He's everything I want...can I give him back now...

NotChrisRock has told me in no uncertain terms that I'm contrary for no reason, than to be contrary.

I've decided to believe that he's right. To an extent.

With this latest relationship, I got just about everything I asked for in a partner: someone who could see through the smoke and screens I cloak myself in; someone with a backbone who would stand up to my nonesense; someone to cuddle with, etc, etc. The list seems to go on for a bit. So now that I've had a sample of the good life, what do I want.

To give it back with every fiber of my being.

NotChrisRock is great, but he does a lot of delving into my psyche and what he's pulling out a lot of the time is not what I'm ready to deal with. Last night was one such event.

In post-coital bliss he mentioned something almost sent me running from the bed and from him. Now, I'm stuck between re-establishing the just lovers statuse or go ahead with the status quo. Not sure what to do, but in the end I'm now an even firmer believer in "be careful what you wish for."

The Gild from the Lily…

As with many things that are new for me, the shine has seem to have worn off from NotChrisRock.

In fact, he made me quite angry this Friday.

I'll preface this with an explanation. I like the shiny. I like to window shop, and I do get the opportunity to do so, I don't place a definite time limit, or general speed on which to do it in. Normal time limits such as meeting friends or catching a movie will apply.

So, Friday evening started out like this: NotChrisRock is new to the area and hasn't experienced the wonder that is Tyson's Corner. When I suggested this as a place to go he was all for it. I mentioned that I would like to window shop, but would also be up for a movie. He was game, so after getting frisky with it, off we went.

Within 20 minutes of hitting the mall proper I realized that I had made a mistake. He was a shopping shopper. Not content to do window shopping or rather not content to let me window shop, he felt the need to guide me, under the guise of hand holding (dragging) from storefront to (away from) storefront. At first I was annoyed and told him so, then I got increasingly more so. By the time we had purchased tickets, had a beer and then walked around a bit more before returning to the movie theatre for our show, I was nearly beside myself with wanting to leave him stranded at the mall. If it weren't for the fact that my clothing (and my favorite pair of boots), were trapped in his apartment, I probably would have too. The final straw came in the form of a beckon, after I had exited the ladies room and was heading in a parallel line to meet up with him in front of the theatre I turned and he stood about thirty feet away calling me over (like a puppy). For this he got both raised eyebrows and a spike in my temper. When he continued to do so, I finally returned the gesture with one of my own (children were present so I had to refrain from telling him he was #1), but I'm sure he got the point. Finally, when he refused to move, and I refused to move, I turned on my heels and left for the movie.

He appeared beside me two minutes later, where I proceeded to blast him about treating me like a puppy. The conversation went something like this:

"I don't like nor do I need to be lead around." – NS

"You walk so slow…why didn't you just walk over to me after you came out of the bathroom." – NCR

"I saw you. We were going to meet at the theatre so I headed in that direction. I was walking parallel to where we were going to meet." – NS

"But you could have just turned and come to me." – NCR

"I didn't want to…look I don't like you beckoning to me like I'm a puppy." – NS

This continued until we entered the theatre. At which time, we sat, I hogged my armrest and he hogged his. Twenty minutes into the movie his hand crept over to mine. And forty minutes into it he draped my leg over his. The argument in my mind, was gone, but not forgotten.

Following the movie was the trek back to the car, where the real issues turned up.

"You're thinking, what are you thinking about? Talk to me." – NCR

"I'm trying not to think right now." – NS (See for me this is when he should have let it drop and move onto other things. I didn't want to talk about my busy week at work, my stress level with work, my issues with what happened earlier tonight, I just wanted to get in the car, go back to his place, bounce on him, have an O and then sleep until the morning. Obviously, what I wanted didn't matter…not right then anyway.)

