Cherry Stems

I just told NotCharlotte that I am going to stand around tomorrow night tying cherries stems into knots using only my tongue so the guys in the room know I mean midnight business. I don't want anyone thinking I'm a prude bitch who isn't into the New Years lip-locking festivities because I so am.

I most certainly do not believe in the silly belief that the midnight kiss determines one's luck in love for the next year, but I do believe in the awkwardness that can be created when it seems like everyone else has paired up. I hate that. And really, it's never happened that everyone around me has paired up and I'm left standing there in what I wish would turn into quick sand to swallow me up. Although, if I'm looking on the bright side of things, which I am, I could say that there are two things in this world that I love: champagne and kissing and if I can't be guaranteed the one, I'm going to go all out with the other. Bubbly for me...yes, have some.


Have a super fantastic New Years!!!!

Muddying the waters

I don't even really know where to begin. I could begin at the beginning, but that could take awhile and time is not on my side. Soon, my pretties. Right now...a preview. I'm traveling across the southwest with a man my mother is afraid I'm boning. She has little to worry about because clarity has finally been achieved in what was once muddy waters. There will be no boning on this trip. No kissing, no spooning, no cuddling. I was ok with this until I looked at his back last night in bed. Right then I just wanted someone's arms around me, telling me it would be ok.

Frankie Says Relax

If you are anything like me, you are anxiously awaiting the start of our auction, and I promise you, it's coming! Actually it's coming up pretty quickly so calm down on the after-Christmas sales so you'll have the dinero ready to bid on some of the awesome guys we have for you chicas out there. Right now the Nots are all still busy with family and friends and our many jobs. I have a feeling that New Years Eve will inspire a post from all of us and after that it will be time for the auction so, keep checking back in and we'll get the details out asap.

In the meantine, what are your NYE plans? I'm still unsure of mine and right now I'm on the fence with going out and not drinking at all so I can get home or planning to spend the night out. If there is one thing I am absolutely sure of, it's that I'm not drinking a drop if I plan on getting in a car to drive. The cops are going to be out in full force that night and with other crazies on the road, it will be essential to be uber-alert. Now, with that in mind, I'm still sure to have a grand evening with friends so no worries there. What are you guys going to be up to?

Poppin Fresh

Recently, I have acquired a new job at a bakery. I absolutely love it because it not only gives me baking experience for when I own my own bakery one day, but this new place of employment has a plethora of hot men.
I have decided to find me a bakery boyfriend. I have a few in mind already and have already started to make my move. The bakery manager is a 26 year old tall drink of hottness and every chance I get, I make witty comments and flash a patented "notcharlotte smile" his way. Sadly, I have to go by facial features only, as our pure white uniforms do nothing for the female figure. During the times I realize that boning/flirting with managers is a big no-no, I mosey on over to the bread section, where the biggest concentration of highly attractive males lies. I work at 5am and there's nothing like sleepily stumbling over to the men kneading the big balls of dough and asking them to get something for me that's "just too high for me to get."
I think I've started roping a couple in. Just the other day, I was invited into an interesting conversation about music and its' relationship to emotions as I was making my way to the freezer.
Just call me the bakery whore. I just hope I can recognize who's who when I see them without their uniforms on...

Do any of you have work "boyfriends/girlfriends?" Doesn't it make work a slight bit more bearable?

Visions Of Sugarplums Were So Not Dancing In My Head

Last night, while everyone else was dreaming of sugarplums and Sandy Claws, I was having one helluva dream about the most unlikely person. Without reading into who this dream was about (don't even ask), I must comment on how perfect it was plot-wise. I had a level of comfort in the dream that is something I think most of us are looking for. Even though I am now getting some of the details blurred, I remember he and I going on a short trip and taking opportunities when they arose to steal kisses. It was so sweet. I woke up feeling a little bad about having such a dream on Christmas Eve, when I should have been dreaming about what I would find in my stocking and under the tree, or really, I guess, about peace on Earth and good will to men, right? Ha!

