Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Let's Call It Off

A few days ago, I went on the worst date of my entire dating career.

This guy had promise. We hit it off on the phone/text/email and I didn't wait too long before wanting to meet him in person.
We're both lacking in funds, so I suggested a walk around my favorite museum, the Hirshhorn. He agreed enthusiastically and I had hope.

To me, museum walking is one of my ways to test the water. If the guy I'm with isn't interested in museum stuff, he's dead to me.

The following is a pretty detailed account of our afternoon in DC:

1pm- I arrive at the metro station, where we are supposed to meet. I receive a text message from the guy saying he was running 20 minutes late. I text him back saying I'll meet him in a building because it's ass hot. He replies "ok, meet me at the crypt." This automatically sends mini terror spasms down my back and I should have just left then. Instead, I made him clarify and discovered he meant the Smithsonian castle.
120pm- I am sitting inside the castle after walking around the mini exhibits inside. He's still not there and I still hadn't heard from him.
1:29pm- get a text from him saying he's still running late, so I decide to call my friend, NotMetal and talk to her for awhile. She cheers me up and we talk about scrambled eggs and Chuck Klosterman.
1:40pm-He finally shows up. Walks up to me outside the castle wearing cheapy reflector sunglasses, a beat up sports team t-shirt, khaki shorts, and sneakers. He looks nothing like I thought he would. (Which is my fault, I know I know)
1:41-1:43pm- En route to the Hirshhorn, he proceeds to point out the fact that I'm dressed all wrong for museum walking, judging by the flip flops, jeans, and black shirt I am wearing. This does not stop him from peering down my low cut shirt nor complaining about it being so hot outside.
1:44-2:something- We get to the Hirshhorn. He insists on walking through the same little section of the spinning door as I do, prompting the security guard to chastize him by saying, "Now, I wouldn't want to leave her side either, but it's one at a time" and prompting him in turn to not his head and guffaw like a redneck. We then go downstairs, where I know the cool tv exhibit is. We entered Black Box and proceeded to watch the carefully crafted videos. It's pretty awesome, especially the video with the Yeti. I look over at one point and he goes "wow, we need to take some E and come back to watch this." I kind of laugh and he goes "no, seriously, i should go find some." I shake my head and ignore him. After the first video, the people sitting to my left get up and move and in the dark, I see an older lady come in, so I offer to move over so she can find a seat closer to the door. I get up and move and try to tell the guy that we should move and he just looks at me, then gives a dirty look to the old lady and finally moves to where I am. Yeah, a dirty look. I sigh and leave the room.
The rest of the Hirshhorn visit was filled with lewd comments about boobs and other genetalia, including him asking me if seeing an artful photograph of a man's penis "turned me on."
2:30ish-the bane of my existence- At this point I tried to make excuses to leave, but he told me that I needed to just go with him to the Native American Museum to check out the guns.
I.love.guns. So I figured I could tune him out long enough to see me some guns, then leave.
Little did I know that he was saving some "big guns" of his own to show me at the museum. He really impressed me with the way he shoved people with kids out of the way to get on the elevator first and how he took his paper fan and quite rudely shoved air in my face while at the same time leering down my shirt again, oh and don't forget my favorite part when I was taking pictures of the coolest exhibit there (i HATE the native american museum, it sucks. I'm not talking content-wise, some of the artwork is amazing, but the design of the museum is awful and they sure as hell didn't have much to show for years and years of history), the Day of the Dead stuff, when a tour guide and her company came up and the lady started talking loudly through a headset/microphone. This set my date off and he started complaining loudly about how rude it was that the lady was being so loud. He sounded like a little kid!!!

After this I practically ran to the metro. Along the way we passed a guy selling water for $1, of which guyiwaswith gulped down as though I wasn't even there, then we passed two guys calmly passing out information about their religion, which pissed guyface off so much he started yelling at them. We got on the metro and I was silent the entire time. We got to his stop, I half waved, and he got off.
Leaving all of his garbage on the seat next to me.

I haven't talked to him since and I've actually decided I'm pretty happy being single right now. It may be a few more weeks before I get back on the horse, well, at least until I take a guy to a museum anyway...

28 comments:

Serena said...

He definitely sounds like a dick.

Blue Soup said...

What a total (and please excuse my choice of words given his obsession with genitalia) penis.

BUT, it did make for a great blog post - I was thinking "oh god, it can't get any worse, right?!" - so it wasn't a completely wasted day :) x

brookelina said...

Holy. Crap.

Whenever I have dates - or days - like that, I say the same thing, "This will make a great story someday."

And it did!

Streon said...

Sorry about the lousy date.

