Neologism at its best

A lot of good shit has been going down in my "no sex"life, but since I'm still not sure which end is up, I will defer to a topic that I have been enlightened of while hanging out with my college friends.

Through one of my closer college buddies, NotHarley, I have gotten to know NotKidA. She's a cute 21 year old with short, short hair and a confidence problem. She and her boyfriend of several years recently broke up and she's been after another of our mutual friends, NotBYU. He's a sweetheart and completely clueless about her wanting him.

Last week, we all went to a pub and as I watched the two of them interact, I got the feeling that he just wasn't that into her. Sure, they sat together and she teased him the entire night, he bought her beer, but his attention wasn't fully being paid to her. As my friend said, "He doesn't like her as much as she deserves.

So our evening ends and everyone leaves, except for the two of them. I don't think much of it, but when I talk to NotHarley later, she tells me the two of them (NotKidA and NotBYU) boned.
This sort of shocks me, mostly because I don't know either of them that well and I give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
NotHarley then goes on to tell me that NotKidA is probably on another one of her Trampages (pronounced like rampage, but with a t in front of it). I look at her quizically and NotHarley tells me that NotKidA, in her freshman year at NotHarvard, slept with pretty much every guy she came across. In other words, a Trampage. I became completely enamoured of this new word and wondered if she was the only one who had come across it. Then at breakfast one morning, I heard another one of my close college friends, NotShortie, use it as well. "So you two didn't bone, even after hanging out for 6 hours and him cooking dinner for you?" "Oh no way, that was before my Trampage."

I have not been on a Trampage yet... but I feel, especially with recent events, that I could be bordering on one. Have any of you been on a Trampage before? I guess for men it would be called a... Manage? hahaha.

What Makes It A Date?

Have you ever gone out with someone of the opposite sex* and not been sure if it was a date or not? Now, this hasn’t happened to me recently (as far as I know), but recent events got me thinking about it. My friends and I tease all the time about an evening being a date if someone pays for the other or if the male and female sit on the same side of the table. Obviously, these are ludicrous qualifiers for what makes it a date, but what does make it a date?

It’s not exactly customary to request one’s company by saying, “Would you like to spend an evening with me? I have romantic intentions for you.” Sure, it would make for a less ambiguous time, but invitations just don’t go like that. At least, none that I have received. A male friend of mine recently was invited out by a woman and was unsure if the night out was one of old friends or one where a goodnight kiss was expected and hoped for. How was he to have known? Yeah, there are signs to be seen during the evening, like positive body language or eyefucking**, but it’s not always obvious when the question is posed.

I wrote once about going on a non-date with my guy friend and how, from the outside, it looked like we were on a real date. We both knew, though, that we were just hanging out. Another time, years ago, a guy friend of mine invited me out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. Looking back, I should have known better, but he told me that he had a coupon and needed to use it by its expiration date. Does this sound like a date invitation to you? The night really is material for a blog in itself, but the evening that I thought was just about friends taking advantage of using a coupon turned into him trying to stroke the back of my neck and convince me to come inside.

Whoa, awkward.

So how does a person know when it’s a date and when it’s just two people hanging out as friends? One thing I do know (get ready for shameless plug) is that all dates won in our CHARITY AUCTION (see button in the sidebar to the right), will be properly clarified before they happen.


*Or same sex, if you swing that way.
**I stole that from the lovely Barmaid.

C'mon boys...

I know these are boring posts, and you want details of nights of debauchery. However, this week we're going to be all about the NPR-style of telethoning.

What are we asking for? Ah, how short your memory is. We need single, male volunteers for our charity auction.

Who does it benefit? V-Day, the global organization fighting violence against women. I would also argue it benefits our male volunteers, allowing them to give of themselves, and our potential female bidders, allowing them to also give and buy a date!

Read the original post here, and email notmiranda@gmail.com to volunteer for the auction.

Stay tuned for more details!

Budget Bidding

While planning for this auction, I have noticed myself daydreaming about spending all of my money on bids and then traveling around the country going on dates with our male volunteers. I know I was there the day we learned about sharing in Kindergarten, but it’s going to be difficult to remember how to do it once the auction has begun and I am presented with so many attractive choices. I can’t give out many details just yet (they’re coming, though), but, like I said, it’s going to be difficult to hold back. Maybe I should make a budget before the bidding starts.


