Lack of Backbone...Ballbuster Women and Milquetoast Men

Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about backbones and the relationships between men and women. What does one have to do with the other...? Well lots if you're having some of the conversations I've been having lately with my girlfriends. Despite have a degree in Women’s Studies I still don’t seem any closer to figuring out the roles of men and women in society. First, the thing about backbones…I’ve been noticing, both through experiences of my own and those of others, that most of the guys I'm/we're meeting are seriously lacking in that department. Whether it is an unwillingness to get pens as NotCarrie called it or simply not being able to say/ask/demand what they want; in short men are starting to fail me. However, when I take a look at what pop culture has spewed out I realize that society, in general hasn’t helped.

Case in point, I was channel surfing, something that I rarely do, because I'm fed up with the drivel they serve up as tv, but on this particular day I had decided to make a concerted effort to find something different than what I normally watched. I landed oddly enough on one of my faves from about 7 - 10 years ago, "Boy Meets World". Unfortunately, it was at the point when the slow was doing its descent into hell because they had taken it beyond high school, into the college years, but I digress.

Cory and Topanga, were having dinner at some frou frou restaurant and trying to show, his best friend (can't remember, nor do I care about this kid's name) and his new wannabe girlfriend (could care less about her name) how happy they were as a couple. As with most sitcoms what they did was show how not to be a couple in love, with Topanga losing her temper with said milquetoast boyfriend because she can't even remember why they are at this restaurant. She proceeds to yell at him, then growl (grrr) at the head waiter when he timidly requests, (another milquetoast), that she keep her yelling to a dull roar. When she questions why Cory isn't getting angry at her because of she is yelling at him, what does he do? He lets out a roar that was befitting of his cowed status...(grrr). The longer I watched the more I started thinking about the life of this show...Topanga ruled over Cory...always. He didn't have any definite opinions (that I remember), or make any decisions. He went to her school because that's where she went, he did everything for her, totally devoted himself to her and in my opinion, lost the right to his man card, or rather gave it to her along with a strap-on to hit just the right spot as she screwed him...over and over. On the other side she never deferred to him for anything and had few if any apologies, in fact the only time I believe I saw her let him take the lead is when he proposed...and I think she even took that away somewhat by turning him down and then later proposing to him (I've considered looking at this series again, but have decided my mind couldn't take it).

This is one small example of what I'm trying to get across. Where do the roles that we would like to play out as men and women take a back seat to what society has told us we should be expecting? I'm not saying that women shouldn't expect to get equal treatment. I'm not saying that men shouldn't treat women like equals. What I am saying is when are we going to let each other off the hook for acting like a girl and a boy? For doing the things that, for lack of a better word, come instinctively? I have female friends who can't cook and are proud of it, but I love to cook and love having people eat my cooking...does that make me less of a strong woman because of that? Likewise, I have male friends who are handy with the tools, which I am not so and will gladly let them come repair anything I manage to break in my home. But, would they even think of pushing the envelope a little with me if they liked me...probably not, because they've been told that they can't just kiss a woman because they want to. Instead they have to do some sort of ritualistic dance of the dinner and movie variety before getting around some sort of bases and then one more sports metaphor and they're in...

So where does that leave me...besides looking for a chiropractor, you mean? Not sure, but I think I've come to my bottom line. I want a guy who's willing to fight for the opportunity to love me, because I'm going to do the same. I want a guy who has got enough balls to approach me and not go whimpering into a corner when I give him attitude. Either rework you approach and try again or tell me what you think about my rebuff, you might be surprised. And ladies, if you're a ballbuster (and I know many of us are), take off the brass knuckles every once in while, we may be in for a surprise.

Hell, we're always underestimating each other anyway.

Meet Me In The Backseat

I'm driving a rental car for a few days and last night I noticed the backseat is HUGE! Not in a "Hey, maybe if you put your left leg out the window and I rotate to the right we'll be fine" way, but in a far less scandalous, observational way. In fact, all of my backseat experience has been of the non-scandalous kind now that I think about it.



