Friday, November 25, 2005

Kite that lost the breeze

It's odd, but I feel like sometimes I only drift over to this site to post when I'm feeling melancholy. I don't want to be the drag...the girl who depresses everyone and whose comments start to feature a variety of ways to say 'get a grip'. I just have moments of blue and feel like I need to tell somebody. Unfortunately, the only 'body' I feel like I can confide in comes in a plastic encasing and, while probably smarter than me, offers no real emotional support back. I was soaring this morning, perky and everything. Of course, you know when your mind decides you're much too happy and thinks you need a dose of reality? Well, my inner bitch decided I was feeling too good about myself this morning, so she decided to take me back down memory lane. I'm driving along, enjoying a good cd when I start to think of him and the cold night he proposed to me. I suppose it was inevitable that I drift back to him during the holidays and start to think of what our life would have been like. Who's house would we have had Thanksgiving at yesterday? Would I have managed to avoid having a kid by now? Probably not...not with him. As a tear slides down my face, I prepare to face the day. I prepare to not think about him for has to be the millionth time.

2 comments:

NotCarrie said...

Aw, that sucks, NotMiranda. At least you'll have fun activites to distract you tonight!

Tommy the Cork said...

Well, I obviously don't know anything to say about your specific blues catalyst, but I am with you on the "blog as therapist" feeling. Long before blogging caught on, I started keeping a personal journal. I was very dedicated at first, but have slowly reduced my postings to a trickle. The problem was the same as you speak of, all the posts seem melancholy or just downright depressing. Seems I only want to right about dark feelings and the result is, when some person reads it some day after I am gone, they might think I was manic depressive my whole life. That is not so, but it is only those dark things that seem to drive you to write. I think that is fairly common...sure hope so.