People keep telling me to try online dating.
"Try it! It's a great way to meet people!"
"A ton of people meet their perfect matches on there."
"What is there to lose?"
I think about online dating every so often. In fact, I've thought about it enough that I'm actually on a site or two, but I'm not sure it's for me. I went through a few weeks where I made sure to look at profiles and *wink* and rate people who interested me, but my participation would always end when someone wrote me. I got a really nice message from a guy who thought it was cute I described myself as a fun dork, but I never wrote back. I meant to, but I didn't know what to say and I kept thinking about it getting to the next step and I would either imagine a terrible phone call or a terrible meeting. And it's not like I don't have social skills. I have good social skills! In fact, the other night I realized I am often in the entertainment position in a group of people. I'm pretty good at keeping awkward moments at bay and keeping conversations going. I'm not sure why I can't see myself on a date with one of these guys, but whatever it is, it's keeping me from really doing this whole online dating thing.
What's the new percentage of couples who meet online? 75% Seems high to me. I think it would be different if I was sitting around my apartment and wondering why I wasn't meeting anyone. You know, if I worked 80 hours a week and didn't interact with anyone new all week. But that's not me...I am out all the freaking time. In fact, when I think about having to set up dates with people I meet online, I think, "But then I won't be able to hang out with my friends so much!" Who is to say the perfect guy isn't out at the same bar I frequent with my girls? Maybe he's not online. I have absolutely nothing against this whole online dating thing, but I think I'm going to go about finding love my own way for now.
~NotCarrie
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Last Weekend
Is a blemish in my record that I would rather not get into...
But it did make me realize that I finally, truly, have a type.
Tall. Like, ridiculously taller than my 5'7" self.
Dark haired. Or no-haired. Or short-haired.
Broad shouldered.
Likes PDA (as in hand holding, arms around each other, leg touches while sitting).
Funny. Sarcastic. Not cocky.
Luckily, being surrounded by military men, this "type," at least physically, is pretty easy to come by, but for my next encounter with the opposite sex, I'm feeling a bit more International. My Grandma told me my next love interest will be a German, so stay tuned...
But it did make me realize that I finally, truly, have a type.
Tall. Like, ridiculously taller than my 5'7" self.
Dark haired. Or no-haired. Or short-haired.
Broad shouldered.
Likes PDA (as in hand holding, arms around each other, leg touches while sitting).
Funny. Sarcastic. Not cocky.
Luckily, being surrounded by military men, this "type," at least physically, is pretty easy to come by, but for my next encounter with the opposite sex, I'm feeling a bit more International. My Grandma told me my next love interest will be a German, so stay tuned...
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Tweet
Hey guys,
I need some motivation so follow me on twitter and give me the love I need:
FOLLOW ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need some motivation so follow me on twitter and give me the love I need:
FOLLOW ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
So When Last We Left You…
NotSamantha was dating NotAFreak and battling her trust issues.
A year later, I'm over trying to control my trust issues and deciding to live in the moment. It's not love, it's not hate, its ambivalence.
And for me, the ambivalent heart is no heart at all. While I feel like I should be moving forward with my life, starting relationships that will lead to some sort of lifelong commitment, I just don't see it happening with NotAFreak.
Am I settling? Nope.
What I am, is tired of looking. Tell you what, how about he finds me. Give me a bit of that romance I'm always reading about. Until then, ambivalence is where I stand.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Going the Distance
Well, hello again. I suppose it's time to give this blog another go, although I will say I do have some hesitancy in getting back on the wagon. We'll see how it goes!
Two years ago today was the last you all heard from me. My last post was about men I barely even remember, but the vow I made was something I definitely upheld. July 2009 I entered into a relationship with who I thought I would inevitably marry. NotKeef. We had worked together for several years and I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few posts about him in the depths of the NSATC blog. We seemed to fit; we got along with each others' friends, we practically lived at each others' apartments; we liked the same food; drinking; TV shows. Yet when I accepted a job in Germany, a small rift started to grow between us. I moved in December of 2009, with his promises to find a job immediately and follow me out there. He even came to visit me for New Years. I showed him where I grew up and we celebrated midnight making out under a fireworks-filled sky lighting up the town's distant castle. It was very romantic, although I clearly remember the crowds freaking him out and him freezing whenever someone tried to speak the language to him. The crack grew deeper and I became more distant. Our weekend Skype sessions turned into staring contests. My epic emails would receive 4 sentence replies. My need for the constant communication that we shared while living in the same area was reciprocated over an ocean with half-hearted attempts at Twitter Direct Messages and the occasional love package.
