Upping the ante

As soon as the weather started getting cooler, I noticed my attention to guys pick back up. I know this sounds weird, but when I'm out and about when it's hot, I'm usually not focused on catching the eye of the attractive guy on the train. I tend to be more concerned with getting to work while still looking moderately put together and not sweating. Maybe this means I should move to an even cooler climate.

Anyway, I digress. I was riding the train to work one morning, and the cooler temps had me chipper and friendly. I found myself smiling at several men when it hit me. I have pretty diverse taste in guys. The guys (just examples, most are actually married to bloggers I adore) above tend to look a bit the same when placed side by side, but when placed into categories, I definitely think I get around (crush-wise).

I'm totally developing into crush whore this fall, and I am bound and determined one of these will work out ;-)

First, there's my standard love crush...NotJason (is that what we're calling him? I forget). This one is like your favorite warm blanket, around for the long haul and not going anywhere. I found an old picture the other day and found myself laughing out loud and saying "I love that boy".

Crush #2 is older tech guy crush. This is the IT guy at our office. He's newish, Irish, reddish blonde, and I've been flirting my ass off since I noticed the lack of a ring. I think he may be 3-4 years older than me? Anyway, he gives good convo and is easy to talk to. Plus, computer boys are good to have around.

Crush #3 is graffiti/artist boy. Man, he is good looking. He's 32, and a full-time artist. He has *the* best smile and laugh and is sort of shy. I am very quickly falling for this ringless wonder and thinking about how I can move this along.

Crush #4 is the foreman (not really his title, since he has enviro training and does more) on my current construction job. He.is.HOTT!!! He is a total luke. In other words, he's scruffy with a permanent 5 o'clock shadow, a nice peppering of grey, piercing blue eyes, strong jaw, and tall and solid. Hubba hubba. I found out from colleagues who work with him more that he's single and looking. I think I have my whole team trying to hook me up with him.

So I need advice? How do you advance something past the crush stage? Obviously I fail at this,since I've harbored some crushes for years.



The Piscean woman in me

I've never been much into astrology other than the occasional peek in the birthday books to see if my personality really does match up with the traits listed. But with twitter it's really easy to get your daily horoscope. But I wanted something a little edgier, so I went for the daily Sexoscopes, and a recent one caught my eye:

            "Pisces females need a man –a real man who protects and leads."

If there were ever a quote to sum up what I want in a man, it would be this one.

It's very frustrating to be a dominant female and yet to need a man who is just as, if not more dominant. I'm just not getting that when I'm dating, and it's depressing. If I'm going to be a follower, I have to have a trustworthy leader or at least a partner I can work with. I feel like men have let me down, by not stepping up to women and telling us what they want.

I've always said that I want a man with some backbone, chutzpah, BALLS…anything, besides the milquetoast that I've been presented with. I'm welcome to advice on how to get such a man, because at this point I am fed up and ready to declare myself off the market for a while.

Digital Getdown

People keep telling me to try online dating.

"Try it! It's a great way to meet people!"

"A ton of people meet their perfect matches on there."

"What is there to lose?"

I think about online dating every so often. In fact, I've thought about it enough that I'm actually on a site or two, but I'm not sure it's for me. I went through a few weeks where I made sure to look at profiles and *wink* and rate people who interested me, but my participation would always end when someone wrote me. I got a really nice message from a guy who thought it was cute I described myself as a fun dork, but I never wrote back. I meant to, but I didn't know what to say and I kept thinking about it getting to the next step and I would either imagine a terrible phone call or a terrible meeting. And it's not like I don't have social skills. I have good social skills! In fact, the other night I realized I am often in the entertainment position in a group of people. I'm pretty good at keeping awkward moments at bay and keeping conversations going. I'm not sure why I can't see myself on a date with one of these guys, but whatever it is, it's keeping me from really doing this whole online dating thing.

What's the new percentage of couples who meet online? 75% Seems high to me. I think it would be different if I was sitting around my apartment and wondering why I wasn't meeting anyone. You know, if I worked 80 hours a week and didn't interact with anyone new all week. But that's not me...I am out all the freaking time. In fact, when I think about having to set up dates with people I meet online, I think, "But then I won't be able to hang out with my friends so much!" Who is to say the perfect guy isn't out at the same bar I frequent with my girls? Maybe he's not online. I have absolutely nothing against this whole online dating thing, but I think I'm going to go about finding love my own way for now.

~NotCarrie

Last Weekend

Is a blemish in my record that I would rather not get into...

But it did make me realize that I finally, truly, have a type.

Tall. Like, ridiculously taller than my 5'7" self.
Dark haired. Or no-haired. Or short-haired.
Broad shouldered.
Likes PDA (as in hand holding, arms around each other, leg touches while sitting).
Funny. Sarcastic. Not cocky.

Luckily, being surrounded by military men, this "type," at least physically, is pretty easy to come by, but for my next encounter with the opposite sex, I'm feeling a bit more International. My Grandma told me my next love interest will be a German, so stay tuned...

Tweet

Hey guys,

I need some motivation so follow me on twitter and give me the love I need:

FOLLOW ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So When Last We Left You…

NotSamantha was dating NotAFreak and battling her trust issues.

A year later, I'm over trying to control my trust issues and deciding to live in the moment. It's not love, it's not hate, its ambivalence.

And for me, the ambivalent heart is no heart at all. While I feel like I should be moving forward with my life, starting relationships that will lead to some sort of lifelong commitment, I just don't see it happening with NotAFreak.

Am I settling? Nope.

What I am, is tired of looking. Tell you what, how about he finds me. Give me a bit of that romance I'm always reading about. Until then, ambivalence is where I stand.