So I have this car for a few days and while the thought of "This Is Not My Car And Who Knows Who Or What Has Been In The Backseat" has been constant on my mind, I'm also very intrigued by its spaciousness. The timing is a bit off as I have to return it on Thursday and I'm busy from now until then. (Not that kind of busy.) I've already proposed the idea to one male friend who politely declined and proceeded to make me laugh with his suggestion of who I should ask. I will not be taking his suggestion and I have a feeling Enterprise will get their car back with flower intact.

Because I can

Every now and then it dawns on you (and frustrates you) just how useful it would be to have a man around. This past week was spent housesitting for our very own NotCharlotte while she flirted her way through Wisconsin casinos. As I was getting ready one morning, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye and was horrified to spy a mammoth spider. I don't do well with normal bugs, but when a large brown recluse-like spider is involved, I become a stupid girl through and through. Without making any sudden moves, I grabbed my things and backed out of the bathroom. I did try to kill it with the lid of a hamper but only succeeded in pissing it off. So, I did what any rational girl would do. I turned off the light, closed the bathroom door and shoved a sheet along the sill to "trap" it. The second or third thing to pop in my head was how nice it would be to have a man around to yell at to come kill the spider (or at least trap and release). Sigh. Instead, I did what any spider fearing girl would do. I got NotGraceful to stop by later that night to kill the spider in the bathroom. The damned spider, of course, was never heard from again.

Coal to Diamonds

So I'm in Wisconsin again for Thanksgiving. I had another good run-in with the Grambo, which I will go into detail as soon as I can wrap my head around it.
My family likes to go to the casino. It's hereditary because my Grandmother and all of her children like to do it.
So we took a "family outing" to the local gambler's paradise to do some bonding. Within the first 20 minutes I had already strayed from the herd and was tapping away my 20 bucks, 40 pennies at a time. I was mid-spin when the machine went blank and then a bunch of techy code came across the screen with the words "call attendant" at the very top. I didn't think that my $17.67 was anywhere close to a jackpot, so I pressed the buttons, all of them, and none of them worked.

*sigh*
my little ticket, my gambling money, was stuck in that machine and I couldn't leave because I was by myself. So I sat there for a minute. Then I saw a tall guy with a gray polo shirt on and a walkie talkie so I asked him for some help. He told me that he was on his way to another machine but he'd be right back. So I sit back down and try to look like I just won a shitload of money, that's why I'm not spending more. 5 minutes later two more tall, wholesome, corn-fed hunks of men in the same kind of gray polos come by. "We heard your machine was stuck."
I couldn't help myself. I put my hand on my hip and gave them a NotCharlotte special with my eyes and proceeded to act like a helpless doe in the brambles. The men proceeded to stumble over each other, stooges-style, trying to fix my machine. While one started banging on the side really hard to get it to restart (they do things real advanced up in the Great Lakes area), the other one took the opportunity to chat me up. We were animatedly talking about the pot luck they were having in the back room when the first guy that helped me shows up. He comes into the conversation too and we're really getting into it, talking about pumpkin pie and turkey. Then another guy shows up, with a button up instead, obviously a manager. He asks me how I'm doing and then joins right into the conversation.
So let's recap:
3 men in gray polos
1 man in a button up shirt
4 of us talking about food
1 banging the crap out of a penny machine
20 machines around the one that the guy is banging on

At one point, a woman in a blazer/nametag combo comes by and goes "wow, how many of you need to be here right now?"
This caused a shuffle of red-faced Dockers-wearing employees as 2 of the men disappeared. At this point the machine was never going to work so the manager signed off on something and the one banging the machine went and got me cash for my ticket.

I thanked all of them and went on my way.

When I later told this story to my G-Ma and Aunt, they thought it was really amusing. My Aunt then explained: "It's hunting season. The stags are all in a tizzy about the does running around, ripe for mating so it gets the men all riled up too. This time a year, men are only after two things: Deer and Women. Go anywhere in a tight sweater and you've got them wrapped around your finger."

I then realized why she is not my favorite aunt.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone is having a lovely Thanksgiving...unless you're not in the US of A, then I hope you had a great Thursday!