The final straw came in April, when I found out from another coworker that he had accepted another job in his organization. I flipped out and we stopped talking for a week, before I emailed him a breakup letter. He didn't fight for us, simply said "Sorry it didn't work out. I tried to find a job, but I couldn't give this one up."
A few other things led me to this decision, but that event kind of put everything in perspective. In hindsight, I do realize I put him in a difficult position, expecting him to give up everything and move to a foreign country, but if the tables were turned, I would have done it in a heartbeat.
I want an "all or nothing" relationship. Someone that I would do anything for, someone who would do anything for me. Someone who can make a long distance relationship work.
Which, I know, is a hard feat to accomplish. Case in point, I just got back from a wonderful work trip in Austin. While there, I hung out with NotMiranda's brother, NotAlamo. I had met him a few times before and thought he was cute, but timing was never on our side. In fact, last time I saw him, he was helping my parents move and told NotMiranda that if things didn't work out between me and NotKeef, that he would date me.
We hung out a lot, with each time being more fantastic than the next. He and I have so much in common and we just feel comfortable together. He makes me feel safe, and attractive, and funny. We were at a bar and met some random people. I got up to use the bathroom and when I got back he was telling them all about me, saying "you're just so damn interesting." We actually talked about how much it sucked that we lived so far away from each other and how much long distance sucked. But it didn't stop us from saying we like each other, or holding hands, or kissing.
He is pretty much my perfect guy, but we can't be together because I'm a proven example of why long distance relationships don't work out. On our final night, we kept reminding each other not to think about it and made no promises other than the fact he's going to come visit me in September. I think it was the right way to end things, but since then all I can think about is why couldn't it work out? Silly me and my optimistic masochism (or is it sadism?) of trying to re-create the last relationship I had. Maybe we're meant to let things simmer and see what happens in September? Maybe we're not meant to be together? Everything is supposed to happen for a reason, right? Then how come I'm not at peace with this inconvenient reasoning?
Two years ago today was the last you all heard from me. My last post was about men I barely even remember, but the vow I made was something I definitely upheld. July 2009 I entered into a relationship with who I thought I would inevitably marry. NotKeef. We had worked together for several years and I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few posts about him in the depths of the NSATC blog. We seemed to fit; we got along with each others' friends, we practically lived at each others' apartments; we liked the same food; drinking; TV shows. Yet when I accepted a job in Germany, a small rift started to grow between us. I moved in December of 2009, with his promises to find a job immediately and follow me out there. He even came to visit me for New Years. I showed him where I grew up and we celebrated midnight making out under a fireworks-filled sky lighting up the town's distant castle. It was very romantic, although I clearly remember the crowds freaking him out and him freezing whenever someone tried to speak the language to him. The crack grew deeper and I became more distant. Our weekend Skype sessions turned into staring contests. My epic emails would receive 4 sentence replies. My need for the constant communication that we shared while living in the same area was reciprocated over an ocean with half-hearted attempts at Twitter Direct Messages and the occasional love package.
The final straw came in April, when I found out from another coworker that he had accepted another job in his organization. I flipped out and we stopped talking for a week, before I emailed him a breakup letter. He didn't fight for us, simply said "Sorry it didn't work out. I tried to find a job, but I couldn't give this one up."
A few other things led me to this decision, but that event kind of put everything in perspective. In hindsight, I do realize I put him in a difficult position, expecting him to give up everything and move to a foreign country, but if the tables were turned, I would have done it in a heartbeat.
I want an "all or nothing" relationship. Someone that I would do anything for, someone who would do anything for me. Someone who can make a long distance relationship work.
Which, I know, is a hard feat to accomplish. Case in point, I just got back from a wonderful work trip in Austin. While there, I hung out with NotMiranda's brother, NotAlamo. I had met him a few times before and thought he was cute, but timing was never on our side. In fact, last time I saw him, he was helping my parents move and told NotMiranda that if things didn't work out between me and NotKeef, that he would date me.
We hung out a lot, with each time being more fantastic than the next. He and I have so much in common and we just feel comfortable together. He makes me feel safe, and attractive, and funny. We were at a bar and met some random people. I got up to use the bathroom and when I got back he was telling them all about me, saying "you're just so damn interesting." We actually talked about how much it sucked that we lived so far away from each other and how much long distance sucked. But it didn't stop us from saying we like each other, or holding hands, or kissing.