And I know I'm being a bit secretive about who I was dreaming about, but it left me seriously perplexed when I woke up. 1) While I used to have a crush on this person, I no longer do, nor have I in awhile. 2) He's not the type to be in a situation that involves "sweet kisses."

I left the dream dictionary alone on this one and instead went about my day having a very merry Christmas and spending time with the family. I hope you had a good one, too.

This Charming Man

I went out the other night to meet up with my college friend, NotCharming, and some other people I know through him. I always look forward to nights out with him because he really does live up to his name as he is one of the most charming people I know. He's the type of guy who will know everyone in the room, but you still feel like you're his #1 there.

We have an interesting history. It's gone from barely knowing each other, to me having a weird, big crush on him (during college), to use flirting incessantly, to him asking me to bone, to us becoming good friends. He lives out of the state now, so I don't get as much of his charming personality as I would like, but I always make sure to meet up when he is home for holidays.

The other night was weird, though, at karoake. His ex-girlfriend was there and I got the feeling he's still into her. She was cute and all, but she was one of those Professional Karoake-ers-you know who I mean. The ones who sing with vibrato, do dance moves, and always choose the songs that will best showcase their 'voices', ha! The one time I did karoake, I sang Bootylicious in a redneck bar in the southside of Richmond. It was God-awful and as soon as the song was done, I set down the microphone and left the bar.

I, surprisingly, have never kissed NotCharming. In the almost seven years I have known him, I can't believe this fact. There's just something in the stars that always puts some weird clause on us when we're hanging out even though the flirting has gotten pretty crazy at times. I'm not saying I want to or expect to ever have something with him, it's just weird nothing has ever happened. He's a good friend, though, and I am glad for that.

The nitty gritty

Alright, boys and girls. I know you've been waiting with bated breath to find out a few more details about our upcoming charity auction. I've included some of the basics below, and as we build out the auction site*, we'll continue to feed you more information and do our best to keep you jazzed. Also, if any of you boys out there still want to volunteer for the auction, it's not to late. Just like Uncle Sam, we need YOU!

What: The Not Girls Charity Auction

Charity: V-Day

When: January 11-13, 2007

Items up for bid: 19 men (12 DC-metro area, 1 LA, 1 SF, 1 Atl, 1 Chicago, 1 UK, 1 NYC, 1 AR)

Ladies, it's quite a nice selection we've amassed, so start saving now!


*Special shout out to one of our guys being auctioned who is building it for us! Yay!

Do You Hear What I Hear?

There have only been a few times that I have been the subject of some salacious gossip. The time the rumor went around that I was found in the downstairs part of a bar with another girl's boyfriend who had his pants down*, the time everyone was talking about what I was or was not doing with NotRoger after parties at his brother's place, and the time my guy friends wouldn't believe that I had not had sex with their friend after giving him a ride home.

It's weird, though, because never have I been in a social circle that gossiped so damn much as the one I am a part of now. I, admittedly and thankfully, provide very little of the info that gets passed around, but I sometimes wonder if it's a sign I'm turning into an old fogie or am just a boring prude. It would be hypocritical of me to say I would never hook up with someone at one of these parties I seem to never be able to go to, but I cringe sometimes when I hear the stories of the night before. It makes me glad to have spend the same night sober and with no one's tongue but my own in my mouth. Is it a phase I outgrew? Is it a sign I'm just looking for more than random kisses? I'm not sure, but until I figure it all out, I'm going to continue staying OFF the gossip radar. What I do is no one's business but my own...and you guys, of course.



*We only madeout and I had NO idea he had a girlfriend I swear to Allah. All pants remained ON the entire time.

Neologism at its best

A lot of good shit has been going down in my "no sex"life, but since I'm still not sure which end is up, I will defer to a topic that I have been enlightened of while hanging out with my college friends.

