Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Gorillas in the Mist

I'm sitting here at my fucking desk about to have a heart attack. My eyes are watering and my heart is pounding. As is obvious from our "names", this was meant as an anonymous blog amongst the girls where we could vent, share, etc. While we talk about other stuff, it is and will remain primarily a dating (or lack thereof) blog. Don't get me wrong, a miniscule set of (girl) friends we know in real life read and love us. However, imagine if one of our dear male friends ever stumbled across the blog. If it were you, would your eyes water and your heart race like mine is? If you're out there reading (and you know who you are), please just let us know you found it. If I'm right, you've been reading for a bit and are obviously ok with what you read. I just need to know I'm not so anonymous anymore.

Not Miranda

Maybe we were naive in thinking we could continue to be anonymous on this blog. We started off with no readers and now we're getting upwards of 40 comments a day and can even be found by Googling, "Sex and the City." And sure, as NotMiranda said, a few of our girl friends do know about the blog and even a few of our blogger friends have put together some clues to figure out who we are. But the difference between those people and the potential lurkers* who may in fact be people we know, is that we had the control still. I could hang out with NotRebecca (a real friend, someone I know outside of the blogger world who does know about this blog) and then write about our evening, but I could also explain what I meant by certain parts. She knows there is more to me than constantly talking about crushes and kissing and so-and-so who happens to be male. So, for this blog, the four of us take what we do day in and day out and look at it from a different perspective. What worries me about lurkers who know us, is that he (sorry, they) might not realize this.

Reading this blog without knowing the whole story or hearing it straight from me is like reading my secret diary. Of course it's not my every thought and sure, sometimes I have to focus on certain things for the sake of a point, but a lot of stuff in here is heartfelt and not something I would want to be read and known about the next time I see someone in person.

So, like NotMiranda said, if you're out there, and you're feeling like we're pointing right at you...we are. So let us know, ok?


*Lurkers are those who read but never comment.


pookalu said...

wow, what's up with anonymous blogging's being compromised? why are we all going through this? i'm seriously tempted to just use my real name, and start a new blog.

i don't lurk, but i wanted to say notmiranda and notcharlotte that nothing you've written about men can be misconstrued as horrible in any way. so, in that sense you're safe.

but i understand your concern. you could make your blog private, and only people who know your URL can find it...that way it's not listed in a google search.

NotCarrie said...

Yeah, but what fun is that? haha. Luckily, our blog IS about "No sex" so we're safe on that front. Even my job could find this and I think I'd be ok...although I'd have to take down a few posts;).

We'll see, though. But we're not going anywhere (but up!)

Vixen said...

Well....i think you guys do a good job with the anonymity thing....guess the lurker is just really smart to figure it out or something. Or really tenacious

Shannon said...

I just have to say that the title of this post in relation to what the post is about has me cracking up for some reason :)

If you're worried about friendships busting up because of certain things posted, then I understand the awkwardness, but otherwise, post away.

NotCarrie said...

Just to clarify-no worries about friendships busting up. It's more like feeling a little stupid for telling stories in the recent past that, come to find out, someone may have already read know? And the fact that this IS a blog about dating*, I wouldn't want someone getting the wrong idea about how I perceive situations.

*One of us really needs a date soon, ha!

hagrin said...

Good luck ladies with the balancing of sharing how you truly feel with the potential downsides of opening up publically.

I just hope your amazing insights are not censored now because of potential drawbacks.

john of ne said...

Excuse me madame, but I am a monkey, not a gorilla. Have more sensibility next time, if you please.

Clueless said...

Oh boy ladies, I can really badly relate. An ex "spare tyre" so to speak, who was still involved with a group of friends who I'd not been in very close contact with over the past few years, was lurking on my blog up to 9 times a day. I didn't recognise the ID on the statcounter so I never clicked. 2 years later, and he told some of those not as close friends about a congratulatory note to them just put out there in the ether to reminisce about having a LITTLE to do with setting them up. The couple took umbrage, I got an MSN message telling me that they were offended by the well wish (because my reminisces were different than their own version of history) and suddenly I was in deep water for being happy for them. JEESH. Not to mention I'd been pouring my heart out on that old blog and my old lurk-stalker was reading it all including comments about past lovers - WHOOPS! I'd thought it was all anonymous. SO I deleted mine entirely (please don't but I'll understand if you do but drop me a line with the new address, huh?) and started up "Clueless" and I've gone from a statcounter of 20,000 back to just under 500. *shrugs* it was never about the clicks for me anyway. All the very best ladies. x (BTW, read the comments added to my first ever entry if you want to see how much I can relate)

Lindsey said...

I would be freaked out too. I'm afraid I would be totally worried about everything I posted from now on and who he'd run and tell. *sigh* How could anyone possibly put the pieces of your identity together? I wouldn't have the first clue.

Do you guys have a stat counter? If not, you can get one free at
and it will show you each and every person that views your page and their IP address, where they originated from, what link they followed to come here,how long they veiwed your page, EVERYTHING.

GreenLineBoy said...

I think that's every anonymous blogger's worst fear. I only have one person who knows me by blog and in real life. I like to keep it that way. Otherwise the writing wouldn't be real. Or it would be real embarrassing.

