Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Virginville

Jane Magazine, in their continuing coverage of our favorite virgin Sarah's quest to get laid, has compiled a list of other, later-aged virgins.

Gary Coleman- Said he was the big V back at age 30 and hasn't given an update since. I would bet money the man has at least paid someone to sleep with him since then. Isn't he all weird now? Didn't he freak out on The Surreal Life or something?

Jessica Simpson- Was 22. It would be weird to know this, but she's the one who said she was waiting until marriage and we all know when she got married. Poor Nick.

Katie Holmes- 26. Ew ew ew. We all know what happened here: Tom Cruise, scientology, and cold sores. Poor Chris Klein. Sucks his baby is being raised by another man.

Adriana Lima- She's 25? You might not know who this is. She's a model, therefore she's hott. And no, Isabella Snow, I am not going to go after women just bc it's been a little dull in the male department;)

Jane Austen- The magazine says 1775-1817. Is that when she died? That sucks. Ahh, thank you, Wikipedia, that IS when she died. Sucks for her. No wonder her characters were so pressed. She wrote what she knew.

Kennedy- The MTV VJ, not the President. Apparently she was 28. I bet it was with that one news guy who has been working there since what seems like the beginning of MTV.

Hitler- Says he had sexual dysfunctions. Hmmmm. I think it was the mustache.

26 comments:

Spill The Beans said...

Actually, Hitler was a monorchid, which means he only had one testical. Kind of explains a few things, eh? He was an angry, angry little mustachioed man.

NotCarrie said...

Really? Wikipedia did not have that information and since that is the only source I will use, I didn't know.

SERIOUSLY? Just one testicle? How well known was this when he was alive? Are there pictures? Not that I want to see, but I do in a scientific/medical way.

NotCarrie said...

This is why I love wikipedia.

Betsy & Arlene said...

katie holmes is a liar. she totally had sex with chris what's his name and whoever else. she's 26! and not ugly.

Anonymous said...

Per Wikipedia:

Hitler has only got one ball,
The other is in the old town hall,
His mother, she pinched the other,
Now Hitler ain't got none at all!


And THIS... this cracked me up out loud:
NotCarrie writes:
"Katie Holmes- 26. Ew ew ew. We all know what happened here: Tom Cruise, scientology, and cold sores. Poor Chris Klein. Sucks his baby is being raised by another man"

I believe it's Chris' baby too... sucker!

Sandra Dee said...

You think it's the mustache. That is TOO MUCH. I almost squirted water out of my nose, girl.

Ms Bees Knees said...

okay, i just followed the link over to JANE mag... and that shit is just WRONG. wtf??? and there are "suitors" applying to bone her? UGH.

NotCharlotte said...

I think she's crazy to have never boned Chris Klein.

That man is HOT!

I bet she pulled a Britney/JT and actually had sex with CK... it'll be on the news later.

Wanderlusting said...

Hilary Duff, but she's only 18 or 19 so she's got a bit of leeway there. Still, a refreshing change in Hollywood I would say, especially compared to a lot of other "starlets" out there.

NotCarrie said...

Wanderlusting- Yeah, but Hilary Duff's boyfriend is pretty old and they've been together a few years. I think it's surprisin she is. I love her, though. She's adorable.

Today at the Office said...

what about verne troyer? aka mini-me???


hate your job? visit http://www.todayattheoffice.com and tell the world about it.

jo said...

i think lisa kudrow was 32 and married... what bout brooke shields? she was pretty old and married too... and then i think she got divorced...

NotCarrie said...

Jo- You're right. She was 32. I think it's cool she waited til she was married. I mean, I don't know if that was her thinking or not.

single_mingler said...

Hahaha....a very angry man indeed. I´m still laughing.
Hey are you guys wearing the singlering? For those of you that don´t know it their site is at www.singelringen.com, anyways I´m trying to put together a network of other users. Anyway have a great weekend and happy hunting

DCVita said...

That is interesting! Katie Holmes was a V until Tom?! Wow, she is basically scarred for life now.

NML said...

It's interesting that there is so much attention given to women that are virgins. The thought of Tommy boy defiling Katie is enough to make me wanna heave. I doubt she was a virgin anyway. Look at Britney - famous virgin to shagger to kid sprouting honky tonk in record time.

VP of Dior said...

i'm sorry there is no way adriana lima is still a virgin. she dated lenny kravitz!!! how could she not bump and grind with him?!?!!

romance junkie said...

i just learned the word for one testicle...nice.


oh and i agree with vp of dior...impossible.

Ryane said...

HAHa. I haven't checked in on the Jane Virgin lately. Isn't her dreaded, "30 year-old' deadline approaching? Tell me, what is this moronic girl gonna do if she doesn't lose it by then?? Has she even broached that subject??


That Hitler poem is hilarious. =-)

NotCarrie said...

Yeah, I'd like to see the list of gyus who were older when they lost it. and NOT weirdos like Hitler and whatshisface.

Senor Beavis said...

I'm saddened to see the Jane Magazine Publicitywhorefest has extended itself past that one shameful issue.

Dude, Lenny Kravitz probably has bugs living in various parts of his body. Which is still less offensive than his having phoned in every album since "Mama Said."

Also, being a model does not automatically make one "hot." (I'm a guy; I can only use one 't'). They're just looking for whatever can get people's attention rather than attractiveness. I know it's all personal taste, but some of those chicks on America's Top Model I wouldn't even give a second look.

I also think Jessica Simpson needs to stop trolling for sympathy. Sleeping with guys who bite each other in the nuts is tragic while still married is close to last place on my list of good ways to get sympathy. She needs to just admit that her father molested her.

Anonymous said...

I don't believe for a minute that Katie Holmes was a virgin until TC... how could she be? She was pregnant when she met him :-)

Lindsey said...

In answer to your question on my blog...no, I've never really been anonymous. I used a nickname up until this last post when I decided to start using my real name. But I've always posted pictures of myself. It's just been awhile since I've had any to post.

myboyfriendiscrazy said...

Poor celebrities... Do we really believe Katie Holmes? Really???

Isabella Snow said...

HaHaHaHa! Ok, so don't go after the girlies then. It was just a suggestion. ;)

I remember them saying Jessica Simpson had probably lost hers to Ricky Martin when they went on tour together. I dunno - I wasn't there!

I didn't realize Jane Austen was a virgin for life - but they also call Elizabeth the virgin queen - and she was getting down for years and years and years and probably had a child, even.

Don't believe this silliness.

Except Gary Coleman. He may have been telling the truth, bless him!

Dolly said...

That's so funny, my roommate and I were just talking about Lisa Kudrow the other night and her late loss of virginity (though I heard she was 30). For some reason, that makes me like her even more. Our society is so oversexed and over-sexualized that I respect people who go against the grain and wait.