He is pretty much my perfect guy, but we can't be together because I'm a proven example of why long distance relationships don't work out. On our final night, we kept reminding each other not to think about it and made no promises other than the fact he's going to come visit me in September. I think it was the right way to end things, but since then all I can think about is why couldn't it work out? Silly me and my optimistic masochism (or is it sadism?) of trying to re-create the last relationship I had. Maybe we're meant to let things simmer and see what happens in September? Maybe we're not meant to be together? Everything is supposed to happen for a reason, right? Then how come I'm not at peace with this inconvenient reasoning?
Friday, October 08, 2010
Backstory
Maybe I should back up.
A long, long time ago there lived four fine maidens who were the closest of friends. On most weekends they could be found together pursuing life, love, happiness and most assuredly the opposite sex. These maidens chose to chronicle their adventures, doubts, love, lust and everything in between on this blog.
As every good tale does, their story took a turn for the worse as once solid friendships began to crumble. The strife and not-so-subtle bickering bled into the blog, and the blog was no longer *fun*. So we stopped...mostly.
Flash forward a good two years, and suddenly women are lusting after Don Draper, girls are still lining up in trampy heels for Sex and the City movies, and Betty White is suddenly hot again. As for us, we've lived and grown and dated and dumped and cried and laughed and...you get it. We are a little older and questionably wiser. We're still fast friends in various configurations, but with growth comes change. You won't find us all at the same place doing the same thing on the weekend, and perhaps that's more interesting.
One thing I can say is that we've all missed this space a bit, our own world to pour a little bit of our hearts into. So...we're back (all of us) to give it another go. Buckle up and don't mind the turbulence.
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
Phantom Crush
I am desperate for a crush! I feel like everyone around me has someone to be excited about and I just can not, for the life of me, find anyone worthy of my thoughts and attention. The funny thing is, I kind of get excited about my friends' crushes. The other day I got just as excited as my friend that her crush gave her a hug as if it had been me and my one and only. It's a funny predicament to be in. I in no way have the same crushes as my friends, but I guess I approve of their choices because I "fully" support them.
~NotCarrie
~NotCarrie
Monday, October 04, 2010
A little heavy for a re-release...
I rounded the corner at my local thrift store yesterday and noticed a group of 3 or 4 Latino out of the corner of my eye. As I walked down the aisle I couldn't help but notice the blatant staring, less "hey, how are you" and more "I've been vegetarian for a year and could really use a steak". This bothered me for several reasons, but my biggest beef was that I found myself caught up in the perpetuation of yet another stereotype.
The media is constantly bombarding us with news stories of rapists and sexual predators, and more often than not the images shown are those of Latino or African American men. Statistically speaking, the majority of rapists in prison are not Caucasian with some 75% being African American. Common sense and a bit more research causes me to question these assumptions. Are the majority of rapists not Caucasian, or is it simply the number of rapists prosecuted and sentenced under our current justice system non-white races? Do white rapists tend to get away with it more?
I mention this because I believe that, despite our best intentions, these subtle messages seep into our subconscious and pepper our reactions to the outside world. When I found myself being ogled like the main course at a buffet, my hackles went up, and my fuck you face went on. Was this a reaction to being offended, or was it social conditioning that led me to leap several scenarios ahead and convict people on the spot?
Something to debate and ponder.
The media is constantly bombarding us with news stories of rapists and sexual predators, and more often than not the images shown are those of Latino or African American men. Statistically speaking, the majority of rapists in prison are not Caucasian with some 75% being African American. Common sense and a bit more research causes me to question these assumptions. Are the majority of rapists not Caucasian, or is it simply the number of rapists prosecuted and sentenced under our current justice system non-white races? Do white rapists tend to get away with it more?
I mention this because I believe that, despite our best intentions, these subtle messages seep into our subconscious and pepper our reactions to the outside world. When I found myself being ogled like the main course at a buffet, my hackles went up, and my fuck you face went on. Was this a reaction to being offended, or was it social conditioning that led me to leap several scenarios ahead and convict people on the spot?
Something to debate and ponder.
Saturday, October 03, 2009
I’m notSamantha and I’m not in Kansas, anymore…
It's not often that I'm shaken and stirred when it comes to men. For the most part they're pretty simple: sex, food, companionship and the occasional sporting event/computer thing/political issue for fun. Well, NotAFreak is bucking my carefully crafted ideas, and I don't like it.