"That's a cop out, what's on your mind?" – NCR

"I really don't want to crawl inside of my head right now, and I really don't need you analyzing me." – NS

"I'm not analyzing you. I'm just trying to figure out what's wrong." – NCR

A snort and a laugh from me. "You know sometimes I should keep my big mouth shut because I asked for this and I got it." – NS

What followed was the continued walk to the car. Silently, thank god. Followed by an even more silent ride back to his apartment, capped off by the equivalent of a Mexican standoff, tv/book style. Finally, I asked if he was going to ignore me all night. He then proceeded to open up with "You said you didn't want to talk."

Now here is where I kick myself. I have always lamented that I didn't have someone who got me, someone who I didn't have to go into details with because they just understood me. NotChrisRock in his own way, gets me. And it freaks me out because he does. And on Friday, that was the last thing I wanted to confront. So, I explained for a bit, complained I was tired, let him drag me into the bedroom, where I proceeded to bounce on him again, get my O and then fell into a semi-satisfied sleep.

Cowardly, you bet, but I've decided that all bets are off when dealing with NotChrisRock. He's way too good at poking at the parts of me that I'm not ready to look at yet.

Kill, Marry, Fuck- The Election Version

The rules are simple. You pick one to KILL. One to MARRY. And one to FUCK.

Joe Biden


Barack Obama


John McCain


and if you're into chicks:


Sarah Palin


Michelle Obama


Cindy McCain


~NotCarrie

The Backstory…

posted by NotSamantha

So I realize that while I've been tripping the fun fantastic dating life with NotChrisRock, I realize that I haven't filled you guys in on what's been going on between one visit from Aunt Flo and another.

The High Points: Following Bite Night, NotChrisRock and I continued to learn a bit about each other. For me, I learned, while not a slob, he's not really that neat either, pet peeve sorta, but given my own bedroom's state of disarray, I gave it a pass. Also, while at time self deprecating, he's also very honest about what he thinks about other people and sticks by his opinions, which I appreciate. There is nothing worse than a man who can't hold onto a thought when faced with an opposing one. He's a good cook and says he can play a mean game of cards. Oh, and one thing, that I'm starting to like/hate about him. HE's a football junkie. Specifically: college football, more specifically: the SEC. Now, as I consider myself quite the girlie girl, I've never been one for football. I can appreciate from afar and that's about it. However, I've found that more often than not when I'm over at NotChrisRock's apartment he's got his tv tuned to a football game or ESPN is reviewing one that he just watched. And because this is the DC area it just wouldn't be complete with the political, and he's definitely political. Not sure what he's learned about me, except that I like coffee and lots of it and that I can stay up until 4am and still be ready to go.

The Low Points: In the bedroom he's rocking the failboat on getting me there. However, we introduced one of my toys and that worked out very well indeed, so I'm sort of satisfied in that regard. He's very much into going with the flow, and I'm very much a plan it to prevent from failing and we found after a frustrating evening of trying to decide where we should go out to that week, that we were making each other angry…at least I was angry. He's into his stuff and often to the detriment of the others (read: me) around him. There have been several occasions when I've been over and he's been either watching a game or playing a video game and he's not stopped playing or has started one of these activities when I arrive and continues to do so. To be honest, I'm not sure if I care. If he were in the BF category I would be majorly pissy, as it stands I'm shrugging it off. He makes me laugh, cooks food for me if I ask and is really good at keeping my attention off of work.

Not the love of my life, but I knew that 10 seconds after meeting him. And I'm going to take some advice from NotASong on this whole shebang. "He's a nice guy, you deserve a nice guy…so stop looking for problems and just enjoy him while he's here."

And so I am.

This is the oddest thing...

Soooo...my phone just rang and its NotChrisRock. He says, "I've just put a pot of coffee on for you."

*raised eyebrow*

"Am I supposed to be coming over?" From me, she who now wears the clueless hat.

"Yeah, I'll see you when you get here."

Now, lets step back a bit. I've made no plans to see NotChrisRock tonight. Mainly, because I can't get any because Aunt Flo is visiting. He knows this as well. So why the invite? or lure since its coffee?

I have to appreciate his self confidence, but the chutzpah!

