!!!!

Why NotCarrie Would Be A Good Girlfriend;)

I guess what sparked me to think of this is that I saw this girl I know who is really annoying and I recently found out she's married. Not knowing her husband, I can only hope he is equally annoying because is it fair for an annoying person to take a non-annoying person from the dating pool? No...The answer is no.

Anyway, so I am not annoying. Not annoying would go on the list of "Why NotCarrie Would Be A Good Girlfriend" so, in honor of that, I figured I'd let you know the other things as well.

Why NotCarrie Would Be A Good Girlfriend:

• Not annoying.
  
• You, as my beau, would not be subjected to a lot of NotCarrie family functions or general crap and uncomfortableness. I am quite private about my social life when it comes to my family and you would benefit from this.
  
• I'm not an expensive date. Not only do I pay for myself, but I don't expect my expensive taste to be satisfied. What I'm saying is that I like the best things in life, but if I can't buy them myself then I don't really expect them. Make sense?
• We can make out...a lot.
  
• I like many different things: sports, music, tv/movies, traveling, puzzles, sleeping, etc.
  
• I like my alone time so I'm definitely not a smotherer.
• I'm not a big phone person. If you want to call and talk then I'm a good listener, but I don't expect or like to have big phone conversations every night or anything. That being said, I do appreciate an email or text here and there to know you're alive.
  
• I don't get sick. That means we can make out more.
  
• I don't smoke.
• I do drink. But not excessively. Neither lush nor straightedge. And I don't drink those frou frou girly drinks.
  
• When I like someone, I'm extra generous.
  
• I make good pies.
  

Of course this is all in good fun. It's fun to make a "Why I Rule" list every once in awhile:) Oh, and I left off things like, "I'm hott" and "I use good smelling shampoo" because those are things that you can judge for yourself. Oh, and also, I reserve the right to add to this list whenever I want to. Consider it on going.

Willing To Tutor

Your Kissing Technique Is: Perfect

Your kissing technique is amazing - and you know it. You have the confidence to make the first move. And you always seem to know what kissing style is going to work best. Sometimes you're passionate, sometimes you're a tease. And you're always amazing!

Are You a Good Kisser?

No Type

After NotCharlotte's most recent post about the types of guys she is attracted to, I couldn't help but think about it myself. Part of me just wanted to take the opportunity to post pictures of celebrities I find incredibly hott, but then I realized that while I do find them attractive, there hasn't really been a trend in my own (lack of) love life concerning looks. In fact, I've sort of been all over the place and can't think of any common feature except that they've all been taller than me. I can't Katie Holmes it just yet with a mate who is several inches shorter than I am. I guess I'm still carrying around some senstivity from elementary school when I was only shorter than maybe one or two of the guys.

Note: I am not that tall now. I feel the need to clarify this. I was taller than other kids my age when younger, but that's because those stupid boys were taking forever to hit puberty.

So...a type? Do I have a type? Part of me thinks I maybe don't have a type right now because the dating pool has been dried up as of late. Beggers can't be choosers. Wait...that's a horrible saying for this blog! I'm not begging for anything. I'm just hoping for a little fun:) (Soon!)

Celebrity Skin

I think I have a type. Whether I like it or not, I seem to be attracted to the same type of men... Celebrity lookalikes.

Fall of 2004: There was a new guy that started at the bookstore that I was instantly attracted to. Maybe it was his dark-rimmed glasses or the fact that he was getting his MFA in Poetry, but I don't think so. It was because he looked like Ben Gibbard.
The resemblance was uncanny, though I didn't put two and two together until he had found Steadier Footing at a different job. I still occasionally see him on campus and I just smile at the thought of him bouncing around the stage to Sound of Settling.

Winter of 2004: Again, at the bookstore. We got a winter hire that I had never seen before, but he looked so familiar. It wasn't until I had a few conversations with him about both music and comics that I realized he was my Seth Cohen.
This resemblance again was uncanny. So bad that I even went and found a magazine with a picture of darling Adam Brody in it to show this fine young character. Unfortunately, my findings were unoriginal and he soon left our happy bookstore family to pursue calmer waters.