Not one little bit, which would explain why I'm still so attracted, right?
I know women want a man to get them, and I count myself among those women, but to get me so quickly is a little frightening. So is him managing to lay out my issues before I can give voice to them. Seriously, its enough to make me want to run for the hills…maybe.
I've been taking the advice route with this relationship (okay, I didn't stutter, falter or gag…maybe just a bit). NotMiranda and NotASong have weighed in with advice because according to them, I walk away (true), I'm mean (also true) and I let the men I've dated live down to my expectations. So this time, I'm keeping a positive outlook (or as positive and outlook as one as jaded as me can keep), I'm being open to the good things that can happen between us and I'm finding enjoyment in the things we do. All the while trying to keep my head about me. I'm exhausted just typing it all out.
I think it comes down to trust for me. I don't trust easily and letting someone inside that trust takes years. And the fact that NotAFreak keeps revealing truths about me that I haven't told him about, gives him sneaky pieces of my trust and I'm not happy about it. But maybe that's what has to happen. Because I fight my mind and my heart on just about everything, that the man who's going to have a hope of having any type of relationship with me is going to have to outsmart both to get a fair chance…and if they can untangle that Gordian knot, then maybe…just maybe.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Dickmatized…
At about four weeks in, I'm not sure what's going on, but I know it's a lot different from my past relationships. And I can actually call it that without gagging or breaking out into a rash, go figure. I've decided to enlist the help of several of my row dogs. NotASong, NotMiranda and NotCharlotte have all sounded in about what they think about the situation. Because things had smoothed out, become twisted and then smoothed out again. I've been advised to be willing to risk something to get something back, make sure that we take things slowly and to stop thinking NotFreak will live down to my expectations. All of which is welcome and hardy advice and I've been applying it as much as I can.
And then there's the part that I'm usually in more control of but seem to be failing in that regard as well. The sex. In a word its fantastic, in two words its absolutely fabulous. And so I'm at risk of being dickmatized…
*gives self mental slap*
What is being dickmatized you ask…I point you to the Urban dictionary, which defines it as such:
When a girl can not concentrate on anything else because she is distracted with the DICK of her latest piece of ass. Her work is jeopardized, she's a sell out to her girlfriends, she picks up his shit including his kids or whatever. She will do whatever it takes for the DICK. Even if the dick isn't all that great, she doesn't know the difference because she is dickmatized.
Though I will point out that I have yet to pick up his kids…and have no intention of doing so. Because we all know about my rational fear of children. Nor will I be selling out on my girls, because as always hoes before bros. However, I do wonder what I'm willing to do for this dick…I'm going to have to think about that and get back to you…
Now, here's the last bit. There's something there. Feelings and stuff. And fuck if I know what to do with it.
*sigh*
Monday, September 07, 2009
In Which NotSamantha tames her inner Shrew?
So this week was filled with enlightenment on the relationship front.
I had a late dinner/early breakfast with NotAFreak and I realized that my absolute need to control everything will never apply in this relationship.
He's got my number and called me on it.
I was under the impression that I could bend this relationship to my will and get what I wanted out of it and walk away, but now, I don't think that's going to be possible.
So after being visited by a company of ironies in the form of a conversation and Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew." I'm going to do some of my own taming and decide if I'm woman enough to drop the control act and just enjoy the experience.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
The More things Change...
Its been a while since I've done this, so hopefully I remember how. Like riding a bike and all of that.
I've started dating again...or rather I've been on one pseudo-date and I'm not really sure if this is what counts as dating. Let me back up and give you some history.
NotKoi emailed me a few weeks ago and asked if she could pass my email addy on to this guy she knew that she thought I would hit it off with. Since, I had just that previous weekend told NotASong that I was ready to hit the dating road again, I figured this was a great opportunity. I said yes. And soon thereafter, NotAFreak entered my world.
He's suave, he's sexy...he's the father of several children (that alone made me almost want to forget I had agreed to talk to him at all) and he's charming.
Our first date was unconventional. A party full of people who I didn't know, but he was more than familiar with. Add to that, him bringing his "row dog" for me to hang with and we've got ourselves an interesting puzzle with too many pieces and not enough holes.
So now, I'm attempting to date him, and I'll keep you updated on the going's on, but its really in the beginning stages and we all know that I'm famous for getting fed up and going with the wind.