And guys? We’re still accepting volunteers…It’s for a great cause!

Sprung

Sitting down in front of my computer was a dangerous idea on a Saturday night. Rather than working on that proposal my boss was waiting on, I found myself catching up on blogs I love reading. Of course, if my evening had stopped there, then it wouldn't merit a post here. Instead, I dreamt of wireless signals for people far away. Sprung. Googling sprung, I discover I sometimes meet the definition.
Something else I discovered I'm sprung on tonight...Studio 60 on Sunset Strip. Forget that kiss (you know the one I mean). I'm talking about the "speech"...

"I've been married twice before, and I'm a recovering cocaine addict and I know that's no woman's dream of a man or of a father. Nonetheless, I believe I'm falling in love with you. If you want to run, I understand, but you'd better get a good head start because I'm coming for you, Jordan."

That is how you tell a woman you want her. Danny Trip** stole my heart tonight.

**Studio 60, folks. Keep up.

'Tis the Season

The holiday season is supposed to be one of giving, helping those less fortunate. Well, the girls here at NSATC have decided that we, too, would like to give this holiday season. It is in the spirit of Christmahanukwanzaakah that the Not girls ask for your help. How so? We are in the process of organizing a charity auction in which the items to be auctioned off are dates with all of those hott, single male readers (commenters and noncommenters alike). One thing we've gathered in blogging here is that there are a lot of single men and women out there just trying to figure out how to hook up*. What better way to spread love, introduce you all to new people and raise money for charity than to hold an auction?! Guys...this is where your help comes in. We need all you single, male readers out there to volunteer to be put up on the auction block. Think of all of the benefits of selling yourself like a piece of meat: (1) giving to a good cause; (2) the opportunity to meet a potentially cool girl; and (3) an ego boost when bids go high. All you need to do is send me an email at notmiranda@gmail.com and provide the following information:

*indicate your willingness to participate
*city/state where you are located
*name
*blog (if applicable)
*photo

You have until December 15th to volunteer! And, ladies, don't think we've forgotten about you. We will post details soon about how the auction will work and how you can get a look at the eligible dates. Just know that we're working hard to bring you the best and have a few surprises up our sleeve. We've currently got our fingers crossed that a certain, hot celebrity blogger will participate ; )


*i.e., meet someone...not "hook up".

Vicky's Secret

The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is on with none other than the HOTT Justin Timberlake. I would be watching anyway, even if Mr. JT wasn't on because lingerie is fashion, too, and it's fun to see what they come up with for these shows. It's basically knickers and bras for an hour, but you can't help but be amazed at the designs. And it's not about hott women being half nekkid (unless you're male?), it's about creativity and, like I said, fashion, and just seeing gorgeous designs. Maybe I'm alone in enjoying the fashion show in a non-sexual way...or really, I guess we could call it research, eh? Maybe one day I'll have a mate who has a weird Alice In Wonderland fetish and I'll say, "OH! Victoria's Secret has just the thing!"

The Lube

I don't know what it is, and maybe it's the uniforms and grease, but some of the guys who work at Jiffy Lube are so hott. I went on Friday and thought I had found the mecca of hott Jiffy Lube guys. One was so cute he made me a little nervous to talk to. "Have you rotated your tires?"

Did he just ask to rotate my "tires"?


Instead, I said, "Tires? Ummm, Huh? I...I don't know. I should know."

But after I explained that I wanted just the basics because I'm poor (and charming and single), he followed me back into the office to talk. And talk we did for about ten minutes while the other guys worked on my car. I'm not going to analyze the conversation because it was so short, but I definitely will be headed back to that same Jiffy Lube in 3,000 miles.

