Just Say No

One of the women I work closely with at work just asked me if I'm dating anyone. No, she wasn't asking because she's interested, I think she was just being nosy because she doesn't know me very well. But my answer?

"NO"


and then:


"Well, not really"


Wait! What?


She apparently doesn't pick up on verbal/body cues for *Don't ask me to clarify* because she did indeed look utterly confused and so I had to try to explain. But there's nothing to explain so I was pretty much just making things up and trying to make it sound complicated so she would stop asking.

"Um, it's complicated. Ambiguous."

She was still looking confused. (Isn't 'ambiguous' code for 'I don't know either'?)

"We're friends."

Still confused apparently so I just really went on with my fictional story:

"We hang out a lot but we're not dating."

Then she said, "Well, if you hang out and you love each other then what's the problem?"

I just nodded my head, it was easier than trying to go back on my story. I'm not sure how she went from "friends" to "love each other" especially since the whole story was something I made up. I should have just left it with "No, I'm not dating anyone" but she's the type who you just can't say "no" to. (I'm glad she wasn't inquiring because she was interested;)

DTR

I was talking with a few people yesterday about relationships and how they begin and how you know when they've actually started. The girl in the conversation said, "I've learned now to never ask a guy if we're exclusive, committment just scares him away!" and the guy in the conversation, who has a serious girlfriend, agreed and said the best way is to one day introduce her as "my girlfriend."


ARE THEY SERIOUS?!?!?!?!


I was flabbergasted. Okay, I can see not asking someone in the throws of passion if he's going to be your new boyfriend but really-I think that goes both ways. NotRoger totally freaked me out with all of his talk about "being so glad to find me" and stuff. Now granted, he was certainly not Mr. Right and I know that with someone I do want a relationship with I won't be put off by the subject. But to make a blanket statement that all guys will be freaked out by committment talk is just ludicrous in my opinion.

And what about his way of just one day saying she is his girlfriend? Isn't that the fastest way to Ambiguityville? Ambiguityville is like Chernobyl in my mind. I want to avoid it and NOT take direct flights there...I'm not alone, right? I pressed on with him and asked how he really knew she wanted to be in a relationship with him. He said that they had been friends for a year beforehand and were spending more and more time with each other. He just "knew" or something. I barely held back my laughter and only because it was towards myself and would create the situation of me having to contribute to the conversation. It's like he was saying hanging out one-on-one helped him "know" they were destined to be in a relationship. Based on that, I've had more relationships than I thought! In fact, I'm in one right now!

Haha! I guess I'm glad it's that easy for some people (*grrrr*)

Not Going Down that Path Again...

I spent this morning kvetching with NotMiranda and NotCharlotte over getting over NotSkippy and moving on. And what I had already decided and found the courage to voice today was that I can't be a part of someone else's hangups. Especially, the one that NotSkippy has. Not being able to talk to your family about the woman you're dating for any reason just proves to me two things, 1) that you're not adult enough to be in an adult relationship and 2) you aren't capable of forming ideas and opinions on your own. While I'm a true believer in letting your childhood mold and shape you I also believe that you must come to a point where you have to think on your own and decide exactly how you want to live your life and later for whatever you've been told and how you're supposed to see things.

How we were raised should have some effect on how we operate in our daily lives, but we should also be enough of our own person to decide what we keep and what we throw away in terms of lessons learned in childhood.

As for NotSkippy, I don't have time to venture down that path with him again. I've moved on to more exciting times and I have no plans to go back to the way things could be. I'm a stronger, happier NotSamantha and I plan to stay that way.

"This party is great but where is my boyfriend?"

My junior year of college was a really good year full of parties and concerts. It was the beginning of adding in some really great friends, many of whom were hott guys. (Seriously, the number of hott guy friends I had was almost unfair.) One party in the winter of that year I was in classic NotCarrie form. I probably did a kegstand or two, played beer pong and challenged anyone to a chugging contest. (I wasn't a boozehound but I could hold my beer/liquor!) Anyway, so at this party, needless to say, I was a little drunk. And being drunk, I had some difficulties keeping things to myself. Actually, I was pretty proud of myself after the fact for being cryptic even in my drunken stupor-I revealed no names and had no reasons to be (too) embarassed the next day.