I've started dating again...or rather I've been on one pseudo-date and I'm not really sure if this is what counts as dating. Let me back up and give you some history.
NotKoi emailed me a few weeks ago and asked if she could pass my email addy on to this guy she knew that she thought I would hit it off with. Since, I had just that previous weekend told NotASong that I was ready to hit the dating road again, I figured this was a great opportunity. I said yes. And soon thereafter, NotAFreak entered my world.
He's suave, he's sexy...he's the father of several children (that alone made me almost want to forget I had agreed to talk to him at all) and he's charming.
Our first date was unconventional. A party full of people who I didn't know, but he was more than familiar with. Add to that, him bringing his "row dog" for me to hang with and we've got ourselves an interesting puzzle with too many pieces and not enough holes.
So now, I'm attempting to date him, and I'll keep you updated on the going's on, but its really in the beginning stages and we all know that I'm famous for getting fed up and going with the wind.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Monday, January 05, 2009
Welcome to 2009!!
Okay, so the ladies of NSATC have been busy living it up…and I know that we haven't kept you up to date, but it's a new year and since the ending part of 2008 sucked for me, I'm sure that 2009 will bring me nothing but good things. Which I will definitely be sharing with you guys (if there's anyone still left).
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Well Fuck...
So, last Friday while getting it on with NotChrisRock, he says to me:
"I want to be monogamous."
*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
"I want to be monogamous."
*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
Thursday, November 06, 2008
That's How Strong My Love Is
Oh, Otis Redding...you break my heart and make it all warm at the same time.
If I was the sun way up there
I'd go with love most everywhere
I'll be the moon when the sun goes down
Just to let you know that I'm still around
That's how strong my love is, oh
That's how strong my love is,
That's how strong my love is, baby, baby,
That's how strong my love is.
I'll be the weeping willow drowning in my tears
You can go swimming when you're here
I'll be the rainbow when the sun is gone
Wrap you in my colors and keep you warm
That's how strong my love is, darling,
That's how strong my love is, baby,
That's how strong my love is, oooh,
That's how strong my love is.
I'll be the ocean so deep and wide
I'll get out the tears whenever you cry,
I'll be the breeze after the storm is gone
To dry your eyes and love you warm
That's how strong my love is, baby,
That's how strong my love is,
That's how strong my love is, darling,
That's how strong my love is,
That's how strong my love is, so deep in,
Well, that's how strong my love is
So much love, yes so much love, oohh,
Yes so much love, yes so much love,
Anything that I can do, I'll be good for you,
Any kind of love you want, I'll be with you....
~NotCarrie
If I was the sun way up there
I'd go with love most everywhere
I'll be the moon when the sun goes down
Just to let you know that I'm still around
That's how strong my love is, oh
That's how strong my love is,
That's how strong my love is, baby, baby,
That's how strong my love is.
I'll be the weeping willow drowning in my tears
You can go swimming when you're here
I'll be the rainbow when the sun is gone
Wrap you in my colors and keep you warm
That's how strong my love is, darling,
That's how strong my love is, baby,
That's how strong my love is, oooh,
That's how strong my love is.
I'll be the ocean so deep and wide
I'll get out the tears whenever you cry,
I'll be the breeze after the storm is gone
To dry your eyes and love you warm
That's how strong my love is, baby,
That's how strong my love is,
That's how strong my love is, darling,
That's how strong my love is,
That's how strong my love is, so deep in,
Well, that's how strong my love is
So much love, yes so much love, oohh,
Yes so much love, yes so much love,
Anything that I can do, I'll be good for you,
Any kind of love you want, I'll be with you....
~NotCarrie
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Fearlessly Calling Bluffs.
I'm NotLexi, I've been reading this blog for sometime and am very good friends with NotCharlotte, who asked me to be a guest writer. Why? I can only assume she's amused by my manner of relating my various misadventures. She obviously thought other people might get a kick out of it as well.
Rewind to summer of 2005. I was a sophomore in college, and killing time. One particular afternoon, my buddy, NotBatman and I find ourselves hanging out with our other buddy, NotTheRiddler at the apartment in Georgetown in which he's renting a room from a guy he knows from work. We were there because the roommate has a big screen TV and ALL the channels, and we're not people who want to miss out on an oppurtunity to watch softcore porn on a big screen TV for free, also we were told there was a Five Guys nearby, so basically it was a situation that couldn't go wrong. As we're awkwardly standing around, NotTheRiddler takes the oppurtunity to introduce us to his roommate - let's call him NotSethRogen (we'll get to why later.) So, it's the usual, this is so-and-so, this is blah-blah-blah. I should also note, that at the time I was really sick with a cold, so I was in way on top form. Anyhow, the afternoon goes off well, the porn was amusing, the hamburgers - delicious.
