Saturday, December 10, 2005

When Were You Ever Under Me?

I thought I was getting over it. "It" being him but since all it has been is a crush I feel weird talking about it like people are going to start describing me as melodramatic. But last night on my drive home after a great evening with NotMiranda and NotJason I couldn't help but think about it all. I had such a nice time last night, decorating a Christmas tree and looking at pictures from before. It was the type of evening I would describe as "warm and fuzzy" if I even used phrases like, "warm and fuzzy," (I don't.)
My first thought was about my crushes and how when I get a crush, it's a Crush. I don't just get over them, I get attached and it usually only is resolved by us getting together or us drifting apart and not even talking that much anymore. I guess it goes along with part of my personality of not quitting things. Even if I'm barely holding on, I won't quit. It's why I double majored in college, it's why I still have a part time job along with m full time one, it's why I still email people I have seen in years because I won't give up on knowing them.
My second line of thinking was about how people actually get together and how is it possible for two people who won't make the first move to reach the next step. All the people in the world can say, "Just do it" but it's not that easy. I can make the first move when it doesn't matter. When I'm in a bar and just want to makeout or if it's with a friend who I know is in my life for a reason other than to be in my circle always. (NotRoger?)

I didn't really resolve anything last night while driving home and thinking things over except I do know now that I really, really want a Soundtrack To Me. I want it to play at the right times because you know how when you're watching some TV show or Movie and the song really adds to the moment and you "get it?" Maybe the right song at the right time would really help things...haha!

Oh and then last night I had the hand-holding dream again. I am such a dork, who has dreams about holding hands? Shouldn't I be having sex dreams or something? ;)


Larissa said...

"All the people in the world can say, "Just do it" but it's not that easy."

I totally agree with you there!

And in terms of why you're having dreams of holding hands with a guy instead of sex dreams...maybe hand holding signifies something more intimate to you? Boyfriendish? Who knows, just a thought!

Anne said...

Great post. I love the line..."it's why I still e-mail people I haven't seen in years because I won't give up on knowing them"...I love it!

I used to have hard core crushes where I would get sick just thinking about talking to them :)

chelsea said...

It's hard to explain why crushes can be almost as huge as the real thing. I've had many crushes that I've had to get over that felt like actual break ups. Of course I couldn't tell anyone about it for fear of sounding like a drama queen. Funny things, crushes.