I didn't think I would have anything NSATC related to write about today, but I sorta do! My family went out to a restaurant for our meal which was cool...especially since there were no dishes to wash. There were tons of fine, young gentlemen there, too, and had I not been stuffing my face enjoying everything offered to me, I would have been more into it. Not that I often try to pick up guys while with my family or anything, but it never hurts to flirt, right? Maybe not on Thanksgiving. What would my pick-up line be? "Hey baby, I'm on my third helping of mashed potatoes....you?"

Happy T Day!!!!

Why NotCarrie Would Be A Good Girlfriend;)

I guess what sparked me to think of this is that I saw this girl I know who is really annoying and I recently found out she's married. Not knowing her husband, I can only hope he is equally annoying because is it fair for an annoying person to take a non-annoying person from the dating pool? No...The answer is no.

Anyway, so I am not annoying. Not annoying would go on the list of "Why NotCarrie Would Be A Good Girlfriend" so, in honor of that, I figured I'd let you know the other things as well.

Why NotCarrie Would Be A Good Girlfriend:

• Not annoying.
  
• You, as my beau, would not be subjected to a lot of NotCarrie family functions or general crap and uncomfortableness. I am quite private about my social life when it comes to my family and you would benefit from this.
  
• I'm not an expensive date. Not only do I pay for myself, but I don't expect my expensive taste to be satisfied. What I'm saying is that I like the best things in life, but if I can't buy them myself then I don't really expect them. Make sense?
• We can make out...a lot.
  
• I like many different things: sports, music, tv/movies, traveling, puzzles, sleeping, etc.
  
• I like my alone time so I'm definitely not a smotherer.
• I'm not a big phone person. If you want to call and talk then I'm a good listener, but I don't expect or like to have big phone conversations every night or anything. That being said, I do appreciate an email or text here and there to know you're alive.
  
• I don't get sick. That means we can make out more.
  
• I don't smoke.
• I do drink. But not excessively. Neither lush nor straightedge. And I don't drink those frou frou girly drinks.
  
• When I like someone, I'm extra generous.
  
• I make good pies.
  

Of course this is all in good fun. It's fun to make a "Why I Rule" list every once in awhile:) Oh, and I left off things like, "I'm hott" and "I use good smelling shampoo" because those are things that you can judge for yourself. Oh, and also, I reserve the right to add to this list whenever I want to. Consider it on going.

Willing To Tutor

Your Kissing Technique Is: Perfect

Your kissing technique is amazing - and you know it. You have the confidence to make the first move. And you always seem to know what kissing style is going to work best. Sometimes you're passionate, sometimes you're a tease. And you're always amazing!

Are You a Good Kisser?

No Type

After NotCharlotte's most recent post about the types of guys she is attracted to, I couldn't help but think about it myself. Part of me just wanted to take the opportunity to post pictures of celebrities I find incredibly hott, but then I realized that while I do find them attractive, there hasn't really been a trend in my own (lack of) love life concerning looks. In fact, I've sort of been all over the place and can't think of any common feature except that they've all been taller than me. I can't Katie Holmes it just yet with a mate who is several inches shorter than I am. I guess I'm still carrying around some senstivity from elementary school when I was only shorter than maybe one or two of the guys.

Note: I am not that tall now. I feel the need to clarify this. I was taller than other kids my age when younger, but that's because those stupid boys were taking forever to hit puberty.

So...a type? Do I have a type? Part of me thinks I maybe don't have a type right now because the dating pool has been dried up as of late. Beggers can't be choosers. Wait...that's a horrible saying for this blog! I'm not begging for anything. I'm just hoping for a little fun:) (Soon!)

Celebrity Skin

I think I have a type. Whether I like it or not, I seem to be attracted to the same type of men... Celebrity lookalikes.

Fall of 2004: There was a new guy that started at the bookstore that I was instantly attracted to. Maybe it was his dark-rimmed glasses or the fact that he was getting his MFA in Poetry, but I don't think so. It was because he looked like Ben Gibbard.
The resemblance was uncanny, though I didn't put two and two together until he had found Steadier Footing at a different job. I still occasionally see him on campus and I just smile at the thought of him bouncing around the stage to Sound of Settling.