Through one of my closer college buddies, NotHarley, I have gotten to know NotKidA. She's a cute 21 year old with short, short hair and a confidence problem. She and her boyfriend of several years recently broke up and she's been after another of our mutual friends, NotBYU. He's a sweetheart and completely clueless about her wanting him.

Last week, we all went to a pub and as I watched the two of them interact, I got the feeling that he just wasn't that into her. Sure, they sat together and she teased him the entire night, he bought her beer, but his attention wasn't fully being paid to her. As my friend said, "He doesn't like her as much as she deserves.

So our evening ends and everyone leaves, except for the two of them. I don't think much of it, but when I talk to NotHarley later, she tells me the two of them (NotKidA and NotBYU) boned.
This sort of shocks me, mostly because I don't know either of them that well and I give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
NotHarley then goes on to tell me that NotKidA is probably on another one of her Trampages (pronounced like rampage, but with a t in front of it). I look at her quizically and NotHarley tells me that NotKidA, in her freshman year at NotHarvard, slept with pretty much every guy she came across. In other words, a Trampage. I became completely enamoured of this new word and wondered if she was the only one who had come across it. Then at breakfast one morning, I heard another one of my close college friends, NotShortie, use it as well. "So you two didn't bone, even after hanging out for 6 hours and him cooking dinner for you?" "Oh no way, that was before my Trampage."

I have not been on a Trampage yet... but I feel, especially with recent events, that I could be bordering on one. Have any of you been on a Trampage before? I guess for men it would be called a... Manage? hahaha.

What Makes It A Date?

Have you ever gone out with someone of the opposite sex* and not been sure if it was a date or not? Now, this hasn’t happened to me recently (as far as I know), but recent events got me thinking about it. My friends and I tease all the time about an evening being a date if someone pays for the other or if the male and female sit on the same side of the table. Obviously, these are ludicrous qualifiers for what makes it a date, but what does make it a date?

It’s not exactly customary to request one’s company by saying, “Would you like to spend an evening with me? I have romantic intentions for you.” Sure, it would make for a less ambiguous time, but invitations just don’t go like that. At least, none that I have received. A male friend of mine recently was invited out by a woman and was unsure if the night out was one of old friends or one where a goodnight kiss was expected and hoped for. How was he to have known? Yeah, there are signs to be seen during the evening, like positive body language or eyefucking**, but it’s not always obvious when the question is posed.

I wrote once about going on a non-date with my guy friend and how, from the outside, it looked like we were on a real date. We both knew, though, that we were just hanging out. Another time, years ago, a guy friend of mine invited me out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. Looking back, I should have known better, but he told me that he had a coupon and needed to use it by its expiration date. Does this sound like a date invitation to you? The night really is material for a blog in itself, but the evening that I thought was just about friends taking advantage of using a coupon turned into him trying to stroke the back of my neck and convince me to come inside.

Whoa, awkward.

So how does a person know when it’s a date and when it’s just two people hanging out as friends? One thing I do know (get ready for shameless plug) is that all dates won in our CHARITY AUCTION (see button in the sidebar to the right), will be properly clarified before they happen.


*Or same sex, if you swing that way.
**I stole that from the lovely Barmaid.

C'mon boys...

I know these are boring posts, and you want details of nights of debauchery. However, this week we're going to be all about the NPR-style of telethoning.

What are we asking for? Ah, how short your memory is. We need single, male volunteers for our charity auction.

Who does it benefit? V-Day, the global organization fighting violence against women. I would also argue it benefits our male volunteers, allowing them to give of themselves, and our potential female bidders, allowing them to also give and buy a date!

Read the original post here, and email notmiranda@gmail.com to volunteer for the auction.

Stay tuned for more details!

