Saturday, July 05, 2008


So I last left you guys with the story of NotGreeny telling me how he'd stop smoking for me. This was back in January, where I think my need for cuddly heat was in higher demand than my need to have a respectable sense of mind, so I believed him. We hung out a few more times and when he asked me to hang out with him on Valentine's Day, I hesitantly said yes. Hesitantly because in my mind, V-Day is kind of a big deal, seeing as how most American's find that the perfect day to give chocolates, cards, and sex.
No, we had not had sex. Nor did I want to have sex with him. I mean, if the kissing was that bad... I think you know where I'm going with this.
Anyway, he asked me to come over around 8 and I had also been invited to an Indie Singles Party at my friend NotMexican's house, which I was going to attend with my best boo NotRVA, so I had a good excuse to leave early, if the situation got to that point.
I arrive at his house promptly at 8, only to find myself calling his cell phone, which seemed to be disconnected. I had never been to his house before, so I had no idea if I was at the right house when all of a sudden he shows up at his front door, on his phone. Weird.
So we go inside and I give him a hug (he did give good hugs, definite bonus) and then we head downstairs to his basement/den/tv room setup.
I'm telling you, if I could have been in a relationship with his den, I would be a happy, happy woman. It was done cabin-style, with wood paneling that made me feel like I was in Denver, not some 70s movie. He had a projection screen set up with a comfy couch and to the right was a raised platform with a huge hot tub filled with pillows.
I was so distracted by the awesomeness that was my future den-bf that I didn't notice the array of goodies that NotGreeny had gotten me. Sitting on a little side table, in careful array, were the following items:
- 1 bouquet of multi colored tulips
- 1 magazine, featuring robots
- 1 gigantic box of chocolates
- 1 mini pack of homemade sushi
My heart sort of melted and I awkwardly said thank you and I sat on the edge of his couch while he set up a movie. He decided we'd watch "Blow," which I had never seen before. No more than 10 minutes into the movie, he decides to attack my face, full force. I kind of go with it for a few minutes, but as soon as he starts kneading one of my breasts like pizza dough, I tell him that I really want to watch the movie.
This happens two more times before I realize, oh hey yeah I need to go.
I grab the flowers and chocolate and bolt. I'm halfway to NotRVA when I get a text "hey you forgot your magazine and flowers, lolz." I ignore it and have a halfway decent time waxing poetic with people in a room holding too many pairs of leggings and just about the same number of neck scarves.
What happens next is when I start to get worried. A few days later I see that his Facebook page has a bit of activity. As in, he has changed his status to "In A Relationship." Surely, he's found someone else? I confront him about this and he goes "Yeah, well you know I wanted you to know that I wasn't interested in anyone else, that I just want to be with you."
I was at a loss for words. So I didn't respond right away. He continues, "So yeah you want me to "add" you?" I told him absolutely not and, in fact, I thought we were better suited as friends. This did not go over well and he proceeded to "ignore" me for the next week and instead show his emotions through Myspace bulletin posts and FB status changes.
Oh, for the love of technologically advanced Millenials.
A few weeks go by and we text a little bit here and there.
April came around and, since he's a graphic designer, I asked him if he would like to design the opening production credit for our budding movie company. He was more than stoked and so was I. I had seen some of his stuff and knew that he could handle what I had in mind.
Until he started talking payment. Keep in mind that the last time I had seen him was VALENTINE'S DAY.
"So when I'm finished, I'll take you out to dinner and then we can hang out at my place and watch movies. Then we'll go up to Great Falls and hang out and it'll be wonderful."
I then realized that the friendship thing probably wasn't going to work out. I was going to have to weigh anchor and let this poor boy sail on without any of NotCharlotte's "good graces" to help him along.
I didn't know what to do in order to get him off my back, so I consulted one of my best guy friends, NotItaliano. He suggested that I tell him I've met someone else. There's no denying the fact that telling NotGreeny I had started dating someone else would show him that I was no longer interested in him.
I decided to tell him this over IM. Our conversation went like this:
Me: NotGreeny, I have to tell you that I've met someone else.
Him: What?
Me: I'm sorry, but I told you awhile ago that we were just going to be friends and I can't have you thinking that we're something more.
Him: I can't handle this right now, I'm going to GameStop.

And that, my friends, is how my fauxlationship went with NotGreeny.


Dawn said...

what a weirdo!

SaneAndSingle said...

Hmm...can't say I've met such a needy man in a loooong time.

dizzy observer said...

I didn't even see it and I'm in love with his den too!

Anonymous said...

What's an Indie Singles Party?

The Glitterati said...

"I can't handle this, I'm going to GameStop" is officially my favourite exit line now.

But seriously, wacky dude. Too much green?

Anonymous said...

This is one of the worst ones yet.
It looks like a brick. HUGE clusterfuck of words.