Monday, January 30, 2006


I was talking with a few people yesterday about relationships and how they begin and how you know when they've actually started. The girl in the conversation said, "I've learned now to never ask a guy if we're exclusive, committment just scares him away!" and the guy in the conversation, who has a serious girlfriend, agreed and said the best way is to one day introduce her as "my girlfriend."


I was flabbergasted. Okay, I can see not asking someone in the throws of passion if he's going to be your new boyfriend but really-I think that goes both ways. NotRoger totally freaked me out with all of his talk about "being so glad to find me" and stuff. Now granted, he was certainly not Mr. Right and I know that with someone I do want a relationship with I won't be put off by the subject. But to make a blanket statement that all guys will be freaked out by committment talk is just ludicrous in my opinion.

And what about his way of just one day saying she is his girlfriend? Isn't that the fastest way to Ambiguityville? Ambiguityville is like Chernobyl in my mind. I want to avoid it and NOT take direct flights there...I'm not alone, right? I pressed on with him and asked how he really knew she wanted to be in a relationship with him. He said that they had been friends for a year beforehand and were spending more and more time with each other. He just "knew" or something. I barely held back my laughter and only because it was towards myself and would create the situation of me having to contribute to the conversation. It's like he was saying hanging out one-on-one helped him "know" they were destined to be in a relationship. Based on that, I've had more relationships than I thought! In fact, I'm in one right now!

Haha! I guess I'm glad it's that easy for some people (*grrrr*)


I-66 said...

I can think of a few examples where the "this is my girlfriend" intro has been the clincher... but seriously, what happens if the girl's like "hold on... girlfriend?!"

There's only really one way to know... and I ought not need to explain it.

NotCarrie said...

Oh don't worry, I know the way. Believe me, I do.

And it's funny because just the other day someone referred to me as someone's girlfriend. Ha! A 3rd party said it, it was hilarious but only because we could laugh about it.

Anonymous said...

This topic hits close to home for me right now. "State of the Relationship" conversations can be all awkward and not fun, but it is so much more awful and painful to be in an ambiguous relationship situation and then find out that you and the other person have different views on the "relationship". BLEH!

Shelli said...

The "this is my girlfriend" should be banned. I mean, if you havent had that convo yet...its like being hit over the head with a cement brick!

I once had this "boy" who called constantly, sooner or later, because I was nice to him and didnt tell him to scarm like I-soooo-wanted-to, I found out he was telling 3rd parties we were dating exculsively!? Um yea, dude, if you consider a one minute phone convo exclusive...your sooo not my type.

But on the otherhand, without sounding totally lame, you do just "know". As crazy as it is...take it from a single-and-loved-it kinda girl. You just know.

The key? If you have to ask, then it's not a relationship, but it might be the beginning of one! Time will tell girl! :)

~Shells xoxo

thebarmaid said...

That's totally one of those conditional things that guys are totally allowed to do, but girls aren't. Sometimes, I'm tempted, when I'm out with someone I know I don't like that much to totally freak them out by introducing them in a party, "I'd really like you to meet my soulmate."

NotCarrie said...

Barmaid-awesome! I want to do that sometimes, too.

chelsea said...

If it's a healthy relationship you're after, it won't start with guessing games like that. Sure sign.

NotCarrie said...

Yeah but two super shy people? It would be hard for one to step up. I don't necessarily think it's a sign of an unhealthy relationship.However, I don't ever see a super shy person using the ol', "This is my girlfriend" trick;)

Larissa said...

wait, NotCarrie. you're super shy? really? didn't you makeout with a stranger on New Years? that doesn't strike me as shy ;-)

NotCarrie said...

I'm shy when it counts.

With strangers, I'm full on flirt.

And actually, I'm a LOT better than I used to be.

... jacek ... said...

well lets put it this way, my erm... well the girl who is interested in me and I in her, dont have a freggin clue as to what we are... at least i dont becasue were on 2 differnt sides of the planet, know each otehr for 21 years, and hooked up just recently... so what are we... damned if i know - but im pretty sure were not boinking anyone else along the way

NotCarrie said...

Ha, guess that can be a relationhip level: Not Boinking Others