Budget Bidding

While planning for this auction, I have noticed myself daydreaming about spending all of my money on bids and then traveling around the country going on dates with our male volunteers. I know I was there the day we learned about sharing in Kindergarten, but it’s going to be difficult to remember how to do it once the auction has begun and I am presented with so many attractive choices. I can’t give out many details just yet (they’re coming, though), but, like I said, it’s going to be difficult to hold back. Maybe I should make a budget before the bidding starts.


And guys? We’re still accepting volunteers…It’s for a great cause!

Sprung

Sitting down in front of my computer was a dangerous idea on a Saturday night. Rather than working on that proposal my boss was waiting on, I found myself catching up on blogs I love reading. Of course, if my evening had stopped there, then it wouldn't merit a post here. Instead, I dreamt of wireless signals for people far away. Sprung. Googling sprung, I discover I sometimes meet the definition.
Something else I discovered I'm sprung on tonight...Studio 60 on Sunset Strip. Forget that kiss (you know the one I mean). I'm talking about the "speech"...

"I've been married twice before, and I'm a recovering cocaine addict and I know that's no woman's dream of a man or of a father. Nonetheless, I believe I'm falling in love with you. If you want to run, I understand, but you'd better get a good head start because I'm coming for you, Jordan."

That is how you tell a woman you want her. Danny Trip** stole my heart tonight.

**Studio 60, folks. Keep up.

'Tis the Season

The holiday season is supposed to be one of giving, helping those less fortunate. Well, the girls here at NSATC have decided that we, too, would like to give this holiday season. It is in the spirit of Christmahanukwanzaakah that the Not girls ask for your help. How so? We are in the process of organizing a charity auction in which the items to be auctioned off are dates with all of those hott, single male readers (commenters and noncommenters alike). One thing we've gathered in blogging here is that there are a lot of single men and women out there just trying to figure out how to hook up*. What better way to spread love, introduce you all to new people and raise money for charity than to hold an auction?! Guys...this is where your help comes in. We need all you single, male readers out there to volunteer to be put up on the auction block. Think of all of the benefits of selling yourself like a piece of meat: (1) giving to a good cause; (2) the opportunity to meet a potentially cool girl; and (3) an ego boost when bids go high. All you need to do is send me an email at notmiranda@gmail.com and provide the following information:

*indicate your willingness to participate
*city/state where you are located
*name
*blog (if applicable)
*photo

You have until December 15th to volunteer! And, ladies, don't think we've forgotten about you. We will post details soon about how the auction will work and how you can get a look at the eligible dates. Just know that we're working hard to bring you the best and have a few surprises up our sleeve. We've currently got our fingers crossed that a certain, hot celebrity blogger will participate ; )


*i.e., meet someone...not "hook up".

Vicky's Secret

The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is on with none other than the HOTT Justin Timberlake. I would be watching anyway, even if Mr. JT wasn't on because lingerie is fashion, too, and it's fun to see what they come up with for these shows. It's basically knickers and bras for an hour, but you can't help but be amazed at the designs. And it's not about hott women being half nekkid (unless you're male?), it's about creativity and, like I said, fashion, and just seeing gorgeous designs. Maybe I'm alone in enjoying the fashion show in a non-sexual way...or really, I guess we could call it research, eh? Maybe one day I'll have a mate who has a weird Alice In Wonderland fetish and I'll say, "OH! Victoria's Secret has just the thing!"

The Lube

I don't know what it is, and maybe it's the uniforms and grease, but some of the guys who work at Jiffy Lube are so hott. I went on Friday and thought I had found the mecca of hott Jiffy Lube guys. One was so cute he made me a little nervous to talk to. "Have you rotated your tires?"

Did he just ask to rotate my "tires"?


Instead, I said, "Tires? Ummm, Huh? I...I don't know. I should know."

But after I explained that I wanted just the basics because I'm poor (and charming and single), he followed me back into the office to talk. And talk we did for about ten minutes while the other guys worked on my car. I'm not going to analyze the conversation because it was so short, but I definitely will be headed back to that same Jiffy Lube in 3,000 miles.