Friday, February 10, 2006

And the letter I sent...

I'm not going to do anything for your birthday.

On the 18th I've got two people who I want to help celebrate their birthdays so I'm going to divide my time doing that.

What you told me last night was cruel, but cruel in the way that I needed it.

(This involves a conversation between myself and NotSkippy where he tells me that after I've started putting together some birthday plans for him that involve ice skating and all of his friends for his birthday, that he wouldn't feel comfortable doing any of this without NotIttyBittyTitty there, to which I lit into him, about he has so far been unable to even decide if he wants to break up with her or not, and his excuse for not making this decision..."I've been sick")

It gave me the courage to finally realize what I want out of this friendship. I want someone I can watch anime with and chat with occassionally and go to Asian restaurants with. In short, a friend.

I don't want someone who's going to make me feel bad about not liking their girlfiriend. Or someone who's going to make me feel like the other woman, or feel bad about me. So I'm stepping back.

NotIttyBittyTitty is your girlfriend. I'm just a girl that is your friend. I have no claims on your time other than what you choose to spend in my presence. I won't make any more demands of you. We need some time apart. You need to figure out what you want, and you can't do that if I'm a crutch that keeps you from making that decision. So I'll bow out gracefully. You let me know when you're ready to be friends again, k?

This is what I sent and unlike the last time I went the email route with him, I don't feel any of the trepidation or the nervousness about whether I'm doing the right thing or not. Instead, I feel better, and if I feel better now, than I can only imagine how badly I felt before.

9 comments:

NotCarrie said...

First line scared me a bit;)

Larissa said...

good for you!

middlegirl said...

every one of us has wanted to write that letter to someone else and you did it.
good for you

NotMiranda said...

I'm proud of you, boo.

NotCharlotte said...

I'm proud of you NotSamantha!

He deserves this just as much as you deserve someone who won't fuck with your feelings like he's been (inadvertently?) doing.

DC Celine said...

Strange, the calm that comes from doing something strong and for yourself & your own well being, isn't it? Well done & well written.

NotSamantha said...

Thanks for all the support everyone, so far its been a good night. I've had two glasses of wine, a good time with one of my best friends. Tomorrow will be snow so its going to be me, the gym and the punching bag...

Marissa said...

I know how hard that is to do. I've done that before - but with all the trepidation and fear. Good luck...it sounds like you're doing the right thing.

Anonymous said...

can i beat him up for you? just to see him cry? good going babe!

-notsharon