Spring of 2006: Guess where this one happened? You guessed it... the bookstore. NotElvis, whom I know you guys have heard me talk about.
His NotName does justice to his appearance. He bears a striking resemblance to Elvis, pre-fat years. I never told him this and in fact, I don't think I ever will. We still chat on occasion, but I rarely see him, so unfortunately it's "out of sight, out of mind" in the case of my peanut butter and banana sandwich loving compadre.

My new and current attraction is also a celebirty lookalike, however I'm not quite ready yet to divulge anything about him. I do ask the Nots to please respect my wishes and not reveal his identity... for now. ;-)

So in conclusion:
1. I am attracted to hott men, obviously.
2. I tend to like dark hair and height.
3. They must work or have worked at a bookstore.
4. Musical tastes are important to me.
5. If you wear glasses, it's an added bonus.

Tick Tock

I could have sworn this guy was looking at me during class tonight. Every time my gaze went in his direction his eyes were locked my way. This surprised me as he and I have never interacted and really, I thought that if he were interested in anyone then it would be the girly girl he always sits next to. But there was no denying the direction he was looking. Thank goodness I didn’t try to give him eyes or anything since about halfway through class I realized I was sitting under the clock…

Million ways to be cruel

Earlier this week I was pondering a hiatus from this blog, but how I hate the melodrama of all of those "breaks" and "hiatuses". I'm in an I don't know place with a who knows person and just want to be respectful of that relationship* but also want to be able to speak honestly and from my heart here. Let's start off lightly, shall we?

Remember NotGeorge? Well, he was in town for a series of interviews last weekend, and we wound up hanging out quite a bit. He actually got to meet all of the Nots and some other Not characters! I'll have to make sure to pinky swear him to secrecy ; ) Anyway, this post is really spurred by comment he made while sitting on the couch on Sunday. Perhaps a little detail leading up to this is necessary.

Evidently, previous comments I have made on this site and in personal conversation seem to have given me a bit of a reputation. You'll recall I admitted to being a little intrigued by a spanking episode with NotDarling. There was also my clarion call for the beastly man. I may have even admitted to wanting to get a little rough. And, if you were at NotSamatha's house for my birthday party on Saturday night and had witnessed my drunken quest for the flogger, you would probably be more than a little afraid (*blush*). All of this leads to NotGeorge's comments of Sunday afternoon. I know I'm going to get the exact wording wrong, so I'm just going to paraphrase. Basically, he made reference to my dominatrix tendencies, seemingly desire to play into a desire for pain, and something to the effect that I had the potential to hurt him.

This begs for clarification**! I am not a dominatrix. Please. The truth of the matter is that I want to be dominated just as much as I want to dominate. I have no desire to inflict real pain and am no fan of pain myself. My previous comments all come out of a desire to play...to struggle. I wouldn't mind a little wrestling, some chase. It's more the kid in me than the vicious bitch. ; )


*Friendships are also relationships, so don't get your knickers in a twist.
**I had to clarify somewhere because I just don't know if NotGeorge got that or really thought I wanted to tie him up and beat him.

4am Seems Like A Good Sign, No?

My hair reeks of smoke. It's making me a little sick, actually. I'm too tired, though, from getting home at 4am to take a shower yet. Yeah, 4am. On a Thursday night. I seriously fought old-age last night and ended up having a really good time.

NotMiranda asked how it went and I answered, "Good! Not 'making out on the bar' good, but good!" The place we went to was playing Fast Paced Bingo so once that started at midnight, I was in uber-competitive mode so any flirting I did was before my quest to win. (Oh, and I did not. Win, that is.) I made A LOT of eyes which was fun and I practiced holding my gaze with hott guys who passed by. I think, though, it was probably appearing as though I was with the guy sitting next to me. Sure, we were sitting kind of close and he was helping me with the game, but he's perhaps spoken for...

