Step In When...

My sister and I were talking last night about certain behaviors we never want to have while in a relationship. I hesitate to list them for fear of offending someone but I'm going with the trusty "to each their own" mantra. Just know that most of these behaviors are ones that become obnoxious at a high level or when combined with other annoying things.

1. Always Having To Touch Him/Her: I say him/her because I not only will not constantly have to have a hold on my boyfriend, but if he tries to do that to me, it's over. I had a FRIEND once (friend, not even my boyfriend) who was so possessive like that and would always have to be in contact with me. I don't look at it as being sweet, I find it annoying. (And as a note to any future beau, do NOT touch my sides, I will freak out. And do not, under any circumstance, tickle me. Ever. EVER!)

2. Having To See Each Other All The Freaking Time: This is mostly a complaint my sister has since she lives in a dorm room and feels the direct effects of this. It's like when someone loses their own identity because they're so busy just being where their sig. other is. (Can I just say that whenever I think "significant other" my mind first thinks "sig fig" as in "significant figures" a la way too many science classes...anyway.)

3. Obnoxious Pet Names: I've never been given a pet name from a guy and it's something I am very okay with. The closest is probably the drunk slur of my name NotRoger used to say but I tried to ignore those. Letting a "honey" or "Sweetie" out every once and awhile doesn't bother so much as "Hey Schnookalumpagooshypants!" or "Oh, Sugarlips..." do. "Boo" is on the fence for me. I call everyone boo but have always clearly defined the difference in calling a friend, boo, and a boyfriend, boo. I do believe I have helped the word "boo" to infiltrate the vocabulary of most everyone I know including my mother, my father, my boss, and my coworker who is in her 50s. I am proud of my achievements but am not sure I could call my boyfriend, boo, without vomiting.


4. Excessive PDA- Nevermind the fact that I totally want to *christen* the backseat of my car, I'm not a fan of crazy public displays of affection. (Besides, I plan on it being night and very dark and possibly on the most secluded road ever when my backseat is *christened*.) This one can kind of go hand in hand with #1 if the sig fig other constantly has to be touching the other and really seals the deal with letting every person in the area know that, yes, I can stick my tongue down his/her throat! This is another fine line area and I'm not sure how to define where it starts to become very annoying to me. Maybe when I start to wonder if I'm watching porn, or when I feel like I might have syphilis. And I've totally been guilty of PDA in my time, so maybe I shouldn't talk but my moments in public (parties don't count) are few and far between and most often with strangers so I really can't be blamed as it's just not safe to makeout with strangers in private areas. I prefer the public arenas where yelling for help, if needed, would be followed by actual help and not my own voice bouncing off the dingy motel's walls. But I kid, I'm a kidder. I'd never go to a dingy motel room with a stranger. (The Wyndham is considered nice, right? Ha, a story for another time, perhaps.)


So yeah, those are just a few things on my list. My sister has strict instructions to stage an intervention if I start down these lonely paths of desperation.