Wednesday, October 18, 2006

High-Maintenance

I wondered out loud the other day if I come across as high-maintenance. Like, maybe guys see me, or know me, and assume I'm going to require a lot out of them or out of a relationship. Do I come across as the type of girl who needs to be taken to fancy, expensive restaurants and wined and dined? Does it seem like I want to go out every Friday and Saturday night? Dressing up and hitting the town each and every weekend?

NotMiranda could only give her already biased point of view that no, I do not come across as high-maintenance, and while I value her opinion, it's not the one I need right now. I can't help but wonder if I do in fact come across as someone who wouldn't be content to stay in and watch a movie on a Friday night. Let's just go on a relaxing car drive on a Saturday afternoon. Sunday night TV? Count me in!

Not to say that I don't like the more exciting things in life because holy hell do I! But, and this is incredibly cheesy and worthy of a romantic comedy movie, when you're with someone you really like (or for the love of Pete, love) doing the more mundane things in life can get that much more exciting.

Sure, right now in my life I might go a little stir crazy staying home all weekend, but if I'm staying home with someone who's company I truely enjoy? It will be anything but dull.

I just wonder sometimes if other people's perceptions of me aren't correct.

31 comments:

Darth Bush said...

I think you're wonderful just as you are. Of course, you could always use a little wining and dining to currupt you. Who doesn't?

jo said...

i might be biased but i don't think you come across as high maintanance. i think there's a time and place for everything. a phase we all go through. and apparently the single phase usually means hitting the town a lot. i think priorities shift when you're with someone. and hitting the town will move over for lazy nights at home.

allan said...

I think you are totally high-maintenance :).

pookalu said...

i would say, just because you have standards, doesn't mean you're high maintenance.

but then again, it comes in all shades (the maintenance)...although i may view myself as low maintenance, some say i have very high standards.

whatever that means.

so, i'll say you have high standards for low maintenance.

Shannon said...

I don't think you're high maintenance at all. Just because you like to be active doesn't mean you're a lot of work for anyone.

You live in NYC for chrissakes....it would be a crime for you to sit inside and not do anything fun.

Live it up now because when you're married with kids, you won't have too much freedom to come and go as you please.

NotCarrie said...

Darth Bush- Thanks and I'm always up for corrupting.

Jo- You're exactly right about hitting the town more when single. Sometimes I wonder if everyone realizes that.

Allan- I prefer "Princess."

Pookalu- That makes total sense.

Shannon- NYC, eh? I'm going to have to alert the Post Office.

Shannon said...

Right, DC. Sorry about that.

My comment is sorta still relevant...sorta.

V said...

I'm curious what made you wonder about this?

What impression do you give guys, it's certainly different than the impression your friends have (sweet as they are) so I think you should explore this a little more.

Questions like that are always worth revisiting :)

Anonymous said...

I think its common to portray images of ourselves that are different than what we truly are.

For example, I was described last weekend as 'intimidating'. I thought that was the funniest thing I'd ever heard!

At the end of the day, people will see what they want to see though.

Johnny said...

all girls are high maintenance.

unless you're getting me a beer.

then you are a goddess.

a beer goddess.

Melinda said...

I hate the term "high maintenance" because everybody has different ideas about what it means - almost all of them negative (i.e. equating it with being self-centered). If you take good care of yourself, work hard in relationships, dream about having good things in your life, etc, this does not mean you're doing anything wrong.

If you were high maintenance in a negative way, you wouldn't have just posted about how sweet it is to hold hands with somebody on a cold day.

I have many male friends who think that the ideal woman takes good care of herself, works hard, and expects her man to try his best in life too (not just in their relationship). If those things mean you're a high maintenance person then I hope we all are...

Anonymous said...

You are not high-maintenance.
You are a girl who gives a damn.

:)

Sex & Moxie said...

High maintenacne to men and hig maintenance to women are two different things. Men consider some little things we assume are rational expectations as high maintenance.

Senor Beavis said...

There's definitely at least two types of high-maintenance. "Physical" high-maintenance is more the taking an hour to get ready, wanting to go expensive places. "Emotional" high-maintenance is the high-strung, taking everything personal. And Sex and Moxie totally nailed it when she said that some things that woman assume as rational expectations, guys see as irrational high-maintenance.

I also think, and this may be a stretch, that when I say "high-maintenance," I usually mean emotional and when most women say it, they usually mean "physical," so that might explain why I get annoyed at woman who say they aren't, but are to me.

the glitterati said...