Is comfortable enough

Let me begin with the fact that I never (or maybe very rarely) dream about people I'm interested in or people I know in any kind of sexual or relationship-y way. However, last night I had what amounted to the sweetest, most realistic dream about one of my own. I don't want to mention his name here right now, but he has appeared on these pages before.

There was a lot more going on in the dream, but I'll just stick to the important parts. I was hanging out with my gentleman friend, and we were discussing our mutual friends. I confess that this one friend has been driving me crazy, and suddenly he kisses me. Full on. The odds of this particular boy doing this in real life are so slim I might win the lottery first (only b/c he is uber shy and wrapped up in layers of awkwardness). We kissed for a long time, and then pulled away and kissed again. We were happy. We were also very adult about it and honest. He looks at me, smiling, and says how comfortable that was. I smile because I was thinking the same thing. It wasn't full of passion or that "thing" that makes you think you might die if you don't kiss them again. It was just like coming home. It was the feeling that I could kiss that person any time I saw them just because I wanted to.

So here's my question to you all. Would comfortable be enough for you?

Two And A Half Hours Of Sex (And The City)

I finally saw the Sex And The City movie last night. The others saw it on opening night or something, but I was not into the idea of paying too much to see it at midnight in a crowded audience. I'm a fan of matinees months after a movie came out where we're the only ones in the theatre. But enough about when I didn't see it! Here are my thoughts (Oh, and if there's actually another person who hasn't seen it yet, there are spoilers ahead, I guess):

• It was definitely long, but I didn't feel like it was too drawn out.
• If anything, I would have cut out more of the Samantha parts-she tends to annoy me. It was good to finally see a wang in a movie that wasn't on Kevin Bacon. Especially after all the breasts.
• Speaking of...the Mirana sex scene was crazy! Whoa! Had she ever done one like that in the show?
• I love Steve.
• The fashion was definitely fun. My favorites were the couture wedding dresses, of course.
• The best scene (acting wise) was when Charlotte yells at Big after he doesn't show up at the wedding. And when Carrie yells, "Get me out of here!" It was very "Sandra Oh".
• I was going to turn the movie off if Steve didn't show up on the bridge. I'm still not happy that Samantha and Smith broke up-that's bullshit.
• Lily was super cute, but also a big trouble maker with that phone!
• Jennifer Hudson as Carrie's assistant didn't bother me as much as I expected her to. She was worst when she came off as kind of stupid and with no depth. She kind of oscillated between okay and stupid.
• I want Charlotte's apartment. Or Carrie's new one!
• Did they ever mention or show Carrie's parents during the show?
• So now they're saying they might have a second movie? What will the plot be for that, though?
• Miranda is so pretty when she has a lot of eye makeup on! (Not that she does not usually.)
• I loved the Valentine's Day scene with the balloons, haha!
• Carrie is a freak petite. This was obvious when Big proposed and was almost her height when on bended knee. I am glad I'm tall.
• I was glad Charlotte got some real scene instead of her usual stuff (like when she was in the shower in Mexico...it's just so...fake.)
• Samantha is my least favorite because every word she speaks sounds like she's doing voiceover for a p0rno.
• Carrie looked super hott as a brunette! Darker is better, my friends.
• That is all.

In The Meantime

1) Do you have any friends you would have sex with?
Of course. The list is way short, though.


(2) Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
why narrow it down? Bring it.


3)Ever had to pull over along the road and puke?
Yes...yuck!


(4) Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
Not yet.

(5) Shower or bath while having sex?
I hate baths.


(6) Mexican girls or Chinese guys?
Guys, please.

(7) Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Be aggressive. B-E aggressive (remember that cheer?)


(8) Do you love any of your friends?
of course


(9) Love or Money?
<3


(10)Credit cards or cash?
cash


11) where is the weirdest place you had sex?
backseat of my car...oh wait, that's soon.

(12) Camping or a 5 star hotel?
are you kidding me? 5 star.

(14) Would you shave your entire body (including your head)?
nooooooo

(15) Have you ever been to a strip club?
Camelot!

