The reality of my life crashed head long into the written word today as I read Stephanie Klein's Straight Up & Dirty. I had spent large portions of my day agonizing over the whens, what ifs, and hows of an email exchange with NotStalker. Let me back up.
Last night I turned a daydream into reality and I finally stepped up to the plate*. NotStalker came into the store yet again, and as nervous as I was, I realized I could only tempt fate so often before fate turned around and kicked me in the teeth. After a few deep breaths and one round through the store, I had developed a plan. I'm only 65% bold, so I actually roped another party into passing him a Notice of Attraction card ( remember the procedural dating kit?) with my email address on it. What I didn't expect was him to go back through the store looking for me as I hid in the back (35% cowardice coming through). I was 99% sure he knew who I was so I was confident I could just wait until he took advantage of that email address.
Cut to today, and I'm nauseous this morning in anticipation of an email. I really don't think I'm ever cut out for morning sickness if it's anything like that. He did email, and an email exchange was begun that mentioned meeting for coffee. I realize I'm leaving out a lot of his witty banter and my not-quite-flirty comebacks, but the real point is that I'm still at nauseous and over analyzing his last email. As I rode the bus home tonight with my copy of Klein's book, I came across a passage** was like reality slapping me in the face.
She talks about how as a married person you channel your energy into hobbies like raising a dog or fertility. However, she says that singles tend to think they don't really have an adult life until they're married.
"So we obsess over the meaning of IMs, e-mails, and lack of calls as a hobby. We can almost spreadsheet the interactions with our respective dates.
E-mailed him twice, called once.
Returned his call. Ball is in his court.
He asked you out. Up to you to respond.
We could try to elaborate, adding which story we told to whom, but it would require more typing than it's worth. And when there is no guy, we create them or resurrect the older ones because we don't what to do with the available energy we still have after our yoga, spinning, and elliptical efforts." Stephanie Klein, Straight Up & Dirty
Holy shit. This is everyone I know, including me...including today. Ho.ly.shit.
*I actually called in a relief pitcher, but who's counting, right?
**I hope she's ok with me reprinting a small passage (crossing fingers).
20 comments:
As much as texts, emails, IMs etc can suck - they also make the whole first point of contact sooo much easier - Not just for us ladies - but for the men too.
oh gosh that sounds like me... all that overanalyzing. though i don't think i have the guts to give someone a notification of attraction card...
I don't know how I'd handle some girl giving me a Notice of Attraction card. I might think it wierd.
I just prefer the traditional way. Where a girl flirts with me, I act all awkward and run away, never to see her again... Notice of Attraction card you say.
Karinaxoxo - You are so right about first point of contact. I've often wanted some technology that will hone in on someone else's phone and just let me send it a text w/o knowing their number ; 0
Jo - I still took a pretty cowardly path, but it felt good just to "get it over with".
greenlineboy - Surprisingly, his reaction was positive to the card. He said it was creative and attention-grabbing. I also hope it was taken as a bit of kitsch. I hope it got a laugh.
Miss Stephanie Klein hit a definite bull's eye with the overanalyzing/rechanneling energy. Major props for sending out the Notice of Attraction card. I don't think I could have done that! And that's freakin' awesome he liked it! Go team!
LOL, Holly hobby...O thought everyone had forgotten about her. I was called Holly hobby when I was little because of my last name, lol!
Hmm...note to self. Must get this book and check it out.
Note #2 - A procedural dating kit?
Interesting.
A have a friend who carries around blank business cards, to put notes and hand them to random men she meets. She tried to give one to waiter once who thought was hot. I had to wrestle her to the ground. I guess it's really just about being confident and also throwing caution to the wind and say, "why not". I love that he thought it was a creative and attention-grabbing.
That's totally me. I love the excerpt. I'm going to have to check to book out ASAP.
Holly hobby? What is that?
I used to take heart-suited playing cards with me so I could give my number on those. Hahhaahahah!
that is totally scary. i am that person also, but this time around i am really trying to live my life and not become obsessive. i am finding that doing other things and not making my life about the phone calls etc. is helping but it doesn't mean that it is easy by any stretch.
I am excited to read her book.
Like her or hate her, SK talks straight.
The book is definitely worth picking up. Like everything, it has its downsides, but it's an entertaining and thought-provoking memoir.
Just popped over here from another blog I was reading and fell in love with you girls!
This post kicked my asd because I absolutely know what Klein and you are talking about. Kinda scary how predictable we are.
I'll be back :)
This post had me in stitches laughing! I gave up agonizing over the calls and stuff with the last couple of guys I dated before hoking up with my boyfriend. I just couldn't be bothered anymore. It must be the dating version of apathy. I used to be horrified by how much brain power I used thinking about boys.
wow, she is pretty much on point with that one....never consider yourself an adult until you get married? man! I never thought about it like that...but it kind of sounds pathetic.
But good for you for being so bold! You make single women everywhere proud! I will definately need to pick up that book. I love how these authors state the obvious and I still spend money reading what I already know. HA!
God that hit a little too close to home...
Great post!
I'm sure Stephanie klein would be flattered. I LOVE her. I'm going to her book signing tonight here in NY.
the title "Holly Hobby is a Whore" cracked me up. I've never handed anyone a notice of attraction card.... actually I've never even heard of that before. But I *do* know who Holly Hobby is.. a rag doll from the 70's.. I HAD one of those! You know you're old when someone says "Who's Holly Hobby?"... ack...
That was a great, ballsy move!! If you have to agonize or over-analyze a boy's behaviour or emails or phone calls (or lack thereof??) at least you started it all off with a really great first step. Bravo! I say damn the torpedos...we (women) should all be so bold. Why not? Life is too short to not flirt. ;-)
I had a giant, life sized Holly Hobbie doll when I was about 5. I'm feeling quite old now, thanks.
Anyway.......I was recently reading a book (sory forget the title/author) about dating and the ONE thing that made sense in the entire papermaze that it was: the less you write the more the more intrigued he will be.
It's stating the obvious, sure. But when we communicate via email it's so much eaier to blurb an encyclopedia instead of a letter.
I've tested the theory and I have to say it works quite well. Keeps you mysterious. And it gives him the chance to give chase in cyberspace. And men really do need the chase.
Good luck, girl.
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