Lack of Backbone...Ballbuster Women and Milquetoast Men

Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about backbones and the relationships between men and women. What does one have to do with the other...? Well lots if you're having some of the conversations I've been having lately with my girlfriends. Despite have a degree in Women’s Studies I still don’t seem any closer to figuring out the roles of men and women in society. First, the thing about backbones…I’ve been noticing, both through experiences of my own and those of others, that most of the guys I'm/we're meeting are seriously lacking in that department. Whether it is an unwillingness to get pens as NotCarrie called it or simply not being able to say/ask/demand what they want; in short men are starting to fail me. However, when I take a look at what pop culture has spewed out I realize that society, in general hasn’t helped.

Case in point, I was channel surfing, something that I rarely do, because I'm fed up with the drivel they serve up as tv, but on this particular day I had decided to make a concerted effort to find something different than what I normally watched. I landed oddly enough on one of my faves from about 7 - 10 years ago, "Boy Meets World". Unfortunately, it was at the point when the slow was doing its descent into hell because they had taken it beyond high school, into the college years, but I digress.

Cory and Topanga, were having dinner at some frou frou restaurant and trying to show, his best friend (can't remember, nor do I care about this kid's name) and his new wannabe girlfriend (could care less about her name) how happy they were as a couple. As with most sitcoms what they did was show how not to be a couple in love, with Topanga losing her temper with said milquetoast boyfriend because she can't even remember why they are at this restaurant. She proceeds to yell at him, then growl (grrr) at the head waiter when he timidly requests, (another milquetoast), that she keep her yelling to a dull roar. When she questions why Cory isn't getting angry at her because of she is yelling at him, what does he do? He lets out a roar that was befitting of his cowed status...(grrr). The longer I watched the more I started thinking about the life of this show...Topanga ruled over Cory...always. He didn't have any definite opinions (that I remember), or make any decisions. He went to her school because that's where she went, he did everything for her, totally devoted himself to her and in my opinion, lost the right to his man card, or rather gave it to her along with a strap-on to hit just the right spot as she screwed him...over and over. On the other side she never deferred to him for anything and had few if any apologies, in fact the only time I believe I saw her let him take the lead is when he proposed...and I think she even took that away somewhat by turning him down and then later proposing to him (I've considered looking at this series again, but have decided my mind couldn't take it).

This is one small example of what I'm trying to get across. Where do the roles that we would like to play out as men and women take a back seat to what society has told us we should be expecting? I'm not saying that women shouldn't expect to get equal treatment. I'm not saying that men shouldn't treat women like equals. What I am saying is when are we going to let each other off the hook for acting like a girl and a boy? For doing the things that, for lack of a better word, come instinctively? I have female friends who can't cook and are proud of it, but I love to cook and love having people eat my cooking...does that make me less of a strong woman because of that? Likewise, I have male friends who are handy with the tools, which I am not so and will gladly let them come repair anything I manage to break in my home. But, would they even think of pushing the envelope a little with me if they liked me...probably not, because they've been told that they can't just kiss a woman because they want to. Instead they have to do some sort of ritualistic dance of the dinner and movie variety before getting around some sort of bases and then one more sports metaphor and they're in...

So where does that leave me...besides looking for a chiropractor, you mean? Not sure, but I think I've come to my bottom line. I want a guy who's willing to fight for the opportunity to love me, because I'm going to do the same. I want a guy who has got enough balls to approach me and not go whimpering into a corner when I give him attitude. Either rework you approach and try again or tell me what you think about my rebuff, you might be surprised. And ladies, if you're a ballbuster (and I know many of us are), take off the brass knuckles every once in while, we may be in for a surprise.

Hell, we're always underestimating each other anyway.

Meet Me In The Backseat

I'm driving a rental car for a few days and last night I noticed the backseat is HUGE! Not in a "Hey, maybe if you put your left leg out the window and I rotate to the right we'll be fine" way, but in a far less scandalous, observational way. In fact, all of my backseat experience has been of the non-scandalous kind now that I think about it.



So I have this car for a few days and while the thought of "This Is Not My Car And Who Knows Who Or What Has Been In The Backseat" has been constant on my mind, I'm also very intrigued by its spaciousness. The timing is a bit off as I have to return it on Thursday and I'm busy from now until then. (Not that kind of busy.) I've already proposed the idea to one male friend who politely declined and proceeded to make me laugh with his suggestion of who I should ask. I will not be taking his suggestion and I have a feeling Enterprise will get their car back with flower intact.