(16) Ever been to a bar?
do you know me at all?

(17) Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
ugh, yes.

(18) Ever been so drunk someone else had to carry you?
no

(19) Had sex in a movie theater?
no

(20) Had sex in a bathroom?
likely

(21) Have you ever had sex at work?
not yet

(22) Ever been to an adult store?
yes

(23) Bought something from an adult store?
condoms

(24) Have you been caught having sex?
no

(25) Does anyone have naughty pics of you?
not yet


(26) Ever had sex with someone and called them by the wrong name?
hahaha no, but one time I almost said the wrong name just in general. yikes! it's still bad.

Its all about the Benefits, baby..

Okay so NotChrisRock got another date, at which time he took the kid gloves off and left me with a bite mark.

Which, turned me on so much I took off almost all of my clothing.

Thank god we were in his apartment.

And now the details for those of you who just did a spit take at your screen.

Last Thursday turned into date two for myself and NotChrisRock. We met on his side of town this time, to avoid the awkward "I don't have a car, but I'm legit conversation" that was still nagging in the back of my head.

We then proceeded down to a small shopping center where we fed my office supply addiction and then got coffee. We had initially decided to play it loose and just do things as they struck us, but that became real old really quick.

After coffee he suggested tv watching at his place, and while skeptical that tv is what he wanted to watch, I was confident I could fend off his paws, especially since Mother Nature had made her presence known that day. If there is one thing that will cool my ardor quickly, its having my period. I don't want kids and if this was fates way of telling me to just say no, I was going to stick to it.

So back to his place we went, where the idea of looking at tv got tossed after he kissed me and then bit me.

Did I mention I have this kink about biting...I like it...a lot.

I'm not to proud to say I became a semi posable goo in his hands...who immediately remembered that this would not be going anywhere in my current state of Cousin Flow.

So while deflecting his hands from below the waistline and trying to keep my wits about me, I finally stumbled out that he couldn't put his hands down my pants. To which he said:

"If you're on your period, I understand."

I blushed...this was not typical date conversation...at any time, but I soldiered on and confirmed that yes, there would be nothing doing in that area tonight, no matter how much he wanted to. Thinking I had cooled him down with my body's betrayal. No one was more shocked than me when he said...

"I'll just have to make you regret having your period."

I will go on record here and now and say, I have never regretted more being on my cycle than I did after that night.

But wait there's more. During the subsequent pillow talk after I was made to regret being on my period, I found that NotChrisRock and I may just have several more things in common, like the fact that neither of us is interested in being in a relationship right now. And that this should be very casual...friends with bennies!

Okay, so no love of my life, but a great friend with which to answer my bodies cravings, that's for sure.

Eyes Open

I remember reading an interview with Jessica Simpson awhile back where she said she likes to kiss with her eyes open. I happen to agree...unfortunately, my reasoning differs from hers as she said she likes to see what she's kissing and to know if she's enjoying it (I'm soooo paraphrasing here). I find that it adds a different element because it gives the opportunity to connect with sight and not just with the actual lip-lock. Keeping your eyes open the entire time is a bit creepy and may shock your partner, but I highly suggest taking a peak from time to time.

Chemistry without Sparks? I'm sure there's some scientific dating term for this...

So, OkCupid has netted me one date thus far, since I last posted about signing up online (again) and trying to re-enter the dating world.

And for that one date it was, in a word okay, which as we all know is the death knell of any male I'm seeing.

There were no sparks, but chemistry, of a sort was present, I think I'll dub it Kindredstry since it felt like we had known each other long enough to get along, but not long enough to feel that flicker of attraction. NotChrisRock (because I swear that's who he looks like and jokes like for that matter), was funny, open and great to talk to. Which, are all pluses in his favor.

And then there are the minuses...He's touchy feely (I think hand holding and PDAs should be built up to since we've only just met in person), he doesn't have a car (but in his defense I found out he's only lived in the DC Metro area for the last three months), and has facial hair (superficial of me, yes, but I like a clean shaven man).

