Just to prove we haven't been scared away, I thought I'd tell you about how I almost accidentally had online sex last weekend. I had spent all day tooling around town in the oppressive heat with NotCarrie and had decided to spend the evening at home in my climate-controlled apartment. I had begun messaging an online friend* earlier in the afternoon and continued to talk to him as I swung by the grocery store. Rather than the something for dinner I had stopped for, it suddenly seemed like a good idea to buy a bottle of wine. As he helped me pick out a bottle, he commented how it felt like a date. I began to get the sense then that mixing a bottle of wine and a little instant message could mean trouble. As the wine flowed, my fingers (hello...instant messenger?!) and tongue untied the knot that usually holds me in check. Suddenly I found myself smiling at my sidekick** and giggling to an empty room. We talked about dating and the opposite sex, among other things. I think I mentioned him and know he was on my mind. Then my stupid fingers somehow confessed how being tipsy makes me horny (sorry...know you hate that word, NC). When the message on my screen started blinking, 'what are you wearing?', my eyes widened and I reached for my wine glass. Was I ready for this? Did I want this? By this time any delicate sipping of the wine has gone out the window and I'm full-on chugging. If you know me at all, you won't be surprised by the fact that I was honest and admitted wearing flannel pjs***. I did make the effort to inquire as to what he was wearing. Conversation flowed, continuing on a slightly more normal path. Wine, time and a desire to leave out details keeps my memory hazy, but suddenly he was asking whether I had the skills to type on my phone with one hand. I'm not going to lie...I said I did (not one to play down my typing skills). More hazy time passes, and I finish my bottle of wine. I'm still thirsty and discover the last two Woodchuck pear ciders in the house. I down**** them and confess my sins via AIM. He asks if I need to be punished. I have to admit that after 5 hours, 1 bottle of wine, and 2 pear ciders I was intrigued. He, of course, was a tease. Jump ahead another hour to 1 am and my tipsy self is getting drowsy with no one to hold my hand. The conversation does eventually end in a fairly anti-climatic fashion after 6 hours. And that, my friends, is how I almost had online sex last weekend. Just remember, wine and AIM are a risk combination.
*Acquaintance? Flirtation? I really don't know. How about some guy I've been talking to sporadically online?
**My phone...the instrument I was using to have said AIM conversation.
***What? Flannel can be hott.
****I normally can down nothing with alcohol. I was drunk by this point.
11 comments:
Wait...this is a whole new thing. It's not quite phonesex and it's a mobile version of cybersex....My God...it's...it's...it's...Textsex? Wow! Just think of the possibilities you have opened up? Now you can get your virtual buddy off while sipping a martini in public. Commitmentphobes everywhere are cheering!
Great...I'm off to grab my phone.
Sounds like fun! :D
I totally agree with NC in that "horny" might ironically be the least sexy word in the English language.
Also, flannel PJs = totally hot. With only one "t" because I'm a guy. :)
Hilarious post. I especially enjoyed the **comments. Interestingly enough...I've been in your position before, except not on my phone. That, is a new one. LOL I like the textsex idea, though--clever play on words. You could totally brand that. Okay, maybe going too far..but who knows.
The great thing about textsex is that you could always deny it, haha.
I don't understand phone-sex though. Seems weird to me. I wouldn't want to associate the phone with sex the next time I was on the phone with, like, a family member or something. Ew!
I love reading your posts, you have such a way with words! Lovin it!
I hate the H word as well!
Horny - terrible word. Still cringe when I hear it out loud. Very unsexy.
Cybersex [or anything else written] is alright but often requires too much effort.
Phone sex can be brilliant, provided you've already have physical contact with the person in question.
What do you mean you can't prove textsex?!! Ooooooh yes you can!! He probably saved the entire conversation to read again tonight :-)
The only time I think 'horny' is cute is when Austin Powers says it.
Jordan- You are right about Austin Powers. I meant you could either say someone else texted it;) or write stuff that isn't blatant and could be taken either way.
I LOVE IT! Great post. :)
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