I keep having first kiss dreams. The kind where the subconscious scene is what would make the near perfect reality. Where it's perfect but awkward at the same time and there is the moment where someone leans in and somehow it works. And after a moment someone finally breaks away because it's too soon to know each other's subtle kissing cues. But just for a quick reassesment because neither person wants it to end and maybe this time the other person leans in.
I keep having these first kiss dreams and they're the kind where I not only remember them clearly the next day but I swear they're haunting me. Why can't I just have a sex dream like normal people and wake up and say, "Hmmm, I just banged Mr. JT" and then go on with my day and forget it before I remember to tell anyone. But no, I have to dream of these perfect little moments and then relive them all day long because for some reason everything reminds me of them.
And the worst part is, I'm not dreaming of some celebrity or of a person with a nameless face. That wouldn't be a big deal. That wouldn't stick with me all day long. But no, my subconscious kissing partner keeps being the same face and each time I have this dream (we're going on a handful of times now) it's like throwing a wrench in an otherwise well-working operation. I know it sounds melodramatic to be making a big deal about these first kiss dreams but it's like my resting mind is mocking me and calling me a liar. "You can't be over him! You're dreaming about him!" and then I wake up and go through my day wondering not only what my dreams mean but also what those kisses would mean in real life and are they ever possible and would they be as perfect as in my dream and then...and then I realize the wrench has been thrown and all bets are off and I have to give in and be a girly girl for awhile and daydream and let myself wonder.
Wondering sucks. Wondering is like pressing your nose against the window from the wrong side of the party.