Monday, August 07, 2006

Chandler Syndrome

My singles love horoscope:

Your sense of humor is well known, but ask yourself this: Is it possible you're using jokes as a defense against feeling anything else? You need to be real in order to find real love. Think about it.


Whoa! Lately I've been wondering if my sometimes flirty nature is hindering and not helping me. I often joke* around with guys, both the ones I'm just friends with, the ones I just want to hook up with, and the ones I'd like to have a relationship with. Am I confusing them all with what could be assumed are mixed signals? I'm not very good at talking about my feelings blah blah blah, but I don't know how else to let someone know what I want than by using actions.

Scenario 1: The Friend- I'm pretty over-the-top with my flirting when it's just a friend and I think they know it. It's not something I do a lot, but it's kinda of like teasing and the banter goes back and forth.

Scenario 2: The In Between Friend And Relationship Person- These situations usually arise at a bar or designated "out" time. It involves shiny lip gloss, low-cut shirts, and intense eyes. There's no mistaking what I want then.

Scenario 3: The Relationship With Person- The toughest one. How does one stay normal, yet make sure they know something else is desired. And at a certain point, I think the flirting is mistaken for humor, but, as I have noticed in the past with myself, I don't want to stop flirting all-together for fear they will assume I am back to just wanting to be friends. I know I should be a big girl and talk about my feelings**, but I'm also the girl who slid under the table at her 4th birthday because she was so shy.

Which brings me back to why I named this post "Chandler Syndrome." I think I have this sometimes, using humor to offset "real" things, just like Chandler Bing on Friends. My horoscope got me thinking that maybe I really do need to just be real when needed. Hmmm...

Easier said than done, though. Maybe I could alter this to my needs and in future situations say, "I'm going to stop flirting with you, but I want you to know I'm still interested."


*joke=flirt=tease=HUMOR
**and blah blah blah

12 comments:

Heart Of Darkness said...

Humor is ok. I do it too. 's an icebreaker (the easiest one).
But it's easy to go from "flirty" funny to friendly funny, and that is NEVER good...

What are we funny girls supposed to do otherwise?

reluctant dater said...

i hate scenario 2...bc while you are obvi dressing "up" and glossing up for "friend," he thinks you're "friend" and thinks you're doing it bc you're going out. or something like that.

NotCarrie said...

Heart of Darkness- Yeah it's like sometimes when I'm joking they take it seriously and when I'm not joking they think I am!

RD- I hate scenario 3!

Dancing Diva said...

scenario 3 sucks! also sucks when the flirty is mistaken. yeah...

still hard no to do, who wants to take life seriously all the time right? but i guess we have to get serious sometime..or do we?

Jordan said...

I'm naturally flirty... so even after all these years I'm still a bit surprised when one of the friend category guys asks me out.. dude, I'm your friend. I'm being friendly... uh.. aren't I? oh boy

Lindsey said...

Oh lord. I have this same exact problem. I try to make a good disinction between the two but sometimes the line is blurry.

Chuckles said...

I don't understand this. Why would you flirt with someone you aren't attracted to?

I can understand that being funny and entertaining can be mistaken for flirting, that is a simple mistake. Actively flirting with someone and then wondering why that person thinks you are attracted to them is odd.

NotCarrie said...

Chuckles- No, that is it. Sometimes I just can't let those comedic opportunities go by, but they end up sounding suggestive. OR, with a person I do really like, when I am being serious about trying to flirt, they might think I'm teasing.

Does that make any sense?

jo said...

i can so relate to all those 3 scenarios. i think sometimes i'm naturally flirty when i'm comfy with the person which sometimes include my platonic friends. the problem is that most of the time when i do really like someone, i'm panicking so much and so painfully shy that i can't say anything much less flirt. then again i hate to talk bout my feelings and blah blah blah.

Beth said...

At least you don't have a problem flirting! I tend to freeze up/say inappropriate things and end up seeming really cold to attractive men.

But I see what you mean. Maybe if you're not sure about how they're interpreting your behavior you could say something sly...to let them know...

Chuckles said...

Well, maybe if you didn't wink so much and touch his bicep while you crack wise, he wouldn't think you were coming on to him.

Senor Beavis said...

There's nothing *wrong* per se with your behavior as long as you can let the guys you're really interested in know it in a way that's either different or much more demonstative than what you do instinctively. I know I've misread this enough times that I'll now rationalize any perceived flirtation as, "I bet she's like this with everyone." I've often said you'd have to slap me across the face and tell me you like me for me to really believe it. I can only read extreme interest or extreme disinterest, but anything in the middle, I'm pretty clueless. So as long as you can find the way to let the special guys know they're special, you're golden. If that's too scary, then you'll probably have a lot of confused guys out there. But isn't that what women want? :)