The next day, NotTheRiddler tells me that his roommate thought I was cute. More than that, but that he would really like to do me. How flattering. So, I shrug this off. Now, I ought to also mention that at this point I was a pretty blase sort of girl, plodding along - however, somehow NotTheRiddler got this crazy idea (which he still harbours) that I am some sort of Black Widow, this may or may not be true. He tells me I'm not to "destroy the soul" of his roommate. Whatever.
Fast forward to Saturday night. I'd somehow managed to enter into a long winded text/email/myspace interaction with NotSeth. Eventually, I get talked into going to his improv comedy show. (No joke, he does improv comedy, hence the NotSomeoneActuallyFunny monkier.) So, I drag my long-suffering friend, NotHarleyQuinn, and NotTheRiddler and off we go.
It's funny, but not really funny, funny in a kind of weak way. But, I, ladies and gentleman am a woman of almost infinite patience. We sat through it, granted, I did manage to somehow wangle us in for free, so it was really no one's loss. After the "family friendly" show, we stepped outside, I congratulated NotSeth on not being too painful. He seemed...well, let's just say he seemed excited that I had bothered to show up. He also ardently encouraged us to attend the "grown up" comedy improv. I asked if I would be allowed to make suggestions involving beastiality. Yes. Necrophilia? Yes. Well, I was sold. After enduring the second round of this madness, NotHarley and I make our way downstairs for a drink. NotSeth says he'll join us.
When he finally does so, it's him, one of the guys from the show and some girl. She's an important character, let's call her...Sarah. After about 15 minutes, she enthusiastically grabs his hand, and makes some ridiculous comment and being able to "deal" with him not being Jewish. She and I apparently had a world in common, Jewish being just the tip of that iceberg. Anyhow - We then realize that this dull, poorly dressed Sarah is NotSeth's girlfriend, significant other, bit'o'stuff. Well, that's interesting - considering the barrage of flirtation I had been receiving/enduring up to this point. He however did not behave like she was much a girlfriend, despite excruciating discussion of their sex life.
Now, this went on in much the same manner, with her being pathetically demonstrative and him flirting with me, until NotTheRiddler made some whiney comment about not making enough money, to which, NotSeth said "Dude, you're so greedy. All one needs in life to be happy is to be is enough money to live on, a mistress and a slave." And that, to me, was an irresistable invitation to debauched conversation. Sarah rolls her eyes (subtext: not this again.) and I plunge into hilarious BDSM related banter. Of course, he loves this, I love a good bout of perversion, and she is freaking out (rightfully so.)
As the party eventually broke up, he bid me fairwell with the words "call me if you need to be disciplined." Yeah right. She, who was so keen on being my new BFF, was a little pale around the gills.
It has since come to my attention that they are in an "open relationship". She believes she's alright with this, and I think he certainly is. However, I think after that evening she felt a little more unstable. Because it's all very well and good to say you're okay with an open relationship...until there's a girl bitchy enough to call your bluff.
Oh, and call her bluff I shall.
Rewind to summer of 2005. I was a sophomore in college, and killing time. One particular afternoon, my buddy, NotBatman and I find ourselves hanging out with our other buddy, NotTheRiddler at the apartment in Georgetown in which he's renting a room from a guy he knows from work. We were there because the roommate has a big screen TV and ALL the channels, and we're not people who want to miss out on an oppurtunity to watch softcore porn on a big screen TV for free, also we were told there was a Five Guys nearby, so basically it was a situation that couldn't go wrong. As we're awkwardly standing around, NotTheRiddler takes the oppurtunity to introduce us to his roommate - let's call him NotSethRogen (we'll get to why later.) So, it's the usual, this is so-and-so, this is blah-blah-blah. I should also note, that at the time I was really sick with a cold, so I was in way on top form. Anyhow, the afternoon goes off well, the porn was amusing, the hamburgers - delicious.
The next day, NotTheRiddler tells me that his roommate thought I was cute. More than that, but that he would really like to do me. How flattering. So, I shrug this off. Now, I ought to also mention that at this point I was a pretty blase sort of girl, plodding along - however, somehow NotTheRiddler got this crazy idea (which he still harbours) that I am some sort of Black Widow, this may or may not be true. He tells me I'm not to "destroy the soul" of his roommate. Whatever.