Winter of 2004: Again, at the bookstore. We got a winter hire that I had never seen before, but he looked so familiar. It wasn't until I had a few conversations with him about both music and comics that I realized he was my Seth Cohen.
This resemblance again was uncanny. So bad that I even went and found a magazine with a picture of darling Adam Brody in it to show this fine young character. Unfortunately, my findings were unoriginal and he soon left our happy bookstore family to pursue calmer waters.

Spring of 2006: Guess where this one happened? You guessed it... the bookstore. NotElvis, whom I know you guys have heard me talk about.
His NotName does justice to his appearance. He bears a striking resemblance to Elvis, pre-fat years. I never told him this and in fact, I don't think I ever will. We still chat on occasion, but I rarely see him, so unfortunately it's "out of sight, out of mind" in the case of my peanut butter and banana sandwich loving compadre.

My new and current attraction is also a celebirty lookalike, however I'm not quite ready yet to divulge anything about him. I do ask the Nots to please respect my wishes and not reveal his identity... for now. ;-)

So in conclusion:
1. I am attracted to hott men, obviously.
2. I tend to like dark hair and height.
3. They must work or have worked at a bookstore.
4. Musical tastes are important to me.
5. If you wear glasses, it's an added bonus.

Tick Tock

I could have sworn this guy was looking at me during class tonight. Every time my gaze went in his direction his eyes were locked my way. This surprised me as he and I have never interacted and really, I thought that if he were interested in anyone then it would be the girly girl he always sits next to. But there was no denying the direction he was looking. Thank goodness I didn’t try to give him eyes or anything since about halfway through class I realized I was sitting under the clock…

Million ways to be cruel

Earlier this week I was pondering a hiatus from this blog, but how I hate the melodrama of all of those "breaks" and "hiatuses". I'm in an I don't know place with a who knows person and just want to be respectful of that relationship* but also want to be able to speak honestly and from my heart here. Let's start off lightly, shall we?

Remember NotGeorge? Well, he was in town for a series of interviews last weekend, and we wound up hanging out quite a bit. He actually got to meet all of the Nots and some other Not characters! I'll have to make sure to pinky swear him to secrecy ; ) Anyway, this post is really spurred by comment he made while sitting on the couch on Sunday. Perhaps a little detail leading up to this is necessary.

Evidently, previous comments I have made on this site and in personal conversation seem to have given me a bit of a reputation. You'll recall I admitted to being a little intrigued by a spanking episode with NotDarling. There was also my clarion call for the beastly man. I may have even admitted to wanting to get a little rough. And, if you were at NotSamatha's house for my birthday party on Saturday night and had witnessed my drunken quest for the flogger, you would probably be more than a little afraid (*blush*). All of this leads to NotGeorge's comments of Sunday afternoon. I know I'm going to get the exact wording wrong, so I'm just going to paraphrase. Basically, he made reference to my dominatrix tendencies, seemingly desire to play into a desire for pain, and something to the effect that I had the potential to hurt him.

This begs for clarification**! I am not a dominatrix. Please. The truth of the matter is that I want to be dominated just as much as I want to dominate. I have no desire to inflict real pain and am no fan of pain myself. My previous comments all come out of a desire to play...to struggle. I wouldn't mind a little wrestling, some chase. It's more the kid in me than the vicious bitch. ; )


*Friendships are also relationships, so don't get your knickers in a twist.
**I had to clarify somewhere because I just don't know if NotGeorge got that or really thought I wanted to tie him up and beat him.

4am Seems Like A Good Sign, No?

My hair reeks of smoke. It's making me a little sick, actually. I'm too tired, though, from getting home at 4am to take a shower yet. Yeah, 4am. On a Thursday night. I seriously fought old-age last night and ended up having a really good time.

