Saturday, January 20, 2007

Paper Shoes

I enjoy making lists. It's something I do on a daily basis. One reason could be that I just like seeing the way my handwriting looks on post-its, but usually it's because I have a problem with my short term memory. Just the other day I was at my bakery job, standing next to the oven, when I decided I needed some baking sheets. I walk from my station over to where the trays are, about 5 feet, get there, and completely forgot what I went over there for. Unfortunately, one of my coworkers saw what I was doing and ridiculed me relentlessly until I remembered that their first concert was MC Hammer and said "Break it down: woah woah, woahwoah woah woah" and did the running man.
This evening I received some unfortunate news about NotGraceful and realized that not only was he an asshole, but that everyone of you that commented on my previous blog was correct in your assumptions about him. I started feeling bad about myself, embarrassed even that I had been so stupid and that I still have to see him with the knowledge that we hooked up and that it was just "friends with benefits" kind of stuff.
Although I never commented back to any of you, I'd like to thank you all for your insight. It's funny that sometimes complete strangers know more about your real situation than you do.

In my bout of self-pity pouting, I started to make a list of reasons that I would be a bad girlfriend. Here is what I came up with:
1. I require sleep and food at regular intervals. If I do not get either a nap or a snack in after a long day at work, I will be pretty grumpy.
2. I have a penchant for 80s music, specifically Journey, Foreigner, Europe, and Def Leppard. I have no idea why, but "Final Countdown" is the best song to sing at loud intervals while doing just about anything, including but not limited to driving from Fairfax to Springfield, making fruit tarts, or eating at Fridays with a big group of people.
3. I make unnecessary sound effects. A lot.
4. I watch Food Network like it's my job. And then I talk about it when I'm not watching it.
5. I speak German fluently. Apparently to some men this is a turn off because it reminds them of someone hacking up a hairball while trying to drink soup simultaneously.
6. I don't like watching sports on television, however if I am at a live sporting event I automatically turn into a fair weather fan.
7. I am an avid text messager. If you can't respect the text, then I can't respect you.

These facts are sad, but 100% true.

26 comments:

NotCarrie said...

How have I known you all this time and never heard you speak German?

I require sleep and food, but not naps. I love sports, but NO college teams.

Anonymous said...

reasons why you wouldn't be a bad girlfriend (based on your own list):
1. I require sleep and food at regular intervals. If I do not get either a nap or a snack in after a long day at work, I will be pretty grumpy.
i'm not adverse to the joy of the daytime nap, but i tend to eat and sleep as and when needed, so that might mean i get up at stupid o'clock in the middle of the night to cook something and fall asleep during my lunch hour.
2. I have a penchant for 80s music, specifically Journey, Foreigner, Europe, and Def Leppard. I have no idea why, but "Final Countdown" is the best song to sing at loud intervals while doing just about anything, including but not limited to driving from Fairfax to Springfield, making fruit tarts, or eating at Fridays with a big group of people.
there is NOTHING wrong with this, it just goes to show that you've got taste (i was going to say good taste, but your inclusion of def leppard is making me a little uneasy)
3. I make unnecessary sound effects. A lot.
so? that's always good for a laugh and breaks the ice/tension. besides i do it too
4. I watch Food Network like it's my job. And then I talk about it when I'm not watching it.
i'm guessing the food network is something like the weather channel or the cartoon network but about food? nothing wrong with that either...make sure you get decent ideas
5. I speak German fluently. Apparently to some men this is a turn off because it reminds them of someone hacking up a hairball while trying to drink soup simultaneously.
some men have no taste, although it is a violent sounding language, i mean, french, italian, spanish all have that lyrical flow about them, but german not so much...
6. I don't like watching sports on television, however if I am at a live sporting event I automatically turn into a fair weather fan.

when you're at the live event it's easier toget into it
7. I am an avid text messager. If you can't respect the text, then I can't respect you.

i'm a nightmare for sending text messages, my monthly bill is usually only made up of text messages, i've sent over 3000 in a month before :(

anyway sorry to hear about NotGraceful turning out to be a bit of a moron

Anonymous said...

I do #4 too....

NotCharlotte said...

NotCar: I don't like annoying people with it. Plus, when I tell people they're always like "say something in German" and I HATE that because I never know what to say.

PX: You've just made me feel 10X better. I put Def Leppard in my "guilty pleasures" category. Who doesn't like "Pour Some Sugar On Me??" And yes, Food Network is like Cartoon Network, only for food-obsessed people, such as myself.

Christie: Isn't it wonderful?

Anonymous said...

ok, "pour some sugar on me" is acceptable as is the acoutsitc version of "two steps behind"

there's a book I've got that's devoted to guilty pleasures, the encyclopedia of guilty pleasure: 1001 you hate to love, it's very funny...

glad i could make you feel better ;)

NotCarrie said...

i dont believe in guilty pleasures. Why should i feel guilty about what i love?



px, im so asking for a passport for my birthday in feb.

Anonymous said...

I eat once a day, all day long. 2500-3000 calories or I pass out randomly. The sleep is taken care of. I wake up at the crack of noon... Every day... I don't bend to a business schedule; Work bends to mine.

The 80's owns. I just feel old because the last concert I was at, the tellular cellephone has replaced the butane lighter. This makes me sad. :(

Guys make sound effects too... It's our God given right.

