Everyone always says "relationships are hard work", right? We know this part. What I'm wondering is why the before part takes so much work, too. We're all bumbling around, trying to meet people and make connections, hoping that one of them will work out and will result in something real and special. This process, though...it can really suck and I can only wonder if I'm doing it incorrectly, or if I'm just in the process and need to be patient.
I don't know how to do anything but be myself. And I don't want this to come across as a self-confidence issue because really, if there's one thing I don't lack it's self-confidence, but so far, being "just me" isn't doing much. I think there's a difference in going out to a bar and hooking up with some guy. I can do that. I know how that process works, but I'm kind of over it. It was more the "college NotCarrie" that did that more and now it seems like I'm in a different place*.
Like with most instances in my life, I got to thinking about all of this as I listened to a song. "Stand Inside Your Love" by the Smashing Pumpkins:
who wouldn't be the one you love and live for
who wouldn't stand inside your love and die for
who wouldn't be the one you love
I mean really...he should be so lucky, right? I'm a hott catch:)
*Cliche!
16 comments:
I so get what you mean here. I'm still in college and I'm already over the whole "college twentysomething dating scene". Which apparently to my friends means that I want to go after guys in their 30's. But um, no guys my age can do it. Dammit. At least none that I've met. I have months of archives that can tell you that haha
Sometimes it's like we're on the same exact page Carrie...
You are a hott catch, and you need to hold out for someone who appreciates how special you are.
I've wondered about this too. I think there is some validity to the argument that you should be proactive about these things, but at the same time, every time I've met someone and had it turn into something, it was because it happened randomly; I was never expecting it or really "looking." I'm not necessarily suggesting you sit around and do nothing, but enjoy the things that make you happy in the meantime.
As cliche as it sounds, it really does happen when you least expect it. When you're looking for it, you usually end up settling.
Just found this blog and I love it....thanks to all the archives no work will get done for at least a few hours a day :)
Lindsay- I never wanted anything long-term in college.
Lindsey- Haha, I hear ya!
Allan- Thanks, boo.
BC- I agree about enjoying what one likes in the meantime:)
Sex & Moxie- Will NOT be settling.
First year- Yay! Come back:)
i can so relate with how you feel. i've wondered bout this myself as well. if i wanted just a bar hookup, i could do that. but that's not really what i want. in fact i'm so over the bar thing that i've been avoiding it as much as possible lately. all the while wondering if i'm turning into an old lady and eliminating any potentials...
i guess being yourself and not settling no matter how hard the process seems is the best thing we can do for now...
Girl that just means you aren't meeting compatibles.
Welcome to the club!
Sorry, no advice on how to find them, as I'm single too.
That's what smut books are for, anyway.
;)
I think you're right on target...you definitely are a HOTT catch! No doubt about that. ;)
I relate with your thoughts about being in a different place in terms of being over the whole hooking up and getting it on one night stand deal. I feel like now, we truly are in a different place. And perhaps the most important thing for us to realize, is that finding what we're truly looking for, is absolutely worth waiting for and takes patience. A LOT of it!
Sometimes I feel this way about friends too. Most of my good friends have just graduated, and are spread out across the country. Not everyone is as gung-ho as I am on staying in touch and keeping our fabulous friendship alive. But I guess the friends that really care, are the ones who do take the time out of their day to say hello or drop me an e-mail. That was totally not related, but whatever. haha.
Friendships..Relationships...they're all worth waiting for.
Beth- I know what you mean, though. I just recently wrote my two good college friends (one was my ROOMMATE) about getting together soon and neither wrote back. Not even a "oh, I'm busy" email. WTF? It pisses me off.
I am hott 4 u2!
:9
Of course you are a catch...you know, these things lurk in places we don't look and we just stumble into them.......:)
I was exactly where you were when I was single. I didn't have a proper boyfriend for almost 3 years because I was meeting assclown after assclown in bars. I find meeting men that way painful and tedious. I met the boyf via a friend at a charity event - totally unexpected.
I don't get why it has to be hard work. I understand that relationships, just like anything else in this world, require some extent of work - but why does it have to be hard work? I say, if something's resistant to the point you have to exhaust yourself to move one step forward, it's not worth it.
Then again - I'm the single one... :)
I totally understand where you are coming from. I lack in the self confidence department too, and feel like being myself isn't working. It's like I'm being me isn't enough. Maybe we should try being other people and then the whole before part of the relationship won't be so difficult. lol.
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