However, he hasn't done anything that's a deal breaker and he keeps things interesting. So that warrants a 2nd date. Or according to him, dinner at his place.

Static cling...a friend to no one

It looks like I might have to change NotMoxy's name to TooClingy. As Friday rolled around and I tried to psych myself up for my date, something kept telling me abandon ship. I'm just not a casual dater. In my world, I want to be your friend and discover one day we're madly in love. Right.

Since I do live in reality, I forced myself (with the strong encouragement of my girls) to go on this date. Since he was running late, I stationed myself at a booth near the bar and had a drink to calm my nerves. That, combined with flirting with the bar manager, seemed to help. NotMoxy eventually arrived and we had a pleasant enough evening just chatting away. He's a nice guy, and we share a lot of similar interests. The problem is that there was just no there there.

You know that feeling when you look across the table at someone and feel absolutely nothing? No chemistry. I knew the end was near when I found myself chanting silently, "please don't try to kiss me; please don't try to kiss me," as he walked me to the metro.

Turns out the lack of chemistry must have just been on my part. The next morning I awoke to an early morning email telling me what a nice time he had and saying he hoped I would consider him my boyfriend one day. Later that afternoon, I got a voicemail from him asking how my weekend was going. This past Sunday I blew out of town for a work project that had me out of cell and internet range. When I finally returned to civilization last night, I had yet another voicemail from him telling me how he "missed me already" and wished "he had met me sooner."

Now, I have not spoken to him since our date on Friday, but clearly this is something I need to nip in the bud. I wonder if they make that static cling spray for relationships.

Triple Venti Excited

There are three Starbucks I frequent during my work week.
My favorite one is nearest to my house, at the start of my daily 45 minute commute to work. I arrive there anywhere between 630 and 700, depending on how long I take to get ready.
I am almost embarrassed to say this, but I have a fondness for one of my baristas. He's tall, he's dark haired, he's scruffy, wears dark rimmed glasses. But that's not all. He remembers my drink, every single time.
I know, I know, it's their JOB to remember my drink. Hell, I go there so often I'm almost offended if they don't.
But he not only remembers my drink, he remembers little facts about me. He remembers when I'm supposed to come in and if I'm late, he asks if everything's ok. I didn't come by for an entire week and when I came back in, he asked me where I had been. He asked me questions about what I do for a living. He gives me snarky attitude that makes the managers look at him funny, then look at me to gauge my response (which is, of course, smitten. I am the QUEEN of snark).
Yesterday, NotMiranda and I stopped by for a cool drink to get us some energy for DSW. There were five people working that day and I didn't see my dark haired coffee stallion. I resigned myself to be rung up by the cute, albeit 17 year old blonde clerk, when who should appear through the service door but him.
He gives blondie a look, then comes to the register I'm standing in front of, heaving bucket of ice in his arms, and starts to take my order.
"what are you doing here? it's not 6 in the morning! same thing as usual? hot or cold?"
i stumble out my response, making small talk with him as NotMiranda smirks at the back of my head. I had told her about my starbucks bf before and she was putting two and two together.
He writes my order on the cup and rings me up, then goes right back to his ice filling job.
The drink barista grabs my cup and reads it aloud and from the back storage area, he yells "and make sure it's non-fat!"

I know it's silly for me to be slightly enamoured by a caffeine slinging hunk of a man, but seriously, it's working.
My question for you, dear readers, is how do I take it to the "next level" without ruining my lovely starbucks experience? I'd like to at least find out his name, maybe see if he's single, but what if it goes awry?

I guess what I'm getting at is, do I jeopardize my favorite starbucks on the off chance that I could get a real date out of it?

Where it's at

I've developed a new theory. I think Silver Spring (a DC suburb for those non-Washingtonians) contains an abnormally high percentage of bold single men. Most of the men my friends have met and dated recently live in Silver Spring. NotCharlotte flirted with dating a craigslister from Silver Spring. NotCurly danced into the heart of a Silver Spring boy while partying at the Black Cat.