NotMiranda asked how it went and I answered, "Good! Not 'making out on the bar' good, but good!" The place we went to was playing Fast Paced Bingo so once that started at midnight, I was in uber-competitive mode so any flirting I did was before my quest to win. (Oh, and I did not. Win, that is.) I made A LOT of eyes which was fun and I practiced holding my gaze with hott guys who passed by. I think, though, it was probably appearing as though I was with the guy sitting next to me. Sure, we were sitting kind of close and he was helping me with the game, but he's perhaps spoken for...

Moving on! I know my eyes worked with at least one of my recipients, though, because he gave us a free appetizer and brought over our food order which is unheard of for those guys. Mmmhmmm! (And if it's not obvious, this guy works at the place. My eyes aren't good enough to get fellow customers to serve my food...yet. I'm working on it.)

All in all a very nice night and what I hope is the start to a great weekend!

Thirsty Thursday

I'm headed out on a Thursday. It's like I'm in college again, haha! I'll do my ABSOLUTE best to come back with stories...holy hell do I need them.

Adding Fish Back To The Sea

In what is already old news, there's been another guy added to the potential dating pool, ladies. Britney's dumping KFed to the curb and saying adios to his rapping ass. I tried to be supportive while the rest of the world was booing him and their relationship, but now that's it is official, I can say that I'm glad to have hott Britney back.

I've already predicted that he will soon be dating Tara Reid, but keep in mind single NSATC readers that he will soon be available. And apparently, as long as you're fertile, he'll be interested! Go for it, but be sure to report back and let us know how life with The Federmeister goes.

She Sends Kisses

Kissing should be a sport. In honor of football season, I have decided to make it more relatable to the people that don't play/watch/care about football (me included).

I was thinking about this the other day as I went through my head all the times when I could have won many a competition based solely upon my lips touching skin of the male persuasion.

I mean honestly, there are so many reasons why this is comparable to football:
1. There's bodily contact. Granted, there are no pileups (unless you were us, last weekend, however not all at once mind you) and the only marks you get are from over-exuberant sucky noises and one or two bite/whip marks (whichever you prefer).
2. Physical stamina is required. Making out for long periods of time probably burns the same amount of calories as kicking a field goal.
3. Kissing has quarters, or Halftime. You start kissing, it goes further, you stop to catch your breath, then you continue on until the end of the play.
4. If we were to score kissing, it would be broken down into three significant parts:
a. "Touchdown," or as I'd like to call it, SCORE! This may sound like an obvious one, however several factors come into play here. There's technique of the score. The time it took to reach this score (long or short, actually depends on the type of competition- quick or slow...). And there's also the level of difficulty in movements, which though it sounds like gymnastics, is not. There are moves in football (i'm sure of it), so there can be moves in Kissing.
b. "Field Goal," which consists of creative ways that the end goal is reached. Anything besides penetration (yes, I said penetration. I'm tempted to use other, more graphic words to describe things but in all honesty I'm tired and I have to make this fairly PG so it's easy to transcribe to the Olympic Committee)
c. "Safety." There can also be defensive scores given in Kissing rounds. Hands pushed back by feet could cause an uproar in the stands, however it would also gain the feet owners to gain a few scores. Slow motion cameras would be beneficial at this point.

I know you are probably thinking I'm crazy, but I'm not finished yet. You're probably also asking yourself, "How can there be a winner? I think that making out should be a team sport, everyone's a winner!"
You're wrong. There's always a winner. Not necessarily the person who comes out on top (ha) though. This is where the scoring comes in handy. Numbers are calculated and if necessary, there is a tie breaker round. The first person to come up for air is disqualified. This is where stamina is KEY.


My suggestion to you all is to start practicing. I'm already making up some t-shirts and will be holding "auditions" if you will in the next few weeks. I have a feeling that all of our readers (and writers) are going to kick ass at this game.

Late Night Early Morning Blogging

I am so glad I didn't blog when I got home last night. It would have been a "woe is me" type blog. Instead, I can report about how much fun I had last night watching a roomful of friends get drunk. Now, to be fair, I had my own tipsy/drunk moments, but they all occurred early in the night and I sobered up as most everyone else got more inebriated.

