Thursday, February 01, 2007

Preventative Medicine???

Sometimes being single is a good thing.

I had a customer ask me about a book for keeping your marriage from falling apart before you get married. Color me puzzled, but why try to prevent something from happening if the catalyst for it hasn't even occurred yet? I've always thought of marriage as a two way street, both parties should take equal responsibility for making it work. However, she seemed ready to make sure that they did things by the book to keep it from joining the 50% of the country that didn't make it.

But maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe second guessing both yourself and your partner is the wave of the future. Maybe dooming your marriage before you start is the best way to make sure you succeed above all. Maybe I've just found yet another reason to add to "the list" of things I will not do as a prerequisite for getting married. Maybe this is just another made up ruse by the Self Improvement book industry to get people to buy books on things that should be common sense anyway. Right now I'll just file this under preventative medicine, right next to removing a body part because it may become cancerous.


Px said...

if you're already looking for ways to fix a problem...then that's a really good sign that it shouldn't be anyway so instead of buying the book and trying when you're already thinking that something will fail. part ways now on good terms and enjoy life (saving money in the process)

a jaded view i'll admit, but realistic surely.
if it's ain't broke, don't fix it

Tinsley said...

I agree with what px said. I must admit, I am a self-help book junkie, but when it comes to BEFORE the marriage, that should tell a person something.

NotCarrie said...

Although I'm sure there is some good advice out there about not letting certain things escalade until they lead to divorce. Like, if you're a compulsive shopper and your husband is really frugal, you need to work through that before you get married. Stuff like that.

Haute Girl said...

you've been tagged!

Tilly said...

I'm going to have to disagree. While I am a subscriber to the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" team, I do think that it is helpful to be aware of the potential struggles you're up against in order to be prepared. However, if you worry about something too much, it's bound to occur. Something about sealing your own fate or some shit.

But I do think that premarital counseling is a address the issues that are bound to arise and know how your beliefs/plans/goals mesh with your mates. Just IMHO, of course.

Vanessa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vanessa said...

I disagree. I commend the shopper for looking for a book to work on her relationship. Marriage (IMHO) is hard. Much harder than I expected, and it has to be worked on all the time. I went to a pre-marital class and I'm sure that eventually we'll go to couples counseling for maintenance. It's just a constant balancing act of communication and compromise that I never knew about.

*I hope I'm not the only one who was surprised at how much work it would be.*

NotSamantha said...

px - I agree. I believe in maintaining the relationship once its started, but preparing the the worst, just sort of dooms it in my eyes.

tinsley - not much of a self help book person, but I can appreciate them from afar.

nc - Working through the skeletons in your personal closets should definitely take place way before nuptials are exchanged.

tilly - while agree you want to be aware of what you could be in for before you walk down the aisle, I also think that reading books on preserving your marriage will plant a seed for something that may not be there, and just causes miscommunication between what the person sees and what is really meant.

Vanessa - see comment to tilly.