Anyway, so on with the story. I spent the evening doing what I do best---flirting. Apparently, though, I got pissed when a friend of mine disappeared with one of my hott friends and some of the others weren't being receptive to my advances. This is when I found the dry erase board on the host's fridge door and wrote:

"This party is great but where is my boyfriend?"

At the time I thought nothing of it and assumed noone would know I wrote it but boy fwas I wrong. Apparently it was the funniest thing to have happened at the party that night. The host told me they left the note up for weeks to remember how funny I was when I declared that. They told me I kept going around asking people where "he" was...and no, there was no "he" to be found! Maybe you had to be there but I rememberd this night the other day and it made me laugh to remember.

I Have Needs And They Are Innocent

I get antsy when I don't have a crush. Not having someone to lust after, or to coincide my life with, or to imagine my happy future with makes me feel bored. I need a crush like I need The O.C. I can live without it but life is so much better with it!

But my problem right now, like so many other people, is finding someone. I was excited for this new thing I just started that has put me among a whole new group of people and I was hoping to meet some eligible bastards (ok, that was a typo but too funny to fix. I meant to say "bachelors".) But so far the guys I have encountered are either married, engaged, annoying, or physically unappealing. Oh, or old and I don't do old. I'm not being completely negative about the situation because some of these already attached guys seem pretty cool so I will definitely try to be friendly with them. Maybe they have friends who will be interested in a hott, 20-something, intelligent female who likes to blog.

Check-In

I feel the need to check in since I've been a little MIA this past week. There is stuff I WANT to talk about but today is one of those days where I'm on the verge of screaming. Stuff is due for work but I need to finish stuff for something else and I'm so tired and now I'm hungry but can't take lunch because of deadlines. And in the back of my mind is the whirlwind of non-work related things that keeps trying to edge its way to the forefront of my mind. I can't think about it all just yet, though. I apologize for being a bad blogger this week.

Trampled Under Foot

It's hard to be creative when you're being forced to.
This semester is going to kill me, creatively, I can already tell. It's my own damn fault for taking so many writing courses. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...
Yesterday was the longest day, ever. I was up at 530, drove to my job (45 minutes away) until 12, then drove 30 minutes to campus for 3 hours of classes, then drove another 45 minutes to my OTHER job to work from 5 until midnight. Luckily, there were cute boys at my second job to keep my spirits up.
Isn't that crazy, how just seeing a cute face can make you want to hang out JUST a little bit longer?
I then started thinking about attractiveness levels and what makes me like certain boys. I then realized that I'm honestly a "first impression" type of girl. If guys aren't physically attractive to me, I won't want to "be with them."
That sounds shallow, but honestly it's the truth. Oddly enough, I seem to be attracted to men that are not only attractive to me, but have personality and sense of humor. It's just a matter of seeing if they're attracted to me as well.
I seem to attract the type of guys who aren't very intellectual, which is a problem for me, considering a. I love to talk about things that aren't boring and b. i consider myself very culturally aware.
How do I attract men... I guess that are like me? *sigh*
Also, for some reason I'm incredibly attracted to "shy guys." Much like NotMiranda though, I turn into a shy girl when I'm around guys like that and (obviously) nothing much happens because we're each too afraid to make the first move. I have one thing to say about this though:
IT'S THE GUYS JOB TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

That is all.

The shy show

My flirtation with NotGraceful has been fun; however, since the big reveal it seems I've moved from the confident to the shy flirt. Now that I've been exposed he seems to have taken the lead, slowly engaging me. I seem to barely be able to keep a meal down and simply blush and bat my brown and green-flecked eyes at him. What happens when two intensely shy people collide? Stay tuned. I will leave you with the thought that this shy girl is ready to meet a man who isn't afraid to pull her in a dark corner and remind her why God invented lips.

Sweet crushin'

I discovered this weekend that my having a little crush is like Popeye having a little spinach. It's empowering! Add a little crush and my boldness is off the charts. This weekend I snagged email addresses I've been wanting for quite some time from a couple of sigh-worthy guys and had such an intense session of eye sex with this one fellow that I felt like I needed a cigarette afterward. I'm kind of liking this new boldness about me.

Exposing secrets.

My time as the secret admirer to NotGraceful seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. That's right silly readers...in the past two days I have fully revealed my identity to this man who has made me smitten. After a couple more emails batted back and forth, I discovered I had been eliminated as a suspect in my own game because of my craftiness in sending an email while he knew I was at a place where I generally couldn't email. This couldn't be. Three delicately crafted sentences were sent and my identity was all but revealed. With my heart hammering a Sousa march in my chest and butterflies doing a number on my stomach, I picked up the phone to call him yesterday just to seal the deal. As I listened to the lightness in his voice I began to relax. He was happy. He thought I was awesome. I slept so well last night.

