Sunday, April 08, 2007


Last night started with secrets. I went to my friends apartment and we left for the bar earlier than usual. I didn't think anything of it until we made a right turn instead of a left one, away from where we were supposed to be headed. I hate it when things are kept from me, and my friends decided not to tell me where we were going until I figured it out myself. I had a funny feeling about the whole night, and this wasn't helping my mood at all.
We finally arrived at our destination; apparently we were picking up the guy that I hooked up with last weekend, yeah the hickey guy.
I have no idea why they decided to not tell me we were picking him up. It's not like it was a big deal and it just added stress to the situation.
Anyway, we get to the bar and hang out for awhile. No one drank much, there was a 'bar conflict' between two of our friends that resulted in a knocked over beer and lots of stares from other barmates.
After that we went to a friend of a friend's house for their birthday party. We drank a lot of strawbery flavored alcohols and left early to head to another friends' house. Once there, a couple of us proceeded to drink more.
Our ride decided to leave and we all went with her. I decided to sober up at my other friends' house while the other took the guy home. I didn't think much of it until I got another weird feeling. After some cryptic text messages I find out that he invited her into his house. This absolutely crushed me, not only because he's a bastard but because I wouldn't have found out about it if I hadn't have asked. After that I drove home still slightly intoxicated, which I do not recommend for anyone. Luckily the ride was short and I was pretty much the only one on the road.
Secrets. I hate them. Some people think they're just looking out for me, but in all honesty I'd rather have the full on truth then to keep going, naiively believing things are a-ok. I got pissed last night because I deal with the two of them flirting, but in the back of my mind I'm afraid something will happen.
It's not like this guy and I are even dating, but still, shouldn't your friends' crush be off limits? I don't flirt with the guys she likes. I know we're all horny women that just want to hook up with someone, but still.
All I ask is that people be honest with me. I hate being left out. All my life I've had situations like this, where secrets are kept, or information excluded from the stories given to me. I thought that I had grown out of it, grown older and hung out with people that I could trust to give me the straight story. At this point though, I guess I should be used to it.

Edit: I guess I should have been more clear... she did not take him up on his offer, however the rest of the story and my feelings are still the same.


Princess Extraordinaire said...

I think that sucks they bolted and went back to his place and didn't clue you in on anything - I hate it when people do that crap

Malnurtured Snay said...

When all else fails, just kick people in the crotch. At least the next time they're thinking about keeping something from you, they'll think, "hmm, I'd rather not have an achy crotch again.."

lisa q. said...

yikes...that sucks...friends should be honest with have every right to expect that...and the fact that they didn't tell you hickey guys was going with? pure b/s if you ask me...

Roxy said...

I'm a bit confused. Your friends didn't even tell you he was coming out? They just detour and pick him up? That's just mean.

It sounds like they've done this before.

I'm not sure I understand why you are friends with them. Maybe you should get used to it, because it sounds like you're allowing this to happen to yourself.

In addition to blogging about your feelings, you should ask each friend individually to coffee and tell them how this made you feel.

Most people don't know their own behavior, so things won't change if you stay silent and let them continue.

Aileen said...

Yeah, these are not sounding like very good friends to me.

#1 in Girl Code- you do NOT flirt with your friend's crush. No. Matter. What.

NotCarrie said...

Wow, she sounds like a bitch!

jo said...

oh i know exactly how you feel 'coz i've had a friend flirt openly with a guy i was sorta seeing before and was maybe starting to see again. long story. bad ending.

Miss Lou said...

Girl code clearly isn't in effect with that "friend" of yours. Not cool at all. I'm with you on being open from the beginning because things can only get so much worse when people try to sneak around.

Anonymous said...

It's not just Girl Code, but I believe universally accepted.

Seeing as how this is a women's blog, I'll not completely reiterate the entire thing, as it'd be ill received. It's usually said, "Bros before ..." and then something that rhymes with bros but is kinda derogatory... Think of your longtime friend before that one night hookup.