I didn't do a good job continuing on the trend started by NotCharlotte and NotMiranda last weekend, though. (Oh, and by "trend" I just mean making out. There will be no sharing trends started.) I wish I could report that I ended up in an empty room making out in the dark or had stolen away to the back porch to sneak a few kisses in* with someone. It's okay, though. Like I said, the "woe is me" moments have passed and were merely a result of the late night drive home. It does suck to look around a room and realize there's noone to flirt with...We need to start bringing some other people into our group. At one point, towards the end of the night, every male there was either spoken for, making out with their girlfriend (find a room, seriously), or vomiting in the bathroom. Not very good odds, eh?

But it was a fun night regardless:) It's not all about the boys!




*Good memory!

867-5309

Speaking of these unspoken rules, I have another one to present for the panel. This one was first brought up by my e-friend, Senor Beavis. When in conversation or, after how much conversation, is it socially acceptable to ask for someone's phone number?

So not to tell a story that is not mine, I'm trying to create a "what if..." type of situation to try to figure this out:

Say you're at a party talking to someone who is nice and normal and not staring at your chest. This part is important, I think, as I don't often give out my number to ogling eyes. (Although who are we kidding, I'm not exactly turning them away lately-but that's another blog, ha.) There's a connection, whether its from sparks or just common interests, but then one of you has to leave and it's up in the air if you will ever see each other again. What's the next step? Is it an okay point to ask for the girl/guy's number? Is it incredibly lame or more accepted now to ask for an email address?

Actually, this reminds me of a funny story, no, two funny stories and I'm going to sidebar for a minute:

• One time at a bar during college this semi-wasted guy was out promoting for his band and ended up talking to my friend and I. I'm pretty sure he was genuinely trying to hit on at least one of us (and it's only hazy because it was so long ago) and we gave him our email addresses. Well, drunk boy never wrote which wasn't too unexpected as the likelihood of that slip of paper making it intact from the night wasn't good. Anyway, a few weeks later we saw him and gave him such a hard time about it. All in good fun, of course. We didn't really care.
• This other time I sort of ended up making out with a friend of a friend on New Years Eve. I had given him a ride home and he REALLY wanted me to go inside with him. I ended up going in but ONLY because I really had to use his restroom and knew he wouldn't hurt me because he was staying at his parents house and they were home. But before he 'talked me into going in', we exchanged email addresses. I've told the rest of the story before, but the part that makes me laugh is that I later found out it was a totally bogus email address. He probably just wanted to make me feel like he wasn't just trying to get into my pants. The other addition onto this story is that a few years later I ran into my friends and he was with them and I heard him say, "WHO is that?" Hahahaha. I so won.
  

Where were we? Oh yes. When is it not weird to ask for someone's number? I am generally suspicious of people who ask for my number when I'm out at a bar as it all just seems like one big hook up event anyway. I would be more likely to give it out at a party of people I know.

And I applaud those people who are masters of this dating game and are probably thinking, "Why is she overthinking this?" just give and ask when you want. Well, itt's hard to ignore those shy tendencies sometimes or to stop the mind from overthinking the moment.


So again...thoughts?

Fair Game Rule

Breanna's mom (who is also, of course, LC's mom and who doesn't love The Hills??) said, "Once you're broken up you're broken up. It's free game!"

Nevermind the fact that I'm watching Laguna Beach...thoughts?

What is the unspoken rule regarding pursuing someone a friend dated? Is it a blatant "never"? Or is it some complex mathematical equation where X equals the number of days/months/years your friend dated him or her. Does it involve time? If they dated three years ago then it's okay to have a crush on him now.

I've had crushes on guys my friends have dated or were interested in. How can this be helped? I'm drawn to people for a reason, right? I can't help who it is and who they may have been involved with in the past. Now, to make this more difficult, I would NOT pursue a serious ex of a friend of mine. That would just be wrong and incredibly difficult for all involved. Besides, there are so many more variables in that situation.

But on the flip side, it would be really difficult to have a close friend of mine go after someone I had a big crush on. Wow...just the thought is a little weird. But is my uncomfortableness enough to keep two people apart?

Tough tough tough.

But, seriously, what are the "rules"?