I've been hooking up with NotGraceful for the past 2 months. Since our fateful night at the Halloween party, we've discovered more of each other than sequins on David Bowie's pants. These are all alcohol-induced hookups, which makes me realize that perhaps there's nothing to them. Of course, me being a girl, I've been tending to think otherwise.
How is someone to know the status of a hookup? Are there rules? Am I, for example, expected to "forget" each night and treat each new one as just that? It's very hard to do that when both parties remember what the other one likes.
I wish I could go into more detail, but I'm not, for fear that he reads this. If that's the case, then so be it. Let's figure this out, either way, so I can stop overanalyzing it.
Readers, I need advice.
14 comments:
I can't speak from experience, but I'd say that a series of hookups means he likes hooking up with you. Would you hook up with him sober? Perhaps more importantly, and I'm going out on a limb guessing that he's the kind of douchebag that's just out for himself, and that's based purely on the story you and NotMir told a month or so ago, would he hook up with you sober? If yes, then there's something there. If not, then you're drunken desperation buddies.
I agree with the Senor. If you would both do it sober then there probably is something there. Why not call him up sober and see if he wants to get together. Or maybe try going on a "real date" and see how that goes.
Maybe try going out with him while sober? In the light of day?
OR, slip booze into his drinks when you see him during the day.
(I'm kidding, by the way.)
Oh, and if he is reading...I wonder if he'll comment;)
I fell into that in my early 20's and I was never clear on the rules either. You'd act like you barely knew each other at dinner and then at the club when you've had a few...you're looking for a dark corner. *sigh* I don't know.
Oooh I hope I can find a dark corner tonight...
It all depends on how badly you want to know. If it's making you crazy that you're over-analyzing it to death, then you should try to make plans while you're both sober. If you like the drunk hook-ups enough that you don't want to ruin it by pushing the boundaries or defining things, keep making sure you're both hanging out at the same places when you're drunk.
This is exactly how I usually end up in relationships with someone: keep hooking up until we're forced to come up with an answer to "So, are you two together?"
Sometimes it works well.
I think you knew that sober is the next move. Maybe you fear the hook-ups might be exactly the same or exactly opposite. Rather than find out, you've fallen into the comfort of the sure thing. Bottom line: If you don't take a risk, you will always wonder and waste a lot of time asking for the advice of people who will all tell you the same thing.
sounds like you've got yourself a 3am FB...
(ask if you don't know)
i'm with everyone else who says that you need to give it a dry run (as in without alcohol...not anything else) if that works then all is good, if not, then you've got a 3am FB and that's not always a bad thing, but just not as good
as for the added analysis, just stopping thinking about things is easier said than done, but it is the way forward, adopt the "who cares who wins" attitude and you'll be ok :)
I had a similar situation about a year ago. Only we had already agreed not to really "date" as we started hooking up. I wasn't looking for anything serious, and she was going to be headed to New York after law school. It was the perfect Friends With Benefits Situation. Of course, that's what we both wanted (and we could hang sober). I think before you start making a move you should decide what exactly it is you want from this fellow. 1) Do you think this fellow has potential in and of himself? This is where the hanging out sober really helps. The sex might be hot, but he could be a total dud when he isn't "en fuego". 2) Do you enjoy the drunken hook-ups and would you want them to continue? This question is actually kinda important, because there is a real likelihood that that's all this is. In which case, you have the choice of occasionally calling upon him for sex when you need it, or you can end something that has no further potential. Bottom line is, don't keep doing it if you don't know what you want out of it.
It isn't a thing until you are dining out together. A hook up can definitely develop into something more, but it doesn't sound like this one is developing. And that's okay!
i'm with everyone else who said to try hooking up sober. or at least go out normally, have dinner, talk, whatever. and see how that goes.
Do you really need to know? I think we can spend too much time thinking...and not enough of just doing. And, sometimes, no answer...is your answer.
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