Thursday, March 22, 2007

Its like a compliment and yet not...

I posted a bit about my birthday weekend, but I left out this little tidbit because I wasn't sure it would amount to anything.

Turns out it amounted to something, but not something I want.

I was running late for my birthday dinner at The Melting Pot with NotASong, NotDippy and NotANinja and after parking my car I was hurrying to the door when I was stopped by this line, "You are so beautiful, you have got to let me take you to dinner." Looking over I saw a fine specimen of a man. Tall, dark haired and built stocky (I like my men with meat on their bones). I started to just blow him off, but he approached with an air of confidence and so decided to go with it. Here's sort of how the conversation went.*

Me: *laughs*
Him: Can I get your number
Me: I don't have time to give you my number, I'm late for my birthday dinner.
Him: Oh, well Happy Birthday. Can I give you my number

At this point he approaches me and takes my hand (his are much bigger than my large hands, which is a plus for him), and then hands me his business card (which at least validates the existence of a job).

Him: My name is....
Me: Nice to meet you....Well, I have to go. I'll give you a call.

Following that I go to dinner where I explain the reason why I was later than expected and to show off the business card. I had planned to email him instead of call and did so a few days before I left on vacation. I was encouraged by his email back and thus we started our conversation. He suggested we meet somewhere close by the Friday after I returned from San Francisco and I agreed. Unfortunately, the weather did not agree and on Friday I had to cancel the date because of it. Divine intervention, I would find out later could possibly be blamed for this.

Yesterday's and todays emails were us trying to reconnect and set up a time to meet. We were in the process of negotiating which day this weekend we would see each other when he mentions, "I think there are some things we need to discuss that might be important." I was confused. We had yet to officially meet for any sort of date and we already had "important" things to discuss? So, of course, my email back to him asked about these things of import.

And what I got back blew me away.

"As 4 discussing important things. I can’t remember if I told you I’m a married man. But having a young lady as a special friend is always welcome with me. The question is do you have a problem with it."

Bad grammar aside, I was pissed. He's married!?! WTF!?! And he wants me as a "special friend?" I had to reread the line several times just to make sure I had read it correctly. And it didn't change and my blood pressure got higher. I closed the email and went about the rest of my day because the level of disgust I felt, I just couldn't deal with.

Later that evening, I called my mother to share this bit of information with her. And her response was "Well you could take it as a compliment that he thought you would be worth endangering his marriage for." But I was still appalled. I didn't want to ever skirt along the edge of becoming "she of the home wrecking." When I finally got home and was able to deal with the email I simply wrote him back and told him that "unfortunately, for you don't date married men." I deleted the email after I had sent my piece and went to bed. I woke up to another email from him, this time asking for an opportunity to win me over.

So not amused by this.

I'm now a little less unhappy about being single. Especially if this is the sort of thing that cheating husbands would do. My mother said to take its as a compliment, but I can only see the insult. He made an assumption that I would be willing to date him and possibly have more, despite the fact that he was married. I don't know if I'm more upset about the fact that he asked me out or the fact that he thought it would be okay to betray his vows.

Compliment my ass, its an insult and I will give it the proper vitriol and disdain it deserves.

*I say sort of because I don't remember the actual words, but I get the gist of it right.


NotCharlotte said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again, What a CAD!!

Plus, he used the number 4 instead of the word... in an EMAIL!

It's a sign from up above that you shouldn't be dating this guy.

probitionate said...

Him = dickhead.

Princess Extrordinaire said...

What an idiot - as if you'd ever go out with anyone who 1)is married and 2)is married - his poor wife!

The Diva's Thoughts said...

It really bothers me that married men can act this way. I want to get married again but this type of thing scares me too. I, too, have been approached by married men and I find it disgusting! I feel so sorry for the state of marriage in today's society.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

I've always said that married men have an unfair advantage on single guys. They have a girl at home who tells them what to wear, when to get a haircut, the right and wrong things to say in social situations. It's like training the islamic fundamentalists to fight the russians, then being surprised by 9/11.

Senor Beavis said...

I don't think it's an insult to you as much as a testament to his own colossal ego. In his mind, he can get whatever he wants, regardless of personal and societal hang-ups about dating married guys. He just thinks he's that damn charming that nuns will throw themselves at him because no one can resist. In short, he's a sociopath.

Great post, by the way.

Single guy blogging said...

Not to in any way justify it, but maybe he has an open marriage with his wife, and they do those kind of things. Either way, good for you to stay out of it!

freckledk said...

His poor wife. Why get married at all, if you aren't going to be faithful? I'll never understand that.

Anonymous said...

Freckledk: Because marriage is a joke... It's not, "For richer or poorer, better or worse, till death do you part."

It's For richer, Better, till you find someone better or can afford an attourney that'll get you most of your combined assets.

Married men act this way because it works sometimes. Obviously in this case it didn't work out for him... Which begs the question, What kinda women actaully fall for this?

HomeImprovementNinja: But all that training doesn't change who the underlying person is... There's something I was told as a kid about books and covers and what's inside that counts.

It's just too bad that one needs that appearance to meet some women.

Tasha said...

What a jerk!!! Complimenting you is one thing but trying to betray his wife is another. Guys like that definitely make you want to stay single! I feel bad for his wife.

CarmenSinCity said...

What an ass. I've had a lot of married guys hit on me too - I don't mind being single if this is what I have to look forward to in marriage.

I just have to hope that one day I'll find a guy that isn't like that.

jo said...

i really can't stand married men like that. i once got propositioned by a married guy a few minutes after we starting chatting. he wanted me to come over to his place... and asked if i minded that his 4 kids were there but said that his wife wasn't in town. how terrible!

Lost said...

Clearly he is quite arrogant and upfront. What is he thinking? What is completely disturbing is that he's probably done this before...y'know he's got a whole game running.

What a completely jerk!

Jill said...

Not defending this guy...but at least he said he was married...instead of starting something and lying to two women, instead of just one...

Harleyblue said...

I had one of these experiences not too long ago. This guy was upfront from the beginning telling me that his wife lived in another city and he went home on weekends to see her. He never even took off his wedding band. I was in complete shock.

lisa q. said...

colossal ego=colossal were lucky to escape that crap!

Roxy said...

This is the world we live in. I just read an article on the different views of cheating around the world. I used to live in China and my boss's wife was perfectly fine with his cheating. All she cared about was his money.

I've been propositioned before as well, but I'm usually told his marital status during the date. My response is usually "I wish you spent the money from this date on a couples' therapy session or a divorce lawyer."

These acts of men are the reason I treat most of them they're nothing special... it prevents ME from being nothing special.

PS: tell your mom that this is NOT a compliment. What mother would want her daughter to be treated like a cheap piece of ass?

Less Sex, Smaller City said...

Let me guess...he was a real estate broker or financial planner? The good looking, sleezy, married ones usually do...and they are all over the place.

(Side note: I stumbled across this blog and love it! Good work, ladies!)

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Tara said...

I'm with you. I say, I'm sorry, but as a member of a civilized society, I honor your marriage vows even if you don't.

I agree with the one comment that at least he was honest about his intentions and gave you the choice. I suppose that counts for something.

But unlike other comments, I really do believe in men in general and their ability to commit.

If you want to know more about men, I went to some workshops at It's transformatio. I now have met the most special man!

Dawn said...

things like this make me glad i'm single! i'd rather be single than dating a cheating asshole!