Friday, November 25, 2005

Kite that lost the breeze

It's odd, but I feel like sometimes I only drift over to this site to post when I'm feeling melancholy. I don't want to be the drag...the girl who depresses everyone and whose comments start to feature a variety of ways to say 'get a grip'. I just have moments of blue and feel like I need to tell somebody. Unfortunately, the only 'body' I feel like I can confide in comes in a plastic encasing and, while probably smarter than me, offers no real emotional support back. I was soaring this morning, perky and everything. Of course, you know when your mind decides you're much too happy and thinks you need a dose of reality? Well, my inner bitch decided I was feeling too good about myself this morning, so she decided to take me back down memory lane. I'm driving along, enjoying a good cd when I start to think of him and the cold night he proposed to me. I suppose it was inevitable that I drift back to him during the holidays and start to think of what our life would have been like. Who's house would we have had Thanksgiving at yesterday? Would I have managed to avoid having a kid by now? Probably not...not with him. As a tear slides down my face, I prepare to face the day. I prepare to not think about him for has to be the millionth time.


NotCarrie said...

Aw, that sucks, NotMiranda. At least you'll have fun activites to distract you tonight!

Tommy the Cork said...

Well, I obviously don't know anything to say about your specific blues catalyst, but I am with you on the "blog as therapist" feeling. Long before blogging caught on, I started keeping a personal journal. I was very dedicated at first, but have slowly reduced my postings to a trickle. The problem was the same as you speak of, all the posts seem melancholy or just downright depressing. Seems I only want to right about dark feelings and the result is, when some person reads it some day after I am gone, they might think I was manic depressive my whole life. That is not so, but it is only those dark things that seem to drive you to write. I think that is fairly common...sure hope so.