Because I can

Every now and then it dawns on you (and frustrates you) just how useful it would be to have a man around. This past week was spent housesitting for our very own NotCharlotte while she flirted her way through Wisconsin casinos. As I was getting ready one morning, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye and was horrified to spy a mammoth spider. I don't do well with normal bugs, but when a large brown recluse-like spider is involved, I become a stupid girl through and through. Without making any sudden moves, I grabbed my things and backed out of the bathroom. I did try to kill it with the lid of a hamper but only succeeded in pissing it off. So, I did what any rational girl would do. I turned off the light, closed the bathroom door and shoved a sheet along the sill to "trap" it. The second or third thing to pop in my head was how nice it would be to have a man around to yell at to come kill the spider (or at least trap and release). Sigh. Instead, I did what any spider fearing girl would do. I got NotGraceful to stop by later that night to kill the spider in the bathroom. The damned spider, of course, was never heard from again.

Coal to Diamonds

So I'm in Wisconsin again for Thanksgiving. I had another good run-in with the Grambo, which I will go into detail as soon as I can wrap my head around it.
My family likes to go to the casino. It's hereditary because my Grandmother and all of her children like to do it.
So we took a "family outing" to the local gambler's paradise to do some bonding. Within the first 20 minutes I had already strayed from the herd and was tapping away my 20 bucks, 40 pennies at a time. I was mid-spin when the machine went blank and then a bunch of techy code came across the screen with the words "call attendant" at the very top. I didn't think that my $17.67 was anywhere close to a jackpot, so I pressed the buttons, all of them, and none of them worked.

*sigh*
my little ticket, my gambling money, was stuck in that machine and I couldn't leave because I was by myself. So I sat there for a minute. Then I saw a tall guy with a gray polo shirt on and a walkie talkie so I asked him for some help. He told me that he was on his way to another machine but he'd be right back. So I sit back down and try to look like I just won a shitload of money, that's why I'm not spending more. 5 minutes later two more tall, wholesome, corn-fed hunks of men in the same kind of gray polos come by. "We heard your machine was stuck."
I couldn't help myself. I put my hand on my hip and gave them a NotCharlotte special with my eyes and proceeded to act like a helpless doe in the brambles. The men proceeded to stumble over each other, stooges-style, trying to fix my machine. While one started banging on the side really hard to get it to restart (they do things real advanced up in the Great Lakes area), the other one took the opportunity to chat me up. We were animatedly talking about the pot luck they were having in the back room when the first guy that helped me shows up. He comes into the conversation too and we're really getting into it, talking about pumpkin pie and turkey. Then another guy shows up, with a button up instead, obviously a manager. He asks me how I'm doing and then joins right into the conversation.
So let's recap:
3 men in gray polos
1 man in a button up shirt
4 of us talking about food
1 banging the crap out of a penny machine
20 machines around the one that the guy is banging on

At one point, a woman in a blazer/nametag combo comes by and goes "wow, how many of you need to be here right now?"
This caused a shuffle of red-faced Dockers-wearing employees as 2 of the men disappeared. At this point the machine was never going to work so the manager signed off on something and the one banging the machine went and got me cash for my ticket.

I thanked all of them and went on my way.

When I later told this story to my G-Ma and Aunt, they thought it was really amusing. My Aunt then explained: "It's hunting season. The stags are all in a tizzy about the does running around, ripe for mating so it gets the men all riled up too. This time a year, men are only after two things: Deer and Women. Go anywhere in a tight sweater and you've got them wrapped around your finger."

I then realized why she is not my favorite aunt.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone is having a lovely Thanksgiving...unless you're not in the US of A, then I hope you had a great Thursday!

I didn't think I would have anything NSATC related to write about today, but I sorta do! My family went out to a restaurant for our meal which was cool...especially since there were no dishes to wash. There were tons of fine, young gentlemen there, too, and had I not been stuffing my face enjoying everything offered to me, I would have been more into it. Not that I often try to pick up guys while with my family or anything, but it never hurts to flirt, right? Maybe not on Thanksgiving. What would my pick-up line be? "Hey baby, I'm on my third helping of mashed potatoes....you?"

Happy T Day!!!!

