Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Clean Slate

In an effort to no longer be CRAZY, I am wiping my crush slate clean and starting over. The beauty of a crush is that, ideally, it is merely an interest and therefore, something I can stop doing. (Easier said than done, eh?) Crushes that go on for too long become toxic because the behavior becomes a habit and at some point, it's either more than just a crush or the crush has gone but the behavior has not.

When I had the crush to end all crushes on my friend in college it lasted for years and at one point, after I hadn't seen him for awhile, I knew it was ridiculous to keep that up. Now, this was a rare case because I did see him again soon after that realization and I almost threw up because of the damn butterflies in my stomach but that's neither here nor there. OK, bad example.

My friend just said to me how she wishes she could, "turn [her] crush off" and if I could have yelled through the computer, I would have said, "I KNOW!" just like Monica on Friends. Sometimes crushes come at the wrong times and sometimes they're on the wrong people. Have you ever had even the teeniest little crush on a friend's boyfriend? I have! Not that I did anything about it, but what an awkward situation. And what about when you're with one person and develop a crush on someone else? Talk about a sticky situation...or the times when I've wanted to be with someone who was already with someone else. Ugh, the heartache!

So as of today, July 18th, 2006, NotCarrie has no crushes and will be accepting applications. Ha, just kidding, but really, I need to start fresh. Out with the old, in with the new.


(I will update on people who still have crushes on ME, though.)

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

I haven't decided if I think I can actually seriously "turn off the crush." Definitely easier said than done.
I applaud your fresh start :)
~ARC

NotCarrie said...

Unfortunately, I think the thing that will help to forget about old crushes is going to be a new one, haha.

pookalu said...

i need a crush!

*sigh*

yeah, but you're right. long crushes go nowhere.

DCVita said...

OMG...Pleae teach me how to turn off a crush!! I want to soooo bad, but every time I see him, all I want to do is kiss his juicy lips. Ok, I need to go to rehab for this :(

Chuckles said...

Crushes are like little switches in my head. I removed the last one I had after only 4 weeks.

I just kept thinking about other stuff. Boring, but with work and the beach weekend, it worked.

Shannon said...

I've had many crushes while I've been married....but that's all they've stayed!! I think it's easier for me because there's a snowball's chance in hell for it to turn to something more.

With being single, it's harder because there's always a possibility no matter how remote.

NotMiranda said...

"Turning off" a crush is hard, damned near impossible even. The only thing that works for me is out of sight, out of mind, and with some crushes, that shouldn't even be an option.

Dara said...

I totally agree with the toxic crush thing. But, on the other hand, sometimes just having a crush is a good thing -- like when it motivates you to put makeup on in the morning just because you might run into him on metro.

charming, but single said...

But crushes are sooooo much fun. Because you can totally be ridiculous in your daydreams and it doesn't matter ...

NotCarrie said...

Pookalu- Yeah, at some point, it's just TOO LONG.

DCvita- haha, I never said I'd be able to do this.

Chuckles- I've turned the switch off before. I had a crush on someone I saw all the time and one day I was like, "POOF!" and it was over.

Shannon- Yeah, that glimmer of hope can suck sometimes.

NotMiranda- Yeah, out of sight/out of mind def helps with some people.

Dara- Luckily, I have that motivation every day, ha.

Charming, But Single- Not all of them! And I'm sure I'll have a re-crush on the easy ones again (like NotTaylor maybe? haha)

Lindsey said...

Oh lord. I have been totally guilty of the 'crush on friend's boyfriend.' BUT...I never flirted or did anything about it. *sigh*

Jordan said...

The only think that has worked for me is definitely meeting someone new... he has to be worthy though, just not *anyone* new... and bam, it's gone.

Clueless said...

:) *chuckling* consider this a Monica-ish "I KNOW!" heh heh. I've had the odd massive crush and the smaller kind including the eensy ignored ones on friends' partners (would never ever do anything about it but there's been a hint of one there sometimes - hey I admire them for what great people they are so it'll happen from time to time!).

My tip for ignoring one, is to flirt with a few other cuties and see if your crush suddenly comes off in a new light with a different perspective.

NotCharlotte said...

i can't not have crushes...

that's IMPOSSIBLE!

haha :-)

hagrin said...

This post reminds me of that song - "I'm not a player I just crush a lot".