Fast forward to Saturday night. I'd somehow managed to enter into a long winded text/email/myspace interaction with NotSeth. Eventually, I get talked into going to his improv comedy show. (No joke, he does improv comedy, hence the NotSomeoneActuallyFunny monkier.) So, I drag my long-suffering friend, NotHarleyQuinn, and NotTheRiddler and off we go.
It's funny, but not really funny, funny in a kind of weak way. But, I, ladies and gentleman am a woman of almost infinite patience. We sat through it, granted, I did manage to somehow wangle us in for free, so it was really no one's loss. After the "family friendly" show, we stepped outside, I congratulated NotSeth on not being too painful. He seemed...well, let's just say he seemed excited that I had bothered to show up. He also ardently encouraged us to attend the "grown up" comedy improv. I asked if I would be allowed to make suggestions involving beastiality. Yes. Necrophilia? Yes. Well, I was sold. After enduring the second round of this madness, NotHarley and I make our way downstairs for a drink. NotSeth says he'll join us.
When he finally does so, it's him, one of the guys from the show and some girl. She's an important character, let's call her...Sarah. After about 15 minutes, she enthusiastically grabs his hand, and makes some ridiculous comment and being able to "deal" with him not being Jewish. She and I apparently had a world in common, Jewish being just the tip of that iceberg. Anyhow - We then realize that this dull, poorly dressed Sarah is NotSeth's girlfriend, significant other, bit'o'stuff. Well, that's interesting - considering the barrage of flirtation I had been receiving/enduring up to this point. He however did not behave like she was much a girlfriend, despite excruciating discussion of their sex life.
Now, this went on in much the same manner, with her being pathetically demonstrative and him flirting with me, until NotTheRiddler made some whiney comment about not making enough money, to which, NotSeth said "Dude, you're so greedy. All one needs in life to be happy is to be is enough money to live on, a mistress and a slave." And that, to me, was an irresistable invitation to debauched conversation. Sarah rolls her eyes (subtext: not this again.) and I plunge into hilarious BDSM related banter. Of course, he loves this, I love a good bout of perversion, and she is freaking out (rightfully so.)
As the party eventually broke up, he bid me fairwell with the words "call me if you need to be disciplined." Yeah right. She, who was so keen on being my new BFF, was a little pale around the gills.
It has since come to my attention that they are in an "open relationship". She believes she's alright with this, and I think he certainly is. However, I think after that evening she felt a little more unstable. Because it's all very well and good to say you're okay with an open relationship...until there's a girl bitchy enough to call your bluff.
Oh, and call her bluff I shall.
Thanks, But No Thanks
This guy keeps hitting on me at work and while it's flattering, I really just want him to stop. The problem is, though, that I think he thinks I may be interested. See, I never recognize him when he comes in so I say hello like I do to everyone and I think he mistakes my smile and happiness for being excited to see him. Yesterday when he came by someone else went to say hello to him and he said hi, then came straight to where I was and said to the other guy, "I came to see her." (OMG) Of course, I was caught by surprise and in the miliseconds that this all happened, I was saying hello and smiling like I do to everyone (So you can see how he would mistake this interaction for me being happy to see him).
*SIGH*
The last time he came in, I honestly thought that maybe I had misunderstood him when he said he wanted to buy me coffee. This time there was nothing ambigious about what he said. He wants to " come back and see" me and "take [me] out for coffee". I don't know what to do when he says these things, though, because I am not in an environment where I can be mean or in a place like a bar where I can just leave. NotSnape, a coworker, made it even worse later when he told me that my inadvertant blushing* probably sealed the deal for the guy. Crap!
So I don't know what to do. My only plan so far is to have either NotSnape or NotGraceful** come be protective and boyfriend-like when this admirer is there. I can't just say, "I'm not interested" because then he has the opportunity to take it all back and said, "That's not what I meant!" and how mortifying would that be!? I'm also hoping that I now recognize him sooner so I can not smile when I say hi.
Like I told NotBecky, it's tough being so gorgeous and charming.
~NotCarrie
*It was really warm in there. I was so hot.