Why NotCarrie Would Be A Good Girlfriend;)

I guess what sparked me to think of this is that I saw this girl I know who is really annoying and I recently found out she's married. Not knowing her husband, I can only hope he is equally annoying because is it fair for an annoying person to take a non-annoying person from the dating pool? No...The answer is no.

Anyway, so I am not annoying. Not annoying would go on the list of "Why NotCarrie Would Be A Good Girlfriend" so, in honor of that, I figured I'd let you know the other things as well.

Why NotCarrie Would Be A Good Girlfriend:

• Not annoying.
  
• You, as my beau, would not be subjected to a lot of NotCarrie family functions or general crap and uncomfortableness. I am quite private about my social life when it comes to my family and you would benefit from this.
  
• I'm not an expensive date. Not only do I pay for myself, but I don't expect my expensive taste to be satisfied. What I'm saying is that I like the best things in life, but if I can't buy them myself then I don't really expect them. Make sense?
• We can make out...a lot.
  
• I like many different things: sports, music, tv/movies, traveling, puzzles, sleeping, etc.
  
• I like my alone time so I'm definitely not a smotherer.
• I'm not a big phone person. If you want to call and talk then I'm a good listener, but I don't expect or like to have big phone conversations every night or anything. That being said, I do appreciate an email or text here and there to know you're alive.
  
• I don't get sick. That means we can make out more.
  
• I don't smoke.
• I do drink. But not excessively. Neither lush nor straightedge. And I don't drink those frou frou girly drinks.
  
• When I like someone, I'm extra generous.
  
• I make good pies.
  

Of course this is all in good fun. It's fun to make a "Why I Rule" list every once in awhile:) Oh, and I left off things like, "I'm hott" and "I use good smelling shampoo" because those are things that you can judge for yourself. Oh, and also, I reserve the right to add to this list whenever I want to. Consider it on going.

Willing To Tutor

Your Kissing Technique Is: Perfect

Your kissing technique is amazing - and you know it. You have the confidence to make the first move. And you always seem to know what kissing style is going to work best. Sometimes you're passionate, sometimes you're a tease. And you're always amazing!

Are You a Good Kisser?

No Type

After NotCharlotte's most recent post about the types of guys she is attracted to, I couldn't help but think about it myself. Part of me just wanted to take the opportunity to post pictures of celebrities I find incredibly hott, but then I realized that while I do find them attractive, there hasn't really been a trend in my own (lack of) love life concerning looks. In fact, I've sort of been all over the place and can't think of any common feature except that they've all been taller than me. I can't Katie Holmes it just yet with a mate who is several inches shorter than I am. I guess I'm still carrying around some senstivity from elementary school when I was only shorter than maybe one or two of the guys.

Note: I am not that tall now. I feel the need to clarify this. I was taller than other kids my age when younger, but that's because those stupid boys were taking forever to hit puberty.

So...a type? Do I have a type? Part of me thinks I maybe don't have a type right now because the dating pool has been dried up as of late. Beggers can't be choosers. Wait...that's a horrible saying for this blog! I'm not begging for anything. I'm just hoping for a little fun:) (Soon!)

Celebrity Skin

I think I have a type. Whether I like it or not, I seem to be attracted to the same type of men... Celebrity lookalikes.

Fall of 2004: There was a new guy that started at the bookstore that I was instantly attracted to. Maybe it was his dark-rimmed glasses or the fact that he was getting his MFA in Poetry, but I don't think so. It was because he looked like Ben Gibbard.
The resemblance was uncanny, though I didn't put two and two together until he had found Steadier Footing at a different job. I still occasionally see him on campus and I just smile at the thought of him bouncing around the stage to Sound of Settling.

Winter of 2004: Again, at the bookstore. We got a winter hire that I had never seen before, but he looked so familiar. It wasn't until I had a few conversations with him about both music and comics that I realized he was my Seth Cohen.
This resemblance again was uncanny. So bad that I even went and found a magazine with a picture of darling Adam Brody in it to show this fine young character. Unfortunately, my findings were unoriginal and he soon left our happy bookstore family to pursue calmer waters.