Moving on! I know my eyes worked with at least one of my recipients, though, because he gave us a free appetizer and brought over our food order which is unheard of for those guys. Mmmhmmm! (And if it's not obvious, this guy works at the place. My eyes aren't good enough to get fellow customers to serve my food...yet. I'm working on it.)

All in all a very nice night and what I hope is the start to a great weekend!

Thirsty Thursday

I'm headed out on a Thursday. It's like I'm in college again, haha! I'll do my ABSOLUTE best to come back with stories...holy hell do I need them.

Adding Fish Back To The Sea

In what is already old news, there's been another guy added to the potential dating pool, ladies. Britney's dumping KFed to the curb and saying adios to his rapping ass. I tried to be supportive while the rest of the world was booing him and their relationship, but now that's it is official, I can say that I'm glad to have hott Britney back.

I've already predicted that he will soon be dating Tara Reid, but keep in mind single NSATC readers that he will soon be available. And apparently, as long as you're fertile, he'll be interested! Go for it, but be sure to report back and let us know how life with The Federmeister goes.

She Sends Kisses

Kissing should be a sport. In honor of football season, I have decided to make it more relatable to the people that don't play/watch/care about football (me included).

I was thinking about this the other day as I went through my head all the times when I could have won many a competition based solely upon my lips touching skin of the male persuasion.

I mean honestly, there are so many reasons why this is comparable to football:
1. There's bodily contact. Granted, there are no pileups (unless you were us, last weekend, however not all at once mind you) and the only marks you get are from over-exuberant sucky noises and one or two bite/whip marks (whichever you prefer).
2. Physical stamina is required. Making out for long periods of time probably burns the same amount of calories as kicking a field goal.
3. Kissing has quarters, or Halftime. You start kissing, it goes further, you stop to catch your breath, then you continue on until the end of the play.
4. If we were to score kissing, it would be broken down into three significant parts:
a. "Touchdown," or as I'd like to call it, SCORE! This may sound like an obvious one, however several factors come into play here. There's technique of the score. The time it took to reach this score (long or short, actually depends on the type of competition- quick or slow...). And there's also the level of difficulty in movements, which though it sounds like gymnastics, is not. There are moves in football (i'm sure of it), so there can be moves in Kissing.
b. "Field Goal," which consists of creative ways that the end goal is reached. Anything besides penetration (yes, I said penetration. I'm tempted to use other, more graphic words to describe things but in all honesty I'm tired and I have to make this fairly PG so it's easy to transcribe to the Olympic Committee)
c. "Safety." There can also be defensive scores given in Kissing rounds. Hands pushed back by feet could cause an uproar in the stands, however it would also gain the feet owners to gain a few scores. Slow motion cameras would be beneficial at this point.

I know you are probably thinking I'm crazy, but I'm not finished yet. You're probably also asking yourself, "How can there be a winner? I think that making out should be a team sport, everyone's a winner!"
You're wrong. There's always a winner. Not necessarily the person who comes out on top (ha) though. This is where the scoring comes in handy. Numbers are calculated and if necessary, there is a tie breaker round. The first person to come up for air is disqualified. This is where stamina is KEY.


My suggestion to you all is to start practicing. I'm already making up some t-shirts and will be holding "auditions" if you will in the next few weeks. I have a feeling that all of our readers (and writers) are going to kick ass at this game.

Late Night Early Morning Blogging

I am so glad I didn't blog when I got home last night. It would have been a "woe is me" type blog. Instead, I can report about how much fun I had last night watching a roomful of friends get drunk. Now, to be fair, I had my own tipsy/drunk moments, but they all occurred early in the night and I sobered up as most everyone else got more inebriated.