Package Check...or Is that a *insert fruit here* in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

I have to admit it...I'm a package nut. I do it all the time, its the same as guys checking out women as they walk behind/walk by/see them across the room. I check out a guy's package. Why? Don't know, its kindof like love at first glimpse. Or the potential for love or maybe its just good ole fashioned lust of the unknown kind.

I refrain from doing this with people I get to know well, but always when I first meet them.

Now here come the cries of size does not matter, and while I believe it doesn't (motion of the ocean and all that), I do believe that a respectably filled out pair of pants go a long way into me giving a guy more than a cursory going over. For the guys who dare tread into this female mind, think of it as looking a the boobs. They're in your line of vision (if you squint a little and tilt your neck just a little) and they either make you look closer or they put you off and you move on to the next set.

And while I am old enough to know that sexual prowess comes with more than a cucumber or adequate length and girth...I wear a corset, I have a cock ring...and I know exactly how to use them both...

History Of Cupid

I’ve never really had a Valentine. But also, I’ve never really minded as I usually find the day to be so forced and cheesy. Of course this doesn’t mean I don’t yearn for romance and love and affection, I definitely do (about 23 hours of the day). Even this year I will be okay if I don’t have a “Valentine”, but won’t deny a little part of me wishes for a secret admirer or for some advancement with someone else.

When I younger I gave out Valentines but was too shy to ever give one of the more suggestive cards to a boy I liked. The “suggestive” cards being those that had hearts on them or didn’t explicitly say FRIENDS. Ha!

In high school I would get so annoyed at my friends for being into the day that I refused to care. I just found it ridiculous for a 16 year old to be going to a fancy restaurant to celebrate V Day.

My last two years of college were spent with friends on the “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club” night out. We weren’t lonely but I’m a big Beatles fan so the name came easily and stuck. We went out on the town, looking hott of course, and reminded anyone who WAS lonely that Valentine’s Day is a crock of crap if you want it to be!

Last year was actually my first taste of a real Valentine’s Day but ended up being very unorthodox. First, I had NotRoger asking to be my Valentine and me being a bitch and avoiding the subject. See, this was the beginning of the end with him since I decided I had eyes for someone else. I ended up going out that night on a sort of double date with NotCharlotte and our two ‘winners’ in the First Annual Be My Valentine Contest. It was a good night but after the fact turned out to be more complicated than we had ever imagined. More on that another time...

Now, go apply for this years!

Be My Valentine--The Application!

Rather than sit around on our fannies this Valentine's Day pining away for our latest crushes, the girls over here at No Sex & the City have decided to take matters into our own hands. Click on the heart off to the side to download the latest application to join us in celebration of the holiday of togetherness. Before you ask, the application will not get you laid, but it will get four lucky bastards dinner with the Not girls sometime around the V-day holiday. Download the application and email (check our profiles) your answers to one of the Nots by February 5th. Email any Not...all applications will be tossed in the general pool.

Book Me Danno!

I'd like to believe that if my life could be described as some sort of book genre it would be some sort of action novel or at least a hard core erotic novel ( just not one of those with the bright and shiny covers - shudder), where I'm the somewhat quirky heroine who is searching for love in all the wrong places, but will inevitably stumble upon it in time.

What about you ladies? Are you a biography, a current affairs story, fiction, etc? Where does your life fit in the grand scheme of a book? What about our readers...come one show some spine *snort* get it, book....spine...

*bows to cricket filled audience*

Hanging On The Telephone

I made two calls on my short ride home from work yesterday: one to NotJason and one to NotRoger.

I called NotJason for a few reasons but mostly because I'm sick of only corresponding via email and so if we can't hang out as much, then I at least want some human aspect to the communication. I also figured he needed to have me fresh in his mind!

So after speaking with NotJason for a few moments I decided I needed to be a little reckless and spur of the moment! So I decided to call NotRoger. But the funny part is that I couldn't be spontaneous at all! My new cell phone still doesn't have all of my contacts in it so I had to look in my old cell phone. It literally took five minutes to get his number because the stupid thing kept freezing up. So much for my spontaneity! I took it as a sign not to call him so I used my sneaky Verizon ways and just left him a voice mail therefore bypassing any awkwardness.