Shannon said...

Now I get it.

Jordan said...

I haven't said too many embarrasing things (yet), only because I do think someone I know might read the blog.. I'm way too easy to find. First I used my first name. Second, my blog address happens to be my actual aol address as well. Ok so I had no idea what I was doing when I created this. I'm not so anonymous, but the people that I mention in my blog are anonymous in that I give them pseudonyms (mostly). So... I have been limited to what I can say / talk about, therefore I've been thinking about making an anonymous blog so I can talk about other things.

NotMiranda said...

The funny thing is that I'd tell this person every single thing I've written here and probably have told most. A lot of it is just in the not knowing and having thought we lived under the cloak of anonymity from this person. What if I'd talked about all the times I'd smacked his ass? ; )

emma said...

Don't stop what you're doing! That's the best part of blogging, sharing ideas with people from all over the world. I love reading your stuff because it's honest, comical, and sassy. I've linked to you guys - you can't leave the party now...


NotCarrie said...

I never leave a party before the fun is over, Emma;)

NotMiranda's right, it's just that we didn't know. I can think back to last week of talking about something that I did write about on here. I HATE retelling a story and I did without knowing!

And she did smack some ass. I was a lady, though.

Jordan said...

Hmmm.. you can always block the users IP :-) And then they would think you went under.. just decided to pull the blog.
But then.. they'll read this comment and know you blocked 'em.


Needtsza said...

well, i'm not 'him' but I do hope 'he' writes you.


jo said...

oh man i would hate it if someone found my annonymous blog. i have a few blogs which serve different purposes but this particular one i keep is secret and no one knows bout it. not that it's that bad that no one can know but it's just the freedom of writing knowing that you're safe there. well i hope whoever he is, he stops lurking and 'fesses up.

Heart Of Darkness said...

I HATE lurkers.
I've realized that I put a lot of myself into my blog, and yes, people that know me can read it and get to know things I don't necesarily want them to know about me... anonymity is a comfort, guaranteeing you can say virtually whatever you want without it getting reprecaution.

You're doing a great job, and God forbid you'd quit because people might know whom you are. Keep it up, girls!

NewYorkMoments said...

Yikes...sorry about that. Unfortunately anonymity eventually gets compromised. And it sucks. Because you never feel you can be a free and easy with your writing.

Unfortunately, some of my co-workers found my blog. That sucks.

NotCarrie said...

That does suck, NYM. Luckily there are no ties with this blog for a future employer to find it. Phew!

Isabella Snow said...

Are you **truly** upset your identities may have been compromised? Or are you like the criminal mastermind who secretly longs to be discovered.. ;)))

She Geek said...

Something similar happened to me recently. I keep a different blog about a particular part of my life (non sexual) and how it impacts my life going forward.

Occasionally I would wander off topic and snark about a particular coworker that I'm fully convinced was placed on this earth to drive me to homicide, family issues, my sex (and lack thereof) life, etc.

Earlier this month, the aforementioned Evil Coworker somehow found my blog while googling me and following a series of links until she found something I posted with my sig line. I was about 11 nanoseconds from being dooced.

Hence the introduction of GrandeQuadSoy. But the impact continues to hit me. She complained to management because I said unkind things about her (all true!) and drew attention from local and national mgmt to my blog. Even though I took out the personal stuff, there are caches of it everywhere and it's been hell facing some people at work that heard of my blog. She was the only one I bitched about but do you really need to be in a meeting with a regional director knowing he read a post where you lovingly described his amazing ass and wondered if he would whimper if you scratched your nails down his back??

NotCarrie said...

sf Vanilla- Whoa! Did they threaten to fire you? Maybe the embarassment is worse. I'd like to find some secret blogs of people I know, though. Haha!

She Geek said...


Well, SHE threatened it. Less than a day after BloggerGate, my stat tracker picked up hits from 2 attorneys who spent a lot of time reading through the entries that had to do with her. It was enough to scare the hell out of me.

I spoke at length with corp mgmt and HR. They asked me to provide copies of all entries pertaining to work. I didn't have to do it - I could have refused. But I had one senior manager who was clearly going to bat for me. Her defense of me was that my blog had been online for over 3 years and was used as a vent and a way to work through things, not directed at my never-named company.

I spent 2 weeks in total panic. The Evil One was moved to another floor and I don't have to deal with her now. What was working for me was that while I wrote about how I'd love to firebomb her cube, I wanted to get past my personal feelings and work with her, find good things about her, and make it a better place to be. The other thing I had working for me was that I'd been steadily losing weight and getting visibly depressed in her midst for weeks leading up to this and had indeed taken my issues through mgmt channels before this happened. So by the time I was called into HRland, I was 15 pounds thinner, huge bags under my eyes, etc.

No, I wasn't fired and it looks like the situation is better. Workwise. But again, I'd written about my divorce, the self destructive affair I'd been having, and other things that I was working through. Funny because that blog gets a couple of hundred hits a day and I never minded strangers reading this stuff. But it's different when it's people you have to see on a daily is difficult knowing they know so much about me now.

But I won't stop. Just be more discreet.

If you want to know details of the other blog *grin* shoot me an offline mail :)