Carrie, I haven't been reading *too* long, but you certainly don't sound like a princess to me. I also really don't get this high-maintenance thing. I like my heels and my lipstick, and on a bad day? Hell yeah it could take me an hour to leave the house. But that doesn't mean I can't just throw on a pair of jeans and go for wings and beer.

So where does that leave us? Us girls that like to eat nachos and watch hockey, but preferrably only after spending 15 minutes straigtening our hair?

I do all those girly things to feel polished and prepared and confident, to feel like I'm putting my best face forward (literally!). I just don't get why, say, a love of clothes or culture or a knowledge of wine means that a girl has to be "high-maintenance".

As for the neurotic clingy girl, let's just hope she's really good at fetching beer...

NotCarrie said...

You guys have all seriously given really good feedback on this. I'm not at home right now, but once I am I have some more thoughts on it all.

Lindsey said...

I'm not big on fancy restaurants and whatnot. Take me to a ball game, take me to the fair...cook me dinner...and I'm yours.

NML said...

I do wonder how guys determine this high maintenance thing. With some women it's obvious because money is the lingo they understand. However, as someone that used to be regarded as 'hard work' and 'high maintenance' I totally relate to what you say. I think that if you come across as confident and sometimes even in the way you dress, guys intepret this as high maintenance. I love staying in!

hagrin said...

I could write my thesis on what exactly high maintenance is, how to identify it in less than 10 minutes and how it impacts relationships.

A lot of the comments touch on really good points so I'll just sit back and read for now.

Anonymous said...

i don't get that you are high maintenance at all! you are your own person and you know what you want. whether it be going out to a fancy bar or sitting at home. it doesn't matter.

Anonymous said...

here's how you know you do not come off as high-maintenance:

You're concerned about coming off as such.

There is aline between having high standards vs. high maintenance. It's subtle but generally includes a lack of attention to others and a focus on self.

You just have standards. And should.

Anonymous said...

Just because someone aims high, it doesn't mean they are high maintenance.

Aiming high shows self confidence and belief which is totally different to self-obsession and selfishness.

You go for it girl!

DCVita said...

I know where you are coming from. People think I am very high-maintenance based on what they see on the surface. If I drive a nice car, or have nice clothes, or look polished all the time, they think that I am some little princess.

But most people will never know that you cut you got grease in your fingers digging out your backyward to put in a patio on your own, or the time you take to volunteer with disabled children.

You know who you are. As long as you know you can do all the little things and the great big fun things, then it doesn't really matter.

Besides that, DC is the capital of Image conscious/ status conscious turds. So even if you were the polar opposite of someone who is high maintenace, people would still talk.

DCVita said...

I don't know what happend to that sentence....but I meant to say that no one knows when you cut your hand and fingers digging out dirt to put in a new patio yourself. You get the point... :)

NotCarrie said...

These are all really good points. I don't think I'm high maintenance AT ALL. I mean, maybe "within" or something confusing like that. But I don't think I demand a lot physically or emotionally from people. I think what was on my mind when I wrote this was that maybe guys don't see that I'm also independent and am not going to require companionship ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Like if someone said, "I don't have time for a girlfriend*" then I'd say, "Well that's ludicrous because I've got my own stuff going on, too. We don't have to be joined at the hip." So I guess I was wondering if I came off as high-maintenance relationship wise or something.




*Nevermind the whole "He's just not that into you" thing.

Today at the Office said...

you really shouldn't worry about what others think of you...

Today at the Office.com

shpprgrl said...

On the flip side, it would be quite scary to come across as no maintenance. What Ryan said up there is right.

I always joke that I am high maintenance in a low maintenance sort of way. ;)

Isabella Snow said...

You don't strike me as high-maintenance.

But I can't say I see anything wrong with being so, either. ;)

Anonymous said...

please... some people think we're high maintenance because we get our nails and toes done... bah!

Asian Mistress said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Asian Mistress said...

OMG I have that dilemna all the time! I think I come across as bitchy and high maintenance, my best friend told me that I "do look expensive to care for." I'm well put together you could say. So...I feel like a lot of times guys are put off by me because they have that impression of me before they even talk to me. While I may like nice things, I can take care of myself and I don't expect a guy with a Benz and 6 figures to pamper me.

It's weird...how do we fix it?