Spring of 2006: Guess where this one happened? You guessed it... the bookstore. NotElvis, whom I know you guys have heard me talk about.
His NotName does justice to his appearance. He bears a striking resemblance to Elvis, pre-fat years. I never told him this and in fact, I don't think I ever will. We still chat on occasion, but I rarely see him, so unfortunately it's "out of sight, out of mind" in the case of my peanut butter and banana sandwich loving compadre.

My new and current attraction is also a celebirty lookalike, however I'm not quite ready yet to divulge anything about him. I do ask the Nots to please respect my wishes and not reveal his identity... for now. ;-)

So in conclusion:
1. I am attracted to hott men, obviously.
2. I tend to like dark hair and height.
3. They must work or have worked at a bookstore.
4. Musical tastes are important to me.
5. If you wear glasses, it's an added bonus.

Tick Tock

I could have sworn this guy was looking at me during class tonight. Every time my gaze went in his direction his eyes were locked my way. This surprised me as he and I have never interacted and really, I thought that if he were interested in anyone then it would be the girly girl he always sits next to. But there was no denying the direction he was looking. Thank goodness I didn’t try to give him eyes or anything since about halfway through class I realized I was sitting under the clock…

Million ways to be cruel

Earlier this week I was pondering a hiatus from this blog, but how I hate the melodrama of all of those "breaks" and "hiatuses". I'm in an I don't know place with a who knows person and just want to be respectful of that relationship* but also want to be able to speak honestly and from my heart here. Let's start off lightly, shall we?

Remember NotGeorge? Well, he was in town for a series of interviews last weekend, and we wound up hanging out quite a bit. He actually got to meet all of the Nots and some other Not characters! I'll have to make sure to pinky swear him to secrecy ; ) Anyway, this post is really spurred by comment he made while sitting on the couch on Sunday. Perhaps a little detail leading up to this is necessary.

Evidently, previous comments I have made on this site and in personal conversation seem to have given me a bit of a reputation. You'll recall I admitted to being a little intrigued by a spanking episode with NotDarling. There was also my clarion call for the beastly man. I may have even admitted to wanting to get a little rough. And, if you were at NotSamatha's house for my birthday party on Saturday night and had witnessed my drunken quest for the flogger, you would probably be more than a little afraid (*blush*). All of this leads to NotGeorge's comments of Sunday afternoon. I know I'm going to get the exact wording wrong, so I'm just going to paraphrase. Basically, he made reference to my dominatrix tendencies, seemingly desire to play into a desire for pain, and something to the effect that I had the potential to hurt him.

This begs for clarification**! I am not a dominatrix. Please. The truth of the matter is that I want to be dominated just as much as I want to dominate. I have no desire to inflict real pain and am no fan of pain myself. My previous comments all come out of a desire to play...to struggle. I wouldn't mind a little wrestling, some chase. It's more the kid in me than the vicious bitch. ; )


*Friendships are also relationships, so don't get your knickers in a twist.
**I had to clarify somewhere because I just don't know if NotGeorge got that or really thought I wanted to tie him up and beat him.

4am Seems Like A Good Sign, No?

My hair reeks of smoke. It's making me a little sick, actually. I'm too tired, though, from getting home at 4am to take a shower yet. Yeah, 4am. On a Thursday night. I seriously fought old-age last night and ended up having a really good time.

NotMiranda asked how it went and I answered, "Good! Not 'making out on the bar' good, but good!" The place we went to was playing Fast Paced Bingo so once that started at midnight, I was in uber-competitive mode so any flirting I did was before my quest to win. (Oh, and I did not. Win, that is.) I made A LOT of eyes which was fun and I practiced holding my gaze with hott guys who passed by. I think, though, it was probably appearing as though I was with the guy sitting next to me. Sure, we were sitting kind of close and he was helping me with the game, but he's perhaps spoken for...

Moving on! I know my eyes worked with at least one of my recipients, though, because he gave us a free appetizer and brought over our food order which is unheard of for those guys. Mmmhmmm! (And if it's not obvious, this guy works at the place. My eyes aren't good enough to get fellow customers to serve my food...yet. I'm working on it.)

All in all a very nice night and what I hope is the start to a great weekend!