I'm not sure if I want him to call back. Ok, that's a lie. I really really really want him to call back and I want him to invite me over. I doubt that will happen since I was a bitch to him before but it's ok because if he did invite me over then I would then enter, "Do I?" mode.

Put Into Words

Yesterday was one of the worst days I have had in quite awhile. I was on the verge of tears the entire day and almost asked to leave work early because everything was adding to my stress and causing me to want to scream. I know WHY I was in such a horrible mood but it's still stuff I can't even put into words. Not because it's difficult or painful, but because I honestly can not string together the correct verbs and nouns to explain how I was feeling and what sparked my mood. But as I accepted the fact that I couldn't clarify to myself what was going on, it upset me even more that as a result I would not be able to fix the problem. How do you say to someone that you are upset when it can't be that simple and 500 footnotes are needed to explain and clarify. "I miss you" on it's own is both too little and too much. "Why?" can either open a can of worms or elicit a disappointing and anticlimactic response.

In more lighthearted news, the situation with NotGraceful on Friday was so amusing I think I laughed more than I had in awhile. Having all clues point to me was a fun game for the evening but one I had to play with caution. I wouldn't want to come away from the situation with an air of deceitfulness as someone who plays around with matters of the heart. But I think I did a good job and merely filled a role yet kept the flirting to a minimum as to not act interested where I am not. However, I am now living vicariously through NotMiranda and can't wait for the exciting moment!

The winding road to smitten

I've officially begun to fall for the Secret Admiree (henceforth to be called NotGraceful). Over the past week he has reminded me of all the little things I miss about having a crush, and unfortunately, the weekend sealed the deal. Friday night NotCarrie, NotCharlotte and I attempted to gather all of our Not favorites and spend a night on the town in Dupont. NotCarrie, being the good friend that she is, made sure NotGraceful got a personal invite. As we were waiting to leave, guess who shows up...NotGraceful! As I was melting into my chair trying to figure out how we were all going to survive a night of me pretending not to know so much about him, NotCarrie bolts in a fit of giggles. You see, we had determined that, if putting two and two together, NotGraceful was likely to think that NotCarrie was deliverer of the Secret Admirer note. This theory didn't appear that off base as the evening got to a start. NotGraceful was definitely showering a bit of attention on NotCarrie, liked they'd been secretly emailing. It didn't help that we started talking Alias in the car (NotGraceful is calling my Sydney in our emails), made sure Billy Corgan was on the cd player (one of his old faves was Smashing Pumpkins and I mentioned they were my first concert), and I made sure NotCarrie pulled out her camera (told him I liked to carry around a camera). Luckily, I did a pretty good job of being untypically friendly, even a little flirty. As the drinks wore on and the flirting intensified, I like to think I confused him a bit. How much remains to be seen. Regardless of who he thinks he's emailing, the night was a success because I got to bond with him in person and not just online. As he leaned in to talk to me, I realized I missed the heat associated with a guy's lips that close to my ear and the solidness of his leg pressed against mine. I've missed the times when your eyes meet, and you're wondering if he's thinking of kissing you as much as you're thinking of kissing him. He sealed the deal when he got up to dance with me to Golddigger. Tom Cruise may have snagged Renee Zellwegger at hello, but NotGraceful had me the moment he slid out of the booth and began dancing with more than the typical white boy head bop.

Single Woman Seeks...

Intelligent, sane stranger to converse with about movies, anime and cooking. Must like oatmeal and generous hips. Must have a sense of humor and an espresso machine. Please reply in comment box.

Tonight I feel Sexless...

I know, I know hard to believe right...well its true. I don't know what it is, but the past few nights the last thing that's been on my mind is sex. Which is the polar opposite to NotCarrie's post about thinking about sex.

I was hoping to fulfill my goal of buying one new sex toy per month...and I can't even drum up the usual happy thoughts so that I can peruse the Good Vibes site and consider the glass or the silicone toys of fun.

*sigh*

Oh woe is me! My sex driveth have gone south.

Of course this could also have something to do with the dread I felt about coming back to my hometown...as well as the fact that as I type this I'm sitting in the bedroom I grew up in. The driest, sexless place on the planet.

Watch Out, City

Due to recent events, I'm in the mood to cause some trouble. Full flirt is on for the night. Dupont? Watch out.