Fearlessly Calling Bluffs.

I'm NotLexi, I've been reading this blog for sometime and am very good friends with NotCharlotte, who asked me to be a guest writer. Why? I can only assume she's amused by my manner of relating my various misadventures. She obviously thought other people might get a kick out of it as well.

Rewind to summer of 2005. I was a sophomore in college, and killing time. One particular afternoon, my buddy, NotBatman and I find ourselves hanging out with our other buddy, NotTheRiddler at the apartment in Georgetown in which he's renting a room from a guy he knows from work. We were there because the roommate has a big screen TV and ALL the channels, and we're not people who want to miss out on an oppurtunity to watch softcore porn on a big screen TV for free, also we were told there was a Five Guys nearby, so basically it was a situation that couldn't go wrong. As we're awkwardly standing around, NotTheRiddler takes the oppurtunity to introduce us to his roommate - let's call him NotSethRogen (we'll get to why later.) So, it's the usual, this is so-and-so, this is blah-blah-blah. I should also note, that at the time I was really sick with a cold, so I was in way on top form. Anyhow, the afternoon goes off well, the porn was amusing, the hamburgers - delicious.

The next day, NotTheRiddler tells me that his roommate thought I was cute. More than that, but that he would really like to do me. How flattering. So, I shrug this off. Now, I ought to also mention that at this point I was a pretty blase sort of girl, plodding along - however, somehow NotTheRiddler got this crazy idea (which he still harbours) that I am some sort of Black Widow, this may or may not be true. He tells me I'm not to "destroy the soul" of his roommate. Whatever.

Fast forward to Saturday night. I'd somehow managed to enter into a long winded text/email/myspace interaction with NotSeth. Eventually, I get talked into going to his improv comedy show. (No joke, he does improv comedy, hence the NotSomeoneActuallyFunny monkier.) So, I drag my long-suffering friend, NotHarleyQuinn, and NotTheRiddler and off we go.

It's funny, but not really funny, funny in a kind of weak way. But, I, ladies and gentleman am a woman of almost infinite patience. We sat through it, granted, I did manage to somehow wangle us in for free, so it was really no one's loss. After the "family friendly" show, we stepped outside, I congratulated NotSeth on not being too painful. He seemed...well, let's just say he seemed excited that I had bothered to show up. He also ardently encouraged us to attend the "grown up" comedy improv. I asked if I would be allowed to make suggestions involving beastiality. Yes. Necrophilia? Yes. Well, I was sold. After enduring the second round of this madness, NotHarley and I make our way downstairs for a drink. NotSeth says he'll join us.

When he finally does so, it's him, one of the guys from the show and some girl. She's an important character, let's call her...Sarah. After about 15 minutes, she enthusiastically grabs his hand, and makes some ridiculous comment and being able to "deal" with him not being Jewish. She and I apparently had a world in common, Jewish being just the tip of that iceberg. Anyhow - We then realize that this dull, poorly dressed Sarah is NotSeth's girlfriend, significant other, bit'o'stuff. Well, that's interesting - considering the barrage of flirtation I had been receiving/enduring up to this point. He however did not behave like she was much a girlfriend, despite excruciating discussion of their sex life.

Now, this went on in much the same manner, with her being pathetically demonstrative and him flirting with me, until NotTheRiddler made some whiney comment about not making enough money, to which, NotSeth said "Dude, you're so greedy. All one needs in life to be happy is to be is enough money to live on, a mistress and a slave." And that, to me, was an irresistable invitation to debauched conversation. Sarah rolls her eyes (subtext: not this again.) and I plunge into hilarious BDSM related banter. Of course, he loves this, I love a good bout of perversion, and she is freaking out (rightfully so.)

As the party eventually broke up, he bid me fairwell with the words "call me if you need to be disciplined." Yeah right. She, who was so keen on being my new BFF, was a little pale around the gills.

It has since come to my attention that they are in an "open relationship". She believes she's alright with this, and I think he certainly is. However, I think after that evening she felt a little more unstable. Because it's all very well and good to say you're okay with an open relationship...until there's a girl bitchy enough to call your bluff.

Oh, and call her bluff I shall.