It's posts like these that remind me why, as a guy, I read this blog. For guys, it's completely different. If I have a crush, I'm expected to do something about it and make the first move. Since that's the case, crushes cease to be crushes when they either 1) agree to go out with you or 2) give you some lame excuse like the phantom boyfriend or that they are emotionally unavailable.

For guys, crushes are girls they haven't approached yet for whatever reason. So to make a "clean crush break", a guy must be willing to get shot down tens of times and even then, some of us don't take the first no as an answer.

Heart Of Darkness said...

Hear, hear! I fully agree.

Logics - yeah, you can stop having a crush by pure will.
Reality? Naah, not so much.

I think crushes are Gods way of punishing us, somehow. How can the possibility of falling in love be so painful and gruesome? Yep, throwing up falls under that gruesome category...

If you manage to wipe your slate clean, tell me how. I've got a few crushes lingering on... :)

NotCarrie said...

Hagrin- But what if you had a crush and make a move that's not successful? Do you just not like her anymore?

NotCarrie said...

Heart of Darkness- Some crushes are just trivial, fun things. Like NotTaylor? I don't sit around and daydream about him or get butterflies when I see him, but he's hott and we flirt so he's been on the crush list.

hagrin said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
hagrin said...

NotCarrie - it really depends on her "shot down" technique and how dense the guy is. Personally, I'm really perceptive so I usually take the first no/excuse as the final answer. if the guy is dense, the crush will remain and you can be sure he will make subsequent moves (i.e. see Marissa's blog and her Romeo Doorman haha).

And for me, sure the crush actually goes away - you have no idea how powerful rejection really is. :) When the fantasy ceases to be possible in reality, the crush loses a lot of its power. Those daydreams of intimate moments lose a little steam when you lean in for the kiss and she pulls away and tells you no thanks haha.

The crushes that are hard on me(n) are the ones on unavailable women. Now those you have recourse for and those fester and become major (good) distractions.

Chuckles said...

I disagree with Hagrin here. I generally only crush on people I find unattainable. Crushes are great for these sorts. For instance, I could admit to a total crush on Lisa Freidberger of The Fiery Furnaces and Lisa Light of The Lovemakers, but that's just my indie rock crush list.

People I meet in person, I am either attracted to them or not. My crushes have a half life of 2 weeks. By the end of four weeks, they are gone. I either act on those feelings or I don't and they dissolve.

hagrin said...

Chuckles -

I think the reason we disagree is that I actually believe that no woman is automatically unattainable (well, except for physical distance, etc.). My ex was a great example of this - she intimidated every guy in the gym because she's physically beautiful. I went up to her and that was that - she was just shocked I wasn't intimidated.

Thinking that a woman is unattainable right away is a losing proposition.

But that's just me and I definitely think a lot of people (if not most) see it from your persepctive.

NotCarrie said...

Do you consider a woman in a relationship to be unattainable?

hagrin said...

NotCarrie -

A woman in a relationship is the "etc." part of that unattainable exception rule. :) I'm lucky though - I don't fall prey to getting crushes on people in relationships. Again, once the fantasy becomes unrealistic, it ceases to really "do it" for me.

I'm sure I am in the minority on this one and that's ok. :)

Isabella Snow said...

I've always had crushes on my friends boyfriends/husbands/fathers.

I think it goes with wanting what you can't have.

Chuckles said...

Sorry, my comment was easily misunderstood. By unattainable, I meant that I haven't met them and am unlikely to ever meet them without stalking them. Since I am not a creepy stalker type, it isn't going to happen. As it is, when WMP selects one of those two singer's songs, I just think pleasant thoughts about them until the song ends and I go back to work.

In reality, if I meet a woman and get crushy-type feelings, they go away after four weeks. Unless I get a response from her that the crushiness feeling is returned. That is just how I operate. I don't consider anyone I meet in real life unattainable.

Cuz I'm slick or something. Yeah, that's it.

jo said...

i wished i could turn off a crush... seriously... there's a crush i definitely need to turn off...

NML said...

Yay! Crushes burn up too much energy anyway! Save your energy for something that can materialise :-)

Anonymous said...

For how long a crush last?? mine it's driving me insane....
I have the perfect man at home and I do have a crush on my coworker, who is funny, cute and smart.
He said few times he likes me and always complains about his relationship with his girlfriend.
I honestly don't want to cheat!! never did... never will
hope so!!

Anonymous said...

I can't stop thinking about him because we work together every single day!!

every touch, every look into his eyes ......so much TEMPTATION!!

the only thing it's good for now it's my SELFCONTROL.