My own Silver Spring experience seems to confirm this theory. A couple of weeks ago I had a long meeting in Silver Spring and decided to walk up to the Avenue shops and grab something different for lunch (different from my usual McPherson Square environment). Anyway, I wandered around looking at my options and finally decided on Chick-fil-a. All of a sudden this guy walks up to me and is like, "Excuse me. I saw you walking down Georgia Avenue [now...at this time I thought he was going to tell me my skirt was ripped or something] and was so amazed that I had to make the block and come find you." Personally, I seriously question his vision. It was really hot that day, and I was (in my opinion) a hot mess. Anyway, he said he just had to give me his card and that he would like to take me out to dinner. I think I was shocked. I can't remember exactly what all sputtered out of my mouth, but I do know the entire interaction was no more than a couple of minutes. I thanked him and said I would email him that night, explaining that I'm an "email" person. You could tell he didn't believe for a second I would email him.

Ya'll don't know me that well, but I'm not big on meeting strangers. First impressions are hard for me and bonding with people upon first meeting them is difficult. I'm more a third impression kind of girl. That said, he was attractive enough and also seemed nervous...like this was something he didn't do all the time. I found that a bit endearing. Plus, his business card indicated he did film stuff (director and editor). I figure this gave us at least had one thing in common. So, I did what any e-savvy girl would do and googled him when I got home (and also looked at his website). What I saw intrigued me, and I appreciated his moxy. I decided to email, and after jumping through some scheduling loopholes, I have a date scheduled for this Friday with NotMoxy. I'll keep you posted. :-)

May December

I stared at my computer screen for at least a minute, trying to make sense of the image in front of me. A picture of the newly married husband and wife. Three days later and no sense has been made. I still can't even wrap my mind around it. I think I've told anyone I can, just to share the craziness and everyone has the same reaction: "EW!"

That's what you say when you hear a girl two years younger than you married your college professor who is at least 60.

EW!!!!

Now, maybe I'm judging the situation quickly because I haven't talked to her in a few years and haven't talked to him in an even longer time, but one thing I do know is that I am not attracted to men older than my father. The very idea kind of grosses me out.

In the past few days, as I have tried to be okay with this, I have had the following thoughts:

-OK, so maybe he's really sweet and they're in love....but in ten years he'll be 70 when she is 34! and when she is 44 he will be 80!!!! And 40 is the new 30, which makes it even worse. I can't knock the mental image of Anna Nicole Smith (RIP) kissing her decrepid, old husband. NOT HOTT!
-OK, so I'll admit some older men have been attractive to me...but they usually don't look their age and also I am not planning on marrying said man, thus beginning the inevitable "when I am this age, he will be reallllly old."
-How did this tryst begin? How do you say, "You were always a great student. I loved your papers! NOW KISS ME!" or "You're a great teacher....that's always been a fantasy of mine..." EW!
-How do you bring your really old boyfriend when you hang out with your friends? Don't old people go to sleep early? And need to drink Metamucil?


What's the biggest age difference you've had between yourself and a suitor? I think for me it's only been a few years. I kind of gave myself a rule that I wouldn't date anyone older than my brother (who is six years older than me). It just seems weird in my mind otherwise. Not that I would turn down someone amazing, but generally speaking, I am NOT a fan of the May-December romance.