I'm a big fan of food. If only I didn't happen to forget major ingredients or steps... The kitchen is my laboratory, and sadly many experiments have failed. The ones that don't hopever, rock.

Mein Deutsch ist nicht so gut, aber mein steifmutti kommt aus Berlin... Uhhh... Something something. I took a few years of German and my stepmother helped me out. I'dve much rather taken Mandarin or Cantonese in High School. Then maybe I'd understand my mom when she yells at me for wasting cash on car parts or driving too fast or something. Chinese, now THAT'T a coarse language.

Never been to a live sporting event. People have suggested that I go to a "game" of some sort. Something I'll get around to.

Typing 26 letters on a 12 button keypad is annoying, especially since a little part of me dies when I type "u" when I mean "you", or l8r or b4 or something... When it's a short conversation, I like it. When it's someone texting me requesting that I call them, I want to kill.

Anonymous said...

Not being able to edit my typos also makes me sad. :(

Anonymous said...

Nothing on your list makes you a bad girlfriend. The guy who doesn't accept you for your interests, quirks and talents (German is super impressive btw) is the BAD boyfriend.

Carrie M said...

honey, that lists are for PROS for why you're a good girlfriend. who doesn't like the 80s? who doesn't text message? not everyone loves sports on tv. i could go on. and on. oh, and by the way, the best europe ballad is, without a doubt, carrie. of course. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to weigh in and say that I agree - none of these things will make you a bad girlfriend. Like Roxy said, it's people's quirks that make them endearing. I love that scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams tells Matt Damon that it was his wife's farting that he remembers - that it's stuff like that which becomes the "good stuff," the things that other people don't get to see. Maybe farting is going too far, but it's a good sentiment. :-P

GrewUpRural said...

Have to agree with Roxy. You are not the only one who watches the Food Network likes it their job. It's my third job.

I think speaking the German language is intimidating not a turn off.

NotCharlotte said...

px: see, no more uneasiness, right?

notcar: i feel guilty about them because i hate the fact that i love them.

anonymous: i wish you'd "show" yourself so i could speak some German with you!

roxy, carrie, bc, grewuprural: i know, i know. I was mainly being cheeky. Also rural, good point about German being intimidating. NotCar, that may be why I don't speak it often. It's not like anyone can understand me anyway...

NotCarrie said...

i love texting. Especially with people verizon...bc its free!!!

Anonymous said...

There isn't a thing on that list that would make you a bad girlfriend.

Anonymous said...

notcarrie
i hope you get one, if not let me know ;)

notcharlotte
no more uneasiness, it's all good ;)

Anonymous said...

guilty pleasure=something you hate to love

Anonymous said...

Show myself? Fine, If I must... But I don't have a blog, so I can't create an account.

(Cool, the middle option doesn't require you to have a blog... It's just the same as anonymous, only... not.)

But I only know enough German that I could get around if someone were to hit me over the head with a blunt object and shove me in the cargo hold of a Lufthansa flight.

First order of business while I'm there: Visit Nürburgring with a rental car.

Anonymous said...

I'll go ahead and agree with everyone else on 2-7. As for 1, eating and sleeping regularly is a good thing, but being grumpy is usually not. ;-)

Johnny said...

I require tongue wrestling.

now.

:P

Anonymous said...

I am big on making sound effects, I Speak Spanish in a bad southern twang on purpose, I also speak in bad seventies and eighties song lyrics. Oh yeah, I'm a huge food eater too. I love all those things about me, and if a guy I want to date, doesn't, then he's the asshole.

That guy was just too dumb to figure out you're a keeper. Now, leave him to rot with someone boring and just as stupid as he is.

Beamtendave said...

Keine von dieser Facten sind traurig! Ein bisschen Deutsch ist eigentlich ganz schoen. Und die Achtziger-Jahren sind am besten! Bin mehr von einem "Dead or Alive" Fan eigentlich. Also, es tut mir leid dass NotGraceful ein ueber-Arschloch war. Aber ja, es war klar dass er ein "Freund mit besonderen Nutzen" war. He didn't actually cite any of your list to you, did he?

Anonymous said...

i think you should come up with a list of why you'd be a great girlfriend. that's just so much more affirming. and that 'bad' list you made? well i'm sure some guys would love it.

NotCarrie said...

"ueber-Arschloch" Does that mean big asshole?


I wonder what would be on my "bad gf" list...hmmm, can't think of anything;)

NotCharlotte said...

notcar: LOVE Verizon!! and yes, it means big asshole.

cody: thanks, boo :-)

PX: it IS all good. it's almost "me" day!

"pele": luckily in Germany they love to speak English to you about as much as you don't want to speak German to them.

lmnt: you must not hang out with girls a lot then. :-)

johnny: well, the girl auction's coming up... you'd better have your money ready!

churlita: you said it! i don't deserve anyone like that!

beamtendave: Danke sehr! Er hat keine von diesen Sachen ueber mich gesagt. Er ist nuer ein ueber Arschloch

jo: i don't want to take up the entire site... plus then people would just think i'm conceited! ;-)

Tinsley said...

Well done list! I too am a list maker from hell. I definitely agree with the texting as well!