On the plus side, did you see Chuck Klosterman when he was in town last week?

The Diva's Thoughts said...

That definitely is the date from hell. That's awful honey.

Lost said...

Oy. That is bad news.
It's amazing to me what guys think is "ok, behavior". What scares me more is that he will continue to live his life thinking he is all that and then some.

How are some people lacking THAT much self-awareness????

Bittersweet Confusion said...

He sounds like a sleaze. I wouldn't have shared his water even if he did offer...

Sorry about the lousy date... look on the bright side your experiences can only get better...

NotCharlotte said...

Serena: you know it!

blue soup: haha thanks. I was thinking more like "dickwad" but you put it more succinctly

brookelina: I'm glad you took enjoyment from my misery ;-)

streon: of COURSE i saw Chucky Poo! I got all of my books signed by him AND I got a ton of good pictures with and of him :-) He's my favorite. DId you happen to see him?

Diva: I've learned from it though, so I guess it's ok. Now, if someone ever asks me what the worst date I've ever been on was, I have an answer!

Lost: I have no idea. He even told me that all the girls he dated in the past were so high strung. gee, i wonder why

bittersweet: sleaze is a really good way of putting it!

Streon said...

Yeah, I saw him on Tuesday night. It was pretty fantastic. I picked up his new book, along with a copy of Sex, Drugs, and Coco-Puffs that I bought more or less specifically so I could lend it out to friends.

It was kind of weird having a book signing in a bar though. There were definitely people there that had no idea about the book signing.

NotCarrie said...

NotCurly liked that museum. She said, “that for dealing with a culture that is entirely oratory and has been completely devastated over and over since initial contact, that the museum provides a rich historical and unbiased point of view on a complicated subject.” She’s my go-to girl for all things historical:) I haven't gotten a chance to check that museum out yet.

It’s too bad your date sucked.

*Red said...

Oh noooooo, that sounded terrible. I would have sent a text to a friend to call me to get me the hell out of thereeee. Great post though! :)

jo said...

oh my gosh he sounds like a real jackass. poor you... it must have been such a torturous date!

NotCharlotte said...

Streon- I'm not a fan of Wonderland Ballroom as it is. I went to the reading on Monday and had a good time. Believe me though, I had wanted to see him both nights!
Isn't he so awkward?? Did he hang out with his fans after the reading? What chapter did he read?

NotCarrie- To each her own, I guess. I wasn't impressed at all.

Red- Sending a text did cross my mind, but all of my savers were either at work or sleeping until 3pm. haha

jo- Yeah, but I think it made me stronger ;-)

Streon said...

NotCharlotte - Yeah, I couldn't go on Monday night, so I went for the much more inconvenient reading.

He was awkward, but wonderfully so. He read his article about Advancement; apparently, someone there the night before collaborated on that theory, and he was reading it in tribute.

He did hang out, but I'm not sure for how long, because I couldn't stick around.

Wolverine Fan said...

Keep your standards high, i.e. the right person has to like museums. My wife and I are compatible in that we love museums, movies and Broadway musicals. I love to golf and like different sports and she does not but that allows us to enjoy each other and to have a break from each other, too.

The right guy has to be out there but don't settle for less than what you deserve as it has to last forever.

Cait said...

That man sounds terrible! Especially for a first date- a lot of those behaviors pop up later. What a jerk!

Sweetstickychewy said...

Hi. :)

OH My GAwd...What a total turn off.

notawaitress said...

The really tragic thing is that someday, this guy may meet a girl with self-esteem so low that she marries his sorry ass, and he tells her how lucky she is.

As Sugarland sings, "I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything."

Chuckles said...

Well, damn. There is something to be said for having a bad date every now and then, we can recognize the good ones when they come. I like how he texted that he was going to be late when he was supposed to show up. He had to know he was going to be late at least 20 minutes before then so he should have given you some warning, but he is a classless cobag.

Roxy said...

Glad you went out with him early enough to find out. NEXT!

just me said...

bad dates are like nightmares that you can't wake up from.


...and ugly dudes are never okay.

Pop Cultured said...

ew...what a loser...

Princess Extraordinaire said...

This could be a great ad for birth control.....

Pele said...

That's funny... I don't remember asking you out on a date recently... *scratches head*

Musta been one of those outta body experiences or something.

Churlita said...

He is the reason that women settle for so-so relationships. We know who else is out there.

Lindsey said...

Yeah, see...I've been debating whether to become a non-practicing lesbian or join a convent and work with lepers.

Ceilisundancer said...

I think I'll be checking out that exhibit at the Hirshorn -- with my daughter, NOT a date!

Anonymous said...

Ahhh word vomit