NotCarrie

Vegas of the South

My flight had already been delayed five hours when they decided to board us. I was all ready to go, laying my head on the wall by my window seat when I heard the man three rows behind me yell "I'm SIX FOOT SEVEN, there's NO ONE IN THE EXIT ROW. YOU'RE TELLING me I HAVE TO PAY AN EXTRA SIXTY_FIVE DOLLARS TO SIT WHERE MY FEET AREN'T SQUISHED LIKE A FUCKING RAT IN A CAGE?!?"
I sighed and tried to read up on Reese and Jakey. Fifteen minutes after we had all finished boarding, the captain got on the intercom and announced that yes, we had boarded the plane, but unfortunately, we were not taking off for at least another hour. Giant-man sighed extra loudly and we all kind of jostled around in our seats, drinking "free" water and watching Nim's Island. After two more hours of sitting on the plane, we de-boarded, back through one of the gates at the Orlando International Airport, to wait for new, "fresh" flight attendants to fly in from DC and come back with us to our home.
We had about an hour to go, left to fend for ourselves in a near-empty airport, considering it was nearing midnight. I spent my time eating ritz crackers and huddling by a plug, letting my blackberry charge while I complained to my friends and family about how shitty this situation was.
We finally boarded the plane again and somehow this man had not only found two more men, but he had also found himself a lovely seat, in the exit row... right in front of my seat.
Now this wouldn't bother me in normal circumstances, I mean hey I've gotten a free upgrade plenty of times, but I digress.
What bothered me was that he and his dos amigos were drunk. And I'm not talking "woohoo tipsy," I'm talking "OK we're off the plane, let's down as much booze as possible."
These men were in their mid-40s and as I sat there, watching them knock heads and not so subtly hitting on the flight attendants, I started to feel bad for them.
Drunk men have no sense of right or wrong, they simply say what they feel and do what they want, damned if anyone tries to stop them. I looked at them and thought of the many guys I've hung out with when they were in that state of inebriation. And how stupid they were. And how awesome I thought that was. These men sitting in front of me, pouring their drinks all over their chair, the floor, my outstretched legs, these men are the guys I used to hang out with, all "grown up" and I was embarrassed for them! They stood, in turn, and tried to head for the bathroom, instead knocking into the rows next to them, behind them, in front of them, all at once grabbing their temples and poor peoples' armrests, trying to make the floor stop moving.
It was sad and amusing all at the same time.
Amusing because, twenty minutes before landing, they had finally finished their venti cups of rum and pepsi and everything started to hit. They couldn't keep their heads upright, one of them kept muttering "where the fuck is Tyson's?" and they had just finished the "i love you, man!" stage, therefore resulting in their unwillingness to make eye contact with each other.
It was lovely.

I hope they all made it home safely, I didn't want anything bad to happen to them, it just made me reflect on the amount of times I had been around people like that. It made me realize that I, for one, was done hanging out with guys like that.

Just Don't Call It Spooning

It's amazing how quickly a person can get used to sleeping in the same bed as someone else. And by "get used to" I mean "want it all the time".

A Lemming? Who me?

Once again, I've decided to try out online dating services (is it really a service if you don't work with someone?), in order to get a date. Given that I've signed up for OKCupid, Match.com (again) and AdultFriendFinder (again) and haven't heard a peep is sort of discouraging.

OKCupid is the latest and greatest and while I've gotten little to no response to my profile I have been stalked a few times (which is equal parts encouraging and disturbing), I've yet to have someone actually send me a note (or comment, or whatever the hell you get). I'm not going to question my profile, survey or pictures that I have posted, but I'm starting to wonder about my age group and dating. What I mean is:

Have we gotten lazy about the prospect of finding a date?

For example, I've heard of people finding "the One" when they've finally decided to stop looking. Could that be what's happened? Did I miss the boat on the whole movement to officially 'not look' for my person? Not to say that I've been hitting the dating pool every chance I get, but should I even try? In the most lemming of thoughts, because no one else is doing it sounds like a good out right now.

Renovating

Please excuse our mess. The person who designed our blog four years ago didn't get proper permission from the artist to use the lovely images you're used to seeing a the top. We'll be a bit naked but promise to come back with a new and exciting (*cough*) legal design!

Ohhh REALLY?