It shows a lack of respect to want to hide that he invited her in. I'd want to clue a buddy in immediately if I found out the girl he's got his eye on starts hitting on me.

Lesson learned, do not drink among people you don't trust or that don't respect you. I kinda had to spend a night in jail to learn that one. That was more irresponsible folk rather than genuinely mean and sneaky...

And it's kinda a dumb move on his part to invite her in. Every guy knows that if something happens to one girl, all of the others in her group of friends instantly know.

Malnurtured Snay: Does a kick to the crotch affect a girl as much as it would a guy? I've never kicked a girl in the crotch nor wittnessed it, but it doesn't seem like it'd be AS painful.

The Diva's Thoughts said...

I had a similar situation several years ago and it was not fun and quite painful.

Senor Beavis said...

I absolutely agree that it's a violation of friendship code. They should be as good as married. However, didn't you jump NotMiranda's crush on the same night a while back? So your bringing up friendship code isn't totally working. You know, houses, stones, etc.

As some others have said today, I think y'all should probably all take a good look at McDremo (I'm calling him that because I've decided he's emo since it appears that's what y'all except for NotSam go for) and how he's playing y'all like a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos.

NotCharlotte said...

Princess: Read my edit... she didn't go in with him.

Snay: achy crotch makes me laugh. well, not if i had one, but you know what i mean.

lisa: i knew hickey guy was going, i just wasn't aware we were picking him up. I like to know plans, I'm a planner!

roxy: It's hard in this situation to talk with them about it because they're really private and don't like talking about situations. I've already tried and it didn't go well.

Aileen: They're good friends, but sometimes it's hard for me to trust anyone... even when I should.

jo: yeah, it's kind of torture.

miss lou: it's especially hard when our group is pretty small to begin with. not that she was sneaking around though. I didn't get that vibe, i was just more upset that she probably wasn't going to tell me.

pele: i think guys just don't think beyond their pants most of the time.

diva: i'm sorry to hear that

beavis: that was a completely different scenario... we were all in the same room and actually talked about it before it happened. communication! And I'm really not sure why we're all sticking around this guy. I'm really not.

LMNt said...

Am I the only one wondering why you sent a friend to take your crush home instead of going yourself and getting some goodnight kisses out of the deal? If I were him, I'd probably have assumed you lost interest and were trying to pass me off on your friend.

NotCharlotte said...

lmnt: she drove the entire night. i drank too much so I didn't want to immediately drive home, hence the fact that i went to my friends' house to sober up. You give a good point, but it wasn't like that at all. He knows I'm interested.
Although at this point it shouldn't matter anymore.

Px said...

i did that to a friend of mine once, although i wasn't quite in the same situation as your friend, i didn't know he had a crush on the girl until after i'd accepted her offer to stay...and even then it was someone else who told me and the girl in question didn't know either...

but still i hurt his feelings i apologised and sorted things out with him, she and i dated for a while and that's about it

Karinaxoxo said...

I hate secrets too. And I hate driving home slightly tipsy too. And I agree that your friend should've told you straight away

Harleyblue said...

I would have pitched a fit about the time they took the detour to his place. Not because he was coming, but because they didn't bother to tell you. Not very good friends if you ask me.

Virginia Belle said...

man, that's not cool.

my friend had a crush on this guy. he asked me out, and because of her feelings, i wouldn't even go out with him. i don't play that.

i tried to put the shoes on my feet to see how they felt, and realized that it would have upset me if the situation were reversed and she had said, "yes".

i'm sorry your friend did this to you. IMHO, she was out of line. she should have been honest with you. it doesn't hurt to at least throw the idea out there so you aren't surprised, you know? and the fact that she was sneaking around about it just proves that she knew she was violating Girl Code. total bs. i know she didn't take him up on the offer, but the whole situation is just sketchy. i don't know if i would trust someone like this anymore.

roxy makes a good point. i concur.