**Did I change his name? I thought I had. Hmmm
*SIGH*
The last time he came in, I honestly thought that maybe I had misunderstood him when he said he wanted to buy me coffee. This time there was nothing ambigious about what he said. He wants to " come back and see" me and "take [me] out for coffee". I don't know what to do when he says these things, though, because I am not in an environment where I can be mean or in a place like a bar where I can just leave. NotSnape, a coworker, made it even worse later when he told me that my inadvertant blushing* probably sealed the deal for the guy. Crap!
So I don't know what to do. My only plan so far is to have either NotSnape or NotGraceful** come be protective and boyfriend-like when this admirer is there. I can't just say, "I'm not interested" because then he has the opportunity to take it all back and said, "That's not what I meant!" and how mortifying would that be!? I'm also hoping that I now recognize him sooner so I can not smile when I say hi.
Like I told NotBecky, it's tough being so gorgeous and charming.
~NotCarrie
*It was really warm in there. I was so hot.
**Did I change his name? I thought I had. Hmmm
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Ruminations on a Theme
So things with Starbucks guy didn't pan out. We went out a few times and I realized that either he was intimidated by me, or I was too old for him. Either way, we still have our little conversations when I happen to see him on my morning passing through that warm room of caffienated heaven and we send random Palin-related texts to each other sometimes. It is what it is.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight with the man that thumb licked my face. His persistence was trying to pay off and I finally consented to letting him take me out for a drink and to see a comedy show.
It was Thursday and we were chatting online and he said "ok, let's go at 8, I'll pick you up at your house." Then he quickly signed off, saying he needed to study and eat dinner.
I didn't hear from him the rest of the evening, nor on Friday, or the good part of today. I began to be amused. He wasn't a detail-oriented guy, but you would think he'd ask where exactly it was that I lived before he decided to not talk to me again before we had our date.
Around 730, he sends me a text, asking for my address. Yes, 30 minutes before we were expected to jet off to DC. Why didn't I give him my address before, you ask? I was too busy being amused at his insistence of planning the date and not asking my opinion, that I thought it was his job to ask me where he should pick me up.
I was telling notmiranda about this as she waited for her flight home from Portland, and she asked me if I was going to rethink the whole "he's giving me attention, I'll play along with it for awhile" point of view that I've been seeing him with.
I had a mini ephiphany and realized that hey, I want a guy that I love, not a guy that I sort of could possibly like.
This is the dawn of a new period in the life of NotCharlotte. I vow to not waste my time with any guy that I know will never have a chance with me.
Harsh as that sounds, I have realized that with all of the guys I've dated in the past, I knew that I couldn't see myself with them permanently. Within one date, hell, one hour of a date with any of them, I knew that it wasn't a permanent thing. I stuck with it because I wanted to "gain experience" and yes, on some occassions I did happen to fool myself into "loving" the person I was with, but now I think I've had enough of those situations. I need to start trusting my judgment, not making exceptions for what I think I could possibly deal with for the moment.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight with the man that thumb licked my face. His persistence was trying to pay off and I finally consented to letting him take me out for a drink and to see a comedy show.
It was Thursday and we were chatting online and he said "ok, let's go at 8, I'll pick you up at your house." Then he quickly signed off, saying he needed to study and eat dinner.
I didn't hear from him the rest of the evening, nor on Friday, or the good part of today. I began to be amused. He wasn't a detail-oriented guy, but you would think he'd ask where exactly it was that I lived before he decided to not talk to me again before we had our date.
Around 730, he sends me a text, asking for my address. Yes, 30 minutes before we were expected to jet off to DC. Why didn't I give him my address before, you ask? I was too busy being amused at his insistence of planning the date and not asking my opinion, that I thought it was his job to ask me where he should pick me up.
I was telling notmiranda about this as she waited for her flight home from Portland, and she asked me if I was going to rethink the whole "he's giving me attention, I'll play along with it for awhile" point of view that I've been seeing him with.
I had a mini ephiphany and realized that hey, I want a guy that I love, not a guy that I sort of could possibly like.
This is the dawn of a new period in the life of NotCharlotte. I vow to not waste my time with any guy that I know will never have a chance with me.
Harsh as that sounds, I have realized that with all of the guys I've dated in the past, I knew that I couldn't see myself with them permanently. Within one date, hell, one hour of a date with any of them, I knew that it wasn't a permanent thing. I stuck with it because I wanted to "gain experience" and yes, on some occassions I did happen to fool myself into "loving" the person I was with, but now I think I've had enough of those situations. I need to start trusting my judgment, not making exceptions for what I think I could possibly deal with for the moment.
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