Tuesday, April 10, 2007

I think I need a wife...

I've come to the conclusion that if I'm not going to get married anytime soon, I should look into getting a wife. Now, before the feminists and misogynists and any other -ists I've forgotten, get all up in arms, know that I'm not looking specifically for someone female, rather, I'm looking for someone to fill that traditionally female-characterized role.

I didn't come to this end easily. However, the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. I work two jobs, have a somewhat thriving social circle (when I'm not hiding from it) and find that I have little, if any time to take care of things at home. Doing laundry, making my breakfast, lunch and dinner for the week.

This was made even more glaringly obvious when I spent the night over at NotDippy and NotANinja's home after viewing the cherry blossom's in DC. NotDippy writes and thus works from home and one of the last things she mentioned to me that night was that the coffeemaker was all set up and all that needed to happen was for me to plug it in the next morning and presto, I would have coffee. The next morning made this a moot point, since by the time I had rolled out of bed, put on my clothes and done my makeup, she had risen, turned on the pot and made me oatmeal (and none of that instant crap either). To which I told her I needed her as a wife and her response was to laugh.

I'm a believer in roles for people. While I would probably make awful housewife material (not a fan of cleaning, hate to do laundry, etc.), I make a great worker bee. Some people are suited to the role that I can't fulfill and I see no reason not to let people do the role they feel comfortable with.

I want to go to work and come home knowing that the house is clean, there is food on the table, clean underwear in my drawer and that I didn't have to spend an entire day doing this to get to that point. Someone else, who finds this type of work both satisfying and fulfilling did. I will in turn go to work and earn the money to keep the house clean and buy the groceries that will materialize into food and purchase the cleaning products that will be used to make my home worth living in.

Which brings me back to the present. I think I need a wife. While I am not particular about physical characteristics they must love housework and cooking and be able to provide color commentary when I bitch about the kids outside making noise again. Anybody takers?

14 comments:

Maisha said...

too bad am a woman and i need a husband...

BC said...

There's actually an old essay by Judy (Syfers) Brady that gives all the reasons why she needs a wife; it's great. It's called "I Want a Wife." I think it might have originally been published in Jane or Modern something or other. It appears in a lot of anthologies. I used to teach it.

Princess Extraordinaire said...

The roomate I lived with when I was first out of college had a business called *rent a wife* to do all the duties (save for sex) that wife would do - shall I call her?

The Diva's Thoughts said...

I sooo need a wife as well. If you find a service or such please be sure to let me know.

Kim-E said...

I loved your post so much I linked it to a post I did on my own blog. My basic point was, how many men do you know/meet/have ever seen?

Plenty of men want nothing more than to just clean house, cook, and other things.

You should look into that. If you go the E-Harmony, Personals Ad route, please let me know as I'd love to see your ad.

Pele said...

My mother has said the same thing, almost exactly.

This comes from the woman that taught me how my Mortgage Amortization table works, how to read a real estate contract, and that one can remodel a wreck into a decent home if they have enough cash and time. Half Donald Trump, Half Bob Vila. All Asian. My mother is scary in a 5'2" 90 lb package.

The problem comes about when I realize that guys are attracted to women that remind them of their mothers.

*sigh* I might as well go pick out a little French Maid outfit and get used to it. The leg hair might even compliment the dress.

NotSamantha said...

Maisha - see that's just it, a husband (in the sense of the role itself) isn't going to cut it. The typical gender role of the husband does not necessarily apply to what I'm looking for.

BC - I'll have to look up this essay. I was a English/Women's Studies major in college and I don't remember reading this essay in any of the many anthologies I had.

Princess E. - You probably should. I'm seriously getting jaded by the whole make things work between myself and my significant other (if I had one), what if neither one of us has time to do the house stuff. I would be back at square one...needing a wife.

the Diva - See Princess E for a recommendation to her roommate post college.

Kim-e - Thanks, glad you liked it. Sometimes I worry that I don't post enough, but usually I don't have nearly as much to say as the other ladies, but when a thought strikes me I go with it. As for your post, I'll go read and comment there, but I do have to concur, how many men do you know who enjoy the domestic side of life. I'll let you know what I find out.

Pele - My mother too. She's a scary package, does it all and doesn't even blink at doing it. And while my mother has instilled certain values about home domesticity, I find that they are the first ones I let go of. As for guys wanting their mommies...that's a whole different post.

Starboard Tack said...

You have made the job sound soooo appealing - how could I not want it??

MARFSBABY said...

I AM the wife you describe. Not technically, cus I'm not married but I do ALL those things that you and so many people want in a wife... only I can't get my damn boyfriend to marry me. WTF? I don't get it. Maybe it's cus I'm already doing it all? What does it all mean?

Isabella Snow said...

This gets points for most original post I've seen in awhile.

Gold star, girlfriend!

Ally said...

I've often said the same thing. I get grief about not having decorated my office and simply explain that I just need a wife (like 85% of my coworkers have). In law school some of my male classmates had wives who did their laundry, packed lunches for them, and took care of all of "that stuff" which surely freed up a lot of time for them. I would definitely have enjoyed having some help like that. Maybe you should look on Craiglist:)

NotSamantha said...

Starboard Tack - Is that the faint tang of sarcasm I hear?

Marfsbaby - I don't get it either. Its a catch 22. Damned if you can bring home the bacon and damned if you know how to cook it instead.

Isabella - Thanks! *pins gold star to chest*

Ally - I live on craigslist and I won't even begin to talk about the posts they have for those offering wifely duties.

Roxy said...

I needed a wife for a while too, so I got a Roomate. She is a fantastic cooker and cleaner.

Char-Marie said...

A wife...That's a fantastic idea! Why didn't I think of this?