I hate decaf coffee.
Seriously, I'm a full caffeine girl. I get no less than four espresso shots in any Fourbucks drink that I order and I'm proud of it. And I don't need no stinkin' half caff anything. Give me full flavor or no flavor at all. However, lately I've been less than caffeinated. In fact, I've been down right, decaf, worse, I've become instant decaf coffee!
"Are you becoming a hermit?" is what has been asked of me lately. And the more I think about it the easier I find the answer being yes. Why, you may ask. Well, here's what I've come up with:
I'm not dating (and not actively looking), I don't find the need to go out much or see the people I would normally see very often. I've slowly been pulling myself more and more away from friends and in some cases family. I've got a few people that see me regularly, either at work or out and about and that's pretty much it. Unless I promise promise to be there, I find some excuse not to make it.
I'm not feeling particularly attractive right now. I've been spending way more time than I would like to admit thinking about the looks that people get. For women, I think that in some cases we want to be noticed and when we are the ego gets a bit of a boost. Especially, when the eyes doing the staring are of the male variety and they're followed up by the approach of said male. Right now, I'm digging my own hole because I'm not going out, hence not getting any once over (let alone twice or thrice overs) and therefore no ego boost. Endless cycle this one.
I hate sleeping alone, but I'm not up to the challenge of finding someone to curl up with. This goes back to point number one. I'm not dating, but I'm not doing anything about it either. This funk...is a revisit of the previous one after the breakup with NotSkippy and I guess what I've got now are the lingering traces...the dregs in the coffee that was our relationship, if you will.
This weekend I've got a house party/house warming for a friend who just moved into my neighborhood and already I've been contemplating what excuses to give so I can just stay in with my back to my tv and my fingers on my keyboard. What would make a plausible reason for me to not drive, hell walk, the 1/2 mile to this party and hang out for a bit? I've come up with a few, but they don't hold any water at all. I can't even fool myself.
To top all of this off, my body has even started to be effected by my lack of a caffeinated personality. I've been sick...and I don't do sick. So, tomorrow is Friday, the kickoff of my weekend...sorta. I'm going to start it with one major kick of real espresso and go from there. If I can't find something to get me jumpstarted and soon, peaberry coffee won't even be enough to bring me back.
*holds out empty demitasse*
Fill 'er up!