Friday, August 04, 2006

Can't Touch This

Last night, a bunch of coworkers (from my real job) got together after work to drink some beers and relax after a few weeks of incredibly stressful work. I brought NotHusband along because he had come to our office Christmas Party last year and everyone loved him.
I met up with him at the mall to help a coworker buy some clothes for her adorable niece. I haven't seen him in almost a month because either he was gone or I was... or we were just too tired to do anything together. I see him, go up and we hug, then he drops a bomb on me.
"I have gonorrhea."
It's like a fucking soap opera. He's all serious, the mall music goes dead and a soft, somber violin starts playing in my head. He looks all pitiful and you know what I say?
"DO NOT TOUCH ME!!!!"
I push him away and the more time passes, the more I think about how fucking mad I am at him. I had spoken with him just the other day and he thought he had gotten a UTI from being dehydrated at Habitat for Humanity in PA. Turns out no, he's just a fucking idiot that doesn't practice safe sex.
I went into my tirade. I told him how lucky he was that he got a "curable" disease. He could have gotten HIV, AIDS, SYPHILLIS! I then go "Now, NotHusband, does this mean you'll listen to me a bit more when I TELL you to be more careful?"
"Yeah, I'm going to listen to myself more too."
What the fuck? The only thing he tells himself is how hot he looks and how much he loves sex.
My friendship with him is going down the tubes. It has been for awhile. After this "huge" event, we went to the bar where he proceeded to talk about himself THE ENTIRE TIME. Every time someone else would bring up a subject, he would start talking and turn the subject into how it relates to him. It got so bad that at one point, my coworker turned to me and went "I don't talk that much, do I? If I ever do, just slap me..."
I was so embarassed. I got the check and made sure we left with a bit of dignity intact.
He was supposed to go into DC with me today to visit NotGay, but I told him that I just want to go by myself. I can't handle another "NotHusband Day"

I know it probably sounds like I'm being harsh, but you don't know NotHusband. I have tried, numerous times, to relate to this guy, to listen to him without getting pissy, but when you're having a serious conversation about yourself and he just nods and then goes right into how bad his life/day/year/penis pain is, you reach a point where you just don't want to hang out with him anymore.

Four weeks passed before I saw him again and to be honest, I didn't really miss him that much.

10 comments:

NotCarrie said...

I would have more sympathy if he had been practicing safe sex*. Tsk tsk.

Does this mean you won't be calling him your husband anymore.


*Although, of course, I hope he gets better.

Beth said...

I think you have ever right to be getting sick of him! It takes two to tango in a relationship...even if they're just a friend. It sounds like he has some "issues" to say the least. It sounds simple, but maybe you could tell him what's bothering you...and to improve your friendship there's some things that need to change.

I hate losing friends. :(

Sandra Dee said...

Good for you. You're right: It's YOUR life. Do whatever you want to with it. And you certainly don't need negative energy like NotHusband's bringing you down.

jess said...

"The only thing he tells himself is how hot he looks and how much he loves sex."

Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, I don't feel sorry for him at all.

Dancing Diva said...

! sounds like a self centered moron who now will finally have to figure out how to take care of himself instead of drool at himself.

Andrea said...

It's important to always know when to say when...not to be cliche'. We always know...even before we sit down to type the blog.;)

NotCharlotte said...

Yeah... good points by all...

but what if I don't want to be his friend anymore? As juvenile as that sounds...
At his age, he's never going to change.

Jordan said...

gonorrhea.. ick. He should totally be bagging his stuff until he knows for sure that he won't catch the itchy itchy scratchies... doesn't he watch Jerry Springer?

Meg said...

If you don't want to be his friend, phase him out. There's no need to hang out with people that you don't like.

Andrea said...

I wonder why you even question it. Either you want him in your life or you don't. Write a list: pros and cons for why you should have him in your life. Whichever list is longest is the way you're headed. And just my hunch, but this really has nothing to do with his promiscuity...maybe something you've been thinking about for a while??

Good luck.

I apologize in advance for my bluntness...I don't even know you. BUT I do read your blog, and I think we're way more honest in our blogs than we are in life (the anonymity maybe?)