I didn't do a good job continuing on the trend started by NotCharlotte and NotMiranda last weekend, though. (Oh, and by "trend" I just mean making out. There will be no sharing trends started.) I wish I could report that I ended up in an empty room making out in the dark or had stolen away to the back porch to sneak a few kisses in* with someone. It's okay, though. Like I said, the "woe is me" moments have passed and were merely a result of the late night drive home. It does suck to look around a room and realize there's noone to flirt with...We need to start bringing some other people into our group. At one point, towards the end of the night, every male there was either spoken for, making out with their girlfriend (find a room, seriously), or vomiting in the bathroom. Not very good odds, eh?

But it was a fun night regardless:) It's not all about the boys!




*Good memory!

867-5309

Speaking of these unspoken rules, I have another one to present for the panel. This one was first brought up by my e-friend, Senor Beavis. When in conversation or, after how much conversation, is it socially acceptable to ask for someone's phone number?

So not to tell a story that is not mine, I'm trying to create a "what if..." type of situation to try to figure this out:

Say you're at a party talking to someone who is nice and normal and not staring at your chest. This part is important, I think, as I don't often give out my number to ogling eyes. (Although who are we kidding, I'm not exactly turning them away lately-but that's another blog, ha.) There's a connection, whether its from sparks or just common interests, but then one of you has to leave and it's up in the air if you will ever see each other again. What's the next step? Is it an okay point to ask for the girl/guy's number? Is it incredibly lame or more accepted now to ask for an email address?

Actually, this reminds me of a funny story, no, two funny stories and I'm going to sidebar for a minute:

• One time at a bar during college this semi-wasted guy was out promoting for his band and ended up talking to my friend and I. I'm pretty sure he was genuinely trying to hit on at least one of us (and it's only hazy because it was so long ago) and we gave him our email addresses. Well, drunk boy never wrote which wasn't too unexpected as the likelihood of that slip of paper making it intact from the night wasn't good. Anyway, a few weeks later we saw him and gave him such a hard time about it. All in good fun, of course. We didn't really care.
• This other time I sort of ended up making out with a friend of a friend on New Years Eve. I had given him a ride home and he REALLY wanted me to go inside with him. I ended up going in but ONLY because I really had to use his restroom and knew he wouldn't hurt me because he was staying at his parents house and they were home. But before he 'talked me into going in', we exchanged email addresses. I've told the rest of the story before, but the part that makes me laugh is that I later found out it was a totally bogus email address. He probably just wanted to make me feel like he wasn't just trying to get into my pants. The other addition onto this story is that a few years later I ran into my friends and he was with them and I heard him say, "WHO is that?" Hahahaha. I so won.
  

Where were we? Oh yes. When is it not weird to ask for someone's number? I am generally suspicious of people who ask for my number when I'm out at a bar as it all just seems like one big hook up event anyway. I would be more likely to give it out at a party of people I know.

And I applaud those people who are masters of this dating game and are probably thinking, "Why is she overthinking this?" just give and ask when you want. Well, itt's hard to ignore those shy tendencies sometimes or to stop the mind from overthinking the moment.


So again...thoughts?

Fair Game Rule

Breanna's mom (who is also, of course, LC's mom and who doesn't love The Hills??) said, "Once you're broken up you're broken up. It's free game!"

Nevermind the fact that I'm watching Laguna Beach...thoughts?

What is the unspoken rule regarding pursuing someone a friend dated? Is it a blatant "never"? Or is it some complex mathematical equation where X equals the number of days/months/years your friend dated him or her. Does it involve time? If they dated three years ago then it's okay to have a crush on him now.

I've had crushes on guys my friends have dated or were interested in. How can this be helped? I'm drawn to people for a reason, right? I can't help who it is and who they may have been involved with in the past. Now, to make this more difficult, I would NOT pursue a serious ex of a friend of mine. That would just be wrong and incredibly difficult for all involved. Besides, there are so many more variables in that situation.

But on the flip side, it would be really difficult to have a close friend of mine go after someone I had a big crush on. Wow...just the thought is a little weird. But is my uncomfortableness enough to keep two people apart?

Tough tough tough.

But, seriously, what are the "rules"?