Going the Distance

Well, hello again. I suppose it's time to give this blog another go, although I will say I do have some hesitancy in getting back on the wagon. We'll see how it goes!

Two years ago today was the last you all heard from me. My last post was about men I barely even remember, but the vow I made was something I definitely upheld. July 2009 I entered into a relationship with who I thought I would inevitably marry. NotKeef. We had worked together for several years and I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few posts about him in the depths of the NSATC blog. We seemed to fit; we got along with each others' friends, we practically lived at each others' apartments; we liked the same food; drinking; TV shows. Yet when I accepted a job in Germany, a small rift started to grow between us. I moved in December of 2009, with his promises to find a job immediately and follow me out there. He even came to visit me for New Years. I showed him where I grew up and we celebrated midnight making out under a fireworks-filled sky lighting up the town's distant castle. It was very romantic, although I clearly remember the crowds freaking him out and him freezing whenever someone tried to speak the language to him. The crack grew deeper and I became more distant. Our weekend Skype sessions turned into staring contests. My epic emails would receive 4 sentence replies. My need for the constant communication that we shared while living in the same area was reciprocated over an ocean with half-hearted attempts at Twitter Direct Messages and the occasional love package.
The final straw came in April, when I found out from another coworker that he had accepted another job in his organization. I flipped out and we stopped talking for a week, before I emailed him a breakup letter. He didn't fight for us, simply said "Sorry it didn't work out. I tried to find a job, but I couldn't give this one up."
A few other things led me to this decision, but that event kind of put everything in perspective. In hindsight, I do realize I put him in a difficult position, expecting him to give up everything and move to a foreign country, but if the tables were turned, I would have done it in a heartbeat.
I want an "all or nothing" relationship. Someone that I would do anything for, someone who would do anything for me. Someone who can make a long distance relationship work.

Which, I know, is a hard feat to accomplish. Case in point, I just got back from a wonderful work trip in Austin. While there, I hung out with NotMiranda's brother, NotAlamo. I had met him a few times before and thought he was cute, but timing was never on our side. In fact, last time I saw him, he was helping my parents move and told NotMiranda that if things didn't work out between me and NotKeef, that he would date me.
We hung out a lot, with each time being more fantastic than the next. He and I have so much in common and we just feel comfortable together. He makes me feel safe, and attractive, and funny. We were at a bar and met some random people. I got up to use the bathroom and when I got back he was telling them all about me, saying "you're just so damn interesting." We actually talked about how much it sucked that we lived so far away from each other and how much long distance sucked. But it didn't stop us from saying we like each other, or holding hands, or kissing.
He is pretty much my perfect guy, but we can't be together because I'm a proven example of why long distance relationships don't work out. On our final night, we kept reminding each other not to think about it and made no promises other than the fact he's going to come visit me in September. I think it was the right way to end things, but since then all I can think about is why couldn't it work out? Silly me and my optimistic masochism (or is it sadism?) of trying to re-create the last relationship I had. Maybe we're meant to let things simmer and see what happens in September? Maybe we're not meant to be together? Everything is supposed to happen for a reason, right? Then how come I'm not at peace with this inconvenient reasoning?

Backstory

Maybe I should back up.

A long, long time ago there lived four fine maidens who were the closest of friends. On most weekends they could be found together pursuing life, love, happiness and most assuredly the opposite sex. These maidens chose to chronicle their adventures, doubts, love, lust and everything in between on this blog.

As every good tale does, their story took a turn for the worse as once solid friendships began to crumble. The strife and not-so-subtle bickering bled into the blog, and the blog was no longer *fun*. So we stopped...mostly.

Flash forward a good two years, and suddenly women are lusting after Don Draper, girls are still lining up in trampy heels for Sex and the City movies, and Betty White is suddenly hot again. As for us, we've lived and grown and dated and dumped and cried and laughed and...you get it. We are a little older and questionably wiser. We're still fast friends in various configurations, but with growth comes change. You won't find us all at the same place doing the same thing on the weekend, and perhaps that's more interesting.

One thing I can say is that we've all missed this space a bit, our own world to pour a little bit of our hearts into. So...we're back (all of us) to give it another go. Buckle up and don't mind the turbulence.

Phantom Crush

I am desperate for a crush! I feel like everyone around me has someone to be excited about and I just can not, for the life of me, find anyone worthy of my thoughts and attention. The funny thing is, I kind of get excited about my friends' crushes. The other day I got just as excited as my friend that her crush gave her a hug as if it had been me and my one and only. It's a funny predicament to be in. I in no way have the same crushes as my friends, but I guess I approve of their choices because I "fully" support them.

~NotCarrie

A little heavy for a re-release...

I rounded the corner at my local thrift store yesterday and noticed a group of 3 or 4 Latino out of the corner of my eye. As I walked down the aisle I couldn't help but notice the blatant staring, less "hey, how are you" and more "I've been vegetarian for a year and could really use a steak". This bothered me for several reasons, but my biggest beef was that I found myself caught up in the perpetuation of yet another stereotype.

The media is constantly bombarding us with news stories of rapists and sexual predators, and more often than not the images shown are those of Latino or African American men. Statistically speaking, the majority of rapists in prison are not Caucasian with some 75% being African American. Common sense and a bit more research causes me to question these assumptions. Are the majority of rapists not Caucasian, or is it simply the number of rapists prosecuted and sentenced under our current justice system non-white races? Do white rapists tend to get away with it more?

I mention this because I believe that, despite our best intentions, these subtle messages seep into our subconscious and pepper our reactions to the outside world. When I found myself being ogled like the main course at a buffet, my hackles went up, and my fuck you face went on. Was this a reaction to being offended, or was it social conditioning that led me to leap several scenarios ahead and convict people on the spot?

Something to debate and ponder.