So I last left you guys with the story of NotGreeny telling me how he'd stop smoking for me. This was back in January, where I think my need for cuddly heat was in higher demand than my need to have a respectable sense of mind, so I believed him. We hung out a few more times and when he asked me to hang out with him on Valentine's Day, I hesitantly said yes. Hesitantly because in my mind, V-Day is kind of a big deal, seeing as how most American's find that the perfect day to give chocolates, cards, and sex.
No, we had not had sex. Nor did I want to have sex with him. I mean, if the kissing was that bad... I think you know where I'm going with this.
Anyway, he asked me to come over around 8 and I had also been invited to an Indie Singles Party at my friend NotMexican's house, which I was going to attend with my best boo NotRVA, so I had a good excuse to leave early, if the situation got to that point.
I arrive at his house promptly at 8, only to find myself calling his cell phone, which seemed to be disconnected. I had never been to his house before, so I had no idea if I was at the right house when all of a sudden he shows up at his front door, on his phone. Weird.
So we go inside and I give him a hug (he did give good hugs, definite bonus) and then we head downstairs to his basement/den/tv room setup.
I'm telling you, if I could have been in a relationship with his den, I would be a happy, happy woman. It was done cabin-style, with wood paneling that made me feel like I was in Denver, not some 70s movie. He had a projection screen set up with a comfy couch and to the right was a raised platform with a huge hot tub filled with pillows.
I was so distracted by the awesomeness that was my future den-bf that I didn't notice the array of goodies that NotGreeny had gotten me. Sitting on a little side table, in careful array, were the following items:
- 1 bouquet of multi colored tulips
- 1 magazine, featuring robots
- 1 gigantic box of chocolates
- 1 mini pack of homemade sushi
My heart sort of melted and I awkwardly said thank you and I sat on the edge of his couch while he set up a movie. He decided we'd watch "Blow," which I had never seen before. No more than 10 minutes into the movie, he decides to attack my face, full force. I kind of go with it for a few minutes, but as soon as he starts kneading one of my breasts like pizza dough, I tell him that I really want to watch the movie.
This happens two more times before I realize, oh hey yeah I need to go.
I grab the flowers and chocolate and bolt. I'm halfway to NotRVA when I get a text "hey you forgot your magazine and flowers, lolz." I ignore it and have a halfway decent time waxing poetic with people in a room holding too many pairs of leggings and just about the same number of neck scarves.
What happens next is when I start to get worried. A few days later I see that his Facebook page has a bit of activity. As in, he has changed his status to "In A Relationship." Surely, he's found someone else? I confront him about this and he goes "Yeah, well you know I wanted you to know that I wasn't interested in anyone else, that I just want to be with you."
I was at a loss for words. So I didn't respond right away. He continues, "So yeah you want me to "add" you?" I told him absolutely not and, in fact, I thought we were better suited as friends. This did not go over well and he proceeded to "ignore" me for the next week and instead show his emotions through Myspace bulletin posts and FB status changes.
Oh, for the love of technologically advanced Millenials.
A few weeks go by and we text a little bit here and there.
April came around and, since he's a graphic designer, I asked him if he would like to design the opening production credit for our budding movie company. He was more than stoked and so was I. I had seen some of his stuff and knew that he could handle what I had in mind.
Until he started talking payment. Keep in mind that the last time I had seen him was VALENTINE'S DAY.
"So when I'm finished, I'll take you out to dinner and then we can hang out at my place and watch movies. Then we'll go up to Great Falls and hang out and it'll be wonderful."
I then realized that the friendship thing probably wasn't going to work out. I was going to have to weigh anchor and let this poor boy sail on without any of NotCharlotte's "good graces" to help him along.
I didn't know what to do in order to get him off my back, so I consulted one of my best guy friends, NotItaliano. He suggested that I tell him I've met someone else. There's no denying the fact that telling NotGreeny I had started dating someone else would show him that I was no longer interested in him.
I decided to tell him this over IM. Our conversation went like this:
Me: NotGreeny, I have to tell you that I've met someone else.
Him: What?
Me: I'm sorry, but I told you awhile ago that we were just going to be friends and I can't have you thinking that we're something more.
Him: I can't handle this right now, I'm going to GameStop.

And that, my friends, is how my fauxlationship went with NotGreeny.