Wednesday, September 06, 2006

With The Lights Off

I was at a party once a few years ago, hanging out with some girl friends, when the conversation turned to sex. One of the girls was kinda drunk and talking about her boyfriend. At one point, she got up and pretended to, well, pull her butt-cheeks apart and said, "If you can't walk around in front of a guy like this, then you shouldn't be having sex with him!" (Note: she was clothed, but nakedness was implied.)


Ok, first of all, I like the idea of this statement. I think a lot of people do sleep with someone just because they think they're supposed to (especially in high school and college.) At a time when so many women (and men) are unsure of themselves, so many just throw off their clothes and start bumping uglies. Even past then, it's the "Lights Off" problem of wanting to have sex with someone, but not wanting them to see you naked. That's not good. You should feel comfortable enough with someone to be seen in your birthday suit, however different it is than you want it to be.

Second of all, OH MY GOSH, I totally disagree with her statement. I'm kind of old school of not even wanting a boyfriend to see (or hear) me use the restroom* so there is no way in hell I'm going to walk around as my friend had simulated. I think there is a definite middle ground between my first and second points. Maybe it's because I really don't want to see some guy go all Jim Carrey with his own ass-crack...


EW!


*I won't even say "pee"!

30 comments:

crazybeautiful said...

"You (ladies) should never have the door open when going to the bathroom. I have to eat there sometimes!"

I think Carlos Mencia said that.

Chuckles said...

I agree with your first part and pretty much your second part. There is a time and a place for the comfort/intimacy/banality level of which you write. That time and place is at ten years into a marriage. Maybe more like 20.

Sweet said...

Eww indeed. I agree with you. Your friend just has different tastes!

Johnny said...

I'm declaring tomorrow "Be a man" day.

That's right. For one twenty four hour period, you can be as grungy as you want to be, pee standing up, whistle at hot chicks, talk Jim Carrey style out of your crack and after every guyism, bang you chest and shout "I'M. THE. WINNER. OH YEAH!"

Its gold, carrie!

fuzzymuffin said...

Maybe I'm being a little niave but I totally agree with her. Why would you want to be in a sexual relationship with someone who doesn't make you feel completely comfortable in all your glory?

al said...

i am reminded of good naked and bad naked...is there anything we can't learn from seinfeld? (and when, oh when, will i stop referring to it?)

but then, i hold conversations from the toilet. especially when i'm on the phone.

NotCarrie said...

Yeah, but that's soooooo not my glory. It can be compared to the other post about "dining" which turned into grooming habits. I think we can relate the grooming habits to not walking around showing off your less than pretty parts. eh?

Pagan Marbury said...

I love to walk around naked but I don't grab my butt that way. Besides, when you're walking around naked you have to concentrate on relaxing your butt mucles so any cellulite won't show.

jordan said...

it's totally a matter of comfort.. i have no problem with nakedness if i really like the person.. but then you ask, why are you naked IF you don't like the person.. OK so back to it's all about comfort! I have never been around a male who has thrown something over himself or covered up.. it's totally a girl thing

NotCarrie said...

Haha, this reminds me of some advice my friend gave me back in college, "NotCarrie, once they get you naked, the guy doesn't care about much else."

Jos said...

As an "old fart" (well. . . not that old!), I could care less. I let it all hang out!

Lindsey said...

I sooooo will not walk around naked. No way...and no...I won't be in front of them either.

jo said...

oh man now i have some really bad visuals of someone pulling apart her naked butt-cheeks... i would so not go there...

Ryane said...

NotCarrie, I am with you. I am all for nakedness, and for letting my partner see me, but pulling apart my butt cheeks? oK, let's face it, even I don't want to see that particular part of my anatomy in that much glory, so why would my lover??

I may sound uptight (and really I'm not), but I agree with Al (and Seinfeld): there is good naked and bad naked. As far as peeing in front of my partner--well, maybe. MAYbe, I would pee. but that is IT. nothing else!! haha. I definitely don't want to see them doing anything else either, so I am just not even opening the door to that situation...

Karinaxoxo said...

I TOTALLY agree... I think you should be comfortable in a relationship (or with a partner) but to me, comfortable does not mean pulling my butt checks apart, using the bathroom or any thing like that.
I still believe that males like the idea that us females are hair free, do not have 'blokey' bodily functions etc etc

NotSamantha said...

I've always said that if I ever get married, this happy couple will be getting separate toilets. We can share the sink and shower and tub, but the toilet...you get your own.

Chuckles said...

Hair free kinda weirds me out. Body hair is one of the symbols of maturity and the one woman I was with who was free was hot and great and all, but the first time I saw that I was startled. Of course, I have a huge double standard because I don't like armpit hair.

All in all, women and men should not be ashamed of their bodies, but using the toilet should be reserved for private moments. If you get too comfortable with a person too fast, you lose all the mystery and move from intimacy to banality.

I like wandering around my place naked, but I wouldn't necessarily walk around my neighborhood naked. I mean, I wouldn't want everyone getting jealous or anything.

Clueless said...

I agree with you on both points. You made me mentally cringe with the description of what your friend described and even pictured that very Jim Carey scene. I like to be comfortable with someone I sleep with but I wouldn't like to be that ungainly or awkward and blunt about my nudity. Comfortableness v's portraying myself in an unattractive way.

Shannon said...

I agree that if two people are going to have sex, they should be comfortable enough with each other to see one another's bodies with the lights on.

But jeez, they don't have to do crude things like spread their butt cheeks the way your friend did, LOL.

Melissa said...

I wouldn't be in a sexual relationship where i wasn't comfotable naked with whoever, but that is up to a point, there are some things that just aren't meant to be seen

jordan said...

I totally agree about the bathroom... that's why I love the master bath that has the toilet enclosed (and not in view of the shower or anything else)... my shower is glass, so no hiding anything there... I lock the door anyway because the kids still haven't (in all these years) respected the knock before you enter clause

NotCarrie said...

Chuckles- That's a fine double standard to have. Unshaved armpits are nast. Sorry! I'M SO glad I'm not a guy.

Chuckles said...

Plus, if you're a guy with stubble, you need to shave if you want to get intimate. Stubble can get mighty sharp.

Px said...

i think that there is a need to be comfortable with your own body before getting nekkid with someone and letting them see

i know my body has it's flaws, but i'm over them, i have a strange level of comfort with my body, in so much that i know there are parts of my i'd love to change and someday i hope i will get my 6-pack back, but until then i'm happy with my mini jelly-belly.

me and my SO are comfortable enough to share a bath, even if we're sat at opposite ends reading our books

Ms. Stylesse said...

that's just weird behavior. you shouldn't do that around anyone, no matter how comfortable!!!

DCVita said...

I agree with you. It is important to be comfortable, but come one, some things need to be kept to yourself. My mother will not even let out gas infront on my dad and they have been married 30 years! she does not think it is lady-like. I totally agree!! When the mystery is gone, so is the relationship!

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Sex & Moxie said...

There's something to be said for keeping the mystery alive in a relationship. I'm one of those girls who insist on seperate bathrooms in an apartment. It's not just because I don't feel comfortable with bodily functions, but because I truly believe a guy doe snot want to see me wax my eyebrows, slough off my pours, pumice my heels or anything else "girly" related. No need for him to see the man behind the curtain.

myboyfriendiscrazy said...

Yeah, there is a middle ground. It's slowly (realistically) allowing yourself to feel comfortable in the nude with someone, and not having to pull apart your butt cheeks to acheive that comfort. Shouldn't be too hard - I don't even pull my butt cheeks apart for myself.

NotCarrie said